I’m gay as the day is long, but I’ve started having sex dreams...about women! Help! They started subtly, but now they’re explicit. I’m having sex with random, faceless women in my dreams. And it gets worse. My latest sex dream was with my ex-girlfriend! We haven’t been together in 15 years—and I haven’t seen her for 10—but now she’s back in my head…in bed!
Bradley C. via instinctmagazine.com
Good news, Bedtime-for-Bradley! Any Jungian shrink will tell you dreams are very seldom literal and almost always metaphoric. For instance, your dreams might (I say might—more on that in a moment) mean your psyche is yearning to integrate your male and female aspects, or that you could use some kind of union or wholeness, or that there needs to be a better balance of male and female in your life—whatever any of that might mean to you. And that’s why I said “might” earlier. Because you are the only one who can really know. Sit with your dream and go over what each aspect of it might mean in a larger, metaphoric sense. Start with asking what your ex-girlfriend represents to you. And don’t waste time online looking at sites that claim dreaming about, say, a bird means death, or that a polar bear means you’ll meet a hot older guy on Scruff, or that visions of Cher mean another farewell tour. Although that one could happen.
BUY-SEXUAL
With all this boycott business going on, where are we gays supposed to shop? I wanna support our community, but it seems like on some level all corporations give money to the “bad guys.” What’s a gay to do?
Tim via instinctmagazine.com
Props to you, Tim, for wanting to be part of telling corporate America that homophobic policies, actions and ads will cost them our business. Unfortunately I really can’t tell you what or whom to boycott because A) stuff changes faster than Lady Gaga between songs; and B) you need to make up your own mind on this because, you’re right, it’s complicated. Say you boycott The Homophobe Radio Hour and that includes their advertisers. But what if one of those advertisers actually has same-sex partner benefits? Or what if some other company donates money to a hate-mongering fundy candidate but it’s your can’t-live-without store that we’ll give the fictional name “Tar-zhay”? You have to educate yourself, decide how active you want (or can afford) to be and proceed from there. In the meantime, there’s another way to be proactive and support our community that’s perfect for this gift-giving time of year: voting with your wallet. You can keep your gay dollars in the gay and gay-friendly community by supporting businesses that proudly advertise in gay publications such as Instinct. And if anyone wants to (ahem) stuff my stocking, I’d love CK’s Euphoria—see page 5.
OOPS! INSTINCT OUTS ANOTHER READER
I think my best friend’s gay. I found Instinct in his bathroom when I was at his place. I wasn’t snooping. It was just lying there on the back of the toilet. I casually said, “Oh, cool magazine.” And he got beet red and started making excuses for why it was there. I didn’t care. I just want to let him know I love him no matter what. I just want him to be happy. Now my question is, how do I get him to come out of the closet or offer my support when he doesn’t seem to want anyone to know he is gay? P.S. Really fun magazine, by the way!
Suzette in Bakersfield, CA
First of all, kudos to you for being so loving toward your friend. I’d have killed to have had a friend like you when I was still closeted. I mean that sincerely. That said—back off, bitch! Sweetheart, it’s not your business to “get him to come out of the closet.” It’s imperative that when that happens, he does it all on his own. The fact that our rag—I mean our fine literature—was just lying there on the toilet (the toilet! Oh, the ignominy! Wait. That’s where I keep mine. Never mind.) makes me think that a part of him already wants to come out. I mean, hello, who’s leaving clues on the crapper? So you probably don’t have long to wait, Suzette, but wait you must. As long as you’re there letting him know you care for him and that he can trust you with his secret (and you are keeping that secret, yes?), you’re doing a world of good for him. And later on, he will no doubt reward you with the highest honor gay men can bestow: fag hag. Okay, second highest honor next to being made a gay icon like P!nk. Although with a name like Suzette, that door remains open.
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