Q: I don’t know if this should be a letter to the editor or to a therapist. I’m gay and I need help with not losing interest in men while having sex with them. I have no problem staying interested in masculinity if I’m lost in fantasy and watching porn, but I lose interest with a real person because it’s not fantasy. It’s too real, it’s too human, it’s too run-of-the-mill ordinary. Why can’t I enjoy masculine bodies like real gays do? I see the happiness, joy and enlightenment on their faces when they’re inspecting every nook and cranny of men. Why can’t my mind be so interested and enthusiastic during a “close encounter” instead of feeling so disinterested and apathetic? Dylan T. via instinctmagazine.com
A: This is where a smart-ass would make all kinds of snarky jokes at your expense. However, I’m not that smart, and I only have an ass with certain jeans. At least I’m smart enough to know that your problem is far outside my purview. The only way I can be of service to you is to say, “Yes, my dear, get thee to a therapist.” And for all of my readers who have psychological issues around sex and sexuality, allow me to be the person who gives you permission to seek out professional help. When your car breaks down on the highway, you call a mechanic because you need a professional to fix it and get you back on the road. When something inside your head isn’t working, not going to a shrink is like refusing to call the mechanic and living in your car on the side of the road. Dylan, I wish you success, a therapist and boners with real people.
MANSCAPING! Q: How do I remove hair along the shaft of my penis? I’ve tried shaving: Ouch! Cut! Bleed! And plucking? Painfully ouched! I have way too much hair to just leave it there. What do I do? James in Santa Fe, NM
A: Personally, I don’t think hair on a dick shaft is a horrible problem that needs remedy. But since you asked, here is what I know. Some men are able to shave their shafts, but for others, such as yourself, that’s not an option. Bleeding down there is seldom a good thing. Also, do not use depilatories like Nair unless you want chemical burns. The skin on your leg is very different from the tender, sensitive and much thinner skin on your penis. Do not attempt some kind of home “waxing” using strips of duct tape (don’t ask)—that’s just a recipe for ripping skin. The most effective way of eliminating the hair is electrolysis. That’ll run you between $50 and $70 an hour and take multiple sessions depending on how hairy you are. My friends tell me it feels like plucking one hair at a time. However, unlike plucking, once the sessions are done, the hair doesn’t grow back. If that’s too expensive (in either ouches or dollars), you might try just using a hair trimmer with a plastic blade cover set to cut at ¼ inch. Make sure you use a cover and don’t try trimming down to the skin without one. Otherwise you’ll have more “Ouch! Cut! Bleed!” (Which I have to say is the best name ever for an emo punk band.)
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MOVING IN Q: How long should I date a man before it’s right to move in and start a life together? I dated the last guy for 2½ years and never felt that urge. I’ve been seeing this new guy for just two months, and I’m ready to take the leap. He seems to be sending me all those signals, too. Is this too good to be true? It’s scary, but how do I know to trust my heart or my head, my “other head” or some combo of all these? Duane C. in Sacramento, CA
A: If you’re still at the “sending signals” stage, you obviously haven’t discussed this with him. That talk needs to happen before any next step can be considered. Unless he actually is on board, all the feelings in your heart (or various heads) are moot. So flat-out ask him if he’s interested in dual tenancy. If he is, then you get to worry about how soon you should have your mail coming to the same address. Assuming he says “yes,” you guys will need to discuss that. Who’s moving in with whom? What about work, rent, cleaning, cooking and all that? What about your horrible sleep apnea and his leaving wet gym clothes everywhere? Get into the nitty-gritty details. I can’t tell you when the timing will be right, because that’s for each individual couple to work out. But I do know that until all this has been thoroughly hashed out, the timing will be wrong.
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