Q: I was sitting at the bar and a guy came up and asked to buy me a drink. He was handsome enough, but I respectfully declined, because I didn’t feel like making small talk or hooking up. About an hour or so later, I saw this same guy asking a friend of mine at the very same bar if he could buy him a drink. I thought that was uncool. Two months later, these two are still dating. Should I tell my friend this guy tried the same lines on me? Peter F. in Henderson, NV
A: Yes, you should! Warn all gays everywhere that there is a man going around offering to buy people drinks, ostensibly to engage them in seemingly innocent chat but actually scheming (oh, the vile impure thought of it!) to lure them into a horrible and insidious web of dating, dinner conversation, possible companionship or even—and I blush to write it—sex! Feeling the sarcasm, Peter? Because I can ramp it up if you need it in order to get the point. What is the point? Opportunity knocked, you said no, it went elsewhere, get over it. Stop being such a big ol’ bitter Betty! Next time, flash a smile or stay home. The only thing you should tell your friend is “congratulations.”
WHEN DRAG IS A DRAG Q: During high school and college, I noticed gay guys would hardly ever dress up like girls when we had gender-bender days or Halloween parties, but the straight guys would go all out and dress up with everything, including panties, bras and all sorts of lingerie. Why is that? I also noticed that the more feminine a guy was, the less likely he’d be to dress up. It’s all supposed to be in fun. I was reminded of this on an episode of Glee this summer and was wondering why this is. Andrew C. in Wilmington, NC
A: There’s tons of stuff going on with this. First, many gay guys may not feel a need to dress up because we already honor and carry the internal feminine just fine, thank you, without having to put on a dress. Secondly, Andrew, I grew up in Wilmington, North Carolina. myself (Hoggard High, whoo-hoo!). Unless one is widely and very well known as a 200 percent über-macho breeder, there could well be some fear of gay bashing. As for the straight guys going all out, I personally think it’s kind of sad. Other than Halloween or the like, they have zero opportunity to express their inner feminine. On one hand, they have this rare chance giving them permission to do that in public, yet on the other hand, they’re trapped by how our culture brutally enforces “masculinity.” That situation demands that they must never be seen as enjoying the cross-dressing too much. Thus they prance around, grossly overdoing it to the point of grim parody so no one can think that it’s anything but dress-up for them. If you wanna cross-dress, do it because it gives you pleasure, or maybe because it messes with some people’s heads, but not because of any of this screwed-up craziness. And finally, what does anyone really mean by “dress up,” anyway? As RuPaul says, “You’re born naked: everything else is drag.”
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CUANDO CUANDO CUANDO Q: I am so in love with my neighbor! But he just got out of a relationship. Problem is, Chad (we’ll call him Chad) has asked me to “hang out” a couple of times since, and I’ve nervously declined because I’m smitten with him and don’t want to mess things up. I don’t think it’s a sex thing he’s after right now (although I can’t be sure), but since his breakup is so fresh, I don’t want to be his shoulder to cry on because my feelings would probably cloud my judgment on how I respond to him or console him or anything like that. It’s only been a month since his breakup. That’s too soon for me to tell him how I feel, right? Bryan V. in West Hollywood, CA
A: Yes. You don’t want to jump too soon, because if he goes for it, that’ll make you his rebound romance and those seldom last. If he is going for sex, it’s likely to be about meeting a need right now, not about finding a partner. So for the next month, get a hobby that takes your mind off him. Scrabble, karaoke, bondage, something. Then go ahead and make your move. Be honest about your feelings by letting him know why you begged off hanging out with him earlier. If I were Chad I’d be touched by that and move your name into the “possible husband” column. And if the man you’re smitten with wants to remain just friends, well, I guess I’ll be getting another letter from you in a month or two. Either way, good luck!
