When a published author can make Snooki's writing seem on par with Hemingway, you know books are in trouble. Welcome to the first chapter (the first five paragraphs—if you can even make it that far—can be read after the jump) of Tyra Banks' Modelland, slated for full release as the debut tome from the entrepreneur's Bankable Books. Follow the jump for a jarring insight into how Tyra's mind works and let us know if you plan to read the full-release of Modelland...
Now, for a taste of Tyra's highly-awaited literary debut:
Thousands of girls stampeded to the square all at once. Heels clacked. Dresses swished. Hairdos wobbled. The T-DOD theme song boomed a pulsating beat.
There was one rule and one rule only: a girl must be walking in order to be chosen.
Other than that, there was no prearranged runway on which the girls could walk, so everyone created invisible ones wherever they were standing. Violence was not encouraged nor was it condemned, and some girls' parents insisted on adding martial arts training to their walking lessons in preparation for the big day. T-DOD Square was an every- man- for- himself or, more precisely, an every- girl- for- herself event.
Scores of girls marched down their own stretches of the square, paused, posed for the cameras (real and imaginary), and then turned around. Trains of walking girls intersected with others. One area behind Tookie was so crammed with street vendors, it bottlenecked into a slow, shuffling line. Some walkers had only enough space to take a few steps before they had to stop and turn. Tookie's heart went out to a young girl in a ruffled pink dress who seemed way below the unofficial thirteen- year-old age requirement. She marched in place as if she were on a drill team.
Riiiip. A girl stepped on the train of a walker a few feet from Tookie and tore the fabric right off the dress. Both girls fell forward into a heap. The walkers behind them stepped over their bodies and continued.
Am I just being harsh? Is Tyra's literary introduction to the world not as bad as I'm reading it? Believe me, as gay-supportive and heroic Tyra is, I wish the sample had been better.
(You can read the full firt chapter at Jezebel)