After a photo surfaced showing Father Andrés García Torres shirtless with a yummy Cubano piece of meat (and gay rumors instantly followed), the Spanish priest knew there was only one way he could prove his heterosexuality. Details follow.
Inspired by the tried and tested anus-measuring technique utilized by Marcus and Michele Bachmann to test the efficacy of their "ex gay therapy," Father Torres has demanded that Vatican authorities measure his booty-hole so that those pesky gay rumors can be disproved, once and for all.
Seriously! Father Torres really, REALLY wants anyone who thinks he's queer to stick a ruler up his ass. He promises not to like it.
In all realness, the above (rather innocuous, if I must say) photograph provoked the Bishop of Gestafe to demand that Father Torres leave his post in his Madrid-area parish, take a damn HIV-test, and, craziest (ironically) of all, undergo psychiatric counseling.
Instead, Father Torres has insisted he go all the way to Rome to have his ass examined, allegedly writing, "Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
Unfortunately for Torres, I have a feeling the Vatican has an entire closet full of anus-examining devices ready to call his bluff.