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 SOAPBOX: She Keeps Her Friends Close And Her Family Closer
PFLAG (Parents, Family And Friends Of Lesbians And Gays) is doing a campaign called Stay Close to remind people that the person that you knew before they disclosed their sexual orientation is the same person that you loved unconditionally. I’m involved in this with my sister, Elen. She’s family—in both senses of the word. I’ve always been close to my sister. Our mother taught us that even if you’re different from each other, you’re still family. If you have to put it down to a very basic Italian-American saying, it would be, “You don’t turn your back on your own.” Sometimes people turn out different than you think they will or how you want them to be. What remains the same is that basic fundamental thing: the love that you gave them. You can’t turn that on and off. You don’t want to lose them just because they’re not like you or because you want them to be just like you instead of who they truly are. You have to stay close. The differences make us all special, and maybe in them we see parts of ourselves we might not otherwise.
I think that it’s important to recognize that throughout the community, gay, lesbian and transgender people all come from families. You’re somebody’s brother, sister, cousin and mother. During the time I was pregnant with my son, I got a lot of letters from people saying that when they’d come out, they were totally disenfranchised by their family and friends. I knew in my heart that it wasn’t a good thing. And it was at that time that I decided to try and see if there was something I could do to lend my voice and hand to bring people more together as opposed to having them separate. If for nothing else, I wanted to create a better atmosphere in the world for my own child to come into.
On The Body Acoustic, my latest record, I rework many of my classics as well as songs I thought should be heard in a new way. I fi gured I might as well make it a party, so I invited my friends. Some, like Adam Lazzara from Taking Back Sunday, I had never worked with before. Others, like Rick Chertoff, who produced She’s So Unusual, and Kat Dyson and Bill Wittman, my longtime bandmates, I have played with live and made music with for a long time. Your band, after all, becomes your road family and in many ways your other family. You share so many wonderful moments with them that make you close and give you that little secret language that only families have.
Working with Rick again was great because I got to introduce him to the dulcimer, which is one of my favorite instruments. It’s in fifth, and to me fifth is like a river—it just flows and flows. I’ve always felt it was an otherworldly instrument, and I felt these songs lived within that world. It was interesting to have other people sing these songs with me because it changed the life of them for me. To hear Sarah McLachlan sing “Time After Time” was pretty extraordinary. Even standing right there with her in the studio, I couldn’t believe it. It was so effortless for her, too. She sings like an angel. And to make music with Ani DiFranco, who is a hero of mine, was so rewarding. We all shared our unique senses of rhythm and timing, and we learned from each other, which is what happens in families.
This record feels like a live show for me; I wanted to have a feeling on the record like it was my family and friends—everyone close to me—sharing that music on the back porch, having a close family-and-friends moment. I live for those musical moments. When I perform “True Colors” and bring out the Pride flag, it’s a special moment for me and the audience. We all become a family.
Human rights should be afforded to everyone in this country, regardless of creed, color or sexual preference. You shouldn’t be discriminated economically or socially. This is America! I’m big on human rights. I lived through the civil rights movement and saw first-hand crazy people talking crazy things about why certain citizens shouldn’t have equal civil liberties. I came of age in the women’s movement, when Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan spoke out and questioned why women were not afforded the civil liberties that men had. When you allow inequality and unjust treatment of any group, I just think things like that go down the line. If one of us isn’t good enough, then none of us are.
The Body Acoustic (Sony) is out now. Visit cyndilaupermusic.com to find out where to see her live with Sandra Bernhard.
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