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 MS. MACABRE
Sorry, pumpkins, but no matter what sequined monstrosity you plan to throw on for any festivities October 31, there’s only one QUEEN OF HALLOWEEN: ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK! (There might be an opening for a minor countess, though.) We’ll always worship at the altar of the vixen who put the “Boo!” back in boobies!
INSTINCT: Your alter ego, Cassandra Peterson, revealed that she lost her virginity to Tom Jones. Which creature would you sleep with?
ELVIRA: Well not Dracula. He sucks! The Mummy is all wrapped up in himself, but I love hairy men, so the Wolf Man is in the running. If I had to choose, it would be Frankenstein, because what’s better than a big stiff one?
What do you think about the gay marriage rush in California?
I am completely pro-gay marriage, but I am anti-marriage for anyone. God help you! You don’t want to get married because the monetary issues that ensue through a divorce are crazy! I can’t imagine myself getting married again.
It’s been 20 years since your film debut (viva Edie McClurg!), and you still look frighteningly fabulous. Ever had any spooky plastic surgery?
Not as much as Dolly Parton. She looks great, but she is getting up there with Joan Rivers. I prefer thumbtacks and tape—it’s quicker and cheaper.
How’d you learn how to twirl tassels with your ta-tas?!
When other kids where playing piano, I was practicing twirling tassels. I was a go-go dancer at 14 at a gay bar, the Crazy Purple Cow, near a military base outside of Colorado Springs, where I grew up. I had the white boots and all. It was my one talent that was pretty unique.
What do you think about today’s crop of horror flicks?
I love the old bad horror films because they are filled with cheese and camp. I am turned off by today’s “horror” films. They are not really horror, but slashers. Horror is about fantasy. You will not leave your house and run into a man-eating frog, but you just might run into a slasher.
Last year, you returned to TV in your own reality series, The Search For The Next Elvira. You’re not planning on vanishing, are you?
No way! Mae West was 180 by the time she quit! Elvira is ageless and forever. Elvira will continue for quite a while. In fact, the show was really about franchising Elvira. I want a clone. Halloween is the fastest-growing holiday among adults as well as children, whereas before it was more of a kids’ holiday. Today, Halloween is catching up to Christmas in terms of making money. I’m considered the Queen of Halloween, like Santa is to Christmas. The point of the reality show is to have more Elviras appearing around the world. Even if I get tired, I want her to live on.
Why does Elvira have such a strong gay following?
Gay men love sexy, strong females who aren’t wallflowers and have one name, like Madonna and Cher. So that would immediately disqualify Paris Hilton and Britney Spears because they have two names.
Where will you be this Halloween?
In Philadelphia to kick off the 200th anniversary of Edgar Allan Poe’s birth. I will be reading “The Raven,” and then I will be hosting a party at the Park Hyatt Bellevue, where Bram Stoker wrote part of Dracula! Come spend Halloween with me!
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Visit gophila.com/gay for more about Philadelphia’s Halloween celebration. For “unpleasant dreams,” visit elvira.com … if you dare!
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