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 SOAPBOX: Straight Talk On Being A Better Boyfriend
I just don’t think there’s any
difference in gay friendships and
heterosexual friendships. I don’t
see any at all. I talk to my gay
friends about their relationships
the way I talk to my heterosexual
friends about their relationships.
It’s 2005, you know? I totally
support gay marriage. Also, where
I was raised, the way I was raised,
I really don’t see any differences,
really. I know of a tremendous
amount of my parents’ friends
who were couples—gay couples—
who have been together a lot
longer than most of my friends’
heterosexual marriages.
I grew up in Chelsea, New York.
It was hysterical. It was the only
place to be raised. My children are
defi nitely being raised in Chelsea. It
was just such a fun neighborhood.
You’ve got the Halloween parade
every year, and it’s a good time.
I have a lot of gay friends, some
still from my old days back in
Chelsea, and when you work in
the entertainment industry, we
heterosexuals are in the minority.
I’m pretty good at giving
relationship advice. I just have
an ability to sort of say things in
the simplest form and to break
situations down to their most basic
level. I like to give options—one
or two or three options—when
friends come to me to get
relationship advice.
The best advice I’ve ever been
given is that if a relationship isn’t
working out, and you know it’s not
really going to work out, just get
out of it sooner rather than later. I
know it’s a little diffi cult, but believe
me, a few months down the road,
you’ll be happier. And if you’re in
a good relationship and you care
about it, don’t let the little stuff
bother you. When it comes to the
key to a good relationship, I could
say humor, and I think that helps,
but I think sex is right up there.
Sorry to be so blunt!
Being a good boyfriend—gay
or straight—means listening,
being there, making sure it’s not
just about you. A lot of times you
have to do things you might not
necessarily want to do. Just bear
with it. Any time you’re in an
argument, don’t say what you want
to say. Take a deep breath, think
about it for a little bit, go have a
drink, and then, if you still feel like
saying it, then you can come back
and say it. Have I followed this
advice myself? Yeah, you know,
these are all things that I practice,
and it seems to be working for me.
Gay men do seem to understand
women better than straight men,
and I think it’s the fact that there’s
not that sexual desire or issue. I think
it would be a lot more diffi cult for
a woman, especially an attractive
one, to have a friendship with me,
because my thoughts would be going
somewhere else. So I think that’s
maybe why relationships with gay
men and heterosexual women are
so good—because there isn’t that
underlying need to be closer.
I think I have a pretty good
understanding of women. I hope
my dad doesn’t get mad reading
this, but my father worked a lot
when I was growing up, so I was
kind of raised by my mother and
my grandmother. I had no sisters,
which was pretty funny. I just think
my mother and my grandmother
kept me in tune with women’s
emotions, because they are
different. Not in a bad sense, not in
a good sense, just different.
I think straight guys can
learn from gay guys. I just think
homosexual men have gone
through a tremendous amount in
their lives, in terms of coming out.
If I were put in that situation, I’m
not sure I could do it—having to
tell your parents, having to tell your
friends. When somebody’s gone
through all of that emotionally, it
just gives him a better understanding
of all emotional situations. I think
that’s probably one of the bravest
things. I have respect for that, and
for them. In this day and age in our
society, it’s one of the bravest things
a guy can do.
Catch Jerry on NBC’s Crossing
Jordan, Sundays, 10 p.m. EST.
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