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Judy Shepard Spreads the Love on this issue's SoapBox |
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Monday, 23 November 2009
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A housewife and mom from Wyoming, Judy Shepard never envisioned herself a gay rights activist. But sometimes life interferes when you’re busy making other plans. As she recalls in her stunning new memoir, The Meaning Of Matthew, the brutal anti-gay murder of her son Matthew Shepard touched the world and turned Judy into one of our community’s best-known and most powerful allies.
I want people to meet Matt. I want people to know who he was. To you he was Matthew Shepard, gay-bashing victim. But to us he was Matt. If he could have spent his whole life sitting in an outdoor café, he would have. That’s where he would make friends and bend the ear of whoever would listen. He was a good kid with a good heart. He was filled with love for all people.
It was hard to revisit those memories [for the book], but I knew I had to do it so I could reach people in places where I’m not invited to speak—and because I wanted the real story to be told. I felt hurt and betrayed by the media and by the TV movies about Matt. It’ll be a long time before I step into that arena again. Writing the book and appearing for speaking engagements is how I live with it, and it keeps Matt with me. “Closure” is not a term I would ever use, because you never can get over something like this. We are trying to do what we think Matt would want us to do with this opportunity of having a voice. He’s with me every day when I do this. I know it or I couldn’t do this, because I’m a shy, private person.
It was an honor to meet President Obama and to see the hate-crimes legislation finally pass. If even one family can avoid getting that phone call in the middle of the night because of this legislation, it would be well worth it. Every American child deserves the strongest protections from some of this country’s most horrifying crimes. It’s important that all of us get behind the president and support him. He can’t do this on his own, and he needs our help. He’s the president, not a dictator. He has to go through Congress and the Senate before he can do things, and you can all see what a hard time he’s getting for his healthcare agenda. We need to tell our legislators that we support the president. We need to be a united front. We can’t be different people fighting for different things.
Article continues below... 
Kids have always taunted each other. Neither parents nor schools are making an effort to address the issue of bullying. Even basic kindness has gone missing from society. This is what influences the young: what they see their parents or other adult role models do to each other. Hate language in the school hallways is huge. These students are too often the target of name-calling, violence and worse. When you call someone a “fag,” it identifies them with a group that in today’s climate is open to harassment. So, by calling someone a “fag,” you are giving yourself and the people around you the license to either damage this individual verbally or physically.
It’s society as a whole that needs to accept responsibility for what happens. We need to teach love instead of hate. Through the Matthew Shepard Foundation, I seek to replace hate with understanding, compassion and acceptance and to share Matt’s values of respect and dignity for others. I’m determined to make a difference and to do what I can to ensure that no other parent will have to endure what I did.
Please visit matthewshepard.org to keep up with the Shepard family’s ongoing plans to erase hate.
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