|
 IF THE SHOES FIT...
We had Janet Jackson, Beyoncé and Britney Spears all lined up for this month’s Pop Quiz but dropped them all when we got the chance to give our monthly exam to the diva of all divas: Kelly, from “Kelly Likes Shoes” YouTube infamy. (Okay, maybe we’re exaggerating a bit…but, hello? Shoes.) She’s actually comedian LIAM SULLIVAN (liamshow.com ) in real life, who is BFF with Margaret Cho—both Liam and, um, Kelly, will open Cho’s Beautiful stand-up tour this summer. But we got in on the Pop Quiz action first!
INSTINCT: 1. Choose one: Project Runway or Top Chef?
LIAM SULLIVAN: Top Chef. I like food.
2. If Kelly could give any starlet a makeover, who would it be?
Britney Spears. I think Kelly would get her mom to straighten Britney out. Kelly’s mom is pretty conservative, and she doesn’t stand for a lot of Kelly’s antics—and she’s nowhere near where Britney is.
3. Fill in the blank: The last movie I saw in the theaters was ________.
Juno. I loved it. I thought it was remarkable.
4. Who would be the most fun to do in drag?
a. Amy Winehouse
b. Gwen Stefani
c. Lindsay Lohan
d. Rihanna
Wow. That’s very tough, but I think the most fun would be Amy Winehouse. There’s so much drama there!
5. This question is designed to test your critical reasoning skills. If one pair of shoes costs $300 and another pair of shoes costs $350, which shoes would rule more?
The more painful they are to wear, the more they rule.
6. If you could be transported into the world of any ’80s sitcom, which would it be, and why?
I think Small Wonder was a bit of an inspiration for the Kelly character, if only because with the whole shoe obsession—especially the shoe video—she’s almost robotic, a Terminator, in her determination to get what she wants. But such a weird concept—totally bizarre and totally network. Like, when will that ever happen again?
7. Fill in the blank: My ideal summer vacation spot is __________.
Hmmm. I haven’t really taken a lot of vacations in my life. I guess San Luis Obispo. There are a lot of wine-tasting places, and there’s Morro Bay, which is just peaceful as hell. I like places that are kind of quiet and not so busy. Oh, and Solvang, California! [My girlfiend and I] went there, and we were like, What is this? It’s this Danish town. We went to a place that served this dish called aebleskiver, which is like a doughnut with jam on it. We were like, Okay, this is perfect.
8. Choose from the following:
a. Neil Patrick Harris
b. Lance Bass
c. T.R. Knight
d. George Takei
George Takei. He’s got a great voice. [Deepens voice] It’s amazing, way down here. He’s got great diction. I don’t know if he does them, but he should do books on tape. Or podcasts.
9. What was the last song you downloaded?
It was “Piece Of Me” by Britney. I really like the weird sound that that opening riff is—like a strange whining or something. Like a cat.
10. What was the last song Kelly downloaded?
There’s a band called Fannypack. They did a song called “Cameltoe.” And so Kelly just found that and she’s so into it.
11. If someone had to break up with someone over text message, what should they type?
“There is no easy way to do this, but I’m breaking up with you. Sorry.” But make sure you spell everything right. Oh, and, “P.S.—I was going to IM, but I thought this would be more personable.”
12. What was the first time anyone ever recognized you from YouTube?
It was last year. My girlfriend and I went to breakfast at this place in West Hollywood, and the waiters recognized me. They didn’t recognize me from “Shoes,” they recognized me from “Muffins” [another YouTube video]. So at one point during the meal, they brought over this giant muffin with all this fruit stuck in it. And like six of them came over to me and said, “Here’s a muffin for you, Mr. Sullivan.” I don’t think they liked my girlfriend. I think they were kinda pissed I was straight. They comped my meal, but they didn’t comp hers!”
|
Instinct Online 
