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 OUR (HALLOWEEN) VALENTINE TO LINNEA QUIGLEY
Watchers of late-night cable and trashy cult video know Linnea Quigley, who shrieked and showered her way to the pinnacle of ’80s B-movie stardom
“Back then, most people hated being called a scream queen, but I embraced it. For me, it was fun. The people who watched our movies had a sense of humor,” she says. “Then, all of a sudden, everybody who had ever screamed in a home video was billing themselves as a scream queen.”
With a knowing wink at the camera, Linnea always seems to be having a ball, no matter how campy the flick. It must be something about the combination of her voice (the way she says “O-kay” in Creepozoids), her this-is-silly-but-fun expressions and her willingness to go there for any part (dancing naked on tombstones in Return Of The Living Dead or giggly, goofy sex scenes with her secretly gay boyfriend in Assault Of The Party Nerds).
Humbly submitted for inclusion in the pantheon of gay icons, I present my favorite actress of all time, Linnea Quigley.
She is very passionate about animal rights.
“Even as a kid, I brought the dog or frog or whatever was injured home. I can sympathize with them. That’s why I became vegan.”
Born and raised in Iowa, Linnea always knew she wanted to be an entertainer. “When we were 10, my friend and I wanted to get a band going. We thought, Okay, weíll get the guitar and we’ll start. We had a little purse, and I think we got a dollar in it.”
After moving to L.A. at 18 with her parents, one of her first big roles was in Graduation Day. “That’s the first audition that I had to act scared in front of people, which I found was real embarrassing—when you’re, like, ‘Aaahh!’ and screaming while people are sitting looking at you.”
She learned an important lesson during her big death scene. “Don’t eat a big lunch and then do a running, jumping, tripping and killing scene—I threw up! I was like, ‘Am I tripping right?’ You just get scared that you aren’t running fearfully enough!”
She is equally adept at comedy (the Vice Academy series), horror (A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master) and a combination of both (Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout). “Until I did Treasure Of The Moon Goddess, I didn’t realize how hard comedy is…especially when you’re filming in the Philippines during the coups!”
She loves the horror conventions. “It’s amazing to hear that I’ve made a big impression on people. You’d think there’d be really weird, awful people, but there aren’t. I think the soap opera fans are weirder.”
She’s seen the movie industry change. “We used to take $100,000 to $200,000 and make a movie and do it in three or four days. Now people spend months and months and billions of dollars, but you just want to fall asleep in the theater.”
She’s still the one I want to invite over for movie night. “I’ll always get a kick out of sharing a really good bad film.”
Linnea's Lethal Moments
“I liked it more when I started to live and save people—because you get more time in the movie!” Linnea laughs. “Dying’s not that much fun unless it’s in some real quirky way.” Speaking of…
Silent Night, Deadly Night – Linnea plays Denise, a topless babysitter hung up on deer antlers by evil Santa.
Witchtrap – Now, she’s Ginger Kowalski, whose smiling, happy shower in a haunted house is interrupted by a demon-possessed, deadly showerhead.
Night Of The Demons – Technically, she’s an undead ghoul dressed like Little Bo Peep, but she somehow sticks a tube of lipstick into her nipple…ah, Mom’s old party trick.
Graduation Day – “The girl who had been originally cast wouldn’t do the nudity, so they cast me instead. They had already made a mold, so it’s not my chopped-off head that’s rolling, but hers.” [Laughs]
3 Creepy Quigley Classics
Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama
Tagline: “In a bowling alley from Hell, there’s only one way to score…”
Plot: Sorority girls (and three tagalong nerds lookin’ for zexy) break into a bowling alley for an initiation prank…and unleash a wisecracking killer imp. The Q plays a snarling, sneering, mascara’ed punk named Spider who battles Uncle Impy and his wicked vixens.
Linnea Remembers: “It was going to be called The Imp then they changed it. You never know if people are going to watch it for the name or they’re watching it just because they like those kind of movies.”
Nightmare Sisters
Tagline: “Sex isn’t their only weapon”
Plot: The curse of a succubus (cue the theme song: “Succu-succu-succu-succu-succubus! Suck me! Suck you!”) turns three nerdy coeds (including La Linnea) into killer bombshells with razor-sharp teeth…all the better to go chompy-chompy on frat boys…down there!!
Best Scene: Music student Linnea flips on a red light and tears through her real-life band The Skirts’ song “Santa Monica Boulevard Boy,” an ode to an ex-(gay) boyfriend that starts out, “You left me for another guy…cuter than I.”
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers
Tagline: “They charge an arm and a leg!”
Plot: A modern-day cult of Egyptian chainsaw-worshippers (who love Elvis) dip into the world’s oldest profession. They kidnap our Quigley for a virgin (hehe) sacrifice, but clad in only body paint and a crown, LQ does the “Virgin Dance Of The Double Chainsaws.”
Linnea Remembers: “My parents were very cool about me doing what I liked. I invited them to the premiere and they had a great time!”
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Get spooky at linneaquigley.net
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