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 Madame and her companion, Joe Kovacs
Boozy, brash and brilliant, that trash-talking, joke-cracking puppet with a heart of gold, Madame, is back. After a long silence, the estate of Waylon Flowers (her original companion) decided it was time for Madame to find a new voice, and expert puppeteer Joe Kovacs stepped in. Sassy as ever, she’s now doing dinner shows across the country (visit madameandme.com for details). We happened upon Madame while she was trying to spike her morning coffee with gin; perfect timing for our pop quiz!
1. Choose one: New York City or Los Angeles?
MADAME: Oh, God! New York Citoir! I love New York City, honey. It’s going 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
2. Complete this sentence: If I found a $100 bill on the street, I would spend it on __________.
Drugs! Or a cheap boy, honey!
3. Choose one of the following:
a. Matthew Broderick
b. Matthew McConaughey
c. Matthew Fox
d. Matthew Perry
Matthew McConaughey, far above, honey! I love a man who likes to camp out. He’s got his camper, got his grill out. I camp out quite often…but I wear a boa and heels. It’s high camp!
4. True or False? Tobey Maguire is totally hot.
I would say true. But I do like the young ones, honey. I’ve been called a cougar recently. Somebody said, “Madame, how many times does 24 go into 72?” Well, four times a night, if I can get it!
5. Which child star will most likely end up a complete mess?
a. Dakota Fanning
b. Abigail Breslin
c. Haley Joel Osment
d. Frankie Muniz
Well, darling, I can only hope Dakota Fanning has already got one foot in Betty Ford! That’s going to be a Britney-Paris ball rolled into one. She’s smart, though. She’s got a head on her cute little shoulders. You just wanna slap her! Give her a bump of coke, honey! Start her off the right path!
6. Which is the scariest doll movie?
a. Child’s Play
b. Puppet Master
c. Dead Silence
d. Valley Of The Dolls
Valley Of The Dolls is as scary as I’ll take it. And puppets scare the fuck out of me! I don’t like ’em. I don’t trust them. I mean, who wants to watch something inanimate talk? Not me. Not yours truly!
7. If you were commissioned to design a fashion line for a major retailer, which retailer would it be?
Oh, J.C. Pennoir! I’ve always worn a J.C. Pennoir gown. That, or Will…Goodwill.
8. Whose campaign fundraiser will you be attending?
a. Clinton
b. Obama
c. Neither
d. Both
Well, darling, I’m not very political. I like to say, “The only bush that I’m concerned with now is my own!” But I gotta stick with the ladies, honey. Girl power! Spice up your life!
9. Solve the following equation: Britney Spears + 1 bottle of Jack Daniels - her wig =?
Britney Spears, plus a bottle of Jack Daniels, minus her wig equals…Valley Of the Dolls! Patty Duke has nothin’ on Britney Spears!
10. Free Response: If you could hand-pick four people to sit upfront at a table at your show, who would they be?
My dear friend Jhon Marshall. Bette Midler. George Clooney, ’cause I wanna look at that, honey. I might get distracted! And George Eads from CSI.
11. Madonna or Kylie?
I do like Kylie, but [I’ll choose] Madonna. ’Cause she’s smart, honey. When the chips are down, she’ll work it out. She’ll give it to ya, whether you want it or not! I think one of these days, she is gonna rule somewhere. She’s gonna personally herself just take over some country somewhere. Madonna: Queen of the Ukraine!
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Instinct Online 
