|
 SOAPBOX: Taking A Shot At Love, Clutter And The Booty
On Valentine’s Day, I usually celebrate love in general, not just romantic love. If you’re single, there ain’t no need in crying over what you don’t have. Celebrate what you do have. If you and your friends are all in the same boat, then, baby, you’ll celebrate each other. Throw the names in a hat, buy a little gift for each other, get all dolled up, go out to dinner. Don’t sit at home crying, eating a whole box of chocolates, watching some old Demi Moore movie on TV. Go outside, shake it off, get the dust off of it—you might meet somebody!
You’ve got to maintain the package, because if all else fails and your man gets up and leaves, you still gotta be fresh for the next one that’s gonna come along. Keep it together, and don’t get too comfortable. When you know how to move around domestically, you can catch a break in some other areas of relationships. When you don’t, baby, you gotta pull out all the stops, and you gotta pull them out all the time. You’re not gonna be young forever, so make sure you know how to cook, ’cause if you don’t know how, baby, you’ve got to turn too many other tricks. “I gotta do what? I gotta swing off of what? You want my legs to go where?” Unhunh! Learn how to cook, baby!
When you’re in love with love, which is a dangerous place to be, you have a tendency to project certain things on relationships where they don’t really exist. Somebody picks up the phone and calls you, and you think, He loves me! No, he doesn’t. He was just calling. You gotta tread lightly right there.
One thing I learned hosting Clean House is that being filthy, unorganized and cluttered is so not sexy. I look at some of the people’s homes and I think, I don’t know how y’all got pregnant in this mess. In spite of the fact that people know we’re coming, they never clean out the drawer right next to the bed. How could you do that? One of the guests on the show, who was married, had an entire collection of transvestite baby dolls on the top of the closet.
I think I help these people, but I don’t know about saving their relationships. I do help people get on the right path. Will they stay there or not? I don’t know. But I definitely lay the foundation and give them a wonderful place to start. If I was single and met someone who had a house like the ones we feature on the show, I would walk right out.
On Reno 911!, we push the envelope, honey. Sometimes it pushes us back, but we push it anyway. If it’s too edgy, we’ll bleep out certain words, or we’ll pixilate certain body parts. But for the feature film, Reno 911!: Miami, it’s all exposed! The wonderful thing about our characters is that they don’t evolve, they don’t grow, they don’t get better, they just sign up for the same foolishness.
When I originally created the character of Deputy Raineesha Williams for the show, one of the must-haves for her was a big booty. I’ve got enough already, but I wanted her to have a super big booty. I had to go to so many booty fittings to get the booty just right.
By the time we got to the feature, the filmmakers wanted to show the booty in a bathing suit, which meant that I had to have a lifelike booty created. It’s really a mold of my real booty and it’s just built out. When I first saw Raineesha’s booty on the big screen, I thought it looked delicious. I just fell in love with myself all over again and screamed, “Niecy, I love you! Oh my God, your booty is amazing!” It’s hanging out there. Anything goes!
In love and life, you have to learn how to laugh. You have to be able to have a good sense of humor because there is so much heartache that comes along with it. If I was with a man that didn’t make me laugh, I would need him to laugh at my jokes. Somebody’s gotta be laughing—that laughter will hold you over!
Check out Niecy in Reno 911!: Miami in theaters February 23 & Clean House on Style Network.
|
Instinct Online 
written by Tricee on August 09, 2007
Niecy, Girl YOU ARE BOMB!! Beautiful Inside and Out.. I hope you are planning to write a book?
written by Trish on September 07, 2007
Please do write a book I would definitly buy it! You are so awesome!!! I'm addicted to Clean House. Did you ever have any episodes that didn't air because the family was either beyond help or really didn't need help they just wanted to meet you? I wish you were on Clean House Comes Clean, I would love to hear what you have to say about some of the episodes, but I understand that you're very busy. I love Reno 911 especially the movie, you were amazing. I love how everyone was in character while doing the commentary it was hilarious I was laughing so hard I was crying. I hope they make a sequel I would be awesome to see Reno 911: Scottland Yard. Congradulations on landing the role of Mrs. Boots on Slacker Cats I love it!!! I wish much continued success. love and blessings, Trish
written by sharkeem jacobs on January 13, 2008
dam girl u got a phat booty