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 SOAPBOX: “If You Still Believe In Something Fabulous, It Will Usually Come To You.”
I love writing my own jokes because it makes me laugh. That laugh of mine is real. Some comedians change their act to suit their audience. If the joke doesn’t work, you take it out. Because no matter where you’re performing, they’re all people. If you have material that you have to change for different places, then something is wrong.
My humor always comes from truth. I’ll give you an example. The best contraceptive for old people is nudity! It’s a picture. There’s nothing uglier than two old people naked. It’s the truth, yet it’s a joke. I try and work hard to look good for my age. My secret? I smile a lot. I make sure I’m happy. What you look like when you’re old is what is inside you. If you’re a good person and you are happy you naturally radiate that.
The new DVD, Goodnight, We Love You, is about my farewell performance in Las Vegas and how my stage show developed through the years. I designed my look as part of my act. The hair got funnier, the fright wig got worse. I was on the road with my act a long time—47 years!
I love my audience. The thrill to me has always been the live performance with the audience. At the end of every show I’d say, “Goodnight, I love you.” I decided to retire the stage act because, at my age, the traveling got to be too much. For every hour I’m on stage, there’s a whole day of traveling, doing interviews, running through sound-check and lighting. And I didn’t want to keep taking my shoes off at the airport!
My advice to aspiring comedians? Never give up. Work, work, work as much as you can. I’m a working girl at heart! Work on your material. You have to keep getting new material and making it better. There are so many wonderful comics today. I like Wendy Liebman, Rita Rudner, Seinfeld, Richard Jeni. This new guy from Saturday Night Live, Will Ferrell—he’s cute! I love that guy.
I didn’t get my start until I was 37. It was very, very difficult for me. I had a frequently unemployed husband and a house full of kids. My first advice to anyone is to read The Magic of Believing by Claude Bristol. It changed my life. Read it and absorb the ideas that he puts forth in the book. You won’t even think of your age or the obstacles in your way; you’ll think of your dream, and how to keep focused on your dream.
I came across the book quite by accident. I was a copywriter in a large department store. One day, I had to wait in a buyer’s office while she checked all the ads, which had hundreds of prices. Because then, if you had a wrong price, say on a mattress, and it said $1.98 instead of $219.98, you’d have to sell at least one mattress at that price! I knew it was going to take her forever to proof, so I looked over her books. I don’t like to waste time and I’m easily bored, so I just reached up and took the Magic.
I was astounded at what sense it made, and I kept thinking, My God, this guy’s talking to me! So I bought a copy for myself and began underlining all the parts that made sense to me. For two years, I’d review all the underlined parts until his system of thought was mine, too. I carried it with me everywhere.
People always worry about what everyone else thinks. You don’t have to worry about what they think. All you have to do is change your thinking. It’s your thinking that runs or ruins your life. If you decide that you are too old for this or that, then you are, and nothing comes of your dream. If you still believe in something fabulous, it will usually come to you.
Goodnight, We Love You: The Life and Legend of Phyllis Diller is now available on DVD from Image Entertainment.
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