Nigel Campbell's picture

Mother Stiffs Gay Server On $100 Check: 'I Do Not Agree With Your Lifestyle'

Well isn't this a gem? Apparently a New Jersey mom with two kids at a Gallop Asian Bistro had no problem shoveling $100 worth of food into her family's mouths, but she had a big problem with tipping her androgynous lesbian waitress. 

Dayna Morales, a former U.S. Marine posted this on the "Have A Gay Day" Facebook page:

Dayna writes: 

I'm a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater, NJ and THIS is what happened to me today.....

The note says "sorry I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle & the way you live your life" 

NEVER in a million years did I think this would happen. Not only was it a family with two kids, but as I introduce myself and tell them my name is Dayna - the mom proceeds to look at me and say "oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan. You sure surprised us!"

I am THOROUGHLY offended mad pissed off and hurt that THIS is what her kids will grow up learning and that I served in the Marines to keep ignorant people like them free. Sorry lady but I don't agree with YOUR lifestyle and the way you're raising your kids but you didn't see me throwing that in your face and giving you shitty service. Keep your damn mouth shut and pray we never cross paths again.

Dayna M.

How classy of this mom to explain her reasons behind stiffing the server who just spent time on her feet putting food on your table. 

Dayna later told her Facebook supporters (and there are many): 

Thanks everyone for your support - it took very fiber of my being not to spit in their food and say something. (Not gonna lie if kids weren't there it would of been a totally different story)

Truth. 

How would you have reacted, Instincters?

 

(H/T: Gaily Grind)

Comments

Um no... I'm sorry but you are wrong. This mother chose to be hateful and hurtful towards another human being just to be rude. She could have left no tip and said nothing. She chose to be bigoted and voice herself. While she has the freedom of speech to say her opinion, to use it in this case is disgusting. The waitress, whether she is a lesbian or not, I'm sure in no way came up to her table and said, "Hi! My name is ___ and I'm a lesbian. Can I take your order?" No one does that! She is working, just as I’m sure the mother does, to support herself. The woman made a judgment call about someone she knows nothing about and then CHOSE to be disrespectful about it. The waitress didn't choose to be who she is just to make this woman uncomfortable. You comment just proves how small minded and bigoted you are!

learn the definition of "bigoted," then give your opinion.

You do realize that the server has to pay federal tax on 8 dollars because of that Bill? At least where I live you are taxed on 8% of your gross sales as "allocated tips." This means you pay taxes on every small minded or tightwad that doesn't tip.

I do not have to agree with everyone's "life style", but I do have to tip for services rendered. Why is it this ladies business how a person lives their life? Her only concerns should be: was her food served in a timely manner, were their drinks kept full, and were all of the families eating needs met. That's it. No more. How does this stupid lady know that her server was a lesbian? Did she greet the family "Hi, my name is  Dayna. I'll be your server today. Oh and by the way, I'm a lesbian."? I know many non-gay men that appear feminine and many non-lesbians that appear manly. You cannot judge a book by it's cover.

No, you do not have to tip. Tips are not required. If they were, it would be part of the meal price. Tips have to be earned.

I would expect a comment like this from a Canadian (no offense, but in my years as a server in a tourist town that hosts many Canadian vacationers, y'all are indeed the worst tippers).  On the bright side you Canadians don't tip well because you're bigots, but because you are very very poor tippers in general.

It may be that Canadian tip less because they are accustomed to our servers being paid minimum wage. That said, most of the Canadians I know tip at least 10-15%, and I tip the same when I'm in the States.
 http://www.labour.gov.bc.ca/esb/facshts/min-wage.htm
 

Maybe you're just a terrible server.

If someone brings you food and drinks then it was earned pinhead. If you can't or aren't willing to tip then don't eat out. These folks make $2.13 an hour to wait on your ungrateful asses. I agree better service deserves a better tip but you ALWAYS tip unless outright insulted by your server. Also the reason we have the tipping system is because the restaurants claim they couldn't afford to stay open if they upped the menu prices to include server wages.

If I was a waiter and this witch came into my restaurant. I would  give her and her inbred homophobic brood a nice big plate of shit sandwiches complements of the house, with a big smile from me and.... oh yes Mam no tip necessary, enjoy the complementary shit sandies, and have a great day !

I have something to say about the "witch" part. I am a witch in real life meaning I practice witchcraft. I completely take offence to you saying that this woman is being a "witch." Real witches do not act like that. In fact we are one of the kindest human beings on this earth. It hurts my feeling just as much as that woman hurt the waitress's feelings. Please learn and don't use witch as a derogatory term. It is equal to f**got in my book. Thank you. (But everything else I agree with.)

Dear witchy poo lol lighten up, lets stay on target with the real 'bitch" here lol hypersensitive much? it makes no difference to me if your a fairy princess or queen of the north pole, the word witch will always be synonymous with bitch, and that was my attempt at trying not to say bitch, I understand your frustration but in all honesty trying to defend the term WITCH its a losing battle, a line must be drawn somewhere in this hyper sensitive politically correct ridiculousness. Call me a fag and I will feed u a shit sand---witch too LOL I'm kiddingggg I kidddddddd come on don't hex me :P I love all witches they are awesome made from rain bows and unicorn dust and puppy stuff ? :P

There could be other words like evil though too

I'm wondering why you guys don't express dissatisfaction with a government that allows you to earn a mere $2.13 per hour? How many hours of work would it take for the server to afford to eat dinner at the restaurant they work at?

Why aren't business owners held accountable? Why are you paying tax on money that wasn't earned? Why is someone who earns a couple of bucks an hour needing to then pay private health insurance?

Is the notion of America being the greatest nation on earth a myth?

The minimum wage in Australia is $14/hour. If you are unemployed, our government provides roughly $1500 a fortnight in social security- plus rent assistance (for as long as you need it). The payment is higher for those with children. Healthcare is free. 

If these things are possible here- they can happen in your great country too. 

Welfare state isn't the answer. Not sure if you've been paying attention, but the welfare state and west in general is in decline.

I don't know which state you live in pay you $1500 a fortnight cos when I lived in Sydney I was getting pay $500 Max per fortnight WITH rent assistance. and the minimum wage in Australia is $11. on top of that, the population is different between two countries so you can't really get everybody free shit or have the government pay for your shit in the states. 

While off-topic, here is the reason:

If the restaurant industry began paying service staff a living wage, prices of menu items would sky-rocket 3-4 fold.  It's the (usually) standard 20% tips that servers live on.  A wretched little game?  Yes.  Sometimes a gamble?  Absolutely.  But overall it's well worth it & those who are good at their job do well, those who are exceptional oftentimes make outstanding money.  It's a flawed system for sure, but so long as most honor it, everybody's happy.  Being stiffed however, simply because of your sexual orientation is disgusting & wrong.  If one is so hate-filled as to not tip based upon that 'reason', simply ask for another server and present yourself as the bigot you are up front.  Cowardice is what that is.

I know this is "left field" but you are a really amazing writer.  Just wanted you to know ;-)

Respectfully Curious, 

Just so you know, waiters and waitresses make a ton of money, which is why we get paid 2.30 cents an hour. In a 6 hour shift, I make at least $200 in tips, which is over $30 an hour. So your argument is pointless. 

I was unfortunate enough to have to work in South Carolina after college making 2.30 an hour. In a 6 hour shift I made less than $50 in tips, which I then had to split with the bartender, hostess and dishwashers. I usually had to tip out 20-30% of my tips. Most people would tip $2-5 on a $40 check. It was very uncommon for ANY server to get even a 15% tip, most servers got 10% or less, when they got any tips at all. This was at Ruby Tuesday, not a mom-and-pop restaurant by the way. But it is in an impoverished state which is strongly anti-union and very racist (this came into play several times when the servers who were black got stuck with a redneck table). I was lucky to go home with more than $30 in a 6 hour shift. It's not the same for everybody. I never made a 'ton of money'. After paying for gas I made a bit more  than $400 a month, working 6 days a week.

You are the exception, NOT the rule. Not everyone earns that kind of money. I spent years as a server and I could have shined their shoes with my tongue and offered my blood and still not have cleared $100 for a good night. Never mind a night like a Monday or Tuesday. So, no, the argument is NOT pointless. Assuming your good fortune is indicative as everyone else's experience is, though.

That's not really the point here.  You went WAAYYYYY off topic, dude. 

This is why I am glad that I do not work with the general public on a daily basis. People are rude, inconsiderate, and judging. Your tip should be based on your service, not what you look like, how your "lifestyle" is perceived, or what gender or race you are. I however do not believe that places have a right to automatically charge a set gratuity (and I am a former bartender and waitress so I know what it is like to not get tips that are depended upon). I have been to restaurants where they do include it and saw my waitress all of 2 minutes the entire hour or more I was there. All she did was take out order, and drop off our food. We sat there for 30 minutes after we ate waiting for our bill. Only to have to ask the bus-girl for it. Needless to say she knew I was angry and gave the check to the bus-girl to give to me. I had the manager remove the gratuity, left 3 bucks on the table and gave the bus-girl what the waitress should have received as a tip.

What's really the issue is the hypocrisy of the person.  It's okay for the person whose lifestyle she disapproves to serve her and her children food, but it's not okay for her to honor her half of the transaction which is well known in American restaurants.   She's entitled to her opinion but she should not have accepted service once she knew of the server's status.  

Susan, you are the clueless one. Cheap is cheap and ignorant is ignorant. People  can use whatever excuse they want, and yes, stay the hell home if mainstream is too much for you to deal with. Nothing worse than cheap spirited and mean spirited people like yourself. You are a B with a capital C...

Have a blessed 

I have seen this done. In my eyes Dayna is a Veteran of this country.  Show respect where it's due.  

I have actually been witness to something like this before. I have seen a waiter that waited on a group of about 13 people. Was very busy and helped each and everyone of them. This gentleman was a great waiter and worked very hard for this group. At the end he brought them their check and seen the note that the person paid had left him.

It said "Because your a Gay Man their is no possible way that I can give a tip of money. What I can give is a tip of advise. Change your life style and then you get tips. God hates fags".  

When he seen this this waiter started crying. I got up and went to see what's wrong. He showed me the note.  When I seen this I was so upset and shocked.  Because of rude people out there this is wrong.  I apologized to him and went and sat back down. I told my party what happened.  What happened surprised me next.  They all started pulling out money piling it up. I went on with this as well.  Soon others around us started pitching in. By the time it was done I stopped the young man and told him that everyone here in this section apologizes and wants you to have this. The young man was shocked and thanked everyone and went to the back.  This young man ended up getting $650.00 tip from people that didn't care he was gay, but cared here is a human being and was nice. So people being a waiter or waitress is a REAL JOB. If it wasn't for our waiters or waitress we couldn't have restaurants. Thank you for everyone that works in the service field. 

Also I came out as gay because of this. I own my own business and guess what I help a lot of haters out there. They get a lecture when they start in on me. I don't tolerate hateful people. Being rude gets you nowhere in life.

This really disgusts me. I used to work in restaurants in FL and CO when the service minimum wage was $2.13 an hour so I relied heavily on tips -- as servers in the U.S. still continue to do. To not tip someone based on their "lifestyle choices" is one of the dumbest and most ignorant things I have read recently. In fact, why in 2013 and I'm still reading about stuff like this happening? It's sad that the woman who did this did it in front of her kids who will grow up and think it is appropriate behavior, unless by some miracle they don't become brainwashed by their prejudice family and learn to make their own decisions about what is right and wrong. So sad.

As someone who did work as a waiter, as tip is a tip.  You know that walking in the door to take a wait staff position that your "pay is $2.13" p/hr.  You know you raise your "pay" by giving good service.  I walked out in 1993 making on average $10 p/hr per night...most days $5 p/hr... You don't want the low wage, go to walmart or somewhere else where you are stuck at the current 7.25...

Tips should never be based on philosophical views, it should be how good was the service.  I start at a 15% tip (which is the etiquette) and either increase or decrease on the service... rudeness gets deductions, good service despite full crowd gets you 18 or more...

oh and one more thing... to all the servers who like to hock loogies, spike drinks, and do disgusting things, that is assault and not only will you loose your job, I will be happy to press charges...think on that one...

I have had poor service from some people and some really good service, I tip everyone based on the SERVICE , I tip higher based on the service,for quick, courteous, friendly people, If a server does not seem friendly with us seems rude or what ever else, I tip the basic amount, whether or not of religion, race ethnic or life style choices, I will tell you this most of our servers that we have been Gay, they are some of the BEST SERVERS EVER. If I go back to that particular restaurant we ask specifically for that server. people need to respect others no matter what,, I think we have enough going on in our world to worry about whether someone is gay, married or not, race religion. GROW UP PEOPLE. LIVE LIFE and teach people the main thing in life LOVE AND RESPECT,, it goes a long way.

I don't have much to add regarding my Disgust for this bigot. You've all said it all.  As for the tipping issue, labor laws vary from state to state. In my state we do not pay servers less.  I am the owner, and I'm fine with paying them fairly, full minimum wage. There are many states that pay as little as $2.13 per hour, assuming that the tips will bring it up to minimum wage.  Some of those people get NO paycheck after being taxed on their tips.  When I was a server, decades ago, they didn't tax tips, and so this mindset of tipping being "optional" was sort of true. Now, in EVERY state, the servers are taxed on their tips, based on sales, so this bigot not only stiffed the server, but COST her money. Absolutely unacceptable! A good server is a highly skilled job, requiring multi-tasking abilities, and a social poise that is above and beyond.  Yes, we have all seen servers who don't know what they are doing, and I assure you that they either learn, or they leave. Tipping is part of the cost of your meal. When there is a line out the door, and you punish your server because you had to wait, how is that their fault?  Do you know how many times your server just had to take rude crap from the table before you and still came over with a smile?  And it's not just about the money. At the end of the shift, when they figure out what percentage they earned, they feel good about themselves and the job they did.  It only takes one or two snotty customers to ruin their night, but they can't show it.  That extra dollar goes to their bills, rent, kids.  A server with a good income is good for the economy, too.  A server with a poor income just qualifies them for food stamps and other aid.  So those backward states that screw over tipped employees are stupid to do so. Just my two cents...

I don't have much to add regarding my Disgust for this bigot. You've all said it all.  As for the tipping issue, labor laws vary from state to state. In my state we do not pay servers less.  I am the owner, and I'm fine with paying them fairly, full minimum wage. There are many states that pay as little as $2.13 per hour, assuming that the tips will bring it up to minimum wage.  Some of those people get NO paycheck after being taxed on their tips.  When I was a server, decades ago, they didn't tax tips, and so this mindset of tipping being "optional" was sort of true. Now, in EVERY state, the servers are taxed on their tips, based on sales, so this bigot not only stiffed the server, but COST her money. Absolutely unacceptable! A good server is a highly skilled job, requiring multi-tasking abilities, and a social poise that is above and beyond.  Yes, we have all seen servers who don't know what they are doing, and I assure you that they either learn, or they leave. Tipping is part of the cost of your meal. When there is a line out the door, and you punish your server because you had to wait, how is that their fault?  Do you know how many times your server just had to take rude crap from the table before you and still came over with a smile?  And it's not just about the money. At the end of the shift, when they figure out what percentage they earned, they feel good about themselves and the job they did.  It only takes one or two snotty customers to ruin their night, but they can't show it.  That extra dollar goes to their bills, rent, kids.  A server with a good income is good for the economy, too.  A server with a poor income just qualifies them for food stamps and other aid.  So those backward states that screw over tipped employees are stupid to do so. Just my two cents...

First off I want to say Dayna, "THANK YOU" for your service to this country and your part in protecting my freedoms and the freedoms of others. Second, I am sorry you have been done this way by anyone, and for you cheap a$$ individuals who wrote anything to the point of "Tipping is a Choice" you have never worked in customer service as a Server, Waiter, or Waitress. If you have and your trying to say you don't get offended when you give excellent service and you get no tip, Take your "Pinocchio, lying a$$  comments somewhere else."  No one has a right to treat anyone this way. Dayna's comments venting, were just that venting.  She didn't do anything to their food, she merely said she felt like it, god knows I have had those moments myself dealing with a SUSAN.

This again confirms that the human race is down right disgusting!!! Dayna thank you for serving our country. You are amazing & that dirtbag will get what's coming to her. Hopefully she has a gay child.

She doesn't deserve to be lucky enough to have a gay child!

After 12 years working resturants on Disney property. I made more money than 80% of the people I served. I have also dipped my balls in many arseholes drinks. I have scrubbed kitchen floors with serveral bigots buns. I have shot snot into many that were holier than me and spent the meal telling me of this 'fact'. If you don't feel it is correct to pay someone for a service, you are a flaming prick. And I garantee you have ran into an arsehole like me once or twice in your life. If you truly stand behind comments such as, 'tipping is not mandatory' and 'get a real job'. Then you should walk in, sit at someones station (thier form of income) and start by eplaining to the server BEFORE they start, that you do not pay for things in life you can get away with for free; When no one is looking. At $2 an hour, paid by the resturant, you the guest are the true employer. If you went to work tommorrow and your boss told you that you were not getting paid for this week of work but must work or lose your job... Each and everyone of you nontippers would burst a stitch. Scumbag human beans.

This is pathetic - for those who say tipping is optional - correct tipping is truly optional, however most servers only get $2.35 per hour tips are what is to make up the difference to meet the minimum hourly wage.  This mother discriminated against this server's appearance not the quality of service or the food.  If she did not like it should could have asked for a different server.  There is no excuse for this bigotry and this person needs to eat ate home that way no one will offend her morals!

Wouldn't it have been nice if the owners of the restaurant told the mother that she and her family were no longer welcome in their establishment?

A tip is based off of good service, nothing else. Religious beliefs or lifestyle choices shouldn't be an issue and she should've minded her own business. Its a shame that in this day in age people are still so ignorant. A REAL Christian should love everyone and not be such a judgemental hyprocrite. I feel sorry that those kids will someday be a functioning part of society and with such an upbringing, I pray that they will not be as ignorant as their mom. We need less people like her and more people with compassion. Shame on her. Next time stay home and dont inflict your hateful black soul on any one else.

In my most humble option it is LOW CLASS to not tip. And even lowers class to not tip for that reason. To the ass hat above staging a tip is not mandatory obviously you are one of those low class fools who thinks they are better than customer service workers. Bitch being a waitress IS a real job. Think of it this way if there were no servers who would bring your stupid ass your food. Dayna I wish I was there. I would have spoken up in your defense. Thank you for your service to this country. Hold you head high and know that you have note class than that "Lady" ever will.

I cannot believe the ignorant people that think a server should not be tipped.  They may be correct in saying that it is not mandatory, but wait staff work HARD for that money.  Most servers make $2-something an hour, and are taxed as if they had gotten tips.  These people have obviously never humped tables to pay their bills.

And I agree with the statement Chris made... if you really want to leave zero, leave zero, but don't include a message that puts your bigotry and hatred on display, especially when the server did nothing to deserve it.  

T.I.P.S. = to insure proper service

Get over it or get a real job.  You have to take the good with the bad.  Tipping IS NOT mandatory.  It is voluntary.  The fact that this girl posted a guests check online then inclined that she would spread bodily fluids on a customers food should be grounds for termination.  You are going to get lousy tippers, Just deal with it and grow a backbone.

You sound like the type of person that would sit at home all day and wait for a "real job" and collect unemployment rather than contribute to the economy. Kudos, you're the reason why this country is in the shitter.

Susan, 

You Ma'am are an a**hole. I am not only a waitress and mother, but have earned my MBA and have chosen to be a server. Please NEVER come to St. Louis to eat... You are not welcome, oh and I'm a lesbian... 

Kindly Go F**k Yourself,

Colleen

Yes, not mandatory.  But it's good manners and decent conduct to tip because it's the norm in American society.  It's also good manners and decent conduct to hold doors for people.  Again, not mandatory, but it shows what kind of person you are when you don't do it.

Get a real job?  Do you go out to eat Susan?  Do you tip?  You're probably one of those cheap asses that don't tip and can walk out saying you're above servers and think of them as your "servant."  Let me tell you something, People vent about wanting to spit on someone's food or doing something as a matter of anger and frustration.  I am a server, not by choice but by necessity.  I have been laid off from two jobs (one I was at for 9 years) two years in a row.  Employers want individuals who have no experience and are right out of college so they can be hired at the lowest wages possible.  I have class, am educated, went for further training in attempts to obtain a job, and I have determination to get out of the serving industry.  Right now, I have to rely on a serving job. Due to the ungrateful individuals like you that come in, treat me like shit, and leave little to no tip at the end of their dining experience, no matter how much I try to make their dining experience the best it can be, I am left with nothing for working.  I go out of my way for my guests, their children, and their dining experience.  If you're not going to tip, stay the hell home.  Other people are usually waiting to be sat and will provide gratuity for the service, which servers rely on to pay bills.  I make $2.13/hour plus tips and rarely see a pay check because of taxes.  I pay for my own health insurance and am still paying college loans.  If you're going to tell someone to grow a backbone, then here's the backbone comment:  stay the hell home.

It saddens me to see people such as yourself is so out of touch and lack compassion in their life. You also missed the whole point. Your comments above are a little ignorant.

Good news, you're also a terrible excuse for a human being.

Susan, you're an idiot.  

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