Nigel Campbell's picture

Mother Stiffs Gay Server On $100 Check: 'I Do Not Agree With Your Lifestyle'

Well isn't this a gem? Apparently a New Jersey mom with two kids at a Gallop Asian Bistro had no problem shoveling $100 worth of food into her family's mouths, but she had a big problem with tipping her androgynous lesbian waitress. 

Dayna Morales, a former U.S. Marine posted this on the "Have A Gay Day" Facebook page:

Dayna writes: 

I'm a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater, NJ and THIS is what happened to me today.....

The note says "sorry I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle & the way you live your life" 

NEVER in a million years did I think this would happen. Not only was it a family with two kids, but as I introduce myself and tell them my name is Dayna - the mom proceeds to look at me and say "oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan. You sure surprised us!"

I am THOROUGHLY offended mad pissed off and hurt that THIS is what her kids will grow up learning and that I served in the Marines to keep ignorant people like them free. Sorry lady but I don't agree with YOUR lifestyle and the way you're raising your kids but you didn't see me throwing that in your face and giving you shitty service. Keep your damn mouth shut and pray we never cross paths again.

Dayna M.

How classy of this mom to explain her reasons behind stiffing the server who just spent time on her feet putting food on your table. 

Dayna later told her Facebook supporters (and there are many): 

Thanks everyone for your support - it took very fiber of my being not to spit in their food and say something. (Not gonna lie if kids weren't there it would of been a totally different story)

Truth. 

How would you have reacted, Instincters?

 

(H/T: Gaily Grind)

Comments

You are absolutely right.  We both what the woman SHOULD HAVE DONE.  But the fact is - she decided to behave badly.  People don't always do what we want them to do.  We don't have any control over how other people act towards us . . . nor do we have any control over their mistaken and harmful beliefs.  We can only control how we respond or react to their behavior. 

If this is the case, the women should have asked to be seated in a different station.

I presume you think yourself a Christian. If so perhaps you have heard the words: Do not judge, lest ye be judged.

Your beliefs are your own, but they should have nothing to do with the expectation of leaving a tip for service. Most servers don't get paid even the minimum wage because tips are an expected part of their wage. A 93 dollar bill should have included (at the very barest of minimums) a 10 dollar tip, but a classy person would have left at least a 20. That's as much as many servers make in up to 8 hours of work on their wage alone. I don't agree necessarily with the lifestyle of a Christian who has an ideology of meritocracy and discriminatory values, but those values are theirs and I would never dream of stiffing them on a tip because they wore a crucifix around their neck, or a star of David, or a pentagram or a swastika for God's sake, it makes no difference to me. Laborers need to be treated with a certain default level of respect and they deserve a living wage no matter what their belief system happens to encompass. I don't think anything about this woman's service included "shoving her beliefs down someone's throat."  

"Sister" I'm confused
 

Dayna  Be proud,hold your head high. There will forever be ignorant haters in this world.. Let go don't be dragged..

As a straight ally, I am offended that there are straight people like that who represent me. What a shame that she is so Chrisitian, yet has such a lack of tolerance and compassion. I can only feel sorry for her that she limits herself in life. If she really wanted to, she could find many wonderful friends in the gay community who would be able to show her what it is like to give of yourself to another person, to be compassionate, to be understanding, to love a person as a person. She seems to truly need this in her life. I feel more sorry for her than angry. She is misguided, and it is a shame that Dayna had to be the subject of her misguided view of morality.

We just need to take heart in the fact that there are more of us than of people like her. They are on the losing side of history, and this is one of their stages of grief.

Take care everyone. Love one another. Be an example to follow.

Well said Rob. I feel sad for both her and her children. She has incarcerated her mind with an ideology that is going extinct. And, she is trying to incarcerate her children with the same ideology, while she mistakenly believes that she is giving them strong moral character, when she is actually weakening them. I, too, think that is sad.

As for Dayna, you did well to not 'lose' it in front of her kids, or 'lose' it at all. Accepting her the way she is, is the only way others will learn to accept you for the way that you are as well.

Peace and love.

If people have an issue with someone being gay they should just stay home and live miserable lives; because we (gays) are everywhere. We are not just limited to the service industry either, i know lawyers,doctors, high level executives, etc. who are gay. Intolerance breeds intolerance. I believe people should be treated with respect, especially in the workplace. I have personally experienced customers having issues with my sexual orientation and attempt to make a scene. My response was "If you have an issue with me being gay, there is the door, don't come back!" I don't worry about any potential calls to "Corporate" because i know my employer has my back and doesn't tolerate that kind of behavior.

Amen Justin.....this wishy washy, touchy feely, ooooo you better watch what you say, society we live in is sad. Yes there is "freedom of speech" just be careful of what you say there may be some "group" that is going to be offended and you may find yourself in court!

Did any of you bother to learn how to spell? I agree what happened was messed up but what is worse is that almost every one of you who commented, spelled some common sense word completely wrong, seriously undermining your written presence. Learn to stand before you walk. 

Really!! You could not see beyond the grammar.

Sort of the pot calling the kettle black. First of all, your second sentence is borderline nonsensical, as "what happened" has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of it. Secondly, the comma after "commented" is misused and fractures the sentence. Thirdly, a word cannot be spelled with common sense. Words are structured combinations of letters and therefore require knowledge in order to recreate them, whereas common "sense" can be deduced by only using your senses. Fourthly, a word cannot be spelled completely wrong unless it has none of the letters of the intended word, in which case it would no longer be that word. Fifth of all, grammar and spelling cannot undermine written "presence" because nothing can undermine "presence" outside of not being present. For example, your overtly douchey presence, as annoying as it may be, doesn't make you less present. Unfortunately. Words were created so we could communicate effectively and organize. They were born out of necessity and aided in teamwork and community, allowing man to band together and against predators and other tribes. Using your words to attack others that you agree with is actually a truer bastardization of language than misspelt words. Learn to stand before you walk. 

Thanks "Randy Righteous" for the grammar lesson ;)

language is dynamic and ever-changing, and on the Internet communication can be successful whether or not words are spelled "correctly". A proper spelling lexicon does not a successful communication make.

Your post is ad hominem​ in that is attacks the speaker (poster) and not the argument being made. Stick that in your cookie jar :)

STFU!! Grammar police.

who gives a shit about grammar. i am the worst speller and i will admit it to anyone because i could care less. but just because someone cant spell or put in proper punctuation does mean someones opinion is not valid. look at the big picture. 

oops sorry grammar police doesn't****

I would have cut her throat and poisoned her kids

You are an a**clown

Just for her stupidity I hope both her kids turn out gay.dont let it get to honey some people can jus be down right ugly.

This has been around for a few months now in various forms. I suspect it's apocryphal.

Go on Ellen she'll do something about this like that last waitress lol who ever here said it was saving this waiter money not getting tipped is fucking stupid.

Why did you blur out her name i wanna find this dumb cunt

Nice...and do what to her?
 

Would'nt it be so great if this woman got home and her husband tells her that he wants a divorce because he is gay..

This is a terrible thing. Tips are not mandatory and that's just the way it is. This mother is a horrific example because she brings sexuality into her tipping. Im a server as well and one thing I have learned in the many years in the business is that sometimes people stiff you and there is nothing you can do about it except shake it off. Another thing I have learned is that it is highly unprofessional to post pictures of receipts for whatever reason. So your sexuality is different from hers. So what? That's the way you are and you sound like you have a great support system. Just shake things like this off. They shouldn't bring you down because you're stronger than that. 

I honestly think the customer should have kept her comments to herself- both those spoken, and written. Tip if you feel like it, or don't, but have a little decency to not discriminate against someone for something they DID NOT CHOOSE (ie. Sexuality), especially in front of your children. No need to ass the hate on to another generation.
 

"Ass the hate"??
 

Tipping is supposed to be based  on quality of service. Your lifestyle is no one's damn business period! 

What that woman did to that waitress was totally rude and uncalled for. The waitress was just doing her job. There was no mention of the waitress giving poor service. Refusing to tip because of someone's sexuality is the same as refusing to tip because of their race or religion - it's discriminating against a person because of something totally irrelevant to their ability to do their job.

Honestly I never thought someone can be so rude and ignorant!!! Not to mention stupid people with their stupid comments like that idiot named "Dee"... Too bad! How can someone be so poor??  It's so sad... I feel sorry for their kids to have such an asshole mother... That's so depressing...it's disgusting!!!

Tips are not manditory, while I tip on performance, it is at the sole disgression of the patron. People are allowed their opinions and reactions, it's the beauty of a free nation. If you disagree, fantastic, that's part of a free nation too. I'm so tired of everyone thinking that everyone needs to think their way. You live in america, man up and learn to be disappointed and hurt sometimes. The whole pussification of this country is from stupid stories like this. You're gay, great! Someone totally within their rights disagrees, so what. Not everyone likes me or the work I do but I still live my life. People are too damn sensative these days.

People like you don't get it. This is purely about respect. Tips aren't mandatory but to base a tip off of someone's sexual orientation is not only irrelevant, it's downright disrespectful. It's the same if your boss told you that you're getting your holiday bonus because you walk funny. What does that have to do with your job? NOTHING and that's exactly what's going on here.

Amen Justin.....this wishy washy, touchy feely, ooooo you better watch what you say, society we live in is sad. Yes there is "freedom of speech" just be careful of what you say there may be some "group" that is going to be offended and you may find yourself in court!

It has nothing to do with being over sensitive, and everything to do with evolution, which obviously hasn't reached you yet, not being sensitive, that comment shouldn't bother you....right?! this woman's lesson of intolerance, will be passed down to her children, my parents raised me to respect people on the basis of how they treat me, respect earns respect...etc. Would you have the same opinion of a woman refusing to sit on a bus, because there are black people on it, or refusing eat at the same lunch counter with them, I'd hope not, to teach your child this lesson of intolerance, in public, is reprehensible, obviously the service was exceptional for her to comment that the only reasons there is no tip, is because of the waitresses sexual orientation, which is not only a bigoted, un educated thing to do, it is a slap in the face to all the other servers, who often times have to split tips at the end of the shift, please step out of yourself for minute, and put yourself in that waitresses shoes, a $93 tab, means that she worked her ass off, you'd be mortified put in the same situation, and if you weren't, your a better person than the rest of us! Kudos! 

If someone won't tip their server for no reason other than their sexual preference, they shouldn't be dining out. In a day and age when many servers are gay, this is not acceptable. I'm thinking someone is just a cheap ass and looking for a way to get out of tipping. While tipping isn't mandatory, it is impossible for a server to live on the hourly wage they make. I started as a server 20+ years ago, and the minimum wage for servers back then was $2.13 an hour and guess what, that's what it still is in 2013. So yeah, tips SHOULD be mandatory and anyone who doesn't tip is a complete moron.

I do wonder though how Dayna had to refrain from spitting in her food, when the check normally isn't paid until the end of the meal, after everyone is done eating. 

she already mentioned that the lady had already offended her when she introduced herself at the table. She told her that her name what Dayna and the guest said  something along the lines of "I thought you were going to tell me your name was Dan..."

As a server, I made $3.85 an hour.  Its no where near enough to live off of.  Servers live off of their tips, end of story.  Now, I would understand if the guest had left a bad tip, or no tip because the server had messed up somehow, but the fact that she stiffed the server because of their sexual preference is just disgusting.  That server is probably struggling to pay bills and survive off their shitty wage.  I don't care if that person disagrees with my sexual orientation, it's within their rights, but they don't need to be a douche about it either.

I know what you're saying.  I'm sensitive to poor spelling -- that telltale sign of poor education.   Damn this pussification of our society for making me so sensitive!!  It's Obummer's fault!  

Funny how you went right to obama, was that mentioned anywhere in my posts? Nope, you're just reaching and doing the standard liberal redirection. Shame on you!

From my experience, Justin, people who use the phrase "liberal redirection" also use "Obummer" -- so thanks for validating my initial response. You're a doll.   And btw, "liberal redirection" is just a term conservatives use when they're confused by a non-conservative with much broader intelligence:

 "Hunh....what?!  I don't understand.  Damn them and their 'liberal redirection' !!   Foiled again!"  
 
As for spelling, it's a symbol of your level of education.  If you "truely" don't spell correctly, then no one will take your argument seriously because no one has faith in your level of education.  If I'm being perceived as being a snob by you, then it's because you don't understand this concept.  Nothing against you personally:  I just don't have any faith in an argument postulated by someone who can't type basic correct English.  Here's a hint: when you see the red scribble line beneath one of your words, it is spelled incorrectly.   Your thoughts are rudimentary at best and destructive at worst.  If you want to be taken seriously and you don't have a high level of education (as the level you exhibit), please do yourself (and us) a favor and use some sort of Spell Check before posting.  Otherwise you'll be dropped into that large growing pot of dullard conservatives, only to fester in your own lack of intellectual merit.  By the way, you were looking for 'censure' and not sensor.  That one made me laugh with a chortle.  

I do agree that this example of a real world situation is total crap, I still have to stand up for the patrons ignorance. My horrible spelling aside, there is no need to attack me. The service should be rewarded (we're one of the few countries that do this) I love and heavily tip my servers for a good job. However, in a truely free country, the patron is still allowed their opinion even if the majority disagree with how it was presented. I do believe it is wrong to make this kind of decision based on sexual preference but the patron still has the right. Stop focusing on my poor spelling and look at the actual situation. The day we can't speak freely, regardless of the situation, is a sad day. I'll take the new world but not if I'm only allowed to speak what you want. We have an amazing country because people are allowed to speak up on both sides. Again, morally I think the patron is wrong. Constitutionally, they have every right and I support it. In power the people with better morals, don't sensor them.

Can I ask you a serious question?  How many countries have you traveled?  I ask this because you seem to want to educate other people in your posts, yet you come across as not being too worldly.  You act like you have foreknowledge of something but then post something that is absolutely fallacious.  

Here you say we're one of the few countries who do this (tipping the server).  WRONG.  Tipping depends on the customs of the country and we are not in the minority in tipping for dinner service. In Canada, tipping is 15-20%.  Mexico it is 10-15%.  Peru is 10% standard unless the restaurant is family owned.  Argentina is 15%.  Chile is 15%  Germany and Belgium is a few extra Euros if you enjoyed the service.  Sweden is 10-15% for dinner.  I could go on and on.  Get the drift?  I've been to over 50 countries so let me take this opportunity to fully educate you.  

Why do the uneducated feel a burning need to "educate" the rest of us...especially when they don't have any real knowledge themselves?  It must be a fear of not having control of a situation.  Trust me: get some education and this will fall by the wayside.

Can I ask you a serious question?  How many countries have you traveled?  I ask this because you seem to want to educate other people in your posts, yet you come across as not being too worldly.  You act like you have foreknowledge of something but then post something that is absolutely fallacious.  

Here you say we're one of the few countries who do this (tipping the server).  WRONG.  Tipping depends on the customs of the country and we are not in the minority in tipping for dinner service. In Canada, tipping is 15-20%.  Mexico it is 10-15%.  Peru is 10% standard unless the restaurant is family owned.  Argentina is 15%.  Chile is 15%  Germany and Belgium is a few extra Euros if you enjoyed the service.  Sweden is 10-15% for dinner.  I could go on and on.  Get the drift?  I've been to over 50 countries so let me take this opportunity to fully educate you.  

Why do the uneducated feel a burning need to "educate" the rest of us...especially when they don't have any real knowledge themselves?  It must be a fear of not having control of a situation.  Trust me: get some education and this will fall by the wayside.

The only "Obummer" around here are the ignorant fools who parrot such disrespectful comments about our President and think themselves clever.  So sorry, sucks to be you if you have a problem with tolerance.  Welcome to the new world.

Interesting how people are so lacking in courtesy and manners...I was taught better. As for your comment, I agree tips are not mandatory, and is up to the discretion of the patron. It also has to do with how you were treated as a customer and the food. However, a bill for dinner is no time to be either rude or expressing opinions on lifestyles. Being stiffed is being stiffed, and service is service no matter if it is a white redneck or a gay male, female or trangender that is serving you. It is called courtesy and manners, something you apparently are lacking, as well as spelling skills...ie, manditory and disgression...

You're right, my spelling is not on par. Don't use the lack of my typing on a phone change the facts. I was brought up to be very accepting by my multicultural and gay uncle. Way to make a judgement with no facts. You, are part of thd problem. You have nothing to actually say but try to cut me down with uneducated guessing. I've been a server and have many gay friends and relatives. People are allowed their opinions, on a receipt or not.

Your just a douche bag. That is all.

Perhaps I should also point out your spelling and grammar, nah, not worth it.

Pages

Add new comment