Nigel Campbell's picture

Mother Stiffs Gay Server On $100 Check: 'I Do Not Agree With Your Lifestyle'

Well isn't this a gem? Apparently a New Jersey mom with two kids at a Gallop Asian Bistro had no problem shoveling $100 worth of food into her family's mouths, but she had a big problem with tipping her androgynous lesbian waitress. 

Dayna Morales, a former U.S. Marine posted this on the "Have A Gay Day" Facebook page:

Dayna writes: 

I'm a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater, NJ and THIS is what happened to me today.....

The note says "sorry I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle & the way you live your life" 

NEVER in a million years did I think this would happen. Not only was it a family with two kids, but as I introduce myself and tell them my name is Dayna - the mom proceeds to look at me and say "oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan. You sure surprised us!"

I am THOROUGHLY offended mad pissed off and hurt that THIS is what her kids will grow up learning and that I served in the Marines to keep ignorant people like them free. Sorry lady but I don't agree with YOUR lifestyle and the way you're raising your kids but you didn't see me throwing that in your face and giving you shitty service. Keep your damn mouth shut and pray we never cross paths again.

Dayna M.

How classy of this mom to explain her reasons behind stiffing the server who just spent time on her feet putting food on your table. 

Dayna later told her Facebook supporters (and there are many): 

Thanks everyone for your support - it took very fiber of my being not to spit in their food and say something. (Not gonna lie if kids weren't there it would of been a totally different story)

Truth. 

How would you have reacted, Instincters?

 

(H/T: Gaily Grind)

Comments

The story turns out to have been a hoax, we learnt today.

How did this customer know anything at all about this server's "lifestyle", unless the server volunteered superfluous information?  What makes the server think that the comments about "lifestyle" refer to her sex life, if she didn't say anything about her sex life?

Exactly!

Too many gays flaunt their sexuality, begging for attention and controversy.

Be yourselves, and stop making trouble for yourselves!!

How did this customer know this server was gay?

I think it is sickening the way a lot of gays flaunt there sexuality in others way. Be yourself, and stop acting like this. We want to be normal, not looked at as drama.

Ok so i didnt read all the comments, dont have time for that. But i will say a few things. That was total bullshit. If that lady really did that i would have been pissed. I get people who have made gay jokes or comments (mostly people who are now my friends or i know) and i have to set them straight. I have also gotten people asking if im a girl or boy (girl) because of my short hair and body type. (I am training to become a Marine). If i ever recived something like that while the person was still there yes i would sure as hell say something. If i would tell my boss or not i dont know as he really doesnt speak english well. For that one bitches comment about this all being crap, well maybe it is. But would you believe it more if some guy said it? And yes Marines know how to control them selfs, but we all part control part aggresion. We are taught the blance in boot camp. This does not mean that we arent human an dont get pissed off. If someone said that to you how would you of reacted? Marines are called baby killers and many other things. Ive had one woman tell me she hopes i die even before becoming a Marine. Just know that we do die, for you people, and when you say things like that you pretty much spit one every family who has lost someone in combat, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines all the branches. But as a future Marine i say this: Every day we may die, but it will always be Semper Fi! (Always faithfull) HOORAW!!

Woah Otto show me where I have to "accept" others? Never said anything about "not liking" a person; but I do not accept their lifestyle...very different "do not condemn the person, condemn the act". Hey for shits and grins lets take religion out of the equation since the mere mention of God has become so offensive to people these days. For argument sake lets approach it from a scientific angle, anatomically speaking does a lock and a lock or a key and a key?

Are you asking if a lock locks a lock? And if a key keys a key? Or if a lock fits a lock and if a key fits a key? Sorry, your last sentence is a bit weird, I think I understand what you are saying though.

yes

People have the right to say what they want or believe what they want as long as it does not hurt anyone. Even if it is asinine or tacky. For me, the whole waitress story screams B$. Why didn't she say anything to her boss/manager/lead when supposedly the patron first insulted her? You have to report that. Then this woman says she would have spit in her food if kids were not there. is she not a marine? She has no self control or dignity when she is insulted? She cannot handle it? It all screams B$.

Marine or not we are still human, how would you have reacted to something like that. If you think nothing effects us then you are a stupid bitch.

Interesting, you condemn this mother for insulting the waitress, but you then turn around and insult me. Are you a bitchphobe? Stupidphobe? Why is it ok for you to insult others? Interesting, the hypocrisy you display.

LOL! Future Marine just got put in their place! Love it. It boggles the mind that people scream how insulting slang words are then, go ahead and insult others, like it is their right, their privilege. Ridiculous. Good Post!

Management has no spine when it comes to guests.. You think that a manager is going to confront a paying patron so all that patron has to do is call corporate and he gets fired? You obviously have never worked in the service industry.. 

As for the spitting comment...That lady had no problem "spitting" in her face about her sexuality, but she had no balls to say it to her face. Do onto others right?

 She owes that girl a thank you and an I'm sorry. 

So who owes who an apology now?????? FYI, I called it.

She owes her an apology for her own beliefs? Should other countries policies and beliefs or other cultures policies and beliefs apologize to her as well? Or you? Or me? Yes, I have been a server, and I have had managers who stick up for their employees. Sure, there are a lot of bad apples, but you cannot let a few bad apples represent all restaurant managers. Also, you have to report abuse, from patrons or co-workers. FYI, do not assume you know me and you know what I have or have not done currently or in the past. This woman is a MARINE. She is supposed to be tough, level headed and rational. 

First, and most importantly, this is all from one person, one woman who says all of this. We cannot collaborate her story. It is all just her version. There is just too much uproar for others beliefs or actions. Did the woman get up and call her names? Did she threaten her? Did the mother tell her kids in front of the waitress that her lifestyle is disgusting? No. 

FYI, of course she has no balls, she is a woman. Ever here the balls/vagina joke by Betty White? Google it. According to the waitresses story, The woman blatantly said she thought her name would be Dan, not Dayna...so she said that to her face, supposedly, correct? You see, this is all heresay. 

I am a bartender.  I don't wear makeup, I have long, undyed, grey-streaked "Morticia of the Addams family" hair, and I am constantly being asked if I am either (a) gay or (b) a Pentecostal because I do not wear makeup or the fashionable short, dyed haircut expected of women my age (I am an old hippie and I still look good, I just don't wear dye or makeup).  Yes, because lesbians never wear makeup or dye their hair and also because Pentecostals just love to tend bar!  One thing I am glad that I am able to do in my business is have the bouncers boot out haters.  If your management had any chutzpah they could do the same. You did well not to stoop to her level.  

I have already responded to the stupid female and her reason for not giving Dayna a tip. This is for these other posts about tipping and taxes. Please read this, you just might learn something and YES, I do know what I am talking about.

To everyone fighting over how much a server gets paid, ASK THE MANAGER. I DID and I was told the server at the establishment I was at, gets a set amount and is EXPECTED to pick up a MINIMUM of 15% in tips at EACH and EVERY table they serve to reach the minimum wage, which in ohio is $7.25 to $7.85 and hour, for the NIGHT. Take $7.85 X 8 hrs = $62.80. If they work longer hours than it is figured with the more hours, So, say, the set amount is $2.50 an hour, (2.50 X 8 = $20), the server would have to make $42.80 in tips just to make minimum wage for that shift. That's assuming the shift is 8 hours. It could be only 6 hours. This is just an example. So, each server must count on their tips to receive a days pay. If the shift is slow, then, oh well, too bad, the server is just stuck with whatever they get unless they are super, then they MIGHT make minimum wage for the shift anyway.

I understand, if they are a poor server, they should not receive a good tip, but it is always a good idea to talk to the manager if you are displeased with the service. The server could be newly on their own (without their trainer), and needs to know the reason for your displeasure. The manager is the one best able to handle the situation.

AS FOR THE TAX QUESTION: The servers are expected to report their tips to their manager so federal, state, social security and medicare taxes can be figured and deducted from their wages just like anyone else. If this is not done, the server, like everyone else, is expected to report them on their income taxes, at which time they are figured in with the rest of the servers' wages on their w-2 and taxed at whatever tax rate they may fall into. The server must keep a tip diary of each shifts tips to be shown to the manager, should they ask, AND for the IRS, should they be audited, because of either not reporting tips or not reporting the SAME DOLLAR AMOUNT AS THE ESTABLISHMENT DID, when it filed its' report to the IRS.

I find this outrageous,i am also gay, i have suffered a lot of homophobic abuse, i have an aunt who has 'washed her hands of me' but stated "if you ever want help to come back from the dark side" I dont have a relationship with her now. You are what you are, people need to get over it. 

Dayna, you did your job! Realizing it, or not, you stand for every American citizen that doesn't fit into someone elses mold of moral society. You actually rise above the self righteous person you have allowed to have such an impact on who you are versus what you are. This person has reminded us all , thou shalt not judge for ye shall be judged. Her day IS coming, and it may not be the outcome she's expecting.

It may not be popular but I say "screw her". Her upbringing does not excuse her hatefulness. I don't have any forgiveness toward bullies of any form. I accept them for what they are--a lesson in how not to see things--but do not forgive it. Unlike sexuality, how one treats others is a choice.

My father is a bigot and most of my relatives had some kind of bias against people of other persuasions. However, even as a kid I had the reasoning to understand its stupidity. Her example may sway her children against others or it may show them that such reactions are illogical--I hope for the later.

I just have no tolerance towards those that inflict themselves upon others. As far as I'm concerned that woman owes Dayna $20 and an apology.

I agree.  It's not okay to inflict yourself upon others.  Sometimes people don't know they've badly.  It's important to set them straight.  If there were a person in my life who I hurt badly and I didn't know it . . . I would suggest that person make her feelings known to the person.  It doesn't do any good to get into a confrontation with some idiot in public.  There are times when it's okay to speak up.  I suggest when a good opportunity presents itself . . . you tell the person what they did and how you felt . . . rather than "slitting your wrists - as someone else on here suggested.  I'll bet the offender would feel really badly about what he did . .  and be very open to apologizing for it.

Well commenting on the story as it's written and not on any of my own life experiences . . . I would have been really hurt . . .  and pissed off.  No doubt about it.  My first thought is to say . . . . I probably would have done the same thing that the waitress did.  I would have kept my composure and dealt with my emotions later.  It sounds like she responded appropriately to the situation (without knowing all of the details).  She displayed self-control rather than engaging with the person.  The situation could have gotten out of control if the waitress reacted to her emotions in that moment. 

Unfortunately, I have reacted to my emotions in the past with people in situations like that.  I spoke my mind and found myself in trouble.  Afterwards I realized I should have kept my mouth shut.  It's important lesson.

Sometimes it's a good idea to pause (for like a second) before you take action in a bad situation.  "Think before you speak."  Or "Bite your tongue."  I'm not talking about being a good Christian, the bigger person, or the better person.  I just mean that it's important to respond to a situation rather than reacting to it.  A thoughtful response can keep a volatile situation from blowing up.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think that people like the one in this story should get away with crap like that.  It's wrong.  There are ways too deal effectively with ignorant people . . . ways that do not involve getting revenge. 

I had a women one time ask for another waitress, not because I'm gay but because I wore a bracelet that supported it! She saw my gay pride bracelet and asked "oh, are you gay?" And I simply replied "no ma'am but my brother is and so is my best friend, who is a host here" she immediately replied "may I speak with your manager, I don't feel comfortable as you my server because you support satan" like are you fucking serious? My bracelet says "I <3 every color of the rainbow"

I am so sorry this happened.  I am a straight female and think this woman felt she was doing what is right.  She definiitely has been misled if she feels she is following Christian beliefs....Jesus was never mean, rude or cruel to anyone.  Try not to blame any one group of people for such self righteous behavior. She can only be allowed to represent herself.

I'm really shocked that people treat people so badly over assumptions. It is not anyone business of sexual orientation especially when someone is only doing his or her job! I think she was just looking for an excuse on why not to tip because she is cheap! Sorry this happened to you.

Pope Francis said it best, "who am I to judge?" I don't understand how someone's lifestyle and orientation affects the tip someone should receive for providing a service. That mother has no right to judge. The religious right get me, they feel they have every right to judge others and point fingers and push their beliefs on others but when those who do not adhere to their beliefs and judge them back, they call it religious persecution. Bravo to Dayna for publicly shaming this poor excuse for a human!

I am a gender bending school teacher. I am not androgynous since I do not present strongly as feminine or masculine. I consider it a victory when a child asks me if I am a boy or a girl, on that day I have modeled that there is more than one way to be female.

We are all role models, all the time. Every thing we do models to children. If this story is true, and the mother really did that to a person that TOLD HER she was a women by giving a female pronoun then she has modeled to her children that it is all right to be mean to people based solely on his or her gender presentation.

The wait person modeled service and honesty, the mother modeled petty meanness. 

I am a gender bending lesbian (in that I am not like feminine or masculine, so not androgynous) and I teach children. I don't talk about gender with them, I just be me without a strong gender presentation. The days when a kid asks me if I'm a  boy or a girl I count as a victory for having taught them that girls don't always look like "girls". 

Dayna, you are more of a lady than that female will ever be. I'm glad you held back, even if it was because of the children. If you had told her off, it probably would not have made any difference to her way of thinking, although you probably would have felt better at the time; but you might have gotten fired because a wrong as it is "the customer is always right" (I worked in retail and it's the same idea). Then she would have won. As it is YOU won. I know you don't know me, but I am very proud of you and hope my daughter will be as strong as you are when she comes out. She is 27 and is only out to some close family and friends right now. She was born Ryan but is calling herself Reanne. Eventually it will be official.

ok only an asshole would think someone trying. to make a living was forcing her lifestyle on anyone else If you allow a.person to serve you then you should leave a tip. somehow I think she is just cheap ass .its time to start paying people.back for their rude and ignorant behavior!

Wow what really is wrong with America is that people keep getting butt hurt over every little thing. What happened to the days of sticks and stone can brake my bones but word can never hurt me. I agree the person should have kept the comment to herself, but quit crying about everything and stop slicing your wrists over stupid things.

This sounds like something someone would say who hasn't faced discrimination. If you have faced discrimination you would understand the social problems we face in the U.S. and should understand how wrong it is not to tip someone because they are gay. What's wrong with America is the failure to respect others that are different from themselves. This story exposes a side to people that needs to be discussed so your opinion really has no grounds here. "slicing wrists" is also very ridiculous but I'm not surprised based on the rest of your commentary. This person accomplished national exposure and you achieved a shanty comment. Sometimes it's better to be quiet than be ignorant. 

I wasn't the person who made the "slicing wrists" comment.  I think I said that.  That's a lot of BS that I haven't faced discrimination.  Some people have what is called invisible disabilities. Unfortunately people see homosexuals as a target because they are visible . . . . there are many people in this world with "labels" who are also targets - who aren't as visible.  I have been in the waitress's position many times.  I have "sliced myself" over people's hurtful comments.  That's exactly why I say it isn't worth internalizing other people crap.  There are other more constructive ways to deal with discrimination.  I'm sure this person did receive national exposure for defending gay rights . . . I'll bet she went about it the right way too. I'm thinking she didn't create a scene in doing so.  Maybe I'm wrong . . . if so I apologize for offending you.  That was not my intention. 

It does not do any good to line people up and shoot them because they don't agree with us . . . or even because they hurt us.  I do believe in gay rights.  I believe that everyone should be respected and treated fairly.  Of course we need to defend ourselves.  That's not the same as going on a crazy crusade to force our beliefs on others.  It won't work.  It's been done before.  I know what the outcome would have been if the waitress had gone off on that customer.  She definitely wouldn't have gotten an apology and probably wouldn't have gotten paid either.  It could have gone too far . . . she would have ended up proven the bigots are correct in their warped thinking.  That would only give them even more power to discriminate against the gay community.  There are right ways to make change in the world and then there are other ways . . . IMHO
 

I agree with you.  It sucks.  It isn't right.  It does hurt.  We've all got crap that bothers us.  I've definitely got a few red buttons.  People have been pushing mine like crazy over the past few months.  Everyone has the these buttons.  Reacting to people's negative and hurtful comments (in the moment) only makes you feel worse.  It's like telling the offender that they are right in what the said.  "Yup.  You're right.  I agree with you.  You can tell by my reaction.  What you said obviously bother me.  It's just like giving your power away to the person.  People usually say crap like that, because they are looking for that kind of reaction.  It makes you look bad and it discredits your character.  And kind frankly . . . you've got to learn to deal with in a positive way . . because there are always going to be people like that who want to to push your buttons.

Trollolololol go find another site to scrounge on.

Sorry but I call bullshit on that one. I've never worked as a server but I know people who have worked as a server. They take a lot of crap whether it's dealing with a bunch drunk college kids who know aren't going to tip yet snap their fingers at you (because they are poor too.), to screaming kids, people hitting on you, and to the all around asshole. My friends who are servers now say it's part of the job and take it with a grain of salt. But this is out of hand. 

We, as servers, take A LOT if shit and get paid to keep our mouths shut. This woman picked on someone who she KNEW wasn't allowed to defend herself. That's a low blow. Dayna wasn't picketing for her rights in front of the table she just looked a certain way and the dumbass assumed. What if she hadn't been lesbian? Tips should have nothing to do with anything besides food and service. The bitch should've left the tip blank instead of hurling the insult on top.

This woman makes me sick to my stomach (and I have a huge stomach). To stiff a person just based on sexual orientation is absolutely despicable. Chances are pretty good she pretends to be a "Christian". Well I have something Christ did say, "Love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31. " For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." Matthew 25 :35-36. Way to make Christ look worst.

She was just looking for an excuse to be a cheap bitch.  Semper fi!!

I was a server for over ten years. Its work, long hours and takes an extreme amount of patience. It is sad to see that ignorance like that still exist. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I have have fought for gay right my whole life. I myself am not gay but I have a couple gay family members and friends. It breaks my heart when they are treated unfairly. This needs to stop!! Your personal life has nothing to do with the service you gave them and this country. I comend you for the way u hhandled yourself and with such class. Class is something this lady obviously lacked. I pray that my daughter will see the day when this type of discrimination no longer happens. We should be free to love and be loved no matter what form, man and man, woman and woman or man and woman what is iimportant is to love and be loved in return.

Just wondering... but don't you normally give the check to someone AFTER they eat? just kinda wondering how you'd form a time warp after being pissed off to jump backwards through time space to spit in their food? also a pizza delivery on average costs about 30 dollars... times that by 10 trips and that is over 300 bucks.. no imagine getting no tips (it happens)

She was pissed about the comment that the lady made when she introduced herself.

The mom opened with an insult, so something tells me she wasn't the most pleasant customer to serve.

hey sister, im a fellow marine as well, and u did good not to stoop to her level, i have dealth with many ignorants as well, all though im straight, but u did my heart good, by acting the way a marine a marine would act in front of infants, trust me i know u would have gone off on her if she wasnt with her children u would have thrown knife hands left and right, im glad the corp still lives in u, and trust me it might take time but im sure one day we will live in peace as the way we choose our lives just like God intended from the beging, i wish u the best god bless, got speed and semper fi.

"Thrown knife hands"???  Let me see if I have this right....its ok for the LBGT to shove their ideals down my throat and force me and my family to accept them....but God forbid I stand up for what I believe in, speak up,and choose not to accept them......I am the bad person! It seems to me there is a double standard here, you all can preach and lecture to me but no one else can to you.

Existing is not shoving anything at you and not accepting others who are not harming you is not okay. If you dislike people for being gay then yes you are a bad person. You are the same as a Klansman only to a much lesser extent.

Woah Otto show me where I have to "accept" others? Never said anything about "not liking" a person; but I do not accept their lifestyle...very different "do not condemn the person, condemn the act". Hey for shits and grins lets take religion out of the equation since the mere mention of God has become so offensive to people these days. For argument sake lets approach it from a scientific angle, anatomically speaking does a lock and a lock or a key and a key fit?

The waitress did not preach and lecture or shove her lifestyle down their throats, she did her job and served them almost $100 of food and was not given a tip because they assumed she was gay. The note left on the bill outright implies that they would have tipped if she hadn't been perceived as gay. So yes the customer is a bad person. She did not leave a tip, she had no proof that the waitress was gay or not, she assumed. I know many androgynous people, they are not all gay. Would it have been ok to not leave a tip if the waitress had turned out to be straight and just happened to be a masculine looking female? No of course not. What the sexual orientation of your server has to do with tipping I do not know. The only question should be, was the service good? If so leave a damn tip and keep your assumptions to yourself.

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