Grindr User Can't Handle Rejection, Responds w/ Racism

An Imgur user highlights a pretty egregious example of an individual's inability to accept rejection on Grindr, plus their knee-jerk response which is to jump right into racist and xenophobic rhetoric. 

Do better, guys. 

How typical is this type of behavior?

Pro-tip: if you can't handle rejection or not being everyone's type, maybe don't use hook-up apps?

 

(H/T: Reddit)

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I just hate that everyone is so ready to pass the buck. Like when did it become a bad thing to examine yourself, and find out why you feel the way you do. "It's a preference, and I have no choice," is a major cop-out. Quit being so freaking surface leveled and vapid. Figure out why you are the way you are, and own it.  There is a reason why people see skin color as a barrier. It's by design. And whether intentional or not, everything we do on a daily basis, every add we see, every TV show, every call to diversify affects it. Or just go back to treating the traits of one race...(there's really no such thing due to variation) as something they did wrong, and not something you've LEARNED to dislike. EYEROLL. 

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It's clear who on this thread has used similar discriminatory tactics to weed out men of color from contacting them on Grindr and the likes and now feel butt hurt for being called out on their racist ways. A few of these comments are just plan racist themselves and do nothing to dispel the notion of racism in the gay community. When you put a comment on your profile that says "white guys only" or "no blacks" or any other discriminatory statement barring particular ethnicity groups from even commenting that's clear racism. Preference is not innate because race and ethnicity are man made ideologies not biological factors like gender. You attraction to only one race has nothing to do with science and more to do with your upbringing and social viewpoints. What's the reason you can disregard every gay man on earth except white guys, without knowing everyone of those guys. How can you automatically assume without even looking at a person that your not attracted solely because of there skin color? "Because of my preference" more like because I view any skin color opposite of mine to be less than or ugly and not worthy of my affection, that's what your preference means. And for those trying to compare race to other physical attributes try again, although I do think you limit your sexual experiences when put such limits to your sexual partner, saying no hairy guys will never invoke the same emotional/political/social response as "whites only"

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But in context to dating site wouldn't it make sense to state who you want to date. Look i get your point, but then we must freak out if someone says "no fats" or "no fems" hell both was on my profile when i was on Grindr. Its not racially driven I just don't find black men attractive. They are beutiful people, but i can not see myself a black man. Its preferential. We have very little in common we don't come from the same upbringing, we don't like the same foods, sports, tv shows etc etc. There is too little in common to even consider a relationship. I just don't know man. There are two sides to a coin. 

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I was with you until the end. Did you grow up in Mars? If not then your upbring is not as unique as you think. There are rich, boogie black folks, on down to swamp dwelling, alligator catching black hicks in the south. I'm sure you fall somewhere in there. You don't like the blacks, fine. You don't want to date them, step aside. But please stop attributing it to anything other than your unwillingness to to step outside of the walls of your upbringing. 

I appreciate that you're like "it's me, not you." But go ahead and unpack that and let it be about you. Not "we don't like the same stuff." And more "I'm unwilling to consider that black people are just as varied as people of my race, and I'm fine with that." That is worth respecting. Imo. 

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I'm actually south African... But you are entitled to your opinion I guess. Was just giving mine. 

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I'm glad you did. reguardless of geography, I doubt there aren't brown colored folks with whom you can't relate.  If you're unwilling to try, again that's fine, and your right. I just think it makes the world a much more informed, and pleasant place to live if we look at self first, second, third, look outward, and then look at self again. 

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To add here in SA we have 12 official languages. 14 different cultural "people". Xhosa and Zulu people will say they are different. English and Afrikaans people say they are different. There are cultural differences beyond what you understand as black and white that plays a role here. Hindi vs Tamil, Xhose vs Zulu vs Venda etc etc. 

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Even more to my point. With all that diversity, you honestly believe there isn't one brown person who shares your TV, food, or music preferences? Oh and who also speaks one of the languages you speak? Ps we have all those people here in ny too. 

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I have many black/Indians/coloured friend.  I simply state that I'm sexually attracted to them. Sexual attraction is a physical thing. No one has ever met someone and said "oh your personality is so sexy " it's a physical attraction. 

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You can have friends of color and still have unpackaged issues with race. I speak from experience. You've made it up in your mind whether intentional or unintentional, that while these people can share your company, they will not share your bed. You've stated its preference, which implies choice. On that we agree. The details are the devil tho. Where I took exception with your OP was that it had nothing to do with those people of color, and everything to do with you. It's not a "We" it's an "I." And "I" just think that's important. I mean scan down this thread. It's tons of people claiming phantom ignorance and helplessness to their race issues. "it's not my fault I don't like brown people. I'm sure they are lovely. But their noses and lips don't make me hot." It's as if there is something wrong with their noses and lips.  No the problem is in the unpackaged reception to those traits.  It's your issue (I use your as the majority here.) and it's up to you to either unpack it or not. But it has nothing to do with the people of color. 

Also, plenty of people find personality sexy. There are plenty of people who can look beyond the physical. the converse is talking to a hot guy and finding out he's awful and being turned off. It absolutely can work both ways. 

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So agree to disagree in part. I get what you say. Here it is just slightly different. Culturally, language so many different factors that come into play. Like i said black people are beautiful i don't dispute that I am just not sexually attracted to them. Hell I don't even like our English men. Does that make me Xenophobic? Or what-ever-phobic that is? I am engaged to an Afrikaans man like i am an Afrikaans man. Our cultural background is the same, we like the same things, we have the same views in life. On your other comment have you in NYC walked into an Afrikaner or Xhosa or Zulu or Venda or Tswane? You do not comprehend the vast differences we have here. 

The Zulus watch movango and soccer, Xhosa generations and soccer English Premier soccer Afrikaners 7de laan rugby and cricket. We have such big differences that as a unit i will not work. 

Power to you if you could be with a black man I have no problem with it. In the simplest of terms I would take a black person to my bed I won't get a hard on. I can't make it work. Simplest way i can put it. 

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I haven't been to SA. But I live in NYC one of the cultural Mecca's of the world. I think I can grasp the concept of vastly different cultures inhabiting the same space.  

i have a hard time accepting that there are no Zulus alive that watch and have an interest in cricket etc etc. at the end of the day, you are all watching sports. And sharing something new with a significant other is often considered a plus. But cool I get it. It seems you believe that cultural as well as skin color differences make you incompatible. I respect that you can own that. I can especially respect that last statement. It's all about you. And that's all I was getting at.  Good chatting ith you. 

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let me ask you "preference folks" a question.  Imagine that you're on a deserted island with no chance of leaving and the only other men there are of the race you say you don't prefer. What happens? Be honest. 

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We would be good friends but never lovers.

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Oh how I wish we had time for the experiment. 

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Putting a picture of your face and your info on your profile will prevent all this from happening ... ; )

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We have no control over who we are attracted to but that replay was classless

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Look... I'm not attracted to any other rave than white guys.  It's a preference not a racial problem.  I can't fain attraction.  Done and dusted. The way this guy handled it is slightly  wrong but it's grindr that place is full of filth 

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Guys judge on apperance, guys look different in person then their pictures, he handled it out of rejection and hurt, always assume they wont like you, has to be somewhat of an attraction,how you get that from a picture, which is lust, but knowing who a person is is better, he did the guy a favor he is shallow, all those pretty boys age , and dont have the inner workings of being decent  and kind end up bitter and sarcastic we have all seen it, but he was up front, accept move on, dont use such silly apps.

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I thought getting the reply "you're too ugly too have friends" was bad enough!

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To say that each race doesn't have their specific physical characteristics that make them beautiful in their own way, is condescending. This doesn't have to do with oppression, fear or discomfort of other races, but that the physical characteristics usual to those specific races aren't ones you find attractive. The fact that you're judging someone else for who they want to sleep with, when it has absolutely nothing to do with you, puts you in the same mentality of homophobes. And with a judgmental condescending personality like yours, it doesn't matter what race you are, you're ugly to me.

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Questioning someone's behavior on GRINDR.   LOLOL.   

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I dont date fat people or overly hirsute or thuggish.

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OMG racists on Grindr!?!  Racists in the LGBT community!?! ''Mos please - they walk amongst us - always have. And just to clarify: excluding someone from your bed simply based on his race or ethnicity is RACIST. "Preference" is like saying you're "alt-right" - nothing biological about preference, it's all ideological. 

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I 100% agree, call a spade a spade and guys please stop hiding behind this surface comment. I don't care if ur a blk man that only prefers white. Blah, blah something is off with that assessment. Ur not digging deeper but hey it's Grinder most guys on that app are not that deep. LOL

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This became racist the moment he assumed that the other guy was undocumented merely because of the way he looks. It doesn't have anything to do with feeling - or not being attracted to a race.

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Incorrect.. if you aren't attracted to a person because of their ethnicity, it isn't racist. When you are racist you HATE other races. Just because you are t attracted to a particular race doesn't mean you hate that person. So you aren't correct either in your "analysis" 

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Wrong. Racism covers more territory than just hate: fear, discomfort, avoidance, separatism, isolation, and the like. If you aren't attracted to some solely because of his race and ethnicity - that is racism. Preference is a lie that racists use to hid behind. Nothing biological or fixed about preference ... so stop kidding yourself. 

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So if you're not into hairy guys you're discriminating against bears? If you aren't into guys that bald or having thinning hair you're discriminating against The follicle he challenged? So you are fully able to control exactly what you find attract in a person? The statement I'm not attracted to black men is stupid considering the one saying it most likely hasn't seen every black man thus how could you truly know that. Even saying generally I'm not attracted to Asian men is iffy because why rule anyone one out simply because you thus far have been attracted to someone in said racial or ethnic group. Doing so you're essentially handicapping your ability to find happiness. However it doesn't make the person racist. At the most it makes someone a bigot and even then there'd need to be other contributing factors. Racism or being racist is the belief that the color of your skin plays a part in your value. I was born with purple skin so that makes me better than someone who was with a different hue. Thinking that someone automatically inferior because they are of a race that person considered less than. What someone is attracted to in another person is not a product of choice. While i think there is a genetic aspect to sexual attraction and although I could debate the merits of it since I don't have solid facts to back it up so I'll simply say that at the very least physical attraction to another human being far more about environment than choice. Where you grew up, what you may or may not have been exposed to. The attitudes towards other of the people in your life. Being racist is choice. Who you're attracted to isn't. If thus far in my life I have not been attracted to a white guy does that make me a racist?

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Definition of Racism:

1:  a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race

2a :  a doctrine or political program based on the assumption of racism and designed to execute its principles

  b :  a political or social system founded on racism

3:  racial prejudice or discrimination

I see no mention that desired traits for partnership equate to racism. If I prefer a skinner guy does that make me a bulkist? If I prefer younger guys does that make me ageist? If I prefer clean shaven guys does that make me a scruffist? No, it doesn't, I have the right to have a preference. Let's stop finding reasons to get offended and let's start working together for a larger cause in our gay world.

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This became racist the moment he assumed that the other guy was undocumented merely because of the way he looks. It doesn't have anything to do with feeling - or not being attracted to a race.

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I think you missed the part where he says "lol ok go get deported". 

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if you don't like somebody you have a better option to reject which is BLOCK that person.

you think you are polite by responding and reject? that is not polite, that is condescending

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Clearly you're someone who can't take rejection well. If anything it's rude to block someone instead of being a man, or just a honest, decedent person, and letting the guy know: "I'm sorry but not interested." Condescending would be replying with, "why would I be interested in you." 

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So if someone walks up to me at a gay bar and says hi in a bar, the proper etiquette in your opinion is it just turn around and walk away?

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I've had where I told someone I wasn't interested, because I'm not sexually attracted to black men (have nothing against them whatsoever, just not my type) and the next thing I know I was called a racist!  WTF??

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Not being attracted to a black man who contacts you is not racist. 

Saying you're not attracted to black men clearly indicates one of two things: 

(1) You think all black men look so similar and so alike that you can automatically know that you won't be attracted to them just by knowing their race or,

(2) You aren't attracted to them because of their skin color. 

So, you're not attracted to them because you think they all look alike or you don't like black skin. Either way, that's racist. 

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Man, you nailed that.

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So retarded. Incredible. '(2) You aren't attracted to them because of their skin color. ' doesnt make you racist. It makes you NOT LIKE THEIR SKIN COLOR. Which doesnt equate that you think they are inferior, or that they should be treated differently. So fucking idiotic. 

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AHAHAHA. You've literally capitalized the very definition in your sassy response.  Big dummy

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Nailed it! Thank you.

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man, this is brilliant! you couldn't say it better!!!!

you have the right to like or not like whoever you want, but by saying you are not attracted to a certain group of people makes you someone who do discrimante based on a specific characterist

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So if you are not sexually attracted to women, does that make you sexist?

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That is the weakest analogy ever.  Not even in the same astral plane, man.

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Actually it's pretty much the same thing. It's implying sexual attraction is a choice. Whether it's being sexually attracted to men or woman, African American or Asian, chubby guys or body builders the fact is it's not a choice. Do you chose to be attracted to the men that you are? Did you consciously one day create a checklist of what you would find attractive in people? Do you wake up each day and amend that list? Racism is about believing your skin color or genetics make you better than someone who doesn't come from the same ethnic group. I no more chose to be attracted to my husband who's black than I did to be gay. The idiotic statement "I'm not attracted to black guys" makes you stupid at best and a bigot at worst. Bigotry and racism are not the same thing.

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No, it makes you gay. You are neither witty nor clever ;) 

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Well done! 

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