The Dangers of Being Body Beautiful

 

As a contemporary gay man, there are rarely any occasions to be jealous of the heterosexual male. Being of the queer persuasion typically allows for less fuss over who we are supposed to be in society and more celebration of who we truly are as individuals. As the counter-culture to mainstream society, we are usually not subjected the norms that tend to burden the hetero population into believing that they should be something that they are not.

But as the image of the ideal gay man continues to be branded in modern media, there may just be a reason for gay men to envy their heterosexual peers. Straight guys don’t have an unrealistic expectation of looking like an underwear model, gay men do.

Whether you are a gay man killing yourself to be a centerfold or you are bitching about how all gay men shouldn’t have to be, its irrefutable that there is an unrealistic expectation of what gay guys should look like. And as our muscles get bigger and our hairlines get fuller, our self-image continues to shrink and shrink.

The obsession with the perfect body has created an unhealthy displacement of values that can have long lasting negative effects on impressionable gay youth. In urban gyms across America, young gays with bloated muscles, bulging veins and waterless waists walk around as if they are gods among mere mortals. The scrawny boys nearly break their bones on the bench press and the overweight men sweat in anger while these model specimens prance around in barely anything and rub it in. This is a sad scene to watch, especially since the most muscled of these young gays are most likely the unhealthiest of all.

According to a new study in the Journal of Pediatrics, gay and bisexual men are more than five times more likely to use anabolic-androgenic steroids. The study also reported that steroid use is related to body image issues over the need for athletic performance enhancement. There is a clear disparity among homo and hetero males in the way they seek affirmation of their physical selves, even if it was to the detriment of their own physical and psychological health.

The worst kept secret among the fitness elite is that it is nearly impossible to look like a superhero without the use of pharmaceutical help. Whether it is extreme as underground steroids or as legal as prescribed hormones, the truth is that men do not naturally look like they have rocks under their skin. Even the abuse of over-the-counter supplements such as pre-workout supplements like Jack3d and estrogen blockers can pose serious threats to your health as you begin to sculpt and tone.

It doesn’t matter whether you have had them prescribed or not, the abuse of testosterone therapies and hormone boosters can have severe health side effects all for the sake of the perfect abs and bigger lifts.

And the abuse doesn’t stop there. Many of the body beautiful that I know personally opt for illegal forms of inebriation in lieu of high calorie cocktails.  Party drugs such as GHB, ketamine and molly are popular among these muscle bunnies because they can dance the night away without worrying about any extra bloating the next day.

But pointing out the glaring hypocrisy of drug use to these chemical hard bodies only encourages their superiority complex. Many juicers believe that those who question steroid use simply don’t understand how to control it properly and are foolish about the reality of our bodies. Most serious users consider themselves dime store doctors. They may not have gone to medical school (or even passed biology), but they often claim to know more about the body than you ever will.

Just last week, my friend Jerry (not his real name) told me the story of how his friend returned from a trip they had taken together feeling slightly under the weather. He was seemingly healthy, extremely handsome and the epitome of jacked. He had come down with the flu, but with his fit appearance and young age, there was no need to be scared. However, only days later, the young man had passed away. According to Jerry, his friend’s heart had been weakened by steroid use and was not strong enough to withstand the virus. This was the second death of this nature among Jerry’s friends. Although these men may have looked impenetrable from the outside, the use and abuse of anabolic agents had weakened the strength that really matters; the strength of their organs.

Our distorted idea of sexy is actually an image that encourages unhealthy behaviors for the sake of vanity. Too many young men who are functioning with perfectly healthy bodies are willingly compromising their liver, kidneys and heart among other body parts for the gratification of the swimsuit elite. So how do we breakthrough the perception of physical health to show the reality of harming our bodies for the sake of beauty?

The tendency for our gay male youth to self-objectify in order to achieve love and acceptance among their peers is a massive set back for the gay rights movement. We cannot allow young gay men to see the position of an underwear model or porn star equal to or above a position that values intellect and effects positive change for our community and our nation.

It is crucial that we learn the difference between being healthy and looking like a poster child for protein shakes. There is nothing wrong with striving to improve your external image, but not if its at the detriment to your internal organs. In order for gay men to flourish, we must teach our youth to value health, intellect and individualism over our ability to stop traffic in a tank top.

 

Comments

as a realted side note, several studies have shown that gay men have the same rates of eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia as heterosexual women do.

Ha ha ha ... great observation!!!

That is all.

This article has gotten so much attention.  Which is kind of interesting.  Instinct magazine is not the most serious publication generally.  Most of the articles are about which celebrities were photographed without shirts, or what fire station, or athletes made a naked calendar.  But they do also post some interesting articles about LGBT issues, rights & politics etc.  Things that we need to know, because they effect us & people like us.  I love how Instinct reels us in with shirtless celebs & then tries to educate us on more important issues.  I feel like we should pay attention to those more serious articles.

It puzzles me that this particular article has stirred up so much debate.  It's clearly a hot button topic for a lot people, but why?  I mean, why does this kind of article, that essentially addresses vanity & insecurity in Western gay culture, get so much more attention than articles about the atrocities against gay teens in Russia, who are being lured to fake dates, only to be beaten, humiliated & outed, or about the gay men in Nigeria, who were dragged out of their home & forced to have sex in the street while their neighbors filmed them & posted the clips, or the draconian laws being passed in Uganda that makes some homosexual acts punishable by life imprisonment, or the passing of a bill in Kansas that states that businesses can refuse services to gay couples because of religious beliefs?

Do people choose to look away from these terrible stories?  Is it because these things are too much to handle?  Is it easier to ignore other people's struggles & just focus on our looks?

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look good & feel good about yourself.  Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, as long as you are healthy about it.  Knock yourself out, but I do think that, in general, we all need to look a little further than the mirror to truly feel good about ourselves.  We have to pay attention to others who are less fortunate & we have to stand up & speak up against inequality & discrimination, at home & globally.

We can't just turn a blind eye when LGBT people are being victimized.  Take it personally.  It is personal.  Say something.  Spread the word.  Work towards complete & total equality.  Show that you care.

It's not someone else's job to change things.  It's our job.

Work out, don't work out, whatever works for you, but know that you are already beautiful & worthy.  Share that message with someone else that needs to hear it.

Well said!!! :-)

Wanting to look great is not just a gay thing. All persons want it, but not everyone will admit they would like to have a body that looks more like what Hollywood and the rest of the media promote. They may try to convince themselves that looks are not important, but deep down inside, they don't really believe that. Their behavior is a giveaway. Maybe not everyone really 'needs' to have a great body, but physical attractiveness can bring about affection or love. Everyone does yearn for love, even secretly. To receive affection is a human need and nobody is exempt. The implication that hot people get more lovin' is everywhere to be felt. Falling into the 'looks' trap is way too easy nowadays.

Many men within the gay community support and embody this culture of obsessing over the body. With an addiction to a gym-ready body, of ripped abs and muscled arms – as well as a tendency for either hairlessness or manicured hair, as one suggests an uncontrolled masculinity (hair runs free) whereas the other is a controlled masculinity (we control the hair) – and a glowing tan, they inadvertently feed narcissism in themselves and in other gay men. Sometimes gym memberships are disguised by some as pursuits for ‘lifestyle’ and ‘well being’. Me, being more of a cynic than a personal trainer, would say that these claims cloud more of a pursuit of vanity in our image-addicted culture. These experiences have made me see a cult of narcissism in many gay men – friends, foes, fuck-buddies, and even in myself. What I would say is that the gym has caused more gay men to go to the gym because of some level of self-loathing than pure fitness. Magazines, advertising, and pornography do not prioritise the intelligence of the gay male – they appeal to our most carnal desires. Bitch, before you blast Britney and begin the bike machine, make sure you look in those gym mirrors closely and ask, without Abercrombie, "washboard abs" fancy car and pink pride-shirt .... "who am I?"

If the shoe fits, wear it!

"Whether it is extreme as underground steroids or as legal as prescribed hormones, the truth is that men do not naturally look like they have rocks under their skin.".... This is where this article lost all its credibility. The implication that the only way to get 'fit' is either by taking steroids or else, hormones is simply ridiculous.  It's also an insult to the vast majority of people who try to be healthy, and disciplined about what they eat, and who stay fit without taking any harmful substances. By so generalising, this article gives those who might benefit from exercise an excuse to give up before they have even started: 'See I knew it they are all a bunch of drug-takers and I want nothing to do with that!'.  Ideally, with a good fitness programme, looking good and being healthy go hand in hand.  Everyone sensible person knows that this is not necessarily the case.  Yes the gay community has its issues with attaching too much importance to looks but this article with its ridiculous premise and generalisations does nothing to address these.

You've got to see Tyler Curry's Facebook page what a narcissist!!!!

I'm all for doing whatever you feel makes you happy but just one look at his pics on FB and he is definitely not practicing what he preaches !!! 

Dude you need more therapy and less lip injections !

There are plenty of ways to naturally, and safely, remain hormonally and nutritionally-sound, and in shape physically, without using anabolic steroids, dangerous drugs or unhealthy supplements. 

I have a whole practice full of patients whom you would define as body beautiful, and who do not use any of the things listed in this article.   Instead they have a commitment to personal health, great eating habits, and exercise.  I would call these people healthy, high-functioning, and well-balanced. 

I do agree with this article that many gay men have an unrealistic expectation of what is sexy.  But I also see this same expectation in plenty of straight men, and straight women for that matter.  This is further propagated by the endless images of perfection present in all forms of media. 

I prefer not to judge OR generalize.  Unfortunately obsession with looks is often just one of many possible expressions of insecurity.  As a doctor I would rather see someone be addicted to exercise than addicted to recreational drugs or unhealthy foods.   

However, there are plenty of body-beautiful people who are not this way because of obsession, addiction, or unrealistic expectations.  They might simply have a personal commitment to fitness and health.  I believe these are people that might be worth looking up to in many respects. 

How deliciously ironic, in a sentence about valuing intellect over biceps, to find this glaring error in usage at the end of the penultimate paragraph: "a position that values intellect and affects (sic) positive change for our community..."   Surely I'm not the only person left on the planet who cares?  Bench press away, gym bunnies, and leave effecting change to those whose brains aren't eaten away by steroids.  

Effect is a noun, affect is a verb. That's a big brain you got there.

Yikes... Effect is used as a verb when you use it to mean "to bring about." You don't affect change, you effect change. (that's embarrassing) 

I find many gay men are fake, superficial, self-absorbed and forced, physically.

Everything is about image and sex, sex and more sex.

Ugly personality can ruin a pretty face.

And most of them end up having HIV and AIDS.

Sad world we live in, bitches.

I certainly don't "hate you because [you] have nice bodies."  I may be a little envious, but I certainly don't hate you for it.  I hate you because you're a shallow, self-involved, arrogant douchebag.

ROFLMFAO

Here you go, ManHot.  Happy Valentine's Day.  

Great article.

Steroid use and bodybuilding supplements are related to cancer, leukemia, kidneys failure, liver damage, circulatory or heart disease. What’s more, supplement manufacturers can make claims without solid scientific evidence behind them. In fact, the evidence of effectiveness for most supplements is nonexistent. It is all about marketing and unregulated chemical and artificial hormones.

Plus, recreational drugs for clubbing such as meth, Ecstacy and cocaine could lead to irreparable damage to serotonin neurotransmitters for gay men. Since serotonin levels affect learning, sleep and emotional processes, such damage can leave users severely impaired. Without proper functioning of the neurotransmitters, conditions such as severe depression, anxiety and memory loss are much more likely to occur in your 40s.

In a study using monkeys, exposure to Ecstasy for four days caused brain damage to serotonin nerve terminals that could still be seen up to seven years later, providing evidence that people who take Ecstasy may be risking permanent brain damage. Researches believe the brain damage occurs because the drug, like methamphetamine, causes a degeneration of neurons containing the neurotransmitter dopamine. Damage to these neurons causes the motor disturbances seen in Parkinson's disease, beginning with a lack of coordination and uncontrollable tremors, which can progress to a form of paralysis.

If you are a clubber/raver, go to the gym 3-5 times a week, take steroids, supplements, pills and drugs during the weekend .....please stop now. 

IT IS A TIME-BOMB !

I am an MD, and I will tell you that it is completely IMPOSSIBLE for an autopsy to occur, discover an enlarged heart, and say "see, an enlarged heart from STEROID ABUSE".

There are many reasons people get enlarged hearts, and the person performing the autopsy will NEVER conclude why a heart is enlarged.  

Even if the person is a steroid user, statistics show that enlarged hearts are most often a genetic deformity.  If not that, weight training can cause an enlarged heart... then steroid use.

It is completely irresponsible and total fear mongering to make a bold claim like that.  This article should be pulled because there is no other way to call this but a total outright lie.

if no one has figured it out yet, this author is an idiot. and this magazine is for sheep.

This is a very interesting article, and brings attention to the insecurity about gay male appearance and grooming. I agree that many young gay men are infatuated with the male physique, and will do almost anything to improve and achieve it, at almost any cost. I noticed that in the late 1980's, gay men became especially interested in muscle building and toning themselves up. Men that were not all that classically attractive, decided to over compensate on their physique, thereby, making their own egos suddenly feel better. Some large percentage of gay men are so insecure that they became also very superficial, and concerned only with their outward appearance, just like some woman. They are so insecure about themselves, that they believe that if their face and body is beautiful and attractive, they will be admired and find love (or a lover), or at minimum, sex. If they can not successfully become beautiful at the gym, they will go to a surgeon to do what they desire and have them self permanently physically altered. We are a culture of beauty, whether real or fake. However, not all gay men are that insecure, thank G-d. Any way, I feel that this particular culture of gay men has grown over the years, and now is acceptable and part of the gay reality. On the flip side though, there have been many famous people coming out into a more accepting world, which may help the gay culture of today realize that they don't need to be insecure anymore. They can be whomever they are, and it is ok. I hope that this new reality effects gay men so they do not feel they have to over compensate anymore, and that what they are is just fine as they are and perfection is way over rated.

This is a very interesting article, and brings attention to the insecurity about gay male appearance and grooming. I agree that many young gay men are infatuated with the male physique, and will do almost anything to improve and achieve it, at almost any cost. I noticed that in the late 1980's, gay men became especially interested in muscle building and toning themselves up. Men that were not all that classically attractive, decided to over compensate on their physique, thereby, making their own egos suddenly feel better. Some large percentage of gay men are so insecure that they became also very superficial, and concerned only with their outward appearance, just like some woman. They are so insecure about themselves, that they believe that if their face and body is beautiful and attractive, they will be admired and find love (or a lover), or at minimum, sex. If they can not successfully become beautiful at the gym, they will go to a surgeon to do what they desire and have themself permanently physically altered. We are a culture of beauty, whether real or fake. However, not all gay men are that insecure, thank G-d. Any way, I feel that this particular culture of gay men has grown over the years, and now is acceptable and part of the gay reality. On the flip side though, there have been many famous people coming out into a more accepting world, which may help the gay culture of today realize that they don't need to be insecure anymore. They can be whomever they are, and it is ok. I hope that this new reality effects gay men so they do not feel they have to over compensate anymore, and that what they are is ok.

The images in advertising aimed at gay men & in gay media are all but exclusively representing "male beauty" as these chiseled, worked out, built, younger men.  These guys do look amazing.  The work & commitment that must go into their bodies, regardless of what supplements, or steroids/drugs they are taking is commendable, but I do think these images perpetuate the idea that we are ONLY worthy, or attractive, or even acceptable if we look like these "gym bunnies".  We have become like the teenage girls who starve themselves to look like models & actresses, or spend huge amounts of money on hair & makeup & even plastic surgery just to be accepted, or to feel worthy as women.  It's as if we don't matter unless we can achieve that kind of physical perfection. 

In this era of the headless torsos on Grindr it is relatively easy for any gay man to find quick meaningless sex with a body.  The fact that there is a head attached is almost circumstantial.  (Does it have to talk?)  Aren't we a little deeper than that though?  Isn't it better to make a connection with someone that you're sleeping with?

In a lot of places it's good to be gay right now.  Great strides are being made for equality & we are more & more understood & accepted by more & more people (even though the backlash in some areas & countries is often quite disturbing).  I feel like we need to work on accepting ourselves, as we are.  Fitness is good.  We all feel better if we eat better & get exercise, but maybe we don't have to look like carbon copies of each other with giant pecs & bulging veiny arms & legs (not that there's anything wrong with that).

We should be pursuing happiness above physical perfection.  We should value ourselves for who we are & the relationships & achievements in our lives, not for our 6 packs.

We are all beautiful & loveable, we just need to see it in ourselves.

Just be you.  Everyone else is taken.
 

Am I the only one who read the article as an 'anti-steroid' piece?  Plenty of people live healthy and fit lifestyles, but do so naturally without pharmaceuticals assisting them.  

Theres nothing wrong to looking healthy and FIT!

THESE numbers are AN AVERAGE....100lbs for the first five feet and five lbs for every inch after. I'm five nine I should weigh 145. I'm at 138 now but was 143 before my mom passed away last Oct. It's been trying but, I'm OK.

So basically Tyler is saying "don't try to adhere to a body-beautiful standard that is unattainable" but then posts the most narcissistic photo of himself to say "I'm better than you." Disgusting.

I hadn't noticed, that's such bull. All that is missing is a link to his instagram so he can gather more likes for his shirtless pics. Really not cool.

LeNair Xavier's picture

What I find most dangerous is the hypocrisy of Instinct Magazine to post this article while they themselves promote this obsession.

Yup!

Well said mate 

True but, I feel that gay men should look better physically than heteros.

I like straight men body....more natural  and sexier than muscle Marrys.

 

I agree that gays need to be better looking than straits, this way we win!

Why?  What a stupid comment, Robaire.

Gay men should seek to be happy - no more, no less.

needing to "win" over straights simply promotes the inequality we claim we want to correct, robaire.  if you really feel that I'd suggest you examine the source of your deep seated sense of inadequacy and the entitlement you use to cover it up.

I find it odd that the author of this article would have a photo of himself with chiseled abs and the perfect chest, in the shower.  Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange and counter productive to the content of this article? I however agree with some things in the article, I am gay and I work in the gym industry there are lots of "dime store doctors" who think that they know everything about steroids and their effects on the human body.  I also find on the reverse side that the layman say things like "According to Jerry, his friend’s heart had been weakened by steroid use and was not strong enough to withstand the virus."  Maybe there was an autopsy to prove this but I doubt it.  People say things like this all the time with absolutely know proof, it could be true it could not be true.  If it were true there would be gay men in West Hollywood dropping dead right in the middle of Gold's Gym everyday, football players, wrestlers, baseball players, bodybuilders would all be succumbing to minor viruses and infections everyday but they are not.  Anyway, I digress from the topic.....the pic is weird right?

nick91604's picture

I find it odd that the author of this article would have a photo of himself with chiseled abs and the perfect chest, in the shower.  Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange and counter productive to the content of this article?

I thought the same thing: the image of himself naked in the shower conveys a message in complete contradiction to the message conveyed in the op-ed.

I admire Tyler Curry for coming out as HIV+ and giving a voice for positive men in the gay male community who are outcast, but my general feeling about this op-ed is there's an undercurrent of narcissism. And possibly an undercurrent of deep insecurity, as well.

It was definitely not a good choice on the author's part. Completely undermines his argument. He's basically saying "look how amazingly hot I am, my body is so perfect people take pictures of me in the shower, oh but guys ​don't feel bad about not being as hot as me, what matters is on the inside" .

Totally.

This is the most ridiculous piece of writing I have ever seen. The author completely negates his entire argument by placing himself naked ( obviously jacked). What a complete moron. You're simply adding to the stereotype, or mayhap just adding to your narcissistic book of Shadows. Dallas is tired of reading your shit.

nick91604's picture

Also, how much airbrushing & photoshop was used in that shower pic??

It was definitely not a good choice on the author's part. Completely undermines his argument. He's basically saying "look how amazingly hot I am, my body is so perfect people take pictures of me in the shower, oh but guys ​don't feel bad about not being as hot as me, what matters is on the inside" .

As a gay man for the last 46 years soon to turn 70, I envy the magnificent bodies but I also know the pitfalls.  I have stayed in good shape since my days as a young Sergeant in the Military.  When I came out at age 24, gay men were not focused on 8% body fat muscle boys with 10"  shlongs.  If you were cute, someone wanted to bed down with you.  Today's gay narcissism (among some) has gone over the edge and has reached unhealthy levels.  I have been committed to fitness since age 20, but I accepted long ago I'd never have the cover mag model body.  Even without supplements, many "super bods" work out endless hours; and I do mean endless.  And then there are the men who have been blessed with perfect genes.  I knew one like that while serving in the US MIL.  He was gorgeous; drop dead gorgeous with a perfect body.  He NEVER worked out.  But, at the time I was in gay denial and he would not have been into what I eventually learned about myself.  For me, a man with a well kept body, good mind, awesome butt (yeah, I know) and reasonable endowment is perfection.

...and they get picked up easily and then end up with HIV and STDs. :(.

Hopefully and realistically, not all end up that way.  I have believed for many years the drug culture within our gay society is dangerous and in some places totally out of control.  Drugs, including poppers, weaken the immune system.  My belief is (unproven, I realize) that much of the HIV transmission is the direct result of drug use and abuse.  Logically, and HIV Neg man can be infected by a POZ man if they fuck bare.  (I prefer bare sex, in spite of the taboos.)  So, I hope those beautiful men somehow will be spared that horrendous disease.  Yet, if one is seeking the next best high, they likely will be unaware of what actually is happening during their sexcapade.

I personally find those pics motivating. I have been taking more care of my personal appearance ever since I accepted and appreciated my gay identity. Of course, I try to keep a balanced view of my situation. I have never been very fond of sports and exercise, so I can't expect to look like an underwear model, but the simple fact of taking care of my beard, my haircut, and losing some weight has made me the object of lots of flattering expressions from my colleagues, friends and family, both male and female, and that feels great!!! I'm very happy, really.

Physical beauty is so important to all persons, regardless of sexual orientation, that obsession for an ideal body is rather likely. The media does this to people. Also, bullying is still a huge problem and it makes males want to 'hulk up' overnight, to 'show them'. Sacrificing one's perfectly healthy organs is the least of the gym bunnies' concerns if their quest is motivated by the wrong reasons.

Although, Tyler, I respect you as an individual and think you have made some great strides for the HIV community with your projects, I cannot take you seriously as a writer. The study that you reference is for ADOLESCENT BOYS and yet you use it as an example for gay MEN as having a higher likelihood of using AAS. Even though the information could be used in relation to gay men, it is a misrepresentation of the statistics. I agree that there is a majority of gay men that have a misconstrued idea of what an ideal gay man should look like, how can one take this article seriously from someone that looks like the person in the picture above and misconstrues statistical information meant for another segment of the population?

So you agree with the author if only he didn't look the way he did? So you discriminate against him because you think he is beautiful and therefore should just shut up and look beautiful. Interesting.

Its hard, even in my 30's, to be what's put in front of me. I used adderall for the treatment of my ADD and quickly discovered how it kept me trim and in the gym. I struggled to eat as it would completely kill my appetite. Meanwhile, my hair was falling out, I had to use thick moisturizers because my skin was beyond dry, when abused adderall causes social issues... That list goes on and on. Luckily, I was strong willed enough to get past it. Looking back though, yes, the image I was going for was all the guys in the magazines, porn videos, TV. .. it was a horrible existence.

Instinct is the number one culprit of telling us repeatedly what the gay man should look like by featuring pics as the one above countless times daily in their faceboo newsfeed. I did not think that was a bad thing till I read this. Will be interesting to see how insticnt responds to the findings posted in this article.

Guys... dont hate just because you dont have nice bodies. You should be paying us good looking ones compliments, but not everyone can be stunning. Its okay to be yourselves as long as you dont have unrealistic expectations in the dating world.

You sound like the type, Joseph, who believes "nobody is perfect except me". You see, Joseph, the good thing about us "ugly ones" is that when someone loves us, we know they are not in love with a transient figure from a club ad in a gay magazine. When the perfect lotus flower wilts, and all flowers wilt, the love between me and my husband will be stronger than ever. Does he really love me? With all the certainty in the World, this "ugly one" can say 'yes'.

... Maybe I'm an optimist, but I feel he may be attempting satire there.

We should be paying you good looking ones a compliment?  Are you on drugs?  Maybe compliment your parents on their choice to blend genes, but really, go screw yourself.  I'll take a really smart guy who has had his heart broken hard at leat once before I'd ever pick pretty.  Give me a man with a degree from Chicago or MIT or Williams or Yale with a solid understanding of what someone who really loves you can offer and I'll sell my house and pull up stakes today.  When you're 75 years old what are you going to have left to turn your partner on?  If you're lucky, and he's worked hard enough to develop what underlying capacity he was born with, you'll have a great, vast, shimmering mind to wade into, and that can be forever.

A smart, intelligent male is...SEXY

I'm with you

Agree!

Instinct is part of the problem.

Exactly! 

True, lol

Personally I don't find muscled men attractive. LOOKING at them is OK but that's it. I like guys who are thin or average. Also I don't see as much gay guys trying to pump up as there were in the 1990s. Gay gyms have closed (two here in MA are long gone) and most of the guys I see at bars are average or thin. There will always be gay guys who try to pump up but I think the rage for that has gone down drastically over the last few years.

Yes!  I've been with my share of these muscle guys.  Nice to look at, maybe touch... cuddling with them is like cuddling with a pile of rocks.  Even touching them gets old eventually.  Give me an average, just in-shape guy any day.

This article is very sensible, but if you look around at the page that it is on, you will see (even in the picture at the top of the article,) what gays are being taught is the "gay ideal."   In advertising, story illustrations, and every gay walk of life, we are confronted with images that dictate what "gay success" is all about.    Thank God that we are finally beginning to move away from making porn stars our "heroes."   There are a very few examples today of what a successful gay man really should be in the real world.   The problem is that there are not enough of these figures to combat the stereotypes.   Maybe when more men begin to come out and live their lives openly in society, we will see an increase in appreciation for other aspects of successful gay men, than the size of their muscles.

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