Tyler Curry's picture

HIV Victims and Villains: Who Is Really At Fault?

Picture of Tyler Curry (@iamtylercurry) courtesy of  Kevin Chung

 

There is a common assumption among the sexually active homo population that it is the responsibility of HIV-positive men to disclose their status before engaging in bedroom gymnastics. Based on this assumption, a person who doesn’t mention his status before he tries and fails to make a baby with another man silently asserts that he is HIV-negative by default. Even if a person living with HIV is undetectable and protection was used, he would be considered reprehensible, immoral and altogether villainous character if he failed to disclose his scarlet plus sign to his unknowing HIV-negative partner. But when it comes to the laws of responsibility in HIV disclosure, sometimes there is more than one suspect in a crime.  

The Scene of the Crime

The following scenario is based on a true story

Parker is a young, successful and single gay man living with HIV. Nathan is of the same homo vein, but he is HIV-negative. The two met while Parker was at a business conference and Nathan was on vacation with several of his friends. A mojito at the hotel pool quickly led to martinis at the closest gay bar. Dinner was served, flirtation escalated and Nathan ended up back in Parker’s room for a little more than dessert. The fast and frenzied pace of this out-of-town romance caught Parker by surprise and he failed to find the right moment to disclose his HIV status (and Nathan never asked). His viral load was at an undetectable level and they used protection, but his conscience wasn’t satisfied with this threshold of safety. 

The Confession

Parker and Nathan parted ways the next morning with plans to meet up for a drink later in the day.  By six o’clock, the weight of the guilt over not disclosing had Parker in need of more than just a strong pour on his vodka gimlet. He needed to clear the air. 

Parker told Nathan that he was HIV positive. He explained that he was on medication and had an undetectable viral load. He said that since they used a condom, his health was not at risk, but that it was important for Parker to be honest about his status. 

Nathan was visibly shaken and admitted that Parker should have disclosed his status before they had sex. He was concerned because there was a lot of kissing and oral play that took place.  Parker explained the reality of transmission and that Nathan had nothing to worry about, but the damage was done. Nathan felt victimized and he was sitting across from the smoking gun.  Needless to say, the two men didn’t order a second round.

For the jury of public opinion, the judgment of who committed the crime and who was the victim receives a unanimous vote. But before the sentence of shame is handed down to Parker for not disclosing his status, let’s look at who had the motive to commit the crime. 

Parker did want to tell Nathan about his HIV status. As a man who was actively managing his disease with treatment, it was important for him to be up front about being positive, even if there was no health risk involved. However, many people fail to understand that when you become positive, you aren’t handed an operator’s guide on how to handle your new status. The variables of sexual psychology are limitless when concerning dating and HIV. Although he failed to disclose that he was a positive man, he had taken the steps to protect Nathan and himself—both by using a condom and being steadfast in his treatment regime. 

Nathan is a sexually active gay man who, by default, is part of the HIV community. With one out of every five gay males being HIV positive, it is his responsibility to protect his own sexual health.  It’s true—Parker did not disclose that he is HIV positive. But Nathan didn’t disclose that he was HIV negative, nor did he ask to know Parker’s status before the clothes started to come off. In this scenario, Nathan has a motive to stay negative. Therefore, he is also guilty of committing a crime of not disclosing his status and not inquiring about the status of his sexual partner.

This is only one out of many criminal scenarios that many of us find ourselves in when it comes to dating, dirty talk and disclosure. When it comes to sex, there are always two (or more) suspects whose motives should be investigated. And when it comes to protecting each other’s health, the burden is mutually shared and the responsibility is equally divisible, regardless of status.

I always disclose my HIV-positive status because it is in the best interests of my health, not yours.   

Comments

I want to say hello to the world at large, I am very grateful for the good deeds DR.IKPALO did for me, I was a HIV patient, everything went bad for me, I couldn’t do things with my friends anymore, I loosed my job, I loosed everything, I was even waiting for death itself, I went searching on the internet I saw many testimonies on how different spell casters helped people in curing their deadly diseases, I collected one spell caster’s email, which DR.IKPALO I emailed him and he answered me, I told him all problems, he ask me not to worry, that I will be free from the deadly disease, which I did, he casted the spell, and told me that he will send a holy water to me through courier services, I was surprised, because he did not mention it to me before, I paid for the courier delivery service, I got a holy water, he asked me to drink it which I did and he asked me to go for a medical check-up in a hospital, I went to the hospital I went for a HIV test, I was tested HIV negative, I was shocked, I asked myself, “is there still good helpers out there”? I promised to share my testimony to the whole world, I’m now free, I have a better job, if you are passing through pains you need help you can share your problems to DR.IKPALO through his email: drikpalospelltemple2@gmail.com

I have a testimony to share,,My Names her Mrs thomas quee am from the 
United State Of America am now 48years old Am a Medical doctor in 
California,I married for about 6years ago without any child then me and my 
husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female.Last years something 
wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across this witch doctor in 
the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally 
disagree,,,How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that 
he only specialize on pregnancy no other. That after the job has been 
completed there is no any side effect,that was how he told me what to do 
which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month 
and i was pregnant.Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,,While am i 
testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind 
of trouble some will decide to commit suicide. please just do and contact 
him for help make him to understand  from USA directed you, his email 
redrocktemple@yahoo.com 

Hi, I work in a communication company I want to share my testimony to the world, i am from united kingdom in belfast north ireland, I was a stripper in a club I got effected with HIV due to the nature of my job, In april 15 2013 i was tested positive to HIV, This is not design to convince you but its just a personal health experience . I never taught doctor Lawrence could ever get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing herb spell, i have tried almost everything but I couldn’t find any solution on my disease, despite all these happening to me, i always spend a lot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day i was just browsing on the internet when i came across a great post of !Michelle! who truly said that she has been diagnose with HIV and was healed that very week through the help of this great powerful healing spell doctor ,i never knew it was all because of the great and perfect work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so I quickly contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and so i did all the things he asked me to do,He ask me to buy some herbs and which I did for my cure,only to see that at the very day which he said i will be healed, all the strength that has left me before rush back and i becomes very strong and healthy, this disease almost kills my life all because of me, so i went to hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor said i am HIV negative, i am very amazed and happy about the healing doctor Lawrence gave to me from the ancient part of africa, you can email him now for your own healing too on his email: drlawrencespelltemple@gmail.com or call +2348143988536

My name is Kate Morrison, from Mexico, i had HIV AIDS for three years, i also gave birth to my first with HIV, i was in deep sorrow and in search for help on how to treat myself, one day i came across a blog where a testimony was given by woman Named SARA who was treated from HIV AIDS by the help of spell caster, so i made a contact to the email: dr.skhivhomefcure@gmail.com i got from the blog, i never really believed but i just decided to give it a try, this spell caster Dr prophet SK told me everything i needed to know and what to do to get cured, so i made an arrangement for the treatment i applied the medicine and after 5 days, i was feeling good and healthy at once, my strength was regained i went for check up in the hospital and my doctor told me i am cured, this is the greatest miracle that has happened to me in my whole life, and that is why i am sharing my testimony to the world, i never expected this was possible, if you have any health issue call +2348158847627 or email him for help

i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Zuma zuk for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he Dr Zuma zuk casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Zuma zuk for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact spiritualherbalisthealers@gmail.com. and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

I can’t hide this amazing testimony that took place in my life. A powerful spell-caster named PRINCE . IPKO helped me to bring back my love who left me while I was six months pregnant and went on a peace keeping mission in Holland. We both love each other and it was a shock to me and it really broke my heart. I tried to call him and both of his lines were disconnected. I tried to reach him on social networks but he deleted me off of them. I tried to reach his parents and they told me that their son said that he does not love me and does not want to see me and they do not know what is wrong. I cried and cried everyday because I loved him very much. Until I gave birth and the baby was one year old, I could not get my love back. Again, I was confused. I do not know what to do and I also lost my job and I have no money to take care of the baby. I was miserable in life so I cried to my sister and told her my problem and said that she knew of one powerful spell caster that helped her when she could not get pregnant. I contacted him by email and he said he will help me and told me that a woman cast a spell upon my man and said he will help me break the spell so my man will come back to me and be mine forever. It was a great surprise to me that everything that he said came to pass. My man came back to me immediately, saying that I should forgive him. I am sending a very big thank you to this powerful and real spell caster. I pray for him to live long and do more of his wonderful work. If you have any kind of problem disturbing you in life, you have to contact this powerful spell caster! He can help you.CONTACT HIM NOW AT:PRINCEIPKOSPIRITUALSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.Com                                                                            CONTACT FOR ANY KIND OF PROBLEM LiKE                                                (1) you want your ex back.                                
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/ men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care
(10) Help get people out of jail
(11) Marriage Spells
(12) The Miracle spells
(13) The beauty spells
(14) CHARM PROPHECY
(15) The Spell of Attraction
(16) Evil Eye Spells
(17) Kissing Spell
(18) Remove Spells disease

>Hello my name is frank Marian from USA I never
>believe in love spells until I experience Dr.
> DR Ofemo temple, and after he cast a love spell for me
>my Ex called me to apologize for the pain that she has
>caused me and till today we are living a happy family,
>if you need a right place to solve your problems
>contact DR Ofemospelltemple@gmail.com is the right choice. he is a
>great man that have been casting spells with years of
>experience, he cast spells for different purposes like:

>(1)If you want your ex back.
>(2) if you always have bad dreams.
>(3)You want to be promoted in your office.
>(4)You want women/ men to run after you.
>(5)If you want a child.
>(6)[You want to be rich.
>(7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours
>forever.
>(8)If you need financial assistance.
>(9)Herbal care
>
>Contact him today on: drofemospelltemple@gmail.com

Hello" thank God for the wonderful healing spell power which Dr,Ehisuan render to my life which oracle support, i was been diagnosed with HIV-AIDS over 7years now which has lead me to unployment and loosing my relationship with my friends after he heard that i am suffering from the VIRUS, i tried begging him to allow me stays with him, but he still insist on letting me out of his home, until a friend of mine on Facebook from SOUTH AFRICA told me more about Dr,Ehisuan the great healer, that he is going to help restore and healed my disease with his powerful healing spell, she send me of Dr,Ehisuan email address and i quickly contacted him, and he replied to me after 30mins of my message that my disease is a little and minor disease, that he will solved the disease immediately only if i can accept all he requested from me, i told him yes, because truly i know that " HIV-AIDS IS A WICKED AND DEADLY DISEASE I EVER KNOWS ". so i did all he ask from me and surprisingly on Friday last week Dr,Ehisuan called me that my problems is solved that i should hurry up to the hospital for a checkup, which i truly really did, i confirm from my doctor that i am now HIV-NEGATIVE AND NOT LONG +, I jump up and was crying heavily because truly the disease drive alot of things away from my life, my friends, my cousin, my fiance and relatives, but now since i was confirm NEGATIVE- my lost friends and fiance has been back to me begging for forgiveness, i have forgiven them and now we are now best of friend. again i will say to Dr,Ehisuan that he is blessed and may the almighty God which i serve raise him and his family to the higher level in life. Thank and god bless. Please email Dr,Ehisuan for healing and solution now at = drehisuanspellhome@gmail.com

My name is Lola from South Africa, my story goes like this i traveled out to USA to look for jobs from there i contaminated HIV which was in my body for the past seven years, because of that i loose my jobs and my husband run away from me. i looked for a solution out but no one can help me, i went to some different churches herbalist but no solution came out, until i met a friend who directed me to a doctor called dr.zack balo so i message him an all he told me the steps to follow then i respected him and follow the procedures so now as am telling you now i am being healed from HIV sickness the dr is specialized in HIV sickness here is now your opportunity for you to also be healed like me email him at wiseindividualspell@gmail.com or call him +2348078927387.

this is a man that bring back my ex boyfriend  Dr elaba a great man email is elabaspelltemple@gmail.com

I am William peter from USA and i am here to share my testimonies of a great man who helped me get my ex girlfriend back.
The girl i wanted to get married to left me 4 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls, She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man called dr.ozalogbo, when i Travel to Africa to execute some business i have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to USA the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the items needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:25pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help. his email is ( ozalogboshrine@gmail.com) i cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world.. you can email him; ozalogboshrine@gmail.com is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap.. hope he helped u out too..good luck

hello every body my name is ASHLEY I just want to share my experience with the world on how dr paul help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3years with 1kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 2 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kid are happy too and we are expecting our second child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience because I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him through his email address;magichome50@gmail.com THANKS.........

DR ozalogbo is the only Dr who could ever get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing spell, i have tried almost everything but i couldn’t find any solution on my disease, despite all these happening to me, i always spend a lot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day i was just browsing on the internet when i come across a great post of !susan! who truly said that she was been diagnose with HIV and was healed that very week through the help of these great powerful healing spell doctor, sometime i really wonder why people called him Papa ozalogbo, i never knew it was all because of the great and perfect work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so i quickly contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and he said a thing i will never forget that anyone who contacted him is ! always getting his or her healing in just 24hours after doing all he ask you, so i was amazed all the time i heard that from him, so i did all things only to see that at the very day which he said i will be healed, all the strength that has left me before rush back and i became very strong and healthy again, this disease almost killed my life all because of me, so i went back to the hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor said i am HIV negative, i am very amazed and happy about the healing Dr ozalogbo gave to me from the ancient part of Africa, you can email him now for your own healing too at: ozalogboshrine@gmail.com or call him on 08135049467,if you need help.
Thank you sir for healing me from HIV, i am john...He is also speciallised in the following fields
(1) Hiv
(2) Aids
(3) How to get your love back
(4) Love magic
(5) How to get rich
(6) Be famous in your company
(7) Spiritual battle
(8) Dream lover
(9) Power
(10) Any type of sickness
(11) E.t.c

Truthfully, i was tested HIV + positive last 3years. I keep on managing the drugs i usually purchase from the health care agency to keep me healthy and strenghtful, i tried all i can too make this disease leave me alone, but unfortunately, it keep on eating up my life, this is what i caused myself, for allowing my fiance make sex to me insecurely without protection, although i never knew he is HIV positive. So last few 4days i came in contact with a lively article on the internet on how this Powerful Herb Healer get her well and healed. So as a patient i knew this will took my life 1 day, and i need to live with other friends and relatives too. So i copied out the Dr Zuma zuk the traditional healer’s email id: spiritualherbalisthealers@gmail.com and I mailed him immediately, in a little while he mail me back that i was welcome to his temple home were by all what i seek for are granted. I was please at that time. And i continue with him, he took some few details from me and told me that he shall get back to me as soon as he is through with my work. I was very happy as heard that from him. So Yesterday, as i was just coming from my friends house, Dr Zuma zuk called me to go for checkup in the hospital and see his marvelous work that it is now HIV negative, i was very glad to hear that from him, so i quickly rush down to the nearest hospital to found out, only to hear from my hospital doctor called Browning Lewis that i am now HIV NEGATIVE. I jump up at him with the test note, he ask me how does it happen and i recede to him all i went through with Dr Zuma zuk I am now glad, so i am a gentle type of person that need to share this testimonies to everyone who seek for healing, because once you get calm and quiet, so the disease get to finish your life off. So i will advice you contact him today for your healing at the above details: Email ID:spiritualherbalisthealers@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW TO SAVE YOUR LIFE:spiritualherbalisthealers@gmail.com  AS HE IS SO POWERFUL AND HELPFUL TO ALL THAT HAVE THIS SICKNESS

Dr. Oraede cured my HIV disease I’m in deed very grateful for his kind work upon my life, I never thought I will be free from that disease, and here am I today I’m no longer a HIV patient. I’m so happy; get your healing from him contact him via dr.oraedespellhome@hotmail.com or call his mobile line on +2348161879468

Hello my name is Cynthia I want to give a testimony about my HIV virus that was cured by a great spell caster. Since last 4 months I have being a HIV /AID patient. I never think I live long again and am so great full about him Master Magic who help me cured my HIV AIDS last 3 weeks. I was in a great pain so I told one of my best friends; he told me that there is a great spell caster that can cure my VIRUS. I asked her if she had his email, she gave me his email, I emailed him he talked to me and he perform the necessary rituals and he told me that after 1 day I should go for a test. Which I did, when the doctor told me that am now a HIV negative I couldn’t believe myself I went to see another doctor the result was still the same, I was human on planet earth, so I emailed him and thanked him. Please if you are having a similar problem please visit him/contact him at ;Magicspellhome@hotmail.com

i am NANCY by name, i want to tell the whole world how i got my hiv cured, i live in Manchester united kingdom, presently i am working as a teacher in an high school, i was once a stripper in a club and i got affected with HIV due to the nature of my job, in February 2nd 2009, This is not design to convince you but its just a personal health experience.
 I never taught doctor LAWCY could ever get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing herb spell, i have been spending so much buying my drugs for the past three years now and taking several medication but no relieve, until one day i was just browsing on the internet when i came across a great post of MARIAN, who explained to me how a great dr called PAPA LAWCY helped her, by curing her from HIV, i thought as much and i quicklly contacted him, and he gave to me the assurance that he is going to help me with his herbs, he told me to buy the herbs which he will use for the preparation of my medicine which i did, he prepared the medicine and told me how i am going to take them which i did, just three days later i went to the hospital to give the final test and the doctor confirm that i am now negative, i am so happy that GOD sent DR LAWCY to help me out of my problems, if you are out there passing through this kind of problem, you can also contact him on DRLAWCYSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM.com, and i pray that he will help you also.
  All thanks to DR LAWCY, you can contact me on +44702407841  

i meet a bar girl unfortunately i had sex with her with out condom once,after having the sex i took Hiv prevention drugs, then i had the sex with her on September 4. i went for hiv test it the same september it was negative, i did another hiv test on october it was negative, and november 4 i did again another test in two clinic all came out negative,which it total of 64 days after sex with her. but the worst of it all the lady i had sex with i called her to meet me in the clinic i have hot body,cold and itching inside my vain, so i have to visit the doctor, then after she was test positive OMG. since. i dont have any of this hiv symptom, such a rash,cough, headache,sore throat, high fever, my fever tested was 37c. but the doctor said i have low white blood cell. that i have Dengue, then i was treated after two days my white blood cell is normal again, but how come my partner is positive. up to 62 days i am still negative, can it be the hiv prevention drugs did it or the virus it not yet in my blood or i cant contact it with once making of love with her. because i after that about two weeks time i had urine infection i treated it, but i am still nervous. i want to know how many days or month can one contact hiv after having unprotected sex, after the treatment of dengue now. i have ask the laboratory test of hepatitis A,B,C.. including jaundice. i want an advices urgently please

Hello my name is Harmony I want to give a testimony about my HIV virus that was cured
by a great spell caster. Since last 3months I have being a HIV/AIDs patient. I never think
I will live long again and am so grateful about him Dr.Olufalaye who help me cured my
HIV/AIDS last 2weeks. I was in a great pain so I told one of my best friends; he told me
that there is a great spell caster that can cure my VIRUS. I asked her if she had his
email, she gave me his email, I emailed him he talked to me and he perform the
necessary rituals and he told me that after one week I should go for a test. Which I did,
when the doctor told me that am now a HIV negative I couldn’t believe myself I went to
see another doctor the result was still the same, I was human on planet earth, so I
emailed him and thanked him. Please if you are having a similar problem please visit
him/contact him at ;olufalayespellhome@gmail.com; all thanks to Dr. olufalaye

Hi, I work in a communication company I want to share my testimony to the world, my name is maria Katrina, i am from united kingdom in Belfast north Ireland, I was a stripper in a club I got effected with HIV due to the nature of my job, In April 15 2013 i was tested positive to HIV, Believe it or not this is a true life experience. This is not design to convince you but its just  a personal health experience . I never taught doctor ukpoyan could ever get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing spell, i have tried almost everything but I couldn't find any solution on my disease, despite all these happening to me, i always spend a lot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day i was just browsing on the internet when i came across a great post of !Michelle! who truly said that she was been diagnose with HIV and was healed that very week through the help of this great powerful healing spell doctor ,I wonder why he is called the great papa ukpoyan, i never knew it was all because of the great and perfect work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so I quickly contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and so i did all the things he asked me to do, He never collected any money from me until I was finally cured, only to see that at the very day which he said i will be healed, all the strength that has left me before rush back and i becomes very strong and healthy, this disease almost kills my life all because of me, so i went to hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor said i am HIV negative, i am very amazed and happy about the healing doctor ukpoyan gave to me from the ancient part of Africa, you can email him now for your own healing too on his email: Dr.ukpoyanspellhome@hotmail.com thank you doctor for healing me.

HI My Name is MARIAN DUSS, I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr LAWCY of( drlawcyspellhome@gmail.com ] has just done for me , this man has just did what I thought nobody will ever do for me, i was HIV positive when one of my family friend introduce this man to me, I never believed that great DR LAWCY could do this, when I contacted him on this same issue on ground, he casted some spell for me and gave me some parcel to drink, now I am so happy to say that the virus I was having In my body have left me. All thanks to DR LAWCY. If you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact him today on his mail ( drlawcyspellhome@gmail.com ) and he will also help you as well with his great spell caster, THANKS BE TO DR LAWCY....

I have to ask a questions to you all ;

  • if a man (or woman) is HIV+, how long do they, most often they hide it?
  • How often do they expose others without informing them?
  • How often do HIV+ individuals, expose others, then say a lie "I didnt know I was pos" (when they did).

 I would like to know the real statistics on this but it would likely be impossible.

I have to ask a questions to you all ;

if a man (or woman) is HIV+, how long do they, most often they hide it?

How often do they expose others without informing them?

How often do HIV+ individuals, expose others, then say a lie "I didnt know I was pos" (when they did). 

 I would like to know the real statistics on this but it would likely be impossible. Getting your opinion is the best information I can get. I ask these questions having "seen it all".

This speaks to a "disagreement" I have had with another poz man I know.  It is his contention that he only informs people on a "need to know" basis or to potential sex partners.  I am totally transparent and list it in all of my online profiles!  I realize he is not ready for this yet but until he is ready, he is impeding my efforts to "normalize" AIDS/HIV.

This speaks to a "disagreement" I have had with another poz man I know.  It is his contention that he only informs people on a "need to know" basis or to potential sex partners.  I am totally transparent and list it in all of my online profiles!  I realize he is not ready for this yet but until he is ready, he is impeding my efforts to "normalize" AIDS/HIV.

 I have never relied on someone to disclose their HIV status to me unsolicited, even if they were pos. I always ask what someone's status is if I am going to sleep with them AND when their last test was, that is important to ask too. Maybe they got tested negative 10 years ago, contracted HIV since then, but don't know it.

 If you are sexually active, get an HIV test every 6 months and always talk about status don't expect the other person to tell you if you don't ask.

Someone's negative test result is valid only up until the first time thereafter that person has high-risk  sex. Disclosure and discussion are important (and disclosure by poz guys is legally required in many places), but basing behavior on what someone merely tells you is foolish.  Every day in the U.S. alone, thousands of gay men contract HIV by having condomless sex, many of them with men who thought they were negative. This is why it's so important to take the responsibility of protecting yourself, regardless of what someone tells you. 

I don't understand.. If he felt compelled to share his HIV Poz status AFTER the sex, why is he absolved from feeling the need BEFORE having sex.. This isn't just about the likelihood of transmission.. if it were there would be little to be concerned about.. But human beings have strong internal emotional lives.. Something like this can cause panic and despair that could last months until they can clear a neg test themselves.. How much of ones life can be effected in that time? The damage to one's personal life as well as professional could be catastrophic. HIV poz men should disclose before sexual activity end of story. If I were POZ I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were so careless as to wait until after sex to inform my partner.

In a perfect world, HIV Positive men should disclose their status before sex (even with a condom, they do break) and HIV Negative men should ask about their partners status (and assume that their partners may not tell them the truth)... I think the real question is... which is worse... knowing that you have put yourself at risk for infection or been infected... or knowing that you are putting someone else at risk for infection or infecting someone else. Each individual will have to answer that question.

I am negative and in my 50s. I have had an active sex life since 1983 and have lived exclusivelsy in NYC and Los Angeles... I have either disclose my status quickly or if not then I assume that they are positive. In either case... I use condoms when I have sex for sport... the only time I have not used condemns is when I have been in long term relationships... all relationships take communication and I tend to talk (and listen) alot. I think having some common sense, self esteem and learning to tolerate my fear of rejection (HIV positive guys are not the only one rejected when disclosing their status) were more important than condoms in keeping me HIV negative. 

Remaining HIV negative is my responsibility...

Lastly... 

If I were HIV positive... I am not sure I could live with myself if I infected someone else. I lived through the time when there was no treatment and saw too many of my friends die of AIDS. I also have many friends living with HIV now and know the toll that it takes on their lives. The amount of guilt I would feel condemning someone else to that existence would be high... and I would hope would overcome any fear of rejection I might have in disclosing my status... because condoms break... and I know they break because I have been using them for 30 years... 

I very much loved this article...alot of people w o this virus dnt understand the pressures involved w living w it everyday of their lives..the dr appointments the having to take the meds and of course the having to b honest about their status. ive been living w hiv for almost 5 yrs now ive gotten where im quickly upfront about it to others but it still can b difficult choosing the proper time to disclose it. this has me thinking bak to how i got infected. its a messy story..suffice to say I was drugged and made the meat of a party w 2 other guys that I didnt have any intention of having sex w when I went to go hang out w them. they r the villainous type..they dnt care who they give this virus to and what carnage they leave their victims in. im just one of god knows how many theyve both done this 2. so I have to say parker did the right thing..even tho he didnt disclose at first he still took steps to b safe and protect nathan and he still did the right thing and was honest. Ive always said after what happened to me that dear god ik its hard to tell others about this virus when u have it but if u cant tell others then at least just take means to protect your partner. if the 2 that did whatt they did to me w o disclosing at least protected me from this virus I woulda understood in retrospect and been thankful they at least kept me safe. uk this goes deeper and Ik im rambling but it really irks me how the neg community is always so focused on us poz people and they have this huge fear about us giving it to them and freak when we tell them...well what about what they might have? like whens the last time they were tested for anything at all..most ive encountered like that dnt get tested at all. dear god what if they gave us poz guys something else by accident? at least people like parker and I had the courage to get tested and do something responsibly to control this virus and protect others. also when ive been turned down bc of being honest about my status..people will go on to another and just take their word for it that they r clean and thro themselves into unprotected sex and then look down on people like me parker and many others who r honest. so I agree its importantt that yes we do need to take a look at what is really the real criminal activity. thanks aggain for posting this article.

What's with this "villain" language? Unless someone knowingly infects someone, say by lying about their status in the first place, no one is a "villain." Shame on you for perpetuating such stigma.

Great essay - and by the way, people on treatment are not infectious; so what is the problem? Why all the talk of morals in the first place, we are not that dangerous, guys :-)

Disclosure is a personal journey, if we all promote and support safe sex there will be no problem. It's the no condom issue that is the villain. 

Bingo, Jeff.  While disclosure is fine (and in many places legally required of poz guys), safer sex--that is, the consistent use of condoms for penetrative sex--is ultimately the answer, just as it always has been.  Were we to stick with that, villains, blame games, stigma and even HIV itself would all begin to fade away.

A person that is positive and KNOWS it should ALWAYS disclose their status. If they cant handle the potential rejections maybe its time to stop having sex all together. Its tragic, but you have a responsibility NOT to run around purposefully spreading your disease!!! If you do not tell someone your status, you are robbing them of a choice. ANYTHINg could be going on where someone decided to have sex with you without protection. You could be tipsy, high, or just naive. Just because someone is naive or tipsy, does not mean they are deserving of anything that comes their way. And im not even calling anyone a villian. But it is your responsibility to inform others of your disease. It is BS to say "well he didnt ask me, so oh well, here take my sickness". 

It is BS to say, "I didn't want to get HIV but I was too lazy, too apathetic, too nervous to ask the status of my partner." If you don't want HIV, take responsibility for your own self and ask every time.

I can certainly understand your ignorance since that precisely what this article was written about, although it's sad that you didn't "get" it (must be that it elicited such an emotional reaction that your were unable to understand the point.  Most of the poz guys won't--and don't tell you, although YOU bringing it up should be an important piece.  Perhaps YOU should stop having sex if not prepared to protect yourself, although most HIV+ men will not infect you.   Sounds like you got infected by someone due to your own denial and ignorance, which is YOUR responsibility.  Perhaps it's only a matter of time before you get infected by sometime, but you're no innocent victim.  I hear these stories from "victims" all the time.

And even when using condoms ANYTHING can happen. 

One should assume that everyone is HIV+ when it comes to casual sex!  Protect yourself, honestly you can't expect others to look after you!

I agree, people lie.  If you don't assume everyone you have casual sex with is HIV Positive and take the necessary precautions, (especially if you do not bring up the subject first, assuming everyone you have sex with will be completely forthcoming), then you are playing Russian Roulette by your own choice.

My research in 2011 indicated that it is the responsibility of the HIV-negative person to maintain his negative status. 

what the fuck is up with all the 'victim', 'crime' & 'villain' bullshit in this article? There are, with very rare exceptions, no victims & villains in hiv transmission. Just human beings making less than stellar decisions.

Parker should have disclosed, yes. But Nathan should have equally played his part in bringing the subject up, as the responsibility is shared. And screw all the 1/5-or-maybe-not-if-you're-white crap. If you want to stay negative, assume that any partner you have is HIV+ and take the necessary precautions (condoms or sticking to non-penetrative sex).

BINGO!  If Tyler Curry wants to end stigma, he needs to check his own vocabulary and cut the masturbatory linguistic gymnastics.  Generally speaking, Gay and Bi men contract HIV because they take poor decisions based on assumptions about risk that are flawed in many ways, period.  No bad guys, just guys seeking connection and letting the little head rule the big one.

YOUR EVER SO RIGHT ON GUY.

Yes, Dan is right on. And of all the important truth he has spoken, nothing is more important than what he states in his final sentence:

"If you want to stay negative, assume that any partner you have is HIV+ and take the necessary precautions (CONDOMS or sticking to non-penetrative sex)."

The caps are mine. 

Great article.  They were both adults.  If you ONLY want to have sex with neg men, it is as much your responsibility to ASK as it is the pos guy's to disclose.  "Nathan" is the villain of this story!  His after-the-fact judgment was self-righteous crap.  If you don't ask if is because you don't WANT to know.  Any other view is bulls**t!

There are alot of hiv pos out there having sex and not informing except for maybe a statement about symptoms ie recent rash, constant headache, flu sx undiagnosed (to act as if they had informed someone and say they didnt know they were already pos).  being in denial for years,  See if you wife gets pos (or any partner) and them blame her for giving hiv to you.  This may sound nuts but its a real scenario I witnessed.  Pos, early diagnosis, treatment, functional cures, new viral load testing and stem cell transplants curing HIV; Things are changing, whether straight or gay.

Sin duda  es mucha responsabilidad y ser  valientes al declarar  que eres VIH positivo  antque en un encuentro sexual o lo que fuera  en esa situacion , normalmente   las pèrsonas  asumen aptitudes psicologicas  muy propias  , y nunca vamos a conocer las intensiones de la gente algunoas actuan con maldad y perjudican a las personas VIH negativas. Por eso la unica alternativa que tenemos es no ser promiscuos y conversar con nuestras pàrejas   cuidarnos .

Good story.  Undetectable does not mean nonexistent.  Undetectable simply means that current methodologies do not include a test that is able to detect viral load at very low levels.  For one to believe this means the virus is absent, or that it means transmission is not possible, is foolish.  It might mean decreased risk, but is does not mean risk free.  I have and will continue to discuss my status with a potential partner.  If it makes a difference to him, yes it hurts, but it ultimately saves us both a lot of time.

As well, it's important to note in this regard that, although the virus may have been suppressed to an undetectable level in one's blood (by which viral load is measured), that doesn't necessarily mean that it's been suppressed to the point of being undetectable in one's semen:

http://www.thebodypro.com/content/68538/hiv-can-be-found-in-semen-even-when-viral-load-is-.html

Mister doctor....I want scientific data on a person undetectable for sakefof agreement fifteen years. I've would bet large sums of money that my seamen does not have the virus.

Excuse typo... using tablet. My blood and semen are clearly without the virus. Thus I'm in total disagreement with your statement Keith...doctor or not

Read this article.  Unless your semen itself is being measured for its viral load, there's no way you can definitively state that the virus is undetectable in your semen as well as in your blood:

http://www.thebodypro.com/content/68538/hiv-can-be-found-in-semen-even-when-viral-load-is-.html

I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, disclose my HIV-positive status to any potential sex partner(s) and have been doing so for the 23-plus years since my diagnosis (at present my viral load is still undetectable and my T-helper-cell count is a fantastic 654, up from a mere 70 in 1995, AMEN for that!). To my mind, it is my responsibility to share this incredibly important information with any man I may want to have sex with. This way they have the option of saying yes or no, and regardless of their reaction, I have been honest with them and my mind can be at peace. It will be 26 years this November since I converted to being positive and frankly, I more than likely wouldn't still be here had I selected to not be open and above board regarding my status. I could not live with myself thinking I may have been responsible for exposing another man to this disease, so a few words right off the go will allow my potential partner(s) to decide for themselves as to whether they want to be intimate with me or not. Once this hurdle has been crossed, it's up to us as to what level of sexual intimacy we want to pursue and engage in, but, whatever we do together will definitely be safe and decidedly honest too. Condoms are my friends and always will be...

My daughter is a nurse and she takes all the precautions needed with every patient she treats as if they were HIV+.  I you play around you should do the same.

I would be curious what Jack Mackenroth thinks about it. Dies he tell every sexual encounter....I'm positive now screw me? Doubt it. Trust me there still is huge stigma attached. I had boyfriend dump me simply because of my status. Think how that makes a person feel

I completely agree with the sentiment in this article.  It falls to each person who is having sex to keep their own safety in mind.  There is no right time to disclose your HIV status, positive or negative.  If you want to know, ask.  If you are concerned (and you should be) use a condom--for anything that worries you.  There's more than just HIV out there.

That said, as a doctor, I want to correct Larry's point: just because one's HIV viral load is undetectable in the blood doesn't mean it's not there, just below an acceptable threshold for treatment response.  Further, HIV is still detected in the semen of men who have undetectable viral loads--it's just not clear if it's as infectious as those not on meds.  Long term studies of this have not been done.  The risk is assumed to be lower, but it's still unclear.

I think medical professionals claim this but there is no scientific proof. I've been undetectable for twenty years. It is not in my body fluids...I cannot pass this disease....others yes, if symptomatic. That is all.

I don't agree with the reasoning here.  If one out of five men who have sex with men is positive, it means that 80% of the members of that group are not.  It seems perfectly reasonable to assume, absent a disclosure to the contrary, that your (potential) partner is negative.  Add race and ethnicity into the mix and the numbers become very different.  A huge portion of new infections come from Black and Latino populations.  Thus, if Parker and Nathan are blonde-haired, blue-eyed dudes, the 1/5 number is likely inaccurate.

I was in a long-term relationship with a guy who cheated and became positive.  After we broke up, he rationalized NEVER disclosing his status to men he hooked up with because he was on meds and they failed to ask.  I like to ask someone's status before clothes come off, but I'll admit that I've missed that opportunity a few times.  However, not disclosing a positive diagnosis is WRONG; it robs another person of the opportunity to make their own decision about their health.

Parker should have figured out how to disclose.  Nathan is guilty of making a stupid mistake.

Assuming someone is Negative despite the numbers is WRONG and STUPID. If you want to know for certain...ASK!!!

The ONLY thing one can know "for certain" is that someone is positive. Positive people have a set of information that the rest of us do not.

I was not suggesting that people who have recently tested antibody negative should rely on "numbers" and act as though everyone they hook up with is negative until told otherwise.  Of course, EVERYONE should be using condoms (and maybe other prophylactics) and should ask every partner's status.  However, if someone KNOWS they are positive, THEY SHOULD DISCLOSE.  In the context of that discussion, they may need to educate their potential partner.  But, they have a unique informational advantage.

If YOU want to know for CERTAIN, stop having sex.  There are no guarantees that ANYONE is negative, especially in a world where positive people don't feel the need to share their statuses.  

Each person is responsible for his own health and his own decisions.  Life would be easier for everyone, neg and poz people, is we all play by the simple rules of safer sex.   But people are more worry about others' HIV status and not about playing safe.  Many neg people assume others are negative or believe what any sexual partner will tell them.  We all have to assume that everybody we have sex with is poz or could be, and it is our responsibility to play safe at all times with everybody.  I do not have any sympathy for those who will discriminate against someone poz but will go to bed for someone who may be lying by saying he is neg.  False sense of security,

Asking someone if his status is fine, but basing behavior on his response is foolhardy. He might be lying or he might not know that he's actually positive.  Better to presume that everyone is poz and to protect yourself accordingly by using a condom each and every time you have penetrative sex. 

I like this article, as it brings up the complicated nature of sex and HIV. In reality, we are all responsible for ourselves. I do think it is the proper thing for anyone to disclose their status, however everyone is responsible for themselves! If a person is neg and wishes to remain that way, they cannot wait around and hope that all poz people let them know. Rather, we should all take active responsibility for ourselves and start that conversation, neg or poz.

Just on a side note, I would be cautious with referencing the 1-in-5 HIV statistic. The study that comes from (which this article fails to cite) has a rather problematic methodology, and the only population it really speaks toward is young, gay, poor, black men.

Very Interesting article!  Thank your a very insightful point view.

Not sure I would agree since the negative man could be positive without knowing it, the positive man is not detectable, he can't pass the disease, it is not in his body fluids. Thus I believe even if the sex was not protected, some discussion of health care is appropriate. I'm not saying anything about hiv status, General health, and lifestyle. I realize my words to be controversial.

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