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I agree with you.  It sucks.  It isn't right.  It does hurt.  We've all got crap that bothers us.  I've definitely got a few red buttons.  People have been pushing mine like crazy over the past few months.  Everyone has the these buttons.  Reacting to people's negative and hurtful comments (in the moment) only makes you feel worse.  It's like telling the offender that they are right in what the said.  "Yup.  You're right.  I agree with you.  You can tell by my reaction.  What you said obviously bother me.  It's just like giving your power away to the person.  People usually say crap like that, because they are looking for that kind of reaction.  It makes you look bad and it discredits your character.  And kind frankly . . . you've got to learn to deal with in a positive way . . because there are always going to be people like that who want to to push your buttons.