Patrick, I respect that you are obviously struggling with some internal issues and commend your willingness to try to work through them; but please go back and read what you just wrote. You just called "those people 'pressing' for our rights" the "bad elements in our community" and what you see wrong among your peers (and what I presume makes you shun the gay community). Those people are the very people that made it possible for you to self-identify as same-gender-loving instead of gay, and not be labeled by the public by more detrimental labels like queer, faggot, fairy, diseased or even mentally insane.
You will never be able to truly love yourself until you can embrace the beauty and uniqueness of all people, including yourself, no matter their color, gender, or their degree of masculinity or femininity. Being part of the Gay Community doesn't mean we all have to act and look the same, or even think the same; but it does mean we have respect for, and support each other, because of our uniqueness and differences. We see a better gay community as one that is accepting of diversity; not one that "mindlessly accepts the bad elements" as you put it. Try to open your mind and be less judgmental, and you'll love yourself more in the process.
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