“I’m changed,” he says with a smile. “My perception has changed. I didn’t give people credit—those closest to me and beyond. But I’m still the same guy. At least, I like to think I am.” On the flip side, he laughs and says, “But, yeah, I’m different, too. Last time we were here, I barely touched my food! Now, here I am scarfing down my pasta!”

The subject of one’s sexuality is never an easy one to broach, but it was particularly difficult for J.P. when we met one year ago because he wasn’t confiding in a brother, a parent or a close friend. He was laying it all on the line for everyone to hear.

“I did it for myself to begin with, but once I [came out], I started getting all these letters and e-mails and MySpace messages and…it’s just been so wonderful and humbling for me,” J.P. explains.

I ask him if he feels like a spokesperson for the gay community now.

“Yes, I do,” he says. “And the reason I do, is because I did it the way I did it. I feel like I’m on a mission now.”

With the outpouring from the community and the letters I’ve read myself here in the Instinct office, it’s clear J.P.’s story struck a chord with many across all boundaries: gay, straight, male, female, moms and dads from around the country who wrote to tell us how proud they were of J.P. for telling his story and how J.P.’s openeness had helped their relationships. That’s called impact. Knowing this, I throw out the words “role model” for J.P. to chew on in between his bites of pasta.

“I’m a role model, I guess. But I don’t want to be a perfect role model,” J.P. says. “I love to go out and have a good time. I do drink. Sometimes I do get drunk, and sometimes I do crazy or wild things. And sometimes I do the wrong things and make bad decisions. But we all do, and I think we have to be okay with that.”

We’re interrupted now by a once-shy female fan I’ve noticed has been conspicuously watching us (or rather J.P.) from across the room. She’s tentative at first, afraid to interrupt our dinner, but J.P. encourages her to say “hello” with a friendly, come-hither wave of his hand. Soon this straight, female fan is joined by an entourage of men. “Thank you,” they sing over each other. “Love your story. Love you!” The accolades spill from their mouths as I oblige to take a couple of group photos for these out-of-town visitors.

As much as J.P. seems like the same regular, nice guy I met a year ago, things have clearly changed. I’m dealing with a celebrity on some level today.


WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP

There was a earnest two-month waiting period between the filming for The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, our initial interview and Instinct cover shoot, and the episodes’ airdates and the street date of the magazine. Everything had to be kept strictly confidential and under wraps for two “long, painful months” as J.P. recalls them.

“It was two months of my life where I can’t remember sleeping. One night I’d be so happy and proud of myself, and think, I’m finally going to be so free. This is a good thing,” J.P. remembers. “And then the next night I’d be up pacing or crying and sweating and thinking, Why didn’t I just keep my fucking mouth shut?” And then he had to tell Grandma.

“My grandma is my saint. She is my angel,” J.P. says proudly. “So, of course, I waited until the last minute, because I was so nervous! But they dangled the carrot of my sexuality earlier than I thought they would [on the show].”

He points at me several times, saying, “You came on and they show you for like two weeks before our actual episode was going to air. Yeah, thanks, a lot, Mike,” he laughs, “You made me have to tell my grandma before I was ready!”

So J.P. called her.

“She was going on and on about family and different things, And finally I thought, Focus, grandma, focus! So I say, ‘Grandma, I called you for reason. I have something to tell you. You know I’ve been doing that new show…’ and she calls it the Angie Dickinson show. She doesn’t even know who Janice is…and I say, ‘I did something on the show…’”

He told her there was something that had been plaguing him his whole life. “And then I just said it, ‘I’m gay, grandma.’” He recalls a lengthy pause where his heart and mind raced, then she muttered, “Oh.” Then came, “Well, I still love you. Are you happy?”

J.P. told her he was. She said that’s what mattered and then she moved onto other subjects. J.P’s bombshell admission wasn’t such an explosion after all, but rather just another item to talk about on grandma’s familial laundry list with the likes of a cousin’s soccer game and an uncle’s new job.

J.P. did have one family member call him and ask if he wanted to pray with her. “I thought, You know what? That’s lame.” My family was not very approving in the beginning.”

By family, he means extended family—aunts, uncles, cousins—since his older brother has always been J.P.’s biggest supporter. “He is my rep,” J.P. laughs. “That’s what I call him.” He assured J.P. that extended family members would come around.

J.P. never had such dilemmas with his straight friends. “My straight friends love me, but in the straight world or in the athletic world they’ll never say, ‘Hey, we love you’ just because it’s not their style.” He goes on to offer an example of a typical ribbing they would offer by referencing a recent game night: “If we play poker with all the guys, they’ll say, ‘I bet you want to play strip poker, don’t you?’ And sometimes I just think, Yeah, ha, ha. Real funny, guys. But sometimes I’ll egg ’em on and say, ‘Yeah. I totally want to play strip poker! I can’t wait to see you guys naked!’ And that usually shuts them up for a little while. It just all in good fun.”

FASHION FORWARD THINKING

Fun is just one word that could be used to describe this month’s cover shoot as well. Calm also comes to mind. There was no camera crew following us around this time. No Ms. Janice, no swimming pools to float in. Just a photo studio, J.P., me and the rest of the Instinct crew—a much more relaxed scene than last year to say the least. After the shoot was complete, I pointed something out to J.P. that struck me as curious during the shoot. Our stylist wanted J.P. to try on an outfit that was similar to something he didn’t want to wear a year ago during our photo shoot. This time, this year, however, J.P. was enthusiastic about the ensemble. I ask him about this, and I learn what a difference a year and some perspective can make.

“I wasn’t a model then,” he explains. “I was becoming a model. Now I’m comfortable with who I am. I’m gay. So what? I’m a model and with this issue [of Instinct], I think people will see a big difference. The fact that I was coming out in a gay magazine [last year] and wearing clothes that looked—at least to me—stereotypically gay. It was just so much…gayness all at once, and I didn’t want any respect taken away from me. And that’s a stereotype. That was wrong. But that’s where I was at last year. Today it’s different.”

As well as his work with Janice, J.P. recently signed with Ford Models and has been consistently working. He’s shot with 2(x)ist, done Fashion Week L.A, Fashion Week in New York and campaigns for French and Italian fashion magazines. He’s also booked speaking engagements, and appearances at Pride events across the country.

“It’s getting tremendously easier for me, but I’m still getting used to it. I have to break through stereotypes and I still sometimes get nervous that I’ll hear someone shout ‘faggot’ at me when I walk down the street,” J.P. says. “It’s the same for anyone coming out, I think, or being out. I think we always have some of these thoughts or reservations in the back of our minds somewhere.”

But he’s been working hard on changing his perspective and he says it’s working. “I can open my eyes wide. I was living in tunnel vision for so long,” J.P. says. “Now I can see the bigger picture. I’ve only seen me, myself, my heartache and what I was about instead of seeing what I could do and what I should have done.” This opened him up for—brace yourself, boys—love.