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 We figured that, naturally, Jonathan Dayka was going to be a bit different from the cover models Instinct has featured in the past. After all, no two handsome gents with zero-percent body fat are the same. But over coffee at a West Hollywood Starbucks one sunny April afternoon, Dayka explained that, during his adolescence, he had one goal. “My dream was to build this robot that would be something like an android that I could talk to,” he said. “It was almost a bit of a creationist thing that I was after—trying to create this thing that I could interact with myself.” Sigh. He had us at “robot.” As Jonathan continued with his story, he spoke of entering his first gay relationship at age 16—one that, when it ended, completely derailed his life for two years.
Jonathan grew up in the coastal California city of San Luis Obispo, which is located approximately halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It’s where Jamba Juice was founded, and to us, the area sounds just charming.
“I grew up in the northern part of San Luis Obispo, in a town called Atascadero,” Dayka points out. “It’s very conservative, a little bit redneck-y. We had cow-branding parties.” Did we say charming?
The 23-year-old is currently deciding whether he wants to attend a university in Santa Barbara, San Francisco or San Diego. He’s already got a stint at Santa Barbara City College, a summer internship at New York City music PR firm Girlie Action and freelance marketing work for IMG Media under his belt.
But while Jonathan’s personal and professional life is now falling into place, it didn’t happen without hitting a low point during his teenage years; a time when his personal struggle with his sexuality knocked him full-force into the grip of depression.
“I’d been doing engineering all the way through school,” Dayka says as we sit down in the coffee shop. “It was late in high school that I started coming out of my shell a little bit more—not out of the closet, but out of my shell—and just being more social. Previously, I would come home and just start building robots.
“My dad is a landscape contractor, so we had pipes and wood and nails and stuff,” he continues. “We had things you could build.”
When Jonathan hit junior high, he became more and more interested in dating. “That was more about passing notes or whatever,” he recalls. “I had a couple girlfriends in junior high and in high school I had one or two pretty serious girlfriends.”
Dayka says he always knew he was gay. Around 16, he unsuccessfully went online to try to meet gay guys close to his own age through Yahoo Personals. “Maybe about six months later, I got an e-mail from someone I had sent a message to,” he explains. “It was from this kid, Chris, who was my age, who lived in San Diego. I was like, Whoa, this guy sounds really cool. He ended up coming up on the train all the way from San Diego. It was total love at first sight. We were crazy about each other.”
Neither of the teenagers was “out” at the time, and while the two were traveling back and forth to see each other regularly, Jonathan simply passed Chris off to his parents as a friend.
“My parents had been divorced since I was young, so it made it easy,” Dayka says. “It unfortunately led me to having to be a little disingenuous with my them, which I think a lot of gay kids have to be…especially when you’re trying to explore it and find out if it’s for you. Chris and I would meet up in Santa Barbara for a day and just run around. We went to Magic Mountain, stuff like that. We would see each other probably twice a month.”
Their long-distance relationship lasted a little over ten months. “We had started taking more trips to see each other and were getting more involved with each other’s lives,” Jonathan says. “He’d met my parents and all my friends, and it was getting more difficult to explain why this kid that nobody new was always popping up.” Then, one day, Jonathan says Chris just stopped talking to him.
“We had been in constant communications before,” he says. “For about a year and a half after [it stopped], we would still talk like once a month. He would be like ‘I still love you. I’m just really busy.’ I was just a naïve young kid was hoping he really was busy and that we’d still be able to be together.”
Jonathan only saw Chris one more time in that period. He jumped in his car to make the eight-hour drive to San Diego. That’s when both his parents began to realize what was going on. “Every other time I would be prepared and make sure that I thought of a reason why I was leaving,” he explains. “But this time I just started crying, jumped in the car and left.”
The depression Jonathan went through lasted two years. He felt he couldn’t turn to anyone to discuss the secret life he’d been leading, and he began seeing a therapist in San Luis Obispo. Eventually, Dayka worked through his confusion and was able to begin the process of coming out to the people in his life.
“What happened was I was aware that I lived in a small city,” Jonathan says, looking back, “so I was completely aware that it wasn’t the city to come out in. But once I started coming to big cities like L.A. and New York, I started seeing the gayborhoods where all these people own it and are fine with it.”
While taking a Psychology Of Sexuality class at Santa Barbara City College, the instructor noticed the comfort Jonathan displayed with being gay and asked him to be a guest speaker. “I’ve been doing it for two years,” he says. “I come in and give my brief history, then I answer questions. A lot of people [in the class] have come out now, but there still are a lot who haven’t.
“I do it, one, for the kids who haven’t come out, who may be depressed and may not realize that it’s somewhat universal,” he continues, “and also for the straight guys in the class who have never seen anything but Jack from Will & Grace. He’s hilarious, but he’s still a stereotype. In a class that’s mixed between male and female, I get most of my questions from men. A lot of time it’s the straight guys. They’ll ask, ‘What’s the difference between Jack from Will & Grace and you?’ Those types of questions are really why I do it.”
These days, Jonathan is single, although he says he dated someone for two years while attending SBCS who he describes as an “amazing guy and one of the best relationships.”
As for Chris, Jonathan says the two of them got together once after Dayka turned 18. “He said, ‘You know, you started getting so involved in my life, and I was so not ready to come out,’” Jonathan remembers, “‘I realized if I didn’t stop it, that’s what I would have to do.’”
And do the two keep in touch now? “We do,” he says as we finish our interview. “He lives in Temecula, which is off the beaten path. We keep missing each other, but we talk a lot about hanging out again.”
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Instinct Online 
written by Alex on June 01, 2007
Very hot guy!
written by kyle on June 02, 2007
why can't i meet a guy like this? ;-)
written by Sean on June 03, 2007
Jonathan is an awesome guy. I had the pleasure of knowing him while I was in college. I first met him and thought; wow hes hot he has to be a superficial... he turned out to be one of the nicest guys ever.
written by Chris on June 04, 2007
Best - Roomate - Ever. He's been a true inspiration.
written by Haley on June 04, 2007
we dated, he was cool... I still have dreams about that bod.
written by James on June 05, 2007
A beautiful man, and a touching coming out story too
written by John A. on June 06, 2007
Woah. When did you guys add the wallpaper? HOT! HOT! HOT!
written by For the record on June 06, 2007
Ummm..Nicole Ritchie notwithstanding, there is no such thing as zero percent body fat - you'd be dead... nevertheless, he is kinda cute!
written by Francis on June 07, 2007
Jonathan I'm your soulmate!!!
lol...Kudos to Instinct! A job well done! He is HOT!
written by shayerahol on June 08, 2007
another white gay guy from the abercrombie and fitch assmeebly line featured on the cover of instinct. shocker (sarcasm). why is the gay community perpetually vain and shallow? why is looks such an important part o fthe gay lifestyle? and this concept of "beauty" ALWAYS adheres to white american/european standards? no wonder everyone thinks gays are a bunch of drunken, drug addled, party animal nymphomaniacs. why can't there ever be a real person reflected by this magazine? instead all it shows is sluttiness, promiscuity, beautificationa and partying. uggh. the gay community has no hope.
written by John A. on June 08, 2007
shayerahol,
You're an idiot! In the past 6 months alone, they've had 2 African Americans on the cover. And inside the magazine, they have the "Life of Me" series which is all about gay men who you don't normally read about. Plus there's blind date, couples quiz, etc. which are all about your average gay guy of all shapes and sizes.
So when they balance things out with some hot white guy on the cover, you freak out. Educate yourself...moron!
written by Lobo on June 09, 2007
And... they are on there because they are HOT!
written by jaba the hutt on June 09, 2007
i know this guys boyfriend!!!
written by Daniel on June 10, 2007
This guy is amazingly nice, i hung out with him once and then a couple months later he sees me at a party, still recognizes me and even takes the time to make sure im getting home safely. He deserves all good things that come to him in life!
written by shayerahol on June 11, 2007
wow 2 black guys in the past 6 months! as compared to how many years of having one white guy after the next that looks "good" in terms of how gay beauty standards are perceived? wow 2 black guys. what an accomplishment! instinct is no different from genre or out or some of the other softcore porn publications that try to pass themselves of as legitimate magazines.
it's really sad that to this day it's the same shallow, vain, lookist, racist crap. the same type of cover boy (white, musuclar, young, "attractive") appears cover after cover the only difference is therir names. blind date? couples quiz? wow a few sections as compared to countless articles with white, "handsome" (as defined by gay beauty standards) models accompanying them. this magazine as usual caters to the white gay crowd. it's just a reflection of the lack of representation for other races. but it's typical. racist, lookist and weightist beliefs are alive and well in a community as marginalized as the queer community. this magazine reflects those sentiments.
the only reason this guy is on the cover is because sex sells. that's it. spare me the bullshit that he's nice and builds robots. puh-leeze.
written by shayerahol on June 11, 2007
John A wrote: you defend this magazine's excluding practices by saying that the Life of Me series features queer men you "don't normally read about." and why don't we normally read about them. oh that's right. it's because another pretty (gay standards-wise) boy, abercrombie and fitch type has been designated to be on the cover and these types are practically everywhere else. and this magazine, along with the rest of them, have been repeating this for years. is this your definition of to "balance things out?"
written by Jason on June 13, 2007
All of you need the love of Christ in your souls. I pray you seek him while you still have life to do so, nuff love still.
written by shayerahol on June 15, 2007
Hey jason! The only gays you should be praying for are the hedonistic, drug addicted, skanky ones. The ones you should be praying for are the gays that are racist, lookist, ageist, weightist and sexist. And those gays are the ones typically found on a "pride" float. They celebrate their "pride" by doing what? By behaving in a degrading way and giving gays a bad name. They prance around looking like strippers while they act like hookers. Look at every typical pride parade. They are all the same. It's a disgusting, revolting orgy full of men in underwear and those that worship them on the sidelines. Newsflash! It's called underwear since it's meant to be worn underneath clothes. Gay men just worship hedonism and beauty, as evidenced by this Dayka article.
written by Peaches on June 15, 2007
Hey, let's all worship Shayerhole here, who has the most boring life ever and hangs out posting stupid rants day after day in forums like this.
written by shayerahol on June 15, 2007
It's shayerahol not shayerahole. But you would know a lot about holes now wouldn't you? Peaches are you a gloryhole fan?
Just kidding. But why don't you actually contribute anything to the forum? The sad part is that what I posted is true, so you have to resort to petty posts since you can't refute what I wrote about the gay community, which is the truth.
written by Peaches on June 15, 2007
Well, actually, I can. I'm gay and tried drugs one time, about thirteen years ago, and never again. The sad part is actually that many people can refute what you're saying, and that you're actually just a bitter, lame person with low self-esteem and a chip on their shoulder. Later, shayhole.
written by j3sixty on June 16, 2007
Wow, this blog went sour... Let's try to remember that picture sell magazines, gay or straight, and the article mentioned here is not about being pretty, it's a personal story of struggling with identity, and many people can relate to and be inspired by this article. The full article goes on to say (in the complete verstion) what Jonathan is doing now to help prevet people experiencing a simlar struggle from hitting the lows that he did. Good job, Instinct, on showcasing some substance... and I happen to also enjoy the fact that he's fun to look at too! Is that wrong? No.
written by shayerahol on June 17, 2007
To Peaches:
Instead of contributing something to the forum, you resort to calling me a bitter, lame, a-hole with a chip on my shoulder? The truth really hurts in the gay community. When someone speaks up about how the gay community is hedonistic, drug-filled, shallow, superficial, vain and backstabbing, then they are bullied. When someone truthfully calls the gay community racist, weightist, sexist, ageist and lookist, then they are being silenced. You will not silence me with your bullying tactics. I've dealt with far worse than your kind Peaches. I've even had relatives both call me a faggot to my face and physically attack me. So I can handle a gay bully.
To j3sixty:
Pictures do not sell a magazine. That's just an antiquated view so that the status quo is upheld in the gay community. It's depth. Pretty isn't forever but brains and good moral character are. The only reason Dayka is on the cover is because he's pretty. That's it. There are far more meaningful stories to tell from the gay community. But his story is chosen and elevated to the instinct cover "status" because he's pretty. Majority of the gay community is shallow and superficial, so they worship Dayka and his kind. Dayka did not accomplish anything special or extraordinary. I read the full article. As always, it's unsubstantial, and instinct has delivered once again (sarcasm). The only thing Dayka did was win the genetic lottery. If he had half a brain he wouldn't have gone on the cover and let someone with something substantial to say on it. Boo to instinct for perpetuating the lookist, racist, ageist, weightist gay mindset.
written by Brendan K. on June 22, 2007
I hate to break it to all of you, seriously, he doesn't have to think of anything to say. I've worked as a lighting assistant for these types of shoots and all these 'pretty boys' have to do is take pictures and leave. Then we get our writers and editors to come up with a bullshit story, then write, and edit it and make it like it is from him. That's how most magazines work.
written by Jhun - Naples, FL on June 24, 2007
your eyes are so sad...
written by shayerahol on June 24, 2007
Thanks for proving my point Brendan K! Let the weightist, ageist, sexist, lookist and racist mindset of the gay community continue its reign of terror.
written by Timmy on June 25, 2007
Jonathan is so hot and sexy! I bought three copies! More hotties, please!
written by asianrice on June 26, 2007
To Shayerahol, please do not speak of the gay community as a whole, there is a lot of us serving, counseling and helping the GLBT Community in a spectrum you just don't even see. the only focus point you have is the ones you see at bars, magazines and pride parades. We walk on those pride parades and we dance on those floats, at the end of that parade, we still do our work and help out. For you to just rant about the community...what are you pro-actively doing about it? Instead of wasting your time throwing negative energy on magazine comments area, why don't you actually just celebrate the diversity there is available in the community, if you can't find it then you are not looking hard enough! Stop hating and start loving!
written by jaxln on June 26, 2007
Whether outside looking in or inside looking out, it is always the other that that we wail against. Might I suggest more introspection and less blame and name-calling?
written by shayerahol on June 27, 2007
To asianrice: Stop hating and start loving? Are you a purple colored dinosaur?
Seriously though, how the hell does dancing in your underwear in public help out the gay community? These damn floats, the magazines, etc..... these are the faces of the queer community. And the portrait of the queer community is disgusting. How can you affect change in society when the queer community is problematic? This mb is the perfect platform to finally speak up against this oppresive status quo. The gay community is racist, sexist, lookist, ageist, weightist, trashy, slutty and hedonistic. The pride floats promote that. The magazines and websites promote that. So as long as instinct keeps glorifying and plastering jonathan dayka-types on their cover, then I'll still speak up. As long as the gay community keeps upholding these racist, sexist, weightist, lookist and ageist values, I'll still speak up.
written by asianrice on June 27, 2007
Dear Shayerahol, I just proved my point! I didn't even mentioned that I am dancing in my underwear and you presumed I was! You didn't even answered my question...WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO CHANGE THIS PERCEPTION? DO YOU EVEN VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME TO AT LEAST MAKE SOME CHANGES? Sad, cause the only thing you can do is rant! I really feel sorry for you and hope that you get some light and a bit of understanding!
written by shayerahol on June 27, 2007
asianrice:
Congratulations you don't dress like a stripper in public during pride. I hope you don't act like a hooker though. Just to clarify, I never assumed you danced on a float with no clothes and no dignity. I was commenting about that kind of reprehensible behavior in general. As to answer your question, yeah I've did the whole volunteering thing (men's group, queer group, counseling, lgbt resource centers, etc.) for approximately 4 years. The political is the personal. So anytime someone straight discriminates directly at me or at the "community" I make it a point to speak up. Does that answer your question? Strangely though it's easier being discriminated by society as a whole than by your own kind. Writing on mbs/blogs against the accepted racism, sexism, lookism, ageism, weightism and hedonism/sluttiness in the community is also a form of doing something to shift the status quo. Ranting has its purpose. Too bad my rants bother you so much. Well the truth does hurt.
written by asianrice on July 01, 2007
shayerahol, your rants doesnt really obther me at all, im just stating the fact that you have nothing else to do with your life and the only thing that you can do is rant. You do need a LIFE. As far as I am concerned I don't rally care. I just hope that you use your time in something more productive than spreading negativity on the net. spread light instead of darkness, people like you are why there is no cohesiveness in our community, all you do is complain!
written by shayerahol on July 01, 2007
I do not need unsolicited advice from someone named asianrice, which is a strange name to pic. It's just a play on Asian stereotypes. Not all Asians like to eat rice. Speaking of Asians, if you actually grabbed a copy of this pathetic, disgusting issue devoted to worshipping a dime a dozen type like Jonathan Dayka, you would've read a very offensive article. It was devoted to an Asian illegal immigrant. That's right, a criminal. Out of all the Asian gay males this magazine could feature, they pciked an illegal immigrant. Way to go instunk. Anyway I do have a life, but I just like to rant. It is a good way to bring change to the queers.
written by shayerahol on July 01, 2007
Just one more correction asianrice: there is no cohesiveness because of the following in the queer community:
1. racism
2. sexism
3. weightism, lookism, ageism,
4. hedonism and sluttiness. have a nice day.
written by Allen/TN on July 05, 2007
this guy is down to earth. he is totally adorable and so genuine. Why can't all hot guys be like him ? Way to go Jonathon. U are the type of guy all of us strive to meet someday.
written by shayerahol on July 05, 2007
Speak for yourself Allen/TN. He was on the cover because he's "cute" and that's the only reason there. Spare me the b.s. Did you actually read the issue? If you did, it was full of one white guy after the next. But they also featured a person of color. He was Asian. He has 2 degrees but he cleans houses and distributes flyers. The reason? Because he's an illegal immigrant. Out of all the Asians to feature they pick a criminal on the run. Swell......
written by DOUBLE D on August 04, 2007
Jonathan, I need to read the full version, obviously, but I have to say that you are one of the most genuine, honest, caring, and intelligent individuals I have met. Nothing but happiness and success is headed your way; and why is this, duh, karma. (PS, I hope I spelled everything correctly, nerd)
written by ALEXTHEANGEL on April 15, 2008
Hi there! Jonathan has a real baby face, very nice! He wanted to invent a robot to which he can talk but whatever the humanity invents as high-technological robots, rest assured dear that these inventions will ever lack in something that you?re looking for ?EMOTION?. Flirting with girls can never erase the real fact of homosexuality no matter what one does. One has never to attach to their beloved so far because none can guarantee the duration of the relationship at 100%, so you have always to keep a distance to avoid reaching the degree of going to a therapist...
written by ALEXTHEANGEL... on April 15, 2008
I forgot to give my e-mail address ALEXTHEANGEL-2008@hotmail.com
written by ALEX.THEANGEL on June 02, 2008
I really really like this cutie overmuch, if only I can get his e-mail address