 This last year has been a real whirlwind for professional volleyball player and coach J.P. Calderon. Yes, he's met tough contenders on the court and he's weathered the rough seas off the Cook Islands on Survivor; he's even confronted, head-on, the mighty maelstrom that is Janice Dickinson during his most recent reality-TV stint, but now J.P. Calderon is set to tackle his toughest opponent yet. Himself.
Today as we sit down for lunch, J.P.'s ready "for the first time in his life" to speak frankly about his sexuality, his painful past, his promising future and why he thinks Janice Dickinson is the coolest person on the planet.
J.P. Calderon is the youngest of two boys. His parents divorced when he was just a baby, and his upbringing is not one full of happy memories. But it's from these imperfect childhood memories J.P. will draw most of the emotional testimony he shares over our lunch today on this balmy winter afternoon in L.A.
"I had decided when I was younger that I was never going to come out. I was planning to get married and have kids, be closeted about it and force myself to be something I knew I wasn't" he says very matter-of-factly. J.P. says he knew at the time that his plan wasn't full-proof, but his decision took precedent over his plight. In his mind-as in the minds of many young gay men-being tormented and closeted was certainly better than being gay.
"I was always the jock. I always got the girls. I was always put in that real 'masculine' limelight," he remembers. "But, don't get me wrong-I do have my feminine moments. You can tell I'm gay. My friends say I'm getting gayer and gayer by the minute!" he animatedly declares. After a moment, our shared laughter falls to silence and then his sullen admission: "But, back then, I would see guys who would wear real tight jeans and sashay around or whatever, and I would think, Good for you, at least you are being you. That's something I've never been all my life."
J.P. turns pensive when I ask him how this remembrance and his realization of never being true to himself make him feel today. "I've always regretted it," he says quietly. "I've hated myself. And to realize now that I've always hated myself my whole life isn't easy."
If J.P.'s presence on the cover of our magazine doesn't already affirm his friends "gayer and gayer by the minute" proclamation, surely J.P.'s new gig on Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, a show I remind him may very well be the gayest on TV today-will certainly seal the deal. "I didn't know that at all," he laughs. "I really didn't! But, I think this a calling. I mean, all this stuff is happening to me for a reason. I really believe that."
Having just recently learned to accept his sexuality at the relatively late age of 31, J.P. is still plagued by self-doubt. "I don't want to send a bad image to anyone, but sometimes I'm still conflicted. I'm hoping I won't always be, but I don't know." He goes on to share an example about his volleyball teammates and fellow models that has replayed in his mind time and again. "I see them naked all the time. They're my bros. They're my team mates," he explains. "I don't look at them in that way. I never check them out like that. But, I always think, God, if I came out are they gonna start thinking , 'Oh, J.P. is checking me out' or who knows what. That bothers me because they're my friends, my buddies."
Another fear that hangs over his head, is what his sexuality will mean to the kids he coaches for volleyball. "I'm a role model for kids. And it's weird, but what if they see their gay coach in a Speedo or whatever and he's doing this gay magazine..? What are they going to think, you know? Am I going to let them down? What are their parents going to think? And I know I shouldn't care what they think, but I do. I might be the one who is making this a bigger deal than anybody else, but I'm just really self-conscious. I've never been more vulnerable or self-conscious in my life."
J.P. describes his early childhood as pretty free, and looking back on it now, perhaps freeing. He had a strong bond with his mom growing up, but breast cancer took her from him when he was just nine years old. Of course, he was devastated. His mother had always encouraged J.P. in his more artistic endeavors and he believes if his mom had lived past his youth, his life may have been very different—that her love and understanding may have made it easier for him to accept himself for the person he truly is. “If my Mom was still around, who knows, maybe I would have been that flamboyant kid,” he acknowledges with a soft chuckle, imagining something he may never have let himself even think about before.
“My dad moved in after my mom died,” J.P. says in a tone markedly less jovial. “My brother was already in high school going into college. He was already an adult. So my dad couldn’t really do anything to my brother. But my dad got me when I was nine. So I had to go through being an adolescent while [my father] had to come back to raising children after pretty much being a playboy after getting divorced. He was used to being a bachelor. So we just butted heads all the way through.”
The stigma J.P. carries with him to this day is thanks—in no small part—to his volatile relationship with his father. In fact, J.P. says it’s this tortured father-son blood tie that has tormented him and shaped, or misshapen, his entire life up to this point.
J.P.’s dad died a year ago this past October from brain cancer.
“My dad represented the machismo, the whole Latino man’s man culture. As a kid, everything I liked was…wrong…in his eyes. He thought modeling and TV and entertainment were…” J.P. trails off searching for just the right word. I think I know where he’s going, but that he’s perhaps hesitant to say it out loud. So I say it for him: “Gay?”
“Yeah,” J.P. admits, his eyes hitting his plate in front of him. “I come from Latino culture and a blue collar family where you are only respected if you work really hard, and he never saw any of that [entertainment] as real work. There were laws that I needed to follow in order to be successful in my dad’s eyes. And his laws were never on my agenda.”
“He never trusted me. He made me feel like I was this really bad kid,” he says. Then J.P. is quiet for a minute and I watch the emotions wash over him as the stories of his wounded childhood begin to take their toll on him. “You know when I went to college my dad didn’t even help me move. Like, parents usually get into it, right? They help you. They want to get involved, visit the school..? He’s like, ‘Where you going?’ and I say, ‘Dad, I’ve been packing the car because I’m leaving for school.”
There’s another long pause, and we both begin to poke at our plates of barely eaten lunch.
“All these emotions have just been hitting me,” he says, finally looking up at me. “I just remember that as a little kid he was always going out and he would leave me alone. He was never a dad. My brother was my dad…now, he, he did everything for me.”
It’s another moment, and another poke at his plate before J.P.’s eyes look up at mine again. “I feel so guilty for saying this, but I felt relieved when my dad died. Because I just felt like I was free. I was finally free.”
So, do you think that if your dad hadn’t died…?
J.P. already knows my question and he is firm and to the point: “We would not be talking right now.”
He had that much of a hold on you?
“Yes. Definitely.”
So you would still be unhappy?
“Yes. I’d still be very unhappy. I would die unhappy.” He pauses for a moment, realizing, “I think my dad died unhappy.”
Do you think your dad knew you were gay?
“I think my dad knew. Sure. I think everyone [in my family] knows. No one is dumb. I think the more you don’t talk about it, the more they can dance around it and feel comfortable because they can treat me like I am no different.”
But, you are no different.
“I know that. And you know that...” J.P. trails off managing a smirk that tries to mask a deep-seated pain that ponders why others can’t grasp how simple and true it is.
J.P. is intent on making up for lost time now. And he wants to go forward with no regrets. “I’m really, truly doing, what I’ve always wanted to do. I always wanted to be in entertainment. I was such a ham when I was a kid. I loved it, you know?” he reflects. “And when my mom died I stopped. But now I can do it again. It wasn’t until this last year when my dad passed away that I did Survivor, I said yes to Janice Dickinson, to you. I’m coming out and I’m living!” he says finding a smile beneath years of hurt and disappointment. “Like, what the fuck am I doing? Why have I waited so long?”
What’s next, I wonder. “I want to model. I want to act. Sing… I want to do it all,” he reveals with genuine enthusiasm. “I really want to do things I always dreamed about but never did. All that stuff I wanted to do as a kid that immediately got shut down after my mom died. Now I’m reopening that.”
“I think that’s why this is all happening. It’s not every day somebody gets slapped in the face with a major magazine like Instinct, Janice Dickinson, her TV show, another show [Survivor]. You know, I think I’m just supposed to do this. Every day I ask myself, ‘What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?!?’ I don’t know if this is all gonna hurt me or help me. All I do know is that I am so tired of not being able to be myself. I feel it’s a calling. It’s such a weird and rare way of coming out—and extreme way of coming out—that I just had to say, ‘Yes, I’m supposed to do this. Yes to Instinct, yes to Janice, everything!’ God’s putting this all on my plate for a reason. And I think I have to do it for me. If I put myself in the most extreme way of coming out, then it forces me to have to deal because no matter where I go now everyone is going to know—or not know if they don’t care—but at least now nobody’s going to be questioning [my sexuality]. And I think that’s why I did it. It forces me to start living my life.”( J.P.’s coming out story for Instinct will air on Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency on Oxygen beginning Jan. 24.)
J.P. hopes his story will help others and that he can be a role model to a younger generation of gay youth who might be afraid to live their lives honestly and without regret. “Happiness is important. When you’re ready, that’s the time to come out, but just realize life is short. Yeah, it’s a stupid cliché, but I kick myself in the ass all the time now for not doing this earlier because I’ve just wasted 8 to 10 years of my life that could have been…,” he pauses, “…different.”
“You know, I’ve been blaming my dad my whole life for my own unhappiness. I’ve been using the excuse of ‘woe is me’ and ‘my dad made me this way’ and’ blah-blah-blah’ for so long, but you know what? Well, I can change that now. And it’s like, ‘Okay, J.P., shut up now. Get over it. Stop blaming your dad. Yeah, he did those things to you. Yeah, he made you who you are—those things you may not like—but now you should recognize you can change it.’ I need to stop blaming my dad and everything that’s happened in my life, and learn to live for me.”
His eyes meet mine and I see a determination and truth there. His smile beams, “And now, finally, I am.”
***
REALITY STAR REVELATIONS
How J.P. Survived The Cook Islands…And Janice Dickinson
INSTINCT: Right to the nitty-gritty: Were you pissed when you got booted off of Survivor?
J.P. CALDERON: I definitely got a bum rap. My thing is, everything they showed, I did do and I did say. It’s on TV. You can’t deny that. How they chose to show it was their deal. They need to create characters and storylines to appeal to the audience. And whatever you say and do, they’ll use. But you’ll notice, they never showed me smiling. They never showed me laughing. They never showed me singing at night. They never showed me acting goofy or telling jokes. One night I was saying that I wanted a Krispy Kreme— I’ve never had Krispy Kreme in my life—and one night I was like, ‘Look, I just want some frosted fat!’ I would just say funny, stupid things.
What lessons have you taken from Survivor?
I’ve learned that everyone on the show is completely different and everyone comes from different walks of life. I come from an athletic background where honesty and your candid behavior are respected. Where [on Survivor], it’s taken as aggressive and demanding, over-assertive and cocky and arrogant. In my world, you lay it on the table, you fix it, you move on and you become a better team that way.
And that approach wasn’t appreciated by your fellow castaways?
No. Because your dealing with moms. You’re dealing with salespeople and make-up artists, and all these people who don’t come from my world and they think of me as an over-assertive tyrant. I came off like a male chauvanist, and I’m laughing because I’m thinking, I’m gay! If there is anyone who is going to be sensitive to you guys, it’s this guy!
Would you have done anything differently?
It makes me mad that [Survivor producers] didn’t have the balls to come up to me and say, ‘Hey, J.P., we think you’re kind of being this way…’ and I would have immediately changed. But I did not think I was being an ass. I really didn’t. I mean, come on, I chopped coconut for everybody! You know how hard it is to chop coconut [laughs]?!?
Now, you’re really going into the wilds with your new reality show. Did Survivor prepare you for Janice Dickinson?
I don’t think anything can prepare you for Janice Dickinson [laughs]. She keeps throwing out, ‘You survived Survivor, now let’s see if you can survive me!’
How did your gig on Janice’s show come about?
I got a phone call from a producer and he said, ‘We saw you on Survivor. We like your look. Have you ever thought about modeling? Janice Dickison has a modeling agency and a TV show and she’s interested in having you.’ And I thought, Wow. She’s that crazy lady! I saw her on America’s Next Top Model. She’s pretty gnarly [laughs]. She can be pretty tough.
So knowing all this and after your experience with Survivor, why did you say yes?
I don’t know. Something in me just said, ‘Yes. Just do it. It’ll be fun.’ Plus, I think I’m really into doing things now that I would never have done. I’m learning now to take every opportunity that comes my way instead of overanalyzing it and beating myself up and saying no. So, I just said yes. Then, of course, afterwards I thought Oh, my God! What did I just do?! [laughs]
And how has your experience with Janice been thus far?
We started a little bit butting heads, but I love Janice Dickinson. I want everyone to know, she is the coolest person in the world.
Why did you butt heads originally?
It was me being a cocky arrogant guy—because that’s the only way I’ve ever known how to be—but she checked me big time and brought me back down, and I needed it. She sat me down and said, ‘Hey, cut that shit out. You don’t need to be acting like this. There’s a good guy in there. I can tell.’ And she just broke down a wall. A wall that needed to be broken down.
And now she shows up on set of Instinct’s photo shoot and jumps in the pool with you!
It’s really rare when your agent comes down to your photo shoot—and then jumps in the pool! There were a lot of guys on hand who could have and should have, and she was like, ‘Fuck it, I’ll do it’ because that’s just her. I thought about it in the pool. She literally had me in her hands…she’s taking care of me.
|
Instinct Online 
written by Patrick DeShane on March 13, 2007
JP,
Good for you, It took a lot to come out on T.V. Like you did. As I watched the show with you and Janice, I felt like I was right there with you and felt your anguish. I have been looking for your mag but can't seem to find it and when I do find it You best believe I will be getting it.
Good Luck to you and your future.
written by James on March 14, 2007
Keeping working it JP. You're doing great and the real people in your life who love you, will always care for you. Good luck with the modeling gig. Sorry about the Aussiebum shoot that Janice screwed up. You guys were hot and could have rocked their products! Have you seen their ads, they can't touch you guys.
written by Gary Wear on March 16, 2007
JP...the thing I like the most about you is your sincerity. You honestly seem like a very nice guy. Considerate, respectful and always concerned about others. That personality comes through in your eyes. I feel that your "coming out" will have a positive impact on many people. You give hope, that the stereotypical "gay man," is not always the case. Don't let fame changed that great personality of yours...stay sweet!
written by tom ireland on March 20, 2007
JP HOT HOT HOT what else is there to say but well done for coming out as a gay guy in ireland i know that this can be one of the hardest things for a guy to face well done
written by BC - NYC on March 24, 2007
As I watched that episode on JDMA, I was overcome with emotion being that I have experienced a similar situation. You ROCK baby boy! Life is Beautiful!
written by Ewan McLaughlin on March 25, 2007
J P J P what can I say. u ROCK! u changed the stereotypical gay man view. When I was watching ur photo shoot on JDMA, u choose to wear what u wanted not what was thrown upon u, u showed who u really are in that shoot. i give u props for coming out on TV. while i was watching you coming out to janice, i felt so proud of u and at the same time, i saw ur emotion and the good thing that you are doing for us gay men all over america. u are still the JP u were before u came out! if ur friends and family dont love u now, then they didnt before because u are a wonderful man. keep up the good work and best of luck in your endevours!
written by Ewan McLaughlin on March 25, 2007
One more thing u are my hero on my myspace www.myspace.com/ewan2006
written by Stephen on March 26, 2007
You are so HOT,good luck in your future as a model. You have a great personality please stay that way.
Do you have an e-mail or fan club e-mail?
written by David B on March 28, 2007
Hey JP! You were were very brave to do come out on TV and to do this photo shoot. I'm the same age as you and have been out for about five years but I totally understand all of the things you said in your interview about what your team-mates might think of you if they knew you were gay. I went through the same and the guys that I play sport with have all been very cool about it. Enjoy your new gay life and hope you bag a hottie soon!
written by LC on March 29, 2007
JP is a strong, driven and determined [gay] man. I believe that with his fresh personality and fierce good looks, he will definitely break through the fashion industry. JP is a great fashion model and role model. Keep believing in yourself and be who yo truly are.
Love you JP! I'll be one of your biggest fans! Mwah! Love you!
written by torch on April 04, 2007
Be proud! You are an amazing guy
written by j.r. on April 09, 2007
jp! congradulations on your cover with instinct. I told hanzi to be a model too.
---------------------------j.r. silfox
written by AnDrEw on April 13, 2007
OMFG JP i would so luv 2 meat u,u seem like a realy nice person.well i hope u have a shit load of luck n the near future.by luv ya wana fuck ya.xoxoxoxox
written by jeff on April 14, 2007
its a wild world out there, you seem to
be a very sincere guy, gay life appears
to those not so familar with it to be
shallow and all about what you see not
whats inside, you may change a few minds
stay safe out there and true to your
heart, its not always easy making tough
decisions about something as life altering
as your sexuality but thats out of the
way, good luck on your career, your a
very handsome, likeable guy
written by Andrew from boston on April 14, 2007
|Omg jp is so hot im actually going through with wat he is right now as we speak.If anything jp stay strong and just know that your my role model.
written by a.j. cordero on April 15, 2007
oh my god jp it takes a lot of courage to do what you did i'm latin,and being puertorican it's more difficult being out , you are for me as an role model to follow, 'cause i'm the youngest of three, i play sand volleyball and not only that i've
been booked to do some model jobs so you are like an inspiration for me!!! gracias!!!
written by Georgie on April 15, 2007
I just wanna say thanks a lot for bring this kind of info out to us. I have always been a real fan of JP since the Survivor reality show. I want to congrat JP because he finnaly show himself as a true, simple and honest person as he thought he was since his apperiance in Survivor. Keep up the good work JP and I gotta say that you are the hottest model in the hall LA. Words coming from a puertorican brother
written by jailson on April 17, 2007
j.p you are the best you are my influence and i being see janice agency just to see you keep doing you are so beautiful
written by Ty on April 21, 2007
I remember watching the pensive and scared expression on your face when Janice Dickinson proposed the cover of Instinct to you on her show. When you said "I'll do it" I jumped out of my seat and screamed...YES!!! Congratulations JP.
written by Anthony on May 14, 2007
Hey, JP!! I was on the edge of my seat when Janice asked you if you wanted to do this...I was crying and laughing all at the same time...I haven't came out of the closet because I know it will be the hardest thing for me to do. I will later...I know that I will have to sooner or later. I got accepted to Model Search America for the Vegas tour in Dec. Hope to see ya' with THE GREATEST HERO OF ALL TIMES....and I think you know who I am speaking of! Janice Dickinson IS the greatest hero in my book...she is faithful and true to her models. You can send me a message if you would like @ myspace.com/omgbff
written by Henry on May 22, 2007
J.P. Don't worry about your teammates thinking that you are checking them out. Your teammates are your friends and do not think that whatsoever. At this point in time, they are probably thinking...eh...It's only J.P. If not, than they are probably checking you out.
If anything, I think you are a very brave role model. I have a friend who talks about "Justin" from Ugly Betty. He said that he wished someone like Justin was on television when he was a child. Thus, he would not have felt so awkward growing up. People can see strong gay men in sports, not flaming queens. Growing up, we saw poor depictions of men being gay - Three's Company and MASH. We are fortunate to live in a better time with heroes like yourself.
God Bless,
Henry
written by Ricardo Tiznado on May 29, 2007
all the best for you men
let the world know who you really are
be good
written by Ms. Bossy from Akron,Ohio on May 31, 2007
JP Im an african american women who thinks you are very sexy. Watching you on Janice throughout the season I always thought you were the hottest of the bunch. After seeing the episode when you revealed your own sexuality I still think your the hottest. Hats off to you for taking that first step which was a huge step on national tv. Good Luck in the future.
written by blarepierce@hotmail.com on June 07, 2007
omg ... why you so hot! lol.. i'd so eat that. *meow*
written by Tyler on June 19, 2007
What brand of sunglasses is JP wearing?! I need to get myself a pair!!!
written by AggieRob69 on June 23, 2007
J.P. I am just touched with you and your sincerity. I think that you are a beautiful person inside and out!! i am very proud of you for handling yourself professionally and positively! You are an inspiration and of course, My Hottie!!! Xoxo's from Houston, Texas!!!
written by Bebe Rocco on June 27, 2007
So funny. i was watching a special they had on this reality remix award and jp was getting interviewed. he was very touchy feely with the gay male host. so i googled him and he's gay!
written by Dan Shiver on June 29, 2007
JP..you've been a huge inspiration to me, I've followed JDMA since it started and you were my favorite even before I knew you were 'family'. If you ever get insecure remember this too will pass~! I may never meet you, but I wanted to send you some Love man. later sweet potater, Dano
written by Eric R in Arizona on June 30, 2007
J.P. you are truly an inspiration! I admire you and I know how you feel. I face the same decisions as you do. I coach Volleyball and play also. Yor teammates will get past it. You're the same person it's just they know the real you!!! I know what you are going through. I'm only 19 and knowing that someone else is going thru the same thing as I am, there's not a better feeling! Thank you for being such an inspiration. I have come out to alot of my close friends and family members. I'm much happier now and I believe I have you to thank for that
written by Sussi on July 06, 2007
Oh jesus christ you are so hot - I'm a girl and I love you for coming out and finally daring 2 be yourself!
Many kisses and hugs from a fan in Sweden!
written by Sam from Sweden on July 06, 2007
You are nicelooking guy but you are smart and brave too. You have nothing to bee shame for. What your buddies, and kids you coach in volleyball think about you... I think that your real friends will be on your side. Others are not real friends and you don´t need to think so much about them. About kids... I´m sure that there, in your team, must be some kid who is gay and unlucky. Your story can help him to understand himself and feel better.
I am guy and I am not gay and I wish you good luck in your work and your life.
Sam
written by Kevin C. on July 06, 2007
JP,
Wow! You are definitely an inspiration! You're the main reason I started watching Janice D. I could tell you were struggling with some underlying issues and I was happy to see that I was able to bear witness to you taking them on. I am proud of you. You are finally being you, and the example you set for all those other young men out there is phenomenally positive. I hope more follow your steps and stop being ashamed of who they are, and take pride in it.
...It does help that you are built like a Greek God and have a look that kills! Even better role model, I think!
I wish you all the best and success in the future.
Kevin C. 21/M/FL
written by Coco GC. 36/ID on July 09, 2007
JP
Wow u are such a nice and sexy person one of the most amazing man I ever seen . Dont worry about life u seems to be taking care of yourself pretty good , just coming out on national Tv , thats huge JP , u are a survivor , dont care what other people say about u , just be happy and comfortable with yourself thats the most important thing !!!
I wish u all love,best and succes in the future JP !!
You are the best
; ))
written by jj manila philippines on July 25, 2007
i found my idol... I am from manila philippines and i have seen in the tv that he has a feminine touch.. i knew he is gay... but the thing is ... he come out with pride and dignity... its something any discreet guy like me that ever wanted to come out for a reason. To all the j.p. out there... lets celebrate....
written by marc on August 02, 2007
JP, am writing you from Manila where I watched your coming-out episisode on JDMA last night. Man, I envy you.... Not only was it an incredibly brave and the "manly" thing to do, you pulled it off with such integrity, sincerity and class. Well done indeed.
In your article on Instinct, you mentioned that your original plan was never to come out.... to get married... have kids and live your life in the closet. JP, I am that man! I am now 42, have a wife, 3 kids and a thriving business. I believe Im living the "ideal" life every straight (and closetted) man aspires for. The question is.... am I happy?.... For the most part, I am not. Although I love my family and enjoy every single minute with them... I am constantly tormented knowing that I am not being true to myself and to them
Keeping the facade towards my family, peers and colleagues only makes it harder. Its exhausting and frustrating... If you had stuck to your plan... you would be in my shoes, and you wouldnt be happy either. You did the right thing.
Thats why I envy you. You had the courage to stand up for who you are...
Let me tell you... at this point, its no big deal for me to let the world know Im gay. The thing is, I have a family now and coming out at this stage would wreck them.... us. So in a sense, Im in a point of no return.
Watching people like you do the right thing makes me happy. In some weird way, it feels like as if its a vindication for the mistake I made.
All the best to you and your future, JP.
Mabuhay!
Marc
marcianovp@yahoo.com
written by GARY on August 03, 2007
JP...YOU WERE ALWAYS MY FAVORITE ON ALL THE JANICE DICKINSON'S SHOWS...HOT...GREAT PERSONALITY AND JUST A GREAT HUMAN BEING. THE SHOW WHERE JANICE OFFERED YOU THE INSTINCT JOB....I COULD FEEL YOUR PAIN...I JUST WANTED TO HOLD YOU...MAKE EVERYTHING ALRIGHT. I KNOW YOU WILL BE OK WITH GOD'S HELP. GOD BLESS YOU!
GARY
written by josh h on August 05, 2007
jp can i just say...u r the hottest dude EVER!!!! lol im not kidding. i saw u come out on janice dickinson's show and i felt like i could relate, because im still in the closet. to do wat u did on t.v. takes serious guts! good for u!
written by Pierre on August 24, 2007
Wow, I'm like he was before coming out. I am very naturally masculine but I think my whole family knows just because I'm 36 and have never dated a woman to anyone's recollection. Some close friends know but I never told anyone in my family. I've seen my family's reaction to openly gay lesbian relatives. Basically they smile in their face and make unpleasant remarks behind their backs. But with that I feel paranoid like the unpleasant remarks are being said about me as well. All I hear are the questions "who's your girlfriend?" and "when are you getting married?" But I can almost read their minds thinking "when is he going to admit he's gay". With all that said, I am still not comfortable with coming out.
written by ven on August 29, 2007
Hi JP! Im a 33 y/old filchinese guy from the Philippines. I admire your sincerity and openness on TV. Just be true to yourself and other people and you can't go wrong. We were all meant to be somebody in this lifetime no matter what challenges come our way. More power to you and your career as a new model for Janice Dickinson. :-)
written by teddy on September 01, 2007
Hi JP! I really admire your courage to come out and to be open! You're really a huge inspiration for me! As a gay boy I'be been really open to almost everyone. My sister and most of my friends know about it and they're totally ok with it! (Thanks God) I don't know why it makes me happy to see you doing this come out. Though i still envy you coz imo as a gay guy you're just so perfect! T-T
Anyway, good luck for your carreer and anything you're doing!^^
written by Mahathir Mansur on September 04, 2007
can u put a naked picture
written by Mahathir Mansur on September 04, 2007
i wanna to see jp on naked
written by adi on September 04, 2007
My respect to JP...I'm still living in d closet. My family don't anything but I just share it with my gay friends. Well, it's hard to be a gay in an Asian country especially in Malaysia. Not many people who are open-minded. So, I just have to live like this til the end of my life... maybe...
written by Arrrhhh... on September 04, 2007
You know JP.....If u are not really a "GAY"....why would your eyes watery?....seems you intented to cry..If it is not true, then why would your emotions manifestated....
written by roy on September 05, 2007
hey JP
you rock man!
i really start to see you as an evolving model and to come out is just so awesome thing to do man, I think i wanna m ake you as one of my idolised mentors from now as I myself also strivin' and survivin' in this world. i like your way man!
written by roy on September 11, 2007
oh gosh.. i love u!! ahh.. i can totally relate to your story.. man.. i really love you!! haha.. wish you all the best in life
written by kent on September 11, 2007
hey there! from malaysia here
saw you on the janice dickinson show... im proud of you pal! hope ya lead a happy life and be careful at all times ok? hugs!
written by LINCOLN SMITH on September 11, 2007
hai there JP,
I am lincoln smith from sarawak, malaysia.i've been watching you in JD program.at first time i saw i already admired yoy. JP, i am glad that you have tell the truth about urself. I have been the same as you year ago but then i tell all of the people that i am gay. i am proud to be gay. JP, good luck. i will always supported you, even though i am far away from you. i wish to see infront of me someday.i hope that will com true..kiss 4 u..muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.GOD BLESS U.. 0146875129
written by LINCOLN SMITH on September 11, 2007
hai there JP,
i am Lincoln Smith from Sarawak, Malaysia. I've been watching you in JD program. At the first time i saw you, i already admired you. You the most talented guy that i ever see. Jp, i am glad that you have tell the truth you about urself.I have been as same as you are year ago but then i tell all of the people that i am gay. Now i am happy with my gay life. I am proud to be gay.JP, good Luck.I will always support you no matter what. Even though i am far away from you.Jp, i reall hope to meet u someday.i hope that will come true.KIss 4 u..muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..GOd BLESS YOU ....0146875129
written by REX from the philippines!!! on September 11, 2007
hi... i love you... thats all.. thanks!!!
i like you so much!!!
written by dref on September 14, 2007
Hi JP,
You are such inspiring and I want to be like you...I love your eyes
written by ambrose on September 16, 2007
jp has a blog like jon jonsson (manhunt)? if he has it, can i know. anyway JP, you are such a brave person i ever see. you admitt to the whole world who you are actually. im pround of it...hope you will success in your carier....love from malaysia.
written by Mr. A-Z on September 17, 2007
JP,
you know, i'm really happy for you... now, that you've finally came out. i'm pround of you.
i kinda envy you cos, i can't do what you did... i can't come out in public cos from wher i came from, they really hate people like us...
good luck man!
written by Bob on September 18, 2007
Common guys, what sunglasses is he wearing? Its sooo cool!
written by Edwin from kuala lumpur malaysia on September 18, 2007
Hi Mr JP,
I adore you....janice did a great job because sign you as a model......you born for modeling.....hope you are sucessful in future....
written by creezy on September 19, 2007
hi JP...
come 2 me.....
creezy....
written by Iraxz Devon on September 21, 2007
Hi J.P.
I'm Iraxz from sabah, Msia. I'm 16 and u've inspired me to be a truly gay boy. I want to like u. Successful in life but at the same time be a handsome, gay man. I think I've fall in luv with u J.P
written by ---February on September 23, 2007
I'm very happy for you! I've been checking your updates since you were a cast of Survivor cook Islands. You were great. I wish you the sucessof your career.
I do hope that you'll have a chance to go visit the Philippines. Your presence in Survivor Cook Islands really rocks Philippines. You showed your confidence and friendship to the limit.
Well, I hope you could grant my wish. Please notify me so that I can get in touch with you in case you have plans visiting the Philippines.
Here's my email address: february_fifteen@yahoo.com
written by kaiser on September 23, 2007
kurama_kaiser@zone.com
written by kaiser on September 23, 2007
well in the 1st place u thought dat dis message is just plain dumb ryt? but dis is all about the connection bitwin da 2 of us,coz i know a lot from u just like "j.piologists"so how am i gona start?wen i watch u ryt out of my t.v my world begins 2 focus on someting dat my life has plenty of oppurtunity left w8ng 4 me out der & dat isbcoz of u.youre so very & truthfully handsome,brave,honest,futuritic & the best hing is youre such a funny looking guy-dats y u think?...but i think youre the perfect man figure.i cannot fight dis weird filing ,i am so envy dat someday ore maybe now i finaly found the ryt inspiration wat im loking 4 & check out those incredible 8 beautifully shaped abs ive never ever seen any that b4 w/dat tightfully biceps & triceps how about those rock hard chest plus sexy bikini line of yours.idont know how 2 shout/scream every man should have dat damn!!!hahaha i have no idea y am i acting like dis.i have a sexybody 2 but upside down of yours in fact,my body stats.is 34-27-36,dis is funny i hav only 1 ab hehe just joking..theyre not seen from far places bcoz im 2 young 2 do dat liftweighting kind of stuff but ill prove 2 u dat some other gays & girls here keep staring at my body & on my___whatever!!u know wat hir in the philippines u already have thousands of avid fans suporting u der including me bcoz i do dat biliving dat ure true personality may lead u 2 more happiness & freedom rader dan not saying the truth.u know what i mean j.p.i c u in JDMA dat ure the 1 will pose on instinctmag.i know but u know 2 dat janice is very awkward & straightforward,i c it in ure eyes dat u wanted 2 cry but 2 youreself "im gona do dis" dat tym my shirt is wet bcoz of tears.ill be honest 2 u & hir comes the big drama seriously...i wanted 2 be like u...i wanted 2 be der w/ u...i wanted 2 be ure guiding friend...& i wanted 2 be like ure my older brother,i wana share the food u eat,i wana be a model 2gether& i wana go find u der in california if its allowed or possible...u can judge me j.p but remenber god gave dis 2 us...wel from now on il watch t.v over 2 u & afterwards im planing 2 hav a flight der 2 c u...yeah by the way my name is kaiser & im 19,i hope u read & understands dis,i hope u fil the same way 2 & lastly i hope 2 dat u have friendster/myspace 2 email me-my account is "kurama_kaiser@zone.com" ill be waiting coz were alike bye...& belated hapi-bday"my idol J.P"
written by jawn on September 25, 2007
i just wanna fuq u.
written by Scofield , Brunei-asia on October 02, 2007
JP at 1st i saw u on TV i suspected that you gay..im proud of myself coz im right..good for you n i wish i cud meet you for real..
written by spyz on October 11, 2007
JP you are an inspiration (no matter how cliche that may sound) but you well and truly are!
written by wYndYdaY on October 15, 2007
Great job u did hehe... i like u... i try to search for ur myspace but i couldnt hehe... niway, u r great...
from Cambodia...
Good Luck,
wYndYdaY
written by sam on October 16, 2007
jp good for you. We love u. U have our support and I like to wish u the best in all yourundertakings and best of health to u
written by BPaul on October 16, 2007
great job JP!! U are such a humble guy... Ganbate Kudasai...
written by CMC on October 20, 2007
JP, all the best and god bless you always. stay with your personality........you are a great guy.......calling from Malaysia
written by Al on October 22, 2007
I love you in Survivor and now that you are out, I love you even more. It's better to be out of the closet than be depressed all the time.
written by Raymond on October 25, 2007
Hey JP, I think your dad may be harsh on u but I think w/out him, u could've not been as great as u are today. I mean, if you were not forced to act straight and manly, would u have been as handsome and sexy as u are today? Ur dad molded u into u no matter how harsh he has been. I know it has been so hard on u, but u see, u look so beautiful now. Just remember this saying: "Only those people who suffer can bloom into beauty." Man, you are hot now and that might have been due to the sufferings you have encountered. As I see it (in my perspective), ur dad is a blessing coated in a bitter way!
written by Jason from Canada on October 26, 2007
Awesome job JP I've been through the same thing dating women wanting to hide and still going through it coming out and trying to be proud. Reading your article is the closed I've seen to my situation. You're an inspiration. Not to mention you're hot. Thanks for the article.
written by sheena on October 27, 2007
i often see u in JDMA reality show, and at first i was shocked to find out that sum1 as handsome like you could be gay, though i really admire you coming out, and be you, i mean being sum1 you are. JT is nice he understood you instead of judging you. impressive.. keep it up! blessings will rain for sum1 so humble like you
written by Glamorous on November 03, 2007
U r the Best babe!!!
written by Rob Brown on November 13, 2007
I want to say that I wish I had watched Survivor but I have to say that I first meet you on Janice Dickinsons show and was very inpressed with the way that you came out I wish there was a way that I could contact you through an email or somthing but you have given me inspration to go on as a gay man if there is a way for J. P to contact me here is my email address Brown260669@hotmail.com
written by Shanon on November 19, 2007
Hi JP,
I am a 22 year old guy living in the UK and was watching the Janice Dickenson's Modelling Agency earlier on today and you put a smile on my face. I was amazed and delighted with your courage. I am sure it isn't an easy matter and you handled it very well and enjoyed each word from your interview.
You are a genuine person and you will be loved for that.
I am a gay guy but it is still tough to admit it to myself and up to now ask myself the same questions that you have been asking yourself for the last few years before coming out.
What are my family and friends going to think about me.
I dont want to say too much but if JP or someone could give me some advice that would be of great help.
My email adress is joem971@hotmail
written by Deen on November 21, 2007
hai jp. I'm deen, 35 yrs old from Malaysia. congratulations for the tremendous success. i do watching u in the JD modelling agency in the tv. i admire ur courage and confidence in urself. well hope that u'll be more successful in the near future, i do admire u so much. u are cute, dun u know that. well, go for what u dreamt for. wiah u the best of luck.. My email Adeenguy@yahoo.com
written by Chris on November 27, 2007
Well I'm only 20 amd I struggle with more than you have already imagined. Here you at 31 just now coming to grips with your sexuality and again, me 20 still don't know who I am. I'm trying to accept myself for who I really am and it's difficult. But you taught me that when it's the time, I'll be ready but to wait too long because life is short.......
Thank you,
Xhris87
written by baog on November 29, 2007
ur so cute,,,,can i hug u.....i always watching janice dickinson modeling agency,,just to see u...i love you....
written by Ruddy Kapit Sarawak Malaysia.. on November 30, 2007
Congratulation.... i'm so proud of you....
written by Karen Whitson/Ric Lomiboa on December 01, 2007
JP, I've loved you since the first time we met. YOU were late to a junior tournament at LB State. Your 14's warned me you were mean to officials and that is also why I was given your court. I was instructed by the TD to card you as I saw fit but to call him over before I threw you out. But we just clicked. Then I was your good luck charm line judge while you played with Paul Mitchell at the opens in Dallas. After that we always shared a smirkey smile that to me felt like crushes, but I'm a lesbian and I assumed you were gay. When my friend Ric and I saw you in Kansas City the first time he said, " oh my god, look at that mary..." I was like "thats JP my friend" Anyways, I couldn't be happier for your recent outting and success!! I wish you all the best in all your future endeavers. Don't ever stop entertaining!!
I hope to see you on the court, beach, magazine, TV, just see you in person!! You may think Janice is it, well I think you are and thats why she cntacted you!! Don't ever not be you again!! My best to you always!!
written by syed sheridan,kksabah,msia on December 07, 2007
hello,i just don't know how to say this but.it's just too great to see a person like you goes out from your shell.i just can feel the burden inside of you,all the suffering and loneliness that you went through all this time just goes dissappear itself went you claim that you are you.it's not your fault i guess to be in that way,you can't blame yourself.
don't know why but how i wish to have the courage like you to stand up for yourself.thanks to janice,you are able to show the real you.it would be really great if i have someone to talk to like you do.from the series of janice dickinson modelling agency,i can see you as a true caring person.it would just be really nice if i have you as my true friend or even better as my brother.it does not even matter if you are gay or not,having you as apart of me would really be the greatest thing to die for.hopefully someday we are able to see each other.good luck on your journey.all the best for you and be happy,always.
written by Joseph from the Phils. on December 09, 2007
i love you jp.
written by Axndude on December 10, 2007
cool. good for you jp.
written by mark england on December 10, 2007
jp your amazing i want you lol
written by dec villanueva on December 10, 2007
i always watch janice dickinson modelling agency always and i enjoy more when i saw u there. hope we can be friends even we're miles away.
written by Enrique on December 11, 2007
This guy is a great example that gay men are not all stereotypes
written by Juan on December 11, 2007
JP,
Buen trabajo, amigo! Proud of you! You're not alone.
written by molly on December 11, 2007
JP you are true blue and so handsome. Your honesty is inspiring. I am glad you like Janice Dickinson but she is really abusive to many on the show and quite dysfunctional. I think you are switching family dysfunctions for work ones. She is nice to you as a star but not to others. I think you need to be in a better more professional environment. You deserve more.
written by john on December 13, 2007
hey yah J.P!! its really really great! u did it! its not wrong to be a gay guy....because i am too...lolz...but im so proud of you! u r excellent! ive been watching JD....well....just go for it!
best wishes.....henz_1013@yahoo.com
written by john on December 14, 2007
jp, i salute you for being true to yourself now. not every gay has the courage to do what you have just done. you're great!
written by tsk on December 16, 2007
He has not accomplished anything! He's a stupid as Janice Dickinher's son Nathan. They are both idiots. JP Calderon looks like a slut and he'll probably be just like Janice, a plastic surgery addict, when he gets old like her. JP has no substance and looks like a hooker in these pictures. He looks like an escort. He's so cheap, he has nothing between his ears. The only reason he's getting any attention is because he's handsome. Typical of this website to have the most comments for a skanky, brainless model like JP Calderon!
written by green_guy on December 18, 2007
jp,
i am patrick from the philippines and i just saw the episode of janice dickson show where you reveal yourself...i know it has been months since that episode aired...i salute you bro!!!i am seeing myself to you...like you i am still in the closet,i am scared that my family,friends, and the people whom i love will deny me if i will reveal myself to them..as of now,i am acting like a straight guy but stuck in the real identity...
hope i have the chance to know you bro...
jp if you can read this or anyone who can help me..this is my email patrickdavao@gmail.com
written by juhani on December 18, 2007
i am juhani from finland.and yuo are great men and you are best. i don´t write english good but whatever.
written by juhani on December 18, 2007
and you are my best menmadel.
written by J.P.'s #1 on December 23, 2007
J.P. u r so great don't change. Ur pictures r just drop dead gorious but ur personality is just sunning that I can't even explain it in words (no lie). I watched when u 1st came out and let me just tell u that was one of the most heartfelt moments that i've ever seenn. I loved how u said u wantd 2 preserve ur masculinity and among other things be happy and not hate urself. Not only was it a touching moment but u were more attractive at that time than any other time on the show. It is attractive 2 see a strong, masculine man like urself be honost and willing to put urself in a position of vulnerablity, is was so hot. Keep up the great work and I want 2 know if u have a fan club. I will so join.
written by mgnozarev16@yahoo.com on December 27, 2007
I should say I am not one of those persons who would look upto having myself out in the open.I hate the idea and it reflects so much in my life.I have few gay friends,met some but none came close beyond friendship.I guess I am still holding on to the idea that I am not gay.I also thought that maybe my gay friends failed to convince me of my true worth.I followed you in Janice Dickinson modeling agency but you were just the same with the rest of the guys.Just plain face nothing so interesting.But After reading your interview in instinct magazine,everything's changed. I was so touched and moved that as I read the rest of the interview I am starting to feel inspired.I can even relate to your pain would you believe ?. Fuckin' so amazin'.It then made me realize how unlucky I am to be stucked in here. I wish I could talk and meet you personally.
simple guy in PHI,
mgnozarev16@yahoo.com
written by derek on December 31, 2007
you inspire me to be true to myself just like what you did in this interview. Am proud of you JP. Wishing that we could be best buddies too.
written by derek on December 31, 2007
hit me up dude
fredrich22@yahoo.com
written by streusel on December 31, 2007
are you still friends with brian kehoe???
written by Stan Fitzgerald on December 31, 2007
hey jp,
i'm pretty sure u never read these posts.
but personally i do feel u are a role model to me and to everyone else who are still having a hard time coming out.
reading your article was very motivating and like other events that are occurring in my is giving me that push i need to do what will really make me happy.
Thanks,
Stan
written by jared james on January 07, 2008
it's a beautiful life
god bless you brother.
thank you
written by Sung-tae on January 12, 2008
I am a korean...I was so impressed after you confessed that you are a gay. I want you to fing the good man for you. You are so brave !!! You are the best !!
written by K WIL on January 13, 2008
MR. JP, I THOUGHT THIS WAS ONE OF THE TRUEST, REALEST LIFE CHANGING STORIES I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME. IT REMINDS ME OF MYSELF IN A WAY, BUT I SEE THAT YOU HAD IT WORSE THAN I COULD IMAGINE. BY READING THIS STORY IT HAS HELPED ME REALIZE THAT I CAN ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I AM AND NOT WORRY WITH OTHER PEOPLE. I LOVE YOU JP AND THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME FIND MYSELF.
written by teddy on January 14, 2008
Ur hot and i love to me u!!
written by chad morales on January 17, 2008
i have watched your episoce at jdma.. i envy you, coz now you're totally out.. unlike me still in the closet... i hope i can be like you... free
keep up the good work jp
written by NicePeter on January 29, 2008
I like JP , i'm living in the same story as him . I don't know if i can take this step to come out , i think it will destroy my life . In need help , bud i wish you a healthy and happy life JP !!!
written by bart on February 11, 2008
jp u r the best
u r the hottest guy ever
hugs from poland
written by j on March 01, 2008
CAN SUM1 TELL ME WHO MAKES OR WHERE TO GET THOSE WHITE BOARD SHORTS WITH THE DESIGN??? my email daflirter69@yahoo.com
written by P!0 on April 07, 2008
JP
Hi im a total fun and i've been watching this show since you opened up and im very inspired of what you have done coz im also like u only that i have not yet told the truth (still planning on how 2).Hope we can be friend even if ur far from our country
from Philippines
twisted_psyche07@yahoo.com pls add me if ever you have a friendster and accnt take care alwys and gd lck in ur career..
written by Jaypee on April 10, 2008
Jp calderon really inspire's me.
written by jon pichon on April 29, 2008
woooo JP!!!
first of all.. you're so hot! *lol*
well, I personally think that you did the right thing, you know. You revealed yourself in public and i could never been so proud of you!
Go JP! I know you'll do better and have a more successful careers!!
God Bless and Good Luck! c/^^
-jon
written by Mikhail Schrader on May 03, 2008
Thank you you are a very strong man for coming out on international TV and that is what takes a lot of guts.
I as a gay man abviously also had it tough as i came out in a very religious community, but I thought that if i can't be happy and be myself What is the point? So I thank you for your courage and wish you all the best in you career and future goals.
Kisses
Mikhail Schrader
Cape Town, Souh Africa
written by Bob Auleb, San Bruno, CA on May 03, 2008
JP, your fabulous! Not just looks but soul. With the weight loss you still are beautiful, just that you went from butch top to nelly bottom. I like the top look better.
written by Bryan, Malaysia on May 04, 2008
JP, I just watched the Janice Dickinson Modelling Agency. You are the MAN. We are proud of you!
written by MEM, Philippines on May 04, 2008
JP, you are HOT!
written by paula on May 05, 2008
hi j.p u r so amazing guy..... anyway how r u doing?i wish u r doing fine also like me,i'm feel good because i watch u on janice dickinson modelling...and that make me crazy cuz u come and run in my heart...u r so sexy....
paula_beach@live.com
or http://empty-mylove.hi5.com
take care....
i really like u....
written by daniel from. phil. on May 06, 2008
hello j.p. i'm only 16.. and i have a big big big big CRUSH on you.. when will you come here in