|
WOMANIZER, WOMANIZER
I’ve been with my boyfriend about six months. It’s been great, but now I’m “the other woman.” See, my boyfriend has a girlfriend he dates along with me. He claims he’s bisexual and says she knows about me. Can my guy really be bi? And in love with both me and this woman? Can a relationship between a gay guy and a bisexual guy work?
Benny in Tampa, FL
Sexuality is a lot more fluid than society is comfortable believing. Yeah, he could be bi. And the human heart is more convoluted than Lost, so it’s within the realm of possibility that he loves you both. But there are way too many questions to be able to tell anything. Does the woman really know about you? What’s his dating history? Does he get shifty when you talk about all meeting together for an honest discussion to see where everybody stands? Because that’s the three-way date that needs to happen before anyone can make a fully informed decision. In the meantime, keep a journal, because this’ll make a fab movie for Logo. WHERE YA GOING?
I am a 33-year-old Caribbean male living in Germany about to move temporarily to Romania before I return to the U.S. I’ve noticed my recent relationships didn’t last because of my boyfriends’ infidelities. Is it me or is it that guys cannot be in a monogamous relationship? Should I just allow another guy in the bedroom every now and then in order to keep the relationship going? I don’t want to be an old spinster.
Kashmir in Germany You get around more than fungus in a bathhouse. It’s a little difficult answering your question about keeping a man when you can’t even keep an address! But I’ll try. It sounds like you’re entering relationships with one set of expectations, while your partners du jour have another. I’ll bet you’ve never sat down with This Month’s Boyfriend and honestly and openly discussed: 1.) what you both expect and need from the relationship; 2.) what monogamy versus other possibilities means to you both; and 3.) what you’d each be willing to do to achieve a compromise everyone can live with. That’s a lot to ask. But it’s part of what anyone who is serious about entering an ongoing, sustainable relationship needs to do. Otherwise, your relationship is saddled with false assumptions and unrealistic expectations from the get-go. That leads to inevitable feelings of hurt and betrayal that we misinterpret as reasons to break up (then repeat with the next man, and the next…) instead of an opportunity to sit down and communicate! He might also take the relationship more seriously if he knows you’re gonna be in one place long enough to get a library card. I’m just sayin’…
WELCOME TO THE MINEFIELD
I’m in a long-term relationship of over five years. We became friends with a co-worker. The new friend started dating my good friend, so now we have a great couples’ friendship. Recently the new friend began coming on to me. Every time we’re together, there’s a lot of sexual tension. I like the new friend but don’t want to ruin my current relationship. Help!
Article continues below... 
KC in Baltimore, MDYou need to tell New Friend—now—that you’re friends and that’s it. Period. Because if there’s sexual tension in the room, both his partner and yours will pick up on it (if they haven’t already), and it won’t be pretty. Once you’ve clearly defined your boundaries, if New Friend still doesn’t cool his jets, it’s for sure time to tell your partner about it, and maybe even Good Friend. Tread lightly, KC. Otherwise, it’s possible you could soon be shopping for a new BFF and BF.
KISS ME THRU THE MAGAZINE
Dear Joel, I’m single and looking for a man with a good heart. You interested?
Angel in Anoka, MN Angel, I am interested in the welfare of all my homo children—of any age, color or delicious predilection. True, those with thick fur, handcuffs and hot wax receive a tad more of my interest, but I care deeply about each of you or I wouldn’t be writing this column. God knows it’s not for the money. Or free grooming products. It’s because I am truly interested in every member of my beautiful, sacred-sexy tribe becoming the proud, magnificent, healthy, free, exuberant, generous of heart, wondrously unique creatures they were born to be. So if I snap at people occasionally, it’s just tough love, darlings. That or not enough fiber.
Joel’s here for you. Unless he’s out. Either way, write him at
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
!';
document.write( '' );
document.write( addy_text73420 );
document.write( '<\/a>' );
//-->
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
 |
