|
WHEN MOMS COLLIDE
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We’ve met and spent time with each other’s families. Everything went swimmingly. But now his parents want to meet my parents. Our dads will probably get along fine: small talk, sports, drink some beer...but our moms?! We’re both terrified these strong-willed women we love tremendously—separately—may seriously clash when they come face to face.
George via Internet
Ugh, we have officially achieved parity with straight people. How horrifying! So let’s put a gay spin on this with a three-step solution. First, enlist your dads’ help by telling them your concerns and asking for assistance with your respective moms. Second, try asking your moms to be nice—you know, the way they asked you to suck it up at your jerkwad cousin’s wedding. And third—the gay step—get it on video! They’ll probably behave if they know they’re being recorded. And if they don’t and the claws come out, it’ll be a smash hit when you show it at the bar spliced together with Uma’s Kill Bill girl fights!
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
Is it wrong to be with someone just because you don’t want to be alone?
JP in Morrison, MN
Sweetheart, it’s not a matter of it being right or wrong, it’s a question of whether it’s healthy for you. The fact that this question came to you at all should be your first clue. I know there’s all kinds of paralyzing fear around things like “Who am I if I’m not part of a couple?” or “Will I be branded a failure at relationships?” or “If we break up, will I have to buy my own poppers and porn?” But do not let fear stop you from doing anything—and that includes professionally, personally and romantically. Just remember, as long as you’re saddled with a person who doesn’t make you happy, you can’t be available to the person who will.
RIYADH MAN OUT
I just turned 40 but still have lots of hesitations, reservations and worries to freely come out in the open about my real gay feelings. Though my family, co-workers and friends have been suspicious of my real self, I really don’t have enough courage and strength to come out of the closet. What shall I do?
Jacko in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
First and foremost, you have to take care of yourself, dear one. In Saudi Arabia, in October of 2007, two guys were sentenced to 7,000 (that’s not a typo) lashes for sodomy—and they got off lightly because you can be sentenced to death in your country for that. Yes, there’s a flourishing gay-but-not-gay underground reported there, but you have to weigh the consequences seriously. Taking into account the heavy cultural pressures you face, do you have enough courage and strength (and ability) to move to a country where you won’t lose your head for giving head? You wouldn’t be the first to move to a place where you can freely be who you really are. Do you think the homos in West Hollywood grew up there? Or Key West or Provincetown? We left our own rabidly red-state towns and found—or created, thank you—places where we could actually breathe. When you can’t stand it any longer, Jacko, we’ll be waiting for you.
Article continues below... 
FROM BF TO BFF?
What’s your take on when you break up with a boyfriend and he still wants to be friends with you? I’m willing to try it but all my friends say this will just be leading him on, even if I lay ground rules. We don’t live in a huge city so we’ll see each other around town all the time. I’m torn. I like him, just not that way—not anymore.
Taylor in Elizabeth City, NC
Being a Tar Heel myself, I’ve actually been in Elizabeth City. It’s on the edge of the aptly named Great Dismal Swamp, and it’s a tiny little berg where everyone knows everyone’s business and you know you can’t avoid running into each other cruising Mariner’s Wharf during Harbor Nights. So I get your sitch. But, Taylor, if the love affair is over, it’s over. You can’t make yourself responsible for his reactions. You’re only obligated to be forthright and honest with him—in a compassionate way. So set your ground rules, and if he can’t or won’t follow them, that’s about him, not you. Be firm. And maybe drive up to Norfolk for a taste of their seamen.
Joel’s here for you. Unless he’s out. Either way, write him at
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
!
 |
