 POOL BOY
I know the Olympics are a distant memory, but my boyfriend and I were glued to them when they were on. Specifically, Michael Phelps and all his gold medals. Apparently my boyfriend enjoyed Mr. Phelps more than I did—last night he asked me to put on a swimsuit and role-play. I thought he was joking and started laughing, and he got really upset. Should I just buy some fake gold medals and go along with this?
“Swimfan”
via Internet
Oh, why not? If you can pull off looking like a hot, muscled, aerodynamic merman with 0% body fat, go to hell. I mean good for you. Buy a Speedo and make your boyfriend happy and heated. Take the plunge and see if you can’t teach him a few new strokes. Since it doesn’t seem like much of an issue for you, I say as long as the kink in question isn’t hurting anyone, dive in, get wet and good luck with the judges on your freestyle!
I WANT TO BELIEVE
I recently started dating this guy, and I love him with all my heart and soul and I am sure he feels the same. I have been HIV positive for a little over two years, and he is negative. I told him my status a week into our relationship and took him to be tested. His results were negative, thank God! After the test, he told me that he loved me even more, but I can’t help but feel that he is only staying with me because of my status! How can we put my fears to rest and move on?
J.T.
Fort Pierce, FL
In your first sentence you say you’re sure he loves you. Four sentences later you’ve talked yourself out of it. Could you have worthiness issues about not deserving a partner? Why is it so unthinkable he might actually care about you and not so much about the virus? The crux of your problem is whatever’s keeping you from believing your boyfriend. Assuming he’s not lying, I’m willing to bet it’s cropped up in your other relationships, possibly sabotaging them, too. If you’ve asked him point-blank if it’s the status thing and he said no, take a fearless, loving look at yourself. He deserves to know why you’re not trusting him here. More importantly, you deserve to know that, too, so you won’t keep bumping into it, whether in this relationship or future ones.
TALK DIRTY TO ME
When my boyfriend and I are having sex, I want him to talk more. I know that sounds weird, but I think dirty talk is fun. He gets shy and embarrassed and shuts down when I ask. That makes me more aware of how quiet he’s being throughout—it takes me right out of the mood. I know it’s stupid, but it makes me angry that he won’t try more for me. Am I being unfair?
Patrick V.
Butte, MT
He probably doesn’t want to do it because it’s not “him” and he knows he’d be terrible at it. If more people stuck only to what they were good at, we’d never have been subjected to Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia!, Britney in Crossroads or Madonna in anything outside a recording studio. Good, credible filth-talk is a specialized talent that even most porn stars can’t pull off. The 5% of the time they get it right, it’s awesome. But the other 95% is painfully embarrassing and a guaranteed wood-kill. (It’s why I always mute the volume before popping in the latest…err…release.) So cut your boyfriend some slack and stop shaming him, which is why he’s shutting down on you.
4 MINUTES TO SAVE MADONNA
I really hate Madonna. She has no talent other than taking her clothes off. It makes me sick that as a gay man I’m supposed to love her. Why?!
“Anti-Madge”
via Internet
Well, it sure ain’t for her acting (see previous response). What’s this whole “supposed to” thing, anyway? As a gay man I’m “supposed to” shop only at A&F, wax my back and disappear once I turn 40? Screw that! As a gay man you’re not required to be anything other than who you are, and that includes owning your likes and dislikes and not submitting to any fashion fascism. You hate Madge? Well, that’s why God made Kylie, Beyoncé, Rufus, Garth, Ludacris and, heaven help us, Slipknot. Meanwhile, “Anti,” here’s a tip: If you’re spending all your time hating what you don’t like, you’re not spending your time enjoying what you do like. As a wise and fabulous woman once said, “Open your heart!”
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Joel’s here for you. Unless he’s out. Either way, write him at advice@instinctmagazine.com!
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written by JG on November 12, 2008 at 05:47 AM
Feel a little odd
Well I just turned 32 and was in a horrible relationship full of violence and just downright bad, well thank god thats over, and moving on with my life.
Well I recently started seeing an 18 year old guy, he seems to like me and we have a great time together, but just the difference in age seems a lot, I kinda feel like a pervert, but not like im buying him things like a sugerdaddy.
I really like him, but i feel that im pushing him away a little cause of the age thing, I dunno, any sugestions would help, I just want to be happy.
written by Bridget on November 19, 2008 at 05:44 PM
JG,
I'm partly there with you. My wife and I (I is a lesbian) have a 6 year difference between us, she's older. Her two previous serious relationships were horrible, like yours I am very certain. And our age thing does bother her too sometimes. She's 28 and I'm 22, still in college. So, as the younger party I feel like age doesn't matter, when she and I are together I'm completely unaware of a difference. It isn't until someone else brings it up that I actually think about it. I say, you should talk with him about it, if you haven't already. And remember, he's with you because he wants to be, not because he wants a sugardaddy. (or at least that's how it should be)
Hugs, and good luck.