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 OH, BROTHER!
I think my brother’s in love with me. He acts like we’re in a loving, committed relationship. He always talks about other people in gay relationships as if to compare them to us. I have never given him any indication that I want an intimate relationship with him. If someone IMs me, he says, “Who’s that? Your boyfriend?!” Like I’m cheating on him. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t wanna be around him. I just don’t know what to do. It’s sickening!
Me via Internet
It’s sickening…and yet you don’t leave. Hmm! Well, when you do get serious, the next time he treats you like a jealous lover, call him on it. A simple “Why do you keep treating me like a boyfriend?” would be a good start. Then follow up with, “We need to discuss appropriate behavior.” And depending on what comes outta that, I’d expect either A) brotherly boundaries become established; B) you move out; or C) you give in to those feelings that are keeping you there and turn it into some very hot, very transgressive porn.
MY BUDDY!
Who are you to always be telling other people what to do?! I’d like to give you some advice: Shut up!
Buddy Pensacola, FL
Such strong emotion, Buddy, tells us all very clearly there’s definitely something you’re getting out of reading this page. I mean, there are so many other stories and columns in this fine publication that you could be reading while ignoring mine, if you hate it so—and yet you don’t ignore it. And that’s what I love about you, Buddy-boo! You keep coming back. Therefore, my considered response to your letter could only be a demure, blushing “You’re welcome!”
TIME TO LET GO
I don’t know about your past, Mr. Perry, but do you have a “man that got away”? (Cue the Judy Garland!) I’m 44 and still miss an ex from 10 years ago. I wonder if this is the kind of thing you ever truly get over.
David New York, NY
My man didn’t get away. I did. So I don’t have that prob. But since you do, I asked my shrink friends, and they told me that first you have to want to get over it. Right now there’s something you’re getting out of this nostalgia. And it could be literally dozens of things, whether that’s a conveniently romantic excuse to find all other men substandard so you can avoid the demands of a relationship, a validation for your unresolved unworthiness issues about not deserving a relationship, or just the (cue the Judy Garland!) drama of it. Whatever it is, it ain’t healthy. You’re stuck in the past, which means you’re missing the present. Darling, it’s time to give up the hope of having a better yesterday. Lovely men await you, but they’re waiting here—not 10 years ago.
WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?
How does sex change as you get older, Joel?
Patrick Atlanta, GA
Having hit the half-century mark, I asked my doctor that very same question. That solid rock-hardness your dick used to have will fade a bit. If you used to shoot over your shoulder, that arc will decrease. It takes a tad longer to become aroused and more time being stimulated until you shoot. As the years increase, so will these symptoms. But there’s two pieces of good news here. The obvious one is that drugs like Viagra or Cialis will help you get back that hardness and all that, ahem, comes with it. And the other bright spot is that because of the increased time it takes to climax, there is increased opportunity for intimacy. Without being so focused on ejaculating right away, you can slow down and enjoy the trip. You can explore beyond the sex and enjoy simply being with another human being on a deeper level than you could before. Drop by the Instinct offices, Patrick. I’d be very happy to clear an afternoon and demonstrate.
THE ANSWER WOULD BE “YES”
Is there a question you’ve always wanted to answer but haven’t been asked yet?
Angel Bunny via Internet
Yes. This one: “Joel, would you please be Mr. October for our naked bear calendar?”
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You got troubles? Of course you do! We all do. But Joel’s here to help you and your man out. E-mail Joel at advice@instinctmagazine.com
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Instinct Online 
written by www.myspace.com/hamdar666 on October 05, 2007
HI IM HAM FROM MALAYSIA...I THINK I FALL IN LOVE WITH MY FREN...BTW I ALSO THINK HE KEEP FEELINGS WITH ME TOO...SOMETIMES HE ACTION SHOWS DAT...N WHEN HE SMS'S ME HE ALWAYS SAY..DAT I'M YOU LOVER.SO WAT SHOULD I DO TO KNOW HE LIKES ME TOO(GAY)???
written by henry nguyen on October 28, 2007
so i wanna look for some boyfriends
written by henry nguyen on October 28, 2007
beause i so sad
written by deejay signs on February 05, 2008
I think that is very odd that your brother would be like that. I am not insect but my brother is hot. I could never do anything with him or try to. It does not go any farther then that. I just cant see how a brother can like another brother but I guess shi# happens. Um also was there an update to this story. I got tired of reading all the bi#chy comments about it.