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 ONE NIGHT ONLY
I've been in a relationship over a year. The man's wonderful, treats me well and we have a great time and laugh about the same things. The issue is our sex life (isn't it always?). He wants sex daily or more, and I'm more of a once-a-week guy. No real issues or any hang-up; it's just my libido's not as high as his. Any suggestions?
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Curl up with a nice, quiet book, and let your horny hottie out to play with a grateful nation. Or at least talk about it. Because if you don't address this at all, he may go off and get a little sumpin'-sumpin' on the sly, and that's not good for anybody. With negotiation, maybe you could push yourself up to two or three times a week and he could cut you some slack and/or invest heavily in porn. You'd be surprised what you can work out negotiating in good faith and rigorous, respectful honesty. Just keep an open mind. Open legs wouldn't hurt either.
JUNK MAIL
Recently I sent a card to a former friend asking him to stop sending me news clippings and political e-mails that favored the situation we find ourselves in in Iraq. His reply was, "Sorry your mind is closed on the subject." Ordinarily this would not have been an issue, but he wrote his note on the blank portion of the card I originally sent him, addressed it to me, sealed it with tape and sent it back to me. Do you think I overreacted by taking offense?
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You described him as a former friend, so why are you invested in any response from him whatsoever? This is a divisive issue, and he's clearly as wrapped up in his point of view as you are in yours. That's okay. Diversity makes life and, in your case, trips to the mailbox interesting. As long as the clippings stop coming, what do you care? My Aunt Mabel used to send me those hateful religious comic books about how I was an abomination unto God and all that BS in the misguided belief that she could "save" me. (Like a comic called "Homos In Hell" is going to make me drop dick and crave cootch. Especially since "Homos In Hell" was also the title of my favorite S&M video.) Anyway, I actually encouraged her to send me her unwelcome crap, because it meant that every moment she was putting those pithy little packages together, that kept her away from doing anything potentially destructive elsewhere. Dropping her constant propaganda "unopened" into the shit can actually gave me deep satisfaction. So if your "friend" continues sending his crap, simply drop 'em in the trash and take comfort in the fact that it's just more of his precious time, energy and money going into your compost and not into any effective promotion of his cause. As for you grinding your teeth over this, haven't you got better things to do? Like protesting? Writing your congressperson? Organizing your adult DVDs? Let it go, darling, let it go.
SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY
This is my deal: I'm an escort on the side to help get out of debt. I work hard at my regular job, have friends, family, etc. Well, I met a client, and from the moment I walked in the door, I stopped being an "escort" and was immediately a person. We had our encounter, and it was great. I also left empty-handed (my decision). This person wants to see me again, and I want to see him. Do you think we can overcome my background and the way we met?
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That's a good question, but you should be asking him, not me. He's going to have questions of his own, like, "Do you intend to keep on escorting?" He may or may not be okay with that. And if you do plan on putting out for pay, "When do I get to have you to myself?" might also come up. Here's the deal, my little rent boy: He already knows what you do for tips. So, unless you have Boy Scouts buried in your crawl space, it's not as if you have any deep, dark secrets to hide. Relax. If he's okay with it, what do you have to worry about? Of course, if you're really into him and he has problems with your legs-apart-time job, you may have to find new ways of paying off that debt. Practice saying, "Welcome to Wal-Mart!"
You got troubles? Of course you do! We all do. But Joel's here to help you and your man out. E-mail Joel at advice@instinctmagazine.com
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Instinct Online 
written by Joey on May 12, 2007
Haha! Legs-apart-time job. Funny!