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ESCORT SERVICE 
My older sister is getting married next month. My partner of five years and I were going to attend until my mother, who wass helping plan the ceremony, said it'd make people uncomfortable if my partner and I walked down the aisle together. She suggested that I escort my other sister who is younger and single, instead. My partner says we should just go along with it, but I'm offended. What to do?
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Honey, I so know where you're coming from on this. As an oppressed--if fabulous--minority, we are quick to feel demeaned and slighted. And yes, there's probably some of that going on with Mom in this situation. I mean, guests, schmests--she's the one who's uncomfortable. But let's all just chill. There are plenty of married heterosexuals who have escorted their other sisters at weddings, too. My advice is to walk your sister down the aisle at the service, then dance cheek to cheek (and you may choose the cheeks) with your boyfriend at the reception. Cheers!
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
I hooked up with a guy I met online for a onenight stand. We had sex right away, but we both felt a real attraction. Now we've been going out for two months and want to be officially exclusive and call each other boyfriends. Our problem is, we don't really feel comfortable telling people how we met, but we don't want to lie, either. Should we make up a story or just tell the honest truth?
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Hmm, let's consider. Live a lie? Or stand in your truth? Looking back on high school (or whenever) when you were pretending to be straight for other people, exactly how well did that work out for you? Uh-huh. Thought so. You eventually got sick and tired of living that lie and courageously stood in your truth. Why on Earth would you want to construct a new lie to live now? Especially one that requires collusion with another person? To hell with it! Hasn't 12-step taught us that we're only as sick as our secrets? Go ahead and tell people that you and your sweet baboo met tricking. This does three things. One, it allows you to live truthfully. Two, it gives those of us who are searching for online love reason to hope. And three, it reminds everyone that the person we're hooking up with for one-time sex is actually a complex human being with all kinds of feelings and potential and not merely a convenient piece of man-meat. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
WHO'S MINDING THE STORE?
I started my own company selling gay-themed books, cards and photography. Business has been booming, and now I want to expand into merchandise that is not specifically gay. My two store managers disagree with me and say that I will be turning my back on the gay community if I start selling “straight" items. I think gay people just want “good" books, not necessarily "gay" ones. What would you suggest I do?
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Excuse me, but whose company is this? And who's the boss? Ugh, this is yet another reason I bemoan the lack of dominant gay tops. You lift your legs in the bedroom, and you continue doing it at work. Whatever. If it were me, I'd tell my pushy personnel--politely--that if they are unhappy, they are welcome to work elsewhere, but that's up to you. In the meantime, sell whatever the hell you want. I'll admit I miss exclusively gay boutiques and gay-only sections in bookstores, but inclusion is what we've all been working for. Stores with mixed clientele, whether they started out gay or straight, are part of what that inclusion looks like. As long as gay people know they can hit your establishment for all their homo needs as well as a juicy Danielle Steel, you're not turning your back on anyone. Plus, as a gay consumer, I'd rather spend my cash--whether for Tom of Finland or for Martha of Stewart--in a gay store, thereby supporting my community. If your employees still kvetch, remind them that by attracting straight people and treating all people with respect and equality, this little business venture of yours is quietly, subtly and subversively changing the way people look at gays. And if they're still all pissy about it, help them along their life journeys: fire their asses.
E-mail Joel at advice@instinctmag.com
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Instinct Online 
written by Forty Years On on November 05, 2007
Regarding "we don't really feel comfortable telling people how we met" - my partner of 40 years and I met on a three-way and I have no problem relating the tale. Meeting online is no worse than that and in years to come it may be an amusing anecdote. As for now, brazen it out - meeting in a bar, club or bath house would be just the same: tell the truth and be admired!