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 HELLOOOOO, NURSE!
I am a nurse at a nursing home, and there is a sexy guy who is one of the grandsons of the little old ladies I take care of. I would love to ask him out sometime, but is this unethical? If not, how do I approach him?
Josh N.
Cleveland, OH
I went to my shrink friend Michael at lifebeyondtherapy.com for this one. Michael’s worked in a hospice, and his answer was: Don’t do it. It’s called a “dual relationship” and it’s like asking for trouble. For example, what if you start up with Mr. Sexy Guy and it goes south like an untended bedsore? He could come crying to Grandma, and, depending on your state’s laws and ethical codes, she could—with good reason—complain to the nursing home administration and/or state ethical board for nursing about you. But all this aside, Michael says, “Get out of the nursing home more! If that’s your best boyfriend-meeting arena, you really need to expand your social sphere!”
TELL HIM ABOUT IT
I have been HIV positive for just over a year and have been pretty depressed about dating. (The two guys I have attempted to date left me because I’m positive.) I met a guy while I was going to hook up with two openly positive boyfriends, and he was at their house hooking up with them, too. I ended up hooking up with only the guy (“Mike”) who was there and not the boyfriends. Me and Mike went back to my place and had sex all night without protection. It has turned into two weeks of us dating and having sex a few more times unprotected. We have not talked about either of our HIV statuses. I have just been assuming that he is positive since he was having sex with openly positive people without protection. I have dropped hints to my status but have been too afraid to tell him that I am actually positive. I really like this guy, and I can tell that he really likes me…but I don’t want it to go any farther without him knowing for both of our sakes.
“Something’s Gotta Give”
via Internet
That’s a real sweet place to be, but it should have happened the night you met—before the sex. What, you never heard of reinfecting? The possibility of getting a nasty new strain of HIV that doesn’t respond to the drugs you’re taking now? Sweetheart, I know you’re desperately lonely for love; I would be, too, in your situation. But what kind of relationship gets built on fear, half-truths, omitted facts and risky, potentially disastrous sexual behavior? Man up, swallow the fear and tell him! If you really care for him, he deserves that much. If he really cares for you, he’ll deal with it, and then the relationship can truly begin. In the meantime, buy a fucking condom.
INFLATION RATE?
I’ve heard the terms “show-er” and “grower” and wonder exactly how many guys (like myself) are “growers” who thought their penis was small.
Sean E.
Tucson, AZ
Oh, please. Ninety-eight percent of men think their penis is small. The other two percent do porn. We watch them and think, Oh, that must be the norm, when the reality is they’re freaks with one outrageously big body part. God love ’em for that, but if it were a body part located anywhere else except between their legs, we’d snicker and point at them behind their backs. That’s the kind of insanity porn creates. But kudos to you for having the guts to put it out there in a national magazine that you think your winky is dinky, Sean E. in Tucson, AZ! In terms of whether more of us are show-ers versus growers, I can but offer you two things. Number one, the scattergram of the “length of flaccid penis vs. percent increase in length during erection” found at sizesurvey.com/result. I’m sure you’ll find yourself somewhere on that chart and that’ll help you see where you, um, stand. (While there, check out the rest of their penis-oriented pie charts and graphs, too!) And number two, I strongly suggest doing all the diligent research you can on your own. Keep in mind that for your findings to be meaningful, you’ll need a very large subject population, but I’m sure you’re up to the task. And I’d be happy to review any before-and-after pics.
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Joel’s here for you. Unless he’s out. Either way, write him at advice@instinctmag.com!
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