Advice: Bride Wants To Know How To Handle Anti-Gay Wedding Guests

A bride wrote to Dear Abby asking for advice on how to handle anti-gay wedding guests at her nuptials. See what Abby had to say and chime in with your own advice!

She writes:

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are getting married in a year. We have some very close gay friends, and I have gay family members on my mom’s side. The majority of our family is gay-friendly, but a few of them on my father’s side are very open about their dislike of the LGBT community.

Our ceremony will be at a Unitarian Universalist church because we love that they are supportive of the LGBT community and want everyone to feel comfortable and accepted on our big day. I’m terrified that my family members will do or say something to hurt or offend guests at our wedding who have same-sex partners.

I am considering putting a note on my wedding website that our wedding will be a celebration of love, and to please set aside political and personal beliefs and accept every one of our guests during this happy occasion.

Would this be appropriate? I don’t know how else to convey the message that we will not tolerate any hateful or offensive remarks or actions against our loved ones. — BRIDE FOR MARRIAGE EQUALITY

Here's Abby's response:

DEAR BRIDE: Do not post that message on your website.

Your message should be delivered via a telephone conversation with the people you think may have a problem. A way to phrase it would be to tell them you are planning your wedding and that some of the guests in attendance will be same-sex couples.

Ask if this would make them uncomfortable, and if the answer is yes, do not invite them.

What do you think? Do you agree with Abby's advice? Or is the bride's proposed alternative a good idea? Better options?

 

(H/T: Queerty

Comments

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Why would anyone maintain bridges knowing they're bigoted?  Family or not, burn that bridge!

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I like the idea the bride has about the post on wedding website. She may not personally know all of those who support bigotry, prejudice & hatred, and I like her idea. Personal conversations with those she knows will have an issue is still fine, but for her to cover her basis upfront seems very logical to me. The same with those who support Trump, or don't, to keep such conversations out of their special day. 

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This is what my brother did for his wedding a few years ago. I, being gay, was his best man. And he was concerned about a few evangelical people on my mother's side of the family, and weren't sure about their behavior. Here's what he did... We'll call the main problem family members "Mike and Claudia." 

He planted the conversation-seed with a chatty-cathy aunt, "I'm thinking about not inviting uncle Mike and aunt Claudia because of the behavior I've witnessed at previous family gatherings. We want everyone with us for the wedding, but things would not end well for them if they started to stir up trouble. It's important that we have a fun evening. What do you think?"

Word of our concern started to spread, and it put everyone on notice to be on their best behavior. We really did want Mike and Claudia to come to the wedding, and they did. They were on their best behavior, and everyone had a great time.

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Being gay, and inviting ONLY people that we knew loved and supported my husband and I to our wedding... I disagree with the comment made by Dear Abby. The bride may know who she "thinks" might be opposed to gay-marriage or unions...but may get it wrong. She should post something on the wedding's website, stating that this will be a wedding, with ALL her friends in attendance. She should make reference to marriage of M+W, M+M, W+W, and that marriage is for two people who love each other. That way, she is not directly pointing at specific family members. If they are uncomfortable, they can decide if they go to the wedding or not. It is on themselves to make that choice. By putting it out there for everyone to see...the bride is making a powerful statement to ALL that are invited to the wedding...not just the few that she "thinks" might have a problem with gay-marriage. Hate is hidden....we don't always know who really dislikes or hates others, just because they don't understand them.

I hope the bride and her groom, and all her invited guests have a wonderful time.

Weddings are all about LOVE...and should be treated as such. 

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