Advice: Woman Discovers Husband Soliciting Sex From Men Online

A woman wrote to Dear Abby for advice after discovering that her husband has been soliciting sex from men online.

See what advice Abby has to share:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 35 years. Our sex life was never very active, but we have been each other’s soul mates and best friends. We had a rough few years early on, but managed to come back together, and our relationship is great.

Recently, while I was setting up new email addresses, I saw some messages he had sent in response to requests from married men looking for sex with other men. I just can’t reconcile this with the man I know; however, I’m sure it’s true.

I’m not sure if I should tell him I know, or if I should try to forget it. After all, I may be the reason he’s looking for sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

More than anything, I’m surprised he’s not looking for a woman. I’m sure confused. What should I do? — SOUL MATES IN TEXAS

DEAR SOUL MATES: I seriously doubt that this is your fault. Your husband doesn’t look for women to satisfy his sex drive because his orientation may be homosexual (or bisexual) rather than heterosexual.

You say you are soul mates and best friends. Soul mates and best friends communicate honestly with each other. I do think you should level with him about what you discovered. Is his having sex outside of your marriage all right with you?

If you have had sexual relations with him over the last few years, make an appointment with your doctor to be checked for STDs.

What do you think of Abby's advice?


(H/T: Queerty)



I had a girl friend in highschool who was in love with me thought we were soul mates even though I told her Im gay. Emotions can be blinding.

He is not sleeping with other men because of her, I feel bad that she thinks that way and should wipe it out of her head. Be confident and proud of yourself and love yourself. He is sleeping with other men because he is homosexual or bisexual. 

Soulmates don't keep secrets but this is a sensitive subject. We see this all too often and I think it is alot more complicated than just "he is a scumbag". He could have married her because she is is his soul mate and he loves her and wants to spend his life with her and have a family with her, but also is bisexual and is a happier man if he can have his experiences with men which maybe to him don't amount to anything more than just sex, not telling her out of fear that it will destroy his life and family with her. Remember the kinsey scale?

On the other hand he could be gay and in denial and married her to hide it or for the wrong reasons, which isn't fair to her and she should know so they both don't commit to a life living a lie. Which is why she needs to come forward and talk to him about it. AFTER she has realized that this isn't her fault and has found some confidence in herself.

 If he married her for the right reasons then I personally think the kind of love that builds a life and a family together is not worth throwing away over sexuality. She may then be ok with him indulging his desires once in a while and now it will be safer because he doesn't have to sneak around and they both are aware of risks and how to protect themselves. 

However, if she has complained about their sex life and that they don't have sex or that they have bad sex I worry that he might just be gay and in denial. :

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