Check Your Ageism, Mature Men Make Better Lovers

Photo: Kevin McDermott

A male sex worker in Chicago wants to clear up some common misconceptions that people have with regard to hooking up with older men.

“As a sex worker, most people assume that the majority of my clients are unattractive,” Clark Rogers writes in an article for Unicorn Booty. “This is untrue: most of my clients are rather handsome actually, they just seek sexual services based on convenience, not desperation. People also assume that most of my clients older men — and yes, they are.”

But Rogers quite enjoys his older clientele. He says older men “have a better understanding of their desires and are able to articulate them clearly.” 

“It’s no surprise that our sexual culture completely excludes older gay men,” he continues, recalling a recent ageism workshop he attended at a national conference on LGBTQ equality. “One of the men in my group mentioned how gay media often presents young guys as affluent as a way to further glamorize youth. Another noted that images of beauty idols haven’t changed since he was a young man.

“While the consumers have aged, the models have remained the young,” he writes. “Thus, our very concept of beauty has stagnated, pushing older generations out of the sexual imagination.”

Rogers also references a 2013 survey that found 63 percent of gay men over 60 were living alone with no partner.

“When we refuse to talk to our elders or allow them into sexualized spaces,” Rogers says, “it only increases their isolation, and our own.”

Indeed, Rogers would like this to change.

“It is up to us to set aside our highly sexualized culture and create a bridge to our older counterparts,” he writes. “They need us and, if nothing else, communing with them will help lay a framework for when we too become seniors.

“If we could find a way for senior gay men to share their experiences with our community–histories that are not being shared in a sex-focused culture–we won’t lose the most valuable thing we can get from each other: a stronger sense of our own identity, one that will last for generations.”

Photo: Kevin McDermott

H/T: QueertyUnicorn Booty

Comments

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What I ment in the earlier post of mine is the younger generation don't know how nice a relationship can be to me the guys in there 40-90s are the sexy ones 

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As a gay guy who is turning 53 this year, I look back at the time when I was in my 20s and 30s (the 1980s and 1990s). I dated guys who were older than me and they mentored me (sexually and socially) and if it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't enjoy the free range of sexual freedom that I enjoy today. I probably would not be the social, gay guy that I am today either. And as that gay guy who is turning 53, I see myself enjoying teaching the younger generation (even two generations younger than me - the younger 20 somethings) new things (sexually and socially) - just as they were taught to me. Guyz, PUT THE "SMART PHONES DOWN" when there are hot guyz around you already!!! SMHOh, and lest we forget, a lot my generation were killed off in the 80s and early 90s. So, those of us left still standing HAVE A LOT TO offer the youngins - gay history, for example. I'm open to a relationship with someone who is no more than 15 years younger than myself. To ask a guy who is 22 or so, to commit, and he hasn't sewn his oats, well, just isn't fair - to either one of us.I am worried that at the ripe old age of 60, "will I be single, alone or without a partner?". Well, I may be "single" and "without a partner" (I'm working at this not being the case) butt I will never be alone; I have a rich "family" of friends who will always be there for me and I will always be there for them!

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"I go into a gay bar and it's like I don't exist"

wah wah - that's everyone's experience, no matter the age.

I find these cries of ageism to be disingenuous. It's not because of the  20 year olds that a 60 year old is single. If there are 60% of gay men over 60 who are single that perhaps the place to look for "ageism" is in that generation. Too often I hear "I'm into younger guys." or "I'm not into guys my own age." Well maybe you should just try a little bit harder to find something attractive in men with equal amounts of life experience.

Gay culture is not monolithic. Yes there is one facet that puts forth youth as sexy. But honestly 50/60/70 year old men are men who have life experience, some amount of capital and influence and the ability to make things happen. Carve out a new facet of "gay culture" where 60 is just as sexy - and honestly it exists.

But not's place this solely on young people who may just want to date a peer.

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See that is what I mean the younger generation do see the benefits of a relationship. 

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I will be 60 in two weeks and a good catch ,successful,sense of humor,responsible,caring,loving,close to family, many friends and good looking.Finding most men arent looking for a relationship,head games,open relationships,one night stands.Just a lot of playing or them looking for younger.Still very sexual,sensual,loving ! A human being.A man who is gay,not a gay man ! Good luck all you handsome and sexy older men !

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I am into older men because most younger guys are all for sex and that is not for me I like to talk and cook along side them 

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I'm a guy in my 30's and and as experienced as I am I'm still learning and having new experiences sexually. My partner is older than myself and a real silver fox. Handsome and rugged with a very fit and muscular body. He is so in tune and confident with sex and just knows what to do and boy does he do it well. Definitely agree more mature men make better lovers! 

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I have been in a relationship ( manogomous ) for 44 years with a man 21 years my senior. I wasn't looking for a "daddy". I wanted smeone who was interesting, had wonderful life experiences, and knew what he wanted from life and his partner. We married on his 80th B'Day, and live a wonderful, full life today. My husband will be 87 in May, and except for few limitations, we experience everything as we always have in life. 

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In my 20's, I always knew I had an attraction toward older men.  Back then, I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that made them so irrestistable to me.  Whether it was the S&P hair, or the way they carried themselves it was always attractive.  I've been in 2 relationships both with men who have been 10 years older than me.  It wasn't that I was looking for the 'DADDY" type or one who would put labels on the type of relationship we wanted to have.

Now that I'm in my late 30's, I've figured out that it was more that I think older men are sexy because of their life experiences, not just sex, but how well they carry themselves  I LOVE older men.  ALWAYS have, ALWAYS will.  It's whether I can find a man who will love me for me as I would for him.

We LOVE YOU!!!!!! 

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As a 55 year old gay male find this very too...

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even this article focuses on sex, where are the older men that don't have a ripped body, once again we allow someone to depict us as sexual objects rather than human beings

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This article focuses on the sexual aspect of older gay men mostly because it was written from the perspective of a sex worker. The intent of the article was to talk about the sexual experiences he's had with older man. I don't think he was trying to objectify older men. 

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gay men think with the head that has no brain, I am an older guy and od i feel sorry for older men, NO!, they choose to play the youth card, always demanding a younger guy instead of someone closer to their age. And then when they are older, they bitch about not having a partner.

Most gay men will never have a lifelong partner, Why? 1) they have no clue what love it.

2) they always insist on a younger guy, they're insecure and can't relate with someone their own age.

3) they play this "open Relationship" bull crap, love is about trust, loyalty, caring, compassion and sticking to a commitment.

4) they need to stop basing everything on sex.

This is why a lot of people consider us deviants, sexual reverts, because everything we do revoles around sex.

I am a HUMAN BEING, that happens to be gay, don't judge me by my preference of who i fall oin love with, sex has nothing to do with who we are, it's simply a preference

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You don't want to be judged, but you're perfectly ok generalizing and judging others. 

Nice double standard...asshole.

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I feel the same way... its very unfortunate how gay culture usually is...

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Frankly, older guys, younger guys...it doesn't matter...gay guys are obsessed with sex and some superficial fantasy image of how relationships should be...how life should be...when all we really need to be...is considerate and well mannered to each other...think about what you're doing, before you do it...before you hurt someone' s feelings...you don't have to like older guys...or younger guys...you just need to be kind!

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Just as a reminder... the "Old" gays, have been through it all and have wonderful stories to tell... Personally I'd rather have "Coffee and Real Talk" over "Netflix and Chill" any day of the week.  

What I mostly find in my community though, is hypocracy, self loathing, deprecation on a grand scale.  I find that absolutely abhorent to reality, and find a lot of older guys completely unhealthy, and unwilling / uninterested in changing themselves for the better... Seriously if yer out drinking like it's 1999 and you've got "Your spot" at the bar that you frequent 3-6 nights a week.... and still unhappy it might be time to change your approach to life.  Maybe that's just Jacksonville Florida though... maybe that's just the lessons I have observed and thus don't wanna live.

 

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Who wants to go to bed with a child?  I was a teacher for 25 years and in bed I want a mature man who knows what he likes and gets it. With a younger man you are spending all your time teaching them how to please you. An older guy knows.

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As a 57 year old extremely athletic and fit male, I really do think that I am a MUCH better lover than I was in my 20's, 30's , or even  40's.  I am much more relaxed and communicative and I have learned how to passionately express my masculine energy.   Now that there are medications to help us sustain very hard and long lasting erections, I feel like I'm having better sex now than I ever have.  When I was younger I LOVED older men too.   I was obsessed with them when I was in my 20's.  Maybe I was ahead of my time?    :)   

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Old men are way too sexy, I really mean it. Most of the young people use just their body to flirt, while older people enjoy a long conversation in a very kind way. As a  20 year old gay men I like even more older people than people my age. 

Go for it,  gentleman. We love you.

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