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Coming Out - Single Dad Style. One Of Our Readers Is Seeking Advice

Do you remember coming out? Did you need a party to let everyone know?  Did you casually just let it slide into conversation?  Did you find a "How To" resource to help?

We all come out in our own special way.  Some of us are still in the process of opening up to friends and family while others are dealing with telling themselves that they are "one of these things is not like the other."

Search our database of stories and you will find stories of athletes and Hollywood personalities coming out in their own way.  This one is gender fluid, that one is bisexual, another is asexual.  I think they are all helpful in one way or another. Any time we can share a coming out story, I feel it will help someone. 

We received a request the other day I wanted to share with our readers. It's not a cry for help, but a statement that they would like more information.  I'm wondering if we could help this Single Dad.


Single Dad: Are there any articles on coming out? Single dad style?

I did not know if he was looking to share his story or was looking for more info so I asked...

Instinct Magazine: Would you like to submit an article?

SD: I like to read articles on how people came out, especially single parents: my wife passed away 5yrs ago and I was bisexual but now I want a boyfriend. I would like ideas on how others came out.

IM: We do several stories about individuals coming out, but they are usually Hollywood or sports world related. We definitely see the value of hearing more non-famous people coming out.

We could look at setting up a chat with you and telling your story. What do you think about that?

SD: Thank You. I’m interested to hear how people came out, I’m NOT out, so like hearing different things! Probably won’t come out for couple more years

IM: We could always write about why you feel some people have hesitation about coming out, we could do it anonymously, but your story could spark some conversation, we could then ask our readers to weigh in on how they came out, we could get so many responses on that post. Just brainstorming.

SD: Thank You! Appreciate that, mine’s semi basic. I’m single dad and though I’m sure my kids would be ok with it, I know that some of their friends would be make fun of them, or me, and they lost their mom 5yrs ago and they have been through enough in their short lives. I don’t need to add to any burden for them.

IM: This is stuff I would love to share in a post. We as staff all came out in our own special way, but it would be good to hear about the concerns of a single dad and I am sure you are not alone.

You sound like a great dad. a true dad. thinking of your kids before your personal needs and wants. I am sure they are proud. Do you think they know or have thoughts? Do they try to set you up with single moms?

SD: They have NO idea. NOBODY has any idea. I’m Mr Masculine sports guy, haha, have had beautiful women my whole life, but knew I was bi since a young child, and now just want to be with men, I sometimes think if I wasn’t a bottom it may be easier, like the “stigma” of being the bottom is different, too.

IM:  I did see your profile, You have a beautiful family. I think the whole male and being a bottom stigma is something that gay males personally/individually have to get over first, just like we have to get over or accepting that we are gay

SD: Thank You!  Yes, I’m totally ok with myself being bottom, 1st it feels amazing and 2nd I get so much pleasure giving pleasure. It’s the outside world that looks at it differently like that’s “really gay” compared to a top!

IM:  So you are meeting men and having experiences now. Just not out with the kids, work, etc.

SD: I’ve met some men yes. Have been for few years, but only a select few know yeah. And the bottom thing is like this, I told a gf of mine about giving oral to a guy, she thought I was getting it and said “that’s no biggie, gotta do what you gotta do sometimesl Then I said I was the one giving it, and she was Like “oh you’re gay” she didn’t care, but that’s the bottom stigma, yeah.

IM: Well, at least you do have someone to talk to. That's good!

SD: Yes, I’ve told a few girls, no guys, so I can talk with them, everyone is WAY cool with it after the initial shock since I have had beautiful women my whole life, but they all say how happy they are for me and I deserve to be happy too! I’m slowing coming out on FB posts and things, don’t know if any my friends see them, but baby steps!


So what do you think?  Can we help this single dad out?  Can we share some advice and maybe some coming out do's and don'ts?  Words of encouragement?

We have some great readers on here, this single dad included. Thank you all.

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I'd say to start living an "out" life and that, sooner-rather-than-later, you will want/need to tell your kids. You should plan on giving your kids a chance to absorb what's taken you an entire lifetime to get used to. And be sure that some/many of your accepting women friends are available so that the kids have someone who is 'mom-like" to talk to.     .....     You don't have to sacrifice anything that you like (sports, whatever-your-version-of-being-masculine-is, gay intimacy). You can join gay sports leagues, and on and on. But you do have to be selective when it comes to dating. I can't tell you how many gay men I simply off because they wanted guarantees that they would come before my kids or something similar. Not worth it.     .....     Finally, plan on having your kids away at some sleep overs with their friends (and plan to reciprocate) so that you can have some nights when you are nothing but single and gay.

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