Adam Dupuis's picture

Dating Out Of Your 'League' vs. The Lack Of Confidence.

Once in a while there's a post on Reddit that makes us think a little longer than any post about dick pics and butt shots. One just yesterday (April 15) titled "Dating out of your 'League?'" reads as follows.

Hey Bros!

To start- I am a catch. I'm cute, charming, blah blah great. HOWEVER. I matched with one of the most attractive men I've seen in my life on Tinder about a week ago. We ended up talking chatting a bit, and went on a date that was amazing.

However, the entire time, I couldn't stop thinking about how I could not possibly imagine a more perfect person-he was funny, sweet, genuinely interested in what I was saying- he was literally a perfect man who looks like an actual prince. When we matched, I assumed that he was just looking for this one time thing, so I could mentally justify why he would be so nice (he wanted something I was MORE than happy to give him).

But since that night, we've still been talking, and we're going to hang out again. I'm obviously excited, but I'm trying to figure out how I could keep hanging out with this person I've idealized to the point of weird reverence. I'm trying to shake the feeling of...like...unworthiness and inferiority to this man who is objectively smarter, more accomplished, harder working, and hotter than I am (again- I'm great, but my God I swear he's a ten).

How can I be with someone this great without feeling like he's settling? Any advice/stories?

 

What are your thoughts on this guy? What advice would you give him?


Let me throw my two cents in.  This guy reminds me of one of my girlfriends in high school.  She was a great catch, except for one thing ... CONFIDENCE.  There wasn't any.  She second guessed herself all the time and needed building up.  Needless to say, the chore of instilling self worth and confidence into her became so tiresome, I had to go.  So no matter how much you are "cute, charming, blah blah great," if you don't have that confidence, all those other aspects will fade and the other person will lose interest. I know I did.

And I take that to heart as well.  I know I'm not a 10, or an 8, or maybe not even a 5 or 4 on the gay scale of hotness, but I do meet and "spend time" with 8s, 9s, and 10s.  And it's all because of confidence.  No, it's not cockiness. We all know those that exude love of themselves so much, it just stinks of "I'm the best thing ever."  No, don;t be that confident.  It's just knowing you're a human being that has something to offer another human being if they find those qualities attractive.  When someone you like approaches you and you start labeling yourself as a number and him as a number, the game is over.  Try seeing him and yourself as more than a digit and more so as a list of qualities, attributes, and positive things. 

If you are playing the numbers game, worried about "quality" notches on your headboard and high points on your score card, then keep playing it.  Apparently, that is what is important to you.  If you're playing the relationship game then look within and leave the "Hot or Not" stats for that deceased website.

h/t:  Dating out of your 'League?

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Keep pursuing him, can't pass an opportunity like that, but keep in mind, he's probably getting it thrown at him left and right. Gorgeous guys (and girls) can have their pick of the litter, and usually do, so they may not want to settle down for a exclusive relationship, always wanting a higher number.

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Unfortunately society labels you as a number from shows to magazines..to the gay community..it's tough..but this person see s you..go for it..and forget about how or what people say about you as a couple...I see confidence can play a part..but also being scared and letting your was down to let yourself be loved and trust to be loved..there are no guarantees..but better to live and get hurt learn and live.

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Confidence is a major key for sure. 

Lots of times guys lack confidence in the bedroom. 

Stumbled upon this website(www.doesbathmatework.com) on google that talks about what you can do to gain more confidence in the bedroom.

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