Nigel Campbell's picture

Dear Abby: Homophobic Couple Feels Excluded By Neighborhood...After Excluding Gay Couples

Hmm...so a homophobic couple is shocked (SHOCKED they say!) when the residents in their new neighorbood exclude them from social activities after the bigoted couple consciously excludes their gay neighbors from a gathering in their home. 

What advice does Abby (Jeanne Phillips) have for the now lonely couple? Take a look!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors’ social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay — one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were “different,” they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase “when in Rome,” I don’t feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? — UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I sure would. The first thing I’d like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person’s sexual orientation isn’t a “lifestyle choice.” Gay people don’t choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can’t change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

I find it interesting that you are unwilling to reciprocate the hospitality of people who welcomed you and opened their homes to you, and yet you complain because you are receiving similar treatment.

From where I sit, you may have chosen the wrong place to live because it appears you would be happier in a less integrated neighborhood surrounded by people who think the way you do. But if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth, which is what you have been offered here. Please don’t blow it.

It looks like this couple was served their just desserts. Kudos to the neighborhood for not letting this people "mean girl" the gays on the block based on their "conservative" beliefs.

Sucks to feel excluded, right??

(H/T: The Gaily Grind)

 

Comments

I would like to understand how our lives the LGBT community are any different from straight couples in our day to day activities or how we do things. We do the exact same thing that all the rest of the straight community members do, we go to work, we come home have supper, wash the dishes, change clothes, go to bed, get up take a shower, and go back to work. I don't understand how our lives are any less civilized or any less human or should mean anything less in society than straight peoples lives already mean. Maybe our partners have the same physical anatomy as us but the love is the same, the day to day activities are the exact same, what we do during our lives are the exact same. We get married, we go shopping, we buy vehicles, we go to the bank, we raise our families. The only difference I can come up with is that we have to fight court battle after court battle day after day to get our relationships recognized by the individual states and we live under the same exact constitution that states every man is created equal. Equal UNDER LAW! Not separate and equal BUT EQUAL. Which means we should have every right and every privilege that straight people already get not civil unions but MARRIAGE, not separate bank accounts but the same as straight people, not separate health care plans but the same health care plans. Same Rights Same Benefits Nothing Less! We aren't asking for
"special rights" like Religious Right wing people keep claiming but the the Same Exact Rights that straight people already receive.

You invite people to your home not to absorb them, but to learn of them and determine if you can work together in the things that are important to you. Were whats being suggested appropriate, I would be expected/required to invite people to my home that I didnt share common norms in common with JUST to avoid offending anyone. Bologna. The gay couples, by their choice, invited unknowns to their home...whom they later decided were bigots - lol. Appears the evening itself was uneventful. Straight couple, by their choice, later invited others to their home, not including people they had differences with. I dont see any bashing here beyond media hype...of which Dear Abby is obviously very much a part of. So sad. NO ONE is ever accepted into every venue....sometimes "people combinations" just dont work. Thats okay. Grow up & get on with the freedoms in life we ALL have. Why would the gay people WANT to be invited to the home of people that arent comfortable around them? Get real! Media is just trying to form cultural opinion. They do it all the time. Its how they sensationalize to get sales/readership up - lol. (insert big yawn here)

The comments demonstrate so much hate on both sides. Some conservative Christians spew their hate that's they claim is Biblically based and in response, some with the gay community spew their hate in response. It's disgusting. 

Dylan, you call people "twat" & "asshole" AND call yourself a Christian??? I think you are just using your hatred of gay people to repress your own true gay desires. Either that, or you're just on here just trying to rile people up or you're just a psychotic, deranged psychopath....BUT, no matter your motivations to get on here and act like a lunatic, you are NOT a Christian. THAT is absolutely blatantly obvious.

In fairness, I think it was me calling Dylan "twat" & "asshole".  He just said faggot a lot & that gays are disgusting, & that gays would fuel the lake of fire &  shit like that.  That seems a little less Christian to me.  But what do I know.  I'm just a disgusting, aids spreading faggot.

I really hope Dylan KleboId is your given name. Otherwise if you chose it, you are one sick person and need to seek professional help.

Americans.  Capable of such good and such horror.

Newsflash: All humans are capable of such horrors ...unfortunately Right Wing Tea

Bagging Republicans seem to grab up the spotlight over here..

Our place is not to judge. God is the judge, jury and savior of this world. Our place is to accept all as they are.

Romans 1:26-28 

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. amen. HOMOSEXUALS ARE A DISGRACE TO HHUMANITY. I HATE HOMOSEXUALS WITH A PASSION. GO TO HELL FAGGOTS

How sad for you, Dylan.  Perhaps you should take some time to check out the fourth chapter of the First Epistle of John the next time you crack open a Bible to find verses to justify your hatred in the eyes of God and your neighbors.

Me thinks she doth protest too much.

Clearly Dylan is a closet homosexual.  This kind of hatred can only come from deep self loathing.

The thing is Dylan, you are gay & will always be gay, no matter how much you hate yourself & live in denial.  You are gay whether you act on it, or not, but in your head & your heart you crave it.  It's not your fault.  You were born that way.  That's how God made you.  Accept it.

Great Dylan.. the feeling is mutual so just go ahead and lead the way to hell. Now... until that happens let's just move along and live our lives you dummy. 

Wow, someone needs to remove their bigoted head from their ass! You sir are a disgrace to humanity and to christians. Judge not lest ye be judged yourself. See you in hell, you bigoted fuck!

Matthew 7: 1-5 Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

John 3:17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Omg true reasoning.....are u gay? Able to speak on behalf of those who were born this way as I am? Please consult w those who are before sticking your ignorant ( unknowing/uneducated) oppion of whos right or wrong. Many people have lost their lives hiding behind ignorant opinions of sexuality. Humanity should rule in this decision not what people are raises to believe. We are human all sucebtible to singing and making wrong judgements. Judgements are left to our creator not the human individual

I did not agree with and do not like Dear Abby's reasoning at all.  Because these gay people didn't choose to be homosexual anymore than she chose to be heterosexual she should not discriminate.  What if they did consciously choose to be gay or lesbian, according to Dear Abby's reasoning here, then it would be OK to shun them. 

She didn't say that. You are using doors left open to put in your own misguided thoughts.

Is it just me or is it getting difficult to tell who is close-minded?  There seems to be an unhealthy amount of judgment flying in all directions.

If the original letter to Dear Abby and her reply are taken at face value, a conservative couple moved into a comparatively liberal neighborhood.  They were welcomed into the neighborhood until they decided to shun two same-sex couples in this new community.  The new community responded by shunning them back.

Now the Bible is full of advice to shun people and put people to death if they do not follow the customs of the community.  Shunning is dictated both in the book of Leviticus (for a man who has sex with his wife during her menstrual period, for example) and in the letters of Paul (including 1 Corinthians were he makes his famous list of sinners - which is believed by some - to include male prostitutes and effeminate men).

But the Bible is not consistent on this advice.  In that same book, it says this (Leviticus 19:33)

When an outsider resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the outsider.  The outsider who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you.  You shall love the outsider as yourself, for you were outsiders in the land of Egypt; I AM The Lord your God.

Surely this conservative Christian couples are outsiders in this community.  The community did welcome them openly, as Leviticus advises - but when they did not follow the values of that community they were shunned, which both Leviticus and Paul advise also.

Well, you don't need to go to the Bible to see where this leads.  It's the Hatfields and the McCoys all over again.  Both camps are will not budge on their position and they become locked in permanent war, a cycle of hatred and violence.

On this, Jesus himself was clear - according to the Gospel of Mark (6:32-36)

Do to others as you would have them do to you.  If you love [only] those that love you what credit is that to you?...But love your enemies, do good to them and lend to them without expecting anything back. Then your reward will be great, then you will be children of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.  

Be merciful as your Father is merciful"

So if the couple is going to use Jesus as an example, they would do right to break bread with those they believe are sinners.  And I also think the community would do right not to make their exclusion of the couple permanent.  If the couple apologized and invited everyone to another party - and this time actually did invite everyone - the community might well be convinced to give them another chance.

And if that couple truly follow their faith, they will remember Matthew 7:1-2

Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.

Funny, doesn't that passage pretty much describe what happened in this little community as well as give a way out of permanent divide among its members?

That old snake told Adam and Eve that if they ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that they would become like God.  In other words, they would be able to judge Good and Evil for themselves.  We all know where that led them.  The snake was lying, but he was clever about it - and his advice has plagued Christianity with two-thousand years of judgment, division and strife.  Why?  Because we all seem to believe we have the right to judge the heart of another.

If we could all stop judging and hating and start accepting and loving each other - we'd get back into that garden.

All of us.

Love thy neighbor as thyself." Interesting, how so called 'Christians' ignore the teachings of their Lord and pull old chestnuts from ancient, poorly translated records about Hebrew culture, guidelines that have not been in effect for that culture for thousands of years, guidelines that were never in effect, for Christians, guidelines that were never, ever endorsed by Jesus Christ. I wish hateful people would stop cloaking their hatred in religion, and just be haters. It would be more honest. But I guess haters generally are not honest people. Racking my brain, it seems to me the only example of Christians killing other Christians for bad behavior would be the killings of Ananias and Sephirah, in the Pauline Church. They lied about money they were supposed to be donating to the Church. Hmmmm...wonder if any of these haters are behind on their tithes?

Leviticus 20:13
"If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense." Amen

Seriously, isn't this a gay magazine, or at least super gay friendly. Idiot. Why are you posting.

You are correct--isn't that between the sin of wearing clothing of mixed materials, getting tattoos, getting any piercing, and eating pork or shellfish?  There'd be a lot of stoning going on ... unless you just get to pick the ones you like of course.

http://hoperemains.webs.com/leviticus2013.htm

Please learn to read Hebrew and understand cultural and period context before quoting ridiculous translations.

Oh.. You got me there.  Turns out you're right.  I am disgusting & detestable.  You should probably not invite me to your BBQs.

Get your head out of your ass.  It's not a hat.

Dylan Klebold sounds like a disturbed teenager with a bad home life. Don't give his comment any more time or attention than you would to any other immature thoughtless adolescent rant.

Filthy homosexuals aren't born that way. They just become faggots cuz they want to mock god and like it up the butt. Disgusting. I hope all the filthy faggots die of aids soon . Amen

Ignorance is not bliss.  It's sad.  Notice that educated people are more understanding and tolerant of others differences.  When looking objectively at any sexual act, it's disgusting and filthy.  Straight people do have anal sex.  Homosexuality is not about sex, Klebold, it's about attraction.  Given the opportunity would you choose homosexuality?  Of course not.  Me neither.  But you and I will never have that choice.  It is not a choice.  Ignorance is.  Stay in school, my friend, and seek to understand.  Ignorance is sad and embarrassing.

Of course not. I love girls and girls love me. I'm an anti gay activist. I'll expose these filthy homosexuals on every forum. They gave humanity the gift of aids. These homosexuals are a disgrace for mankind and they'll be the fuel for the lake of fire. Amen

Your statements are incorrect, furthering evidence of your ignorance, Klebold.  Evidence shows that HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, was initially transferred to human beings from Polo and HB vaccinations in the 1950's.  Simply be happenstance, the virus initially traveled in South Africa's populations and then later to New York in the homosexual population.  HIV/AIDS is not in any way discriminatory.  It just as well could have initially traveled through heterosexuals.

Now that I have educated you on this matter, Klebold, you do understand that HIV/AIDS has nothing to do with a person's sexual orientation.  Anyone can contract the deadly disease at anytime, including yourself.  Homosexuality has nothing to do with "the gift of Aids".  If you want to blame someone, blame the scientists of the 1950's.

Homosexuals, you should understand, are celebrated gifts of sex between a man and a women.  Be mindful, my friend, as you have a 10% chance of making one yourself.  Like I said, stay in school.  You are clearly undereducated and you're embarrassing yourself and other anti-gay activists.  Get a clue, dude, you're better than they are.

Amen? LOL

I want to do you so bad right now.  You're so sexy.  I bet the girls do love you & your tiny penis.

You are a disgusting person and I hope you rot. Better yet, I hope you have children who all turn out gay, I hope someone forces you to take it up the butt one day, and I hope they give you aids in the process. You're a sorry excuse for a human being, go die. 

Please do NOT use the Lord's name in vain and to spread HATE.  That is not what he preaches.  Amen to you.

Dylan Klebold.  Your name is stupid & you are a twat. Gays are mocking God?  Take a look in the mirror asshole.  Generally the people who are so adamant that gay people are not "born this way" are the people with latent homosexual tendencies, who have made the "choice" to deny what is natural to them.  They then go on to live sad unfulfilled pitiful lives.  They marry the opposite sex & bring their spouses with them into their misery.

Dylan you are a sad little man & I hope there is a god, because if there is, he will surely spit on you.

Amen

Reading many of these post by heterosexuals & homosexuals hurts.  Please, if you take anything from my post, take this phrase I remember from 4th grade from Sister Mary Ann, "God don't make no junk!"  Yes, I know it is not grammar perfect, but it is the way I remember the phrase.  When I came out 20 years ago I asked my priest if I was going to hell.  Sitting in front of him I remember that I was not crying, but scared.  At that time I had not told my family I was gay.  The town I live in is a rural farming community, and the only things I heard about gay people was BAD.  There was a time I had tried to kill myself because I was taught being gay was wrong and I was going to hell; which committing suicide is wrong too.  So, I figured, since I was gay and going to hell why not just do it, so my family would be happier without me.  But, one day I went to talk to our Priest and confessed that I was gay.  Looking him dead in the eyes I told him, I did not choose this and I am going to hell.  He replied, "No, you are not going to hell".  Was so relieved, he explained before, and while becoming a Priest he was a Counselor.  We had a long talk, and knowing his past (he was engaed, but she passed away before they were married).  It made me feel confident in myself.  My point (sorry for long email) is that we should ALL (gay and straight) respect ALL people even if we do not like their LIFE.  Many gays will hate me for sticking up for the straight people in the story and vice versa.  The straight couple may NOT like the gay peoples LIVES, but respect them.  The gay people should respect the straight.  Yes, I know we are only hearing the story from the straight perspective, but, remember the golden rule.....be NICE.  There is too much hate in the world.  It is hard for some people to do that.  But, TRY it!  Just BE NICE.   Try to get along..........please?  You will surprise yourself.  Never hurts to make a new friend.  Thank you for allowing me to post.

Not hate...j bullied to believe in a common theology in order to be accepted

I am shocked that this couple thought it was okay to invite everyone EXCEPT for the gay couples and people would still like them..I do not care where they came from...I am glad their precious little bubble got popped when they themselves were snubbed after snubbing. kudos to the Dear Abby writer because I am not sure my reply could have been so nice. 

they just got a dose of their own medicine and didn't like it.

Serves them right with a dose of their own venom.

From a Pete Seeger (I think) song:

"You've got to be taught, before it's too late, to hate all the people your relatives hate,

before you are 6, or 7, or 8, you've got to be carefully taught"

these homophobic folks never grew up psychically.  But then, maybe I'm just as bad, cause I have a hard time not hating them for being homophobic.  from A non-gay, married woman, age 70, in Frederick, Maryland.  Why should anybody else care what someone's sexual preference is?

And this is why l left Christianity. The  individual interpretation of the bible to serve your needs, was too much. The fact that people believe word for word at the bible is just as bad as people believing gin Magic.

If Jesus ever came back and he started to do what he did before, he would be shunned and taken for a crazy guy. If he started to change water into wine, people would take it a magic trick. No one would believe him if he came back. Most of religions are molded for people to feel superior to others, to feel they are better because they follow God the way they should.
I call BS. I can follow God and live a good life because I feel him in my heart and it feels like love. I don't feel hate for people different from me, that is not what God is about. You should be ashamed to think that God would condone your bigotry. If you do, you have missed the whole point of "God's Love".  

I read these posts and think back on all the hatred that was spewed when civil rights and interracial marriage was being debated. Its not a "choice" its not a "lifestyle" its who YOU ARE. Forty years ago you couldn't marry an African American if you were white... Now its not only excepted but "normal." I teach my children you fall in love with the person not the gender or color. It makes me angry to know that today the same ignorance of forty years ago is still around. When people started changing laws about interracial marriage there were the same ignorant people who spouted nonsense about God hating them. I cannot fathom any God would hate someone who is true to themselves and loves so deeply. I am not gay or a minority, I am a white, middle class, middle aged straight woman who hate injustice in any manner. Just reading the ignorance in these posts hurts my heart. Ignorance is not bliss it is a way to block the truth.

Persecuting and excluding either party in this dispute is unfounded.   Christianity dictates heterosexuality and that is a fact.   For these people to yield to peer pressure to deny them their faith is wrong.  On the other side, our constitution dictates freedom from persecution for homosexuals and Religious believers.   Excluding one for their beliefs, while accepting another for their beliefs is still prejudice.   Deal with it!!!

You are ignorant, but that's what being closed minded and segregated from society will teach you. You are an absolute hypocrite of what God teaches, which is love. You're pathetic.

Christian belief does NOT dictate mistreatment of others. It does not say that you have some sort of obligation to be hurtful or exclude anyone from anything. That is YOU trying to prove a point and speaking for God... 

Bullscat. The Bible does not "dictate heterosexuality."  That is simply the way you interpret the six verses in the Bible. Lots of people do that as a shield to hide their bigotry.  And, make no mistake, to think people who are homosexual are lesser in God's eye is bigotry, and you should stop.

Homosexuality is not a "belief."  That is an absolutely absurd statement. Maybe you should pray for God to open your eyes so you can love everyone.  And, please, don't give me the bullscat about having gay friends. It just doesn't pass the smell test when you've broadcast your disapproval.

Amen

Did Jesus not dine with sinners and forgive their sins? Pharisees, prostitutes, etc? I guess what Jesus meant was "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone [unless you're throwing stones at gay people, in which case, go right ahead]"

Some Christians believe homosexuality is a sin, but Christianity NEVER promotes excluding sinners. 

There are always going to be clueless people. They can exclude anyone they like - black, gay, asian, disabled, catholic, jewish, non-christian, for whatever reasons they want. By the same token they should be perfectly fine with others excluding them, whatever the reasons. Clearly they either haven't ever thought very far about the issue, or this is a fake letter because it's difficult to imagine anyone being so unable to put two and two together. (Well, I'd like to think it is...but I've seen some pretty clueless people in my life.)

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