Nigel Campbell's picture

Dear Abby: Homophobic Couple Feels Excluded By Neighborhood...After Excluding Gay Couples a homophobic couple is shocked (SHOCKED they say!) when the residents in their new neighorbood exclude them from social activities after the bigoted couple consciously excludes their gay neighbors from a gathering in their home. 

What advice does Abby (Jeanne Phillips) have for the now lonely couple? Take a look!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors’ social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay — one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were “different,” they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase “when in Rome,” I don’t feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? — UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I sure would. The first thing I’d like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person’s sexual orientation isn’t a “lifestyle choice.” Gay people don’t choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can’t change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

I find it interesting that you are unwilling to reciprocate the hospitality of people who welcomed you and opened their homes to you, and yet you complain because you are receiving similar treatment.

From where I sit, you may have chosen the wrong place to live because it appears you would be happier in a less integrated neighborhood surrounded by people who think the way you do. But if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth, which is what you have been offered here. Please don’t blow it.

It looks like this couple was served their just desserts. Kudos to the neighborhood for not letting this people "mean girl" the gays on the block based on their "conservative" beliefs.

Sucks to feel excluded, right??

(H/T: The Gaily Grind)



Ignorance. Who I love is none of your business just as much as who you love is none of mine. If u knew the cashier at best buy was gay, would you not cash out with them? Live and let live.. No one's filming gay porn in front of you. No one's shoving their sexuality down your throat.

The world was a nicer place when people kept what they did in private, private.  Why do people think they need to tell us all who they are having sex with?  I don't want to know.  I don't tell anyone about my sex preferences, and I don't want to hear about yours.

You get a great big eye roll for that comment.  Unless you see someone having sex in public (ewwww) you have no idea who they are having sex with or what they do in their bedrooms. Take your imagination out of the bedrooms of strangers. You'll probably be a lot happier. I know we will.

unless you are intent in living a life with NO partners, The person you fall in love with, share you life with, "announces" your sexual preferences to those around you ... 

You should say that it was nicer for you. Thankfully it's not all about you. 

You tell everyone about your "sex preferences" by sharing your life, in public, with the person you love and are in a relationship with. I assure you the gay couples are not describing their bedroom activities at the neighborhood BBQ.  

You really wouldn't have to "announce" anything if you were invited into their home..  They'd most likely behave like any heterosexual couple would.  There would be pictures of them together on walls, and in frames around the home.  If they had children, they'd invariably be called names appropriate for their positions as either father, pop, dad, or mom, mother.. etc.  If there are no children, I would assume participating in conversations including vacations taken together..  dates out to movies..  to encourage their patronage of restaurant hot-spots they like.

The point is...  You don't have to tell anyone about your sexual preferences when you invite them into your home.. they'd know after a short time by meeting your husband, or significant other.  Why is it that you would assume that these people state outright what their bedroom activities are?  Why is it that so many heterosexuals that have issue with gays are so preoccupied with what they do behind bedroom doors?

And please, be careful about invoking the "good old days" idea..  Anyone with any knowledge of history knows that "man's inhumanity to man" is not a new concept.  Not by a long shot.  And that whole "people minded their own business" thing kept abused women and children hidden away for decades...

You don't have to tell the world if you like surprise buttsex.  One of the key points of gay awareness is that if a gay couple decided to walk down the street holding hands, or if they wanted to slip a quick kiss in public like so many people do that they are not looked down upon or ridiculed as opposed to their heterosexual counterparts who can get away with anything.

You're not thinking outside the box.

FU.....go to a less enlightened community. I hear there may be some openings in the Westboro area or maybe a Jessup's community would be more to your liking......or maybe under some rock. You are depriving yourself of a growth experience. These members of your new community could have a lot to teach and offer you. They could, on the other hand, be real jerks. OMG!!!!! Just like everyone else. I'll remember you in my prayers......."What so ever you do to the least of my brothers....."  Sleep well.


Either your caps lock key is broken or you enjoy shouting at people. Using all caps doesn't conform with internet etiquette, and it makes you look rather boorish and overbearing.

Not a valid claim of hoax. If people can honestly attack Anne Rice or Christopher Rice for being LGBT supportive (Chris is gay and Anne's son) after being on their pages for months then it's easy to believe a housewife who reads the advice columns religiously might not think about Dear Abby's LGBT supportive mindset. The letter writer also didn't go all bigot route (but likely got called one for their behavior) in the letter and I could see it as a valid letter. The fact that it was chosen for the column shows that "Abby" felt it was important to discuss the writer's mindset.

We do not in fact know that this is a hoax.

Homosexuality is biology. Homophobia is the lifestyle choice. 

How right you are, Sharon.

How right you are, Sharon.

If it's a neighborhood thing you're obligated to invite the neighbors. I'd have to invite the right-wing Republicans in my neighborhood if it was a neighborhood party at my place—and I definitely don't approve of their lifestyle choices. But social graces are social graces.

If you want to be exclusive and limit your guest list, don't have a neighborhood event. 

I think what's missing from this Dear Abby column is the advice on how to fix their social faux pas so that they may reintegrate into the neighborhood social calendar.

How about the lifestyle choice that sends all of our wealth to the top( check income inequality), values opinion as much as science( check climate change), refers to people experiencing difficulty from having all their wealth and opportunity given to the top as entitlement seekers, seems completely oblivious to the fact that the earth is a living thing that supports our existence( climate change again- also check regulations of polluters), and that generally acts as if history has nothing to teach us. 

I'm a right-wing Republican but completely believe that all people deserve to be equal. Curious as to what lifestyle choices of mine that you don't approve of?

Probably the bigotry of the average Republican. The racism, sexism, and classism you see 90% of them displaying when they complain about "being forced" to give equal rights to everyone else and cover birth control.

note: AVERAGE. Doesn't mean it's 100% -YOU-.

dave sellars, you crack me up!!! i have been laughing so hard!!! i love a good smart ass!

It's a shame that people suffering from ignorance prefer to call being gay a lifestyle choice rather than what it is in reality....a lifestyle.

This couple is uneducated and it's sad.

My mistake, not a lifestyle...sorry....whoops.

The proper thing to do, if they are opposed to gay folks, is simply to not go. I don't now and never have approved of the lifestyle so when I'm invited somewhere that I know folks with that lifestyle are going to be I simply decline graciously. To do anything else is hypocritical.

So biology's a choice, then? I bet autistic kids would love to hear that!

So I take it that you won't come to an event that I am having next month?  It's going to be an amazing affair.  You know how us gays love to throw big gay parties.  It will be extremely extravagant.  We'll have a hosted bar with naked bartenders, finger foods made with really fingers (dirty ones). There will of course be multiple sex shows (same sex) & everyone will be encouraged (forced) to participate.  We will have open enrollment for anyone who is not yet gay to "choose" the better option & a hypnotist & a press gang will be on hand to make sure that your "choice" is made easier.

Please be sure to bring your children, so that they can begin their training to become gay & transgender.  Special child appropriate sing along songs will be sung to teach them that heterosexual love is gross & procreation is messy & painful & should be stopped.

We will also have a devil worship room where all of your religious notions will be removed with the help of street drugs & dance music & a little lubricant.

At the end of the party we will celebrate our "Life Style Choices" further by injecting all guests with HIV among other STDs & send you on your way with some soothing ointments for your abused anuses.

You know, the usual gay chosen lifestyle party.

Remember to bring a change of clothes.  You will get wet.

hilarious! This is the Best comment EVER!

Typical of an ignorant bigot.  You cannot even spell.   Loser.   Aren't you late picking up your WIC check or something ?

It means you are a bigot.  Face it.

That is neither a lifestyle, nor a choice.  That is who they are.

I am guessing that you pretend to be a Christian, yes?

I don't agree with the post above either, but I'm a Christian and I also fully support gay rights and equal rights for all. Don't be hypocritical by lumping people into categories.

Seem you may be reading more into his statement than is actually there, hence the "pretend to be Christian" point..

Whether you consider it a lifestyle choice or it is by birth it is your right to reject the invitation if you feel uncomfortable. The fact that you decline graciously is correct etiquette. That being said, in today's world many people, would view you as a bigot according to their religious and cultural beliefs which is their right too. At least you are not complaining about the potential of people not inviting you places etc. who support and love these individuals. When people take extreme stances on and make moral judgments on either side of the spectrum be aware it has consequences. The couple in Dear Abby did not understand that but at least it appears you do. I am Gay and for me it was not a choice, but I don't feel that anyone who opposes who I am should be required to attend any event I am holding. If they choose not to attend someone else's event because of me that is between them and the host..

It's not a fucking lifestyle, what part don't you understand about that? 

Whether you view it as a lifestyle or not, even declining graciously is rude in this instance.  It says, "Something about you as a person is so wrong to me that I don't even want to be in your presence."  Whether your discomfort/disapproval is founded in religion or not makes no difference.  Firstly, because to pass judgment and discriminate and avoid is the antithesis of actual Christian doctrine.  And secondly, because you are using your religion as an excuse to avoid something you don't like.  For example, "Jim is a devout Mormon.  Everyone on his block attends LDS church services with him.  Jim is happy.  Recently Gary and Sue moved in.  Gary and Sue are Presbyterian and therefore are allowed to drink alcohol.  Gary and Sue invited everyone on the block over for brunch, but Jim will not be attending because he knows they drink alcohol and this lifestyle choice is against his religion."  Or, "Ruth is Jewish and strictly follows the laws of Kashrut.  She recently discovered that her friend Paul is alright with eating non-kosher foods.  Ruth is uncomfortable with Paul's eating habits because they conflict with her religion.  Paul is having a barbeque later this month, and although Ruth knows there will be properly prepared Kosher options available to her and others who wish it, but she also knows that Paul himself will probably eat a bacon cheeseburger (meat and dairy?! Pork?! Abhorrent!), so Ruth's not going."
Gary and Sue aren't going to make Jim drink alcohol, there's no reason for him to be upset.  Paul isn't going to sneak cheese onto Ruth's burger, there's no reason for her to be upset.  If a same-sex couple invites you to their home for a get-together, they aren't going to force you to have homosexual sex with them, or have sex in front of you, it in fact is not going to affect you at all because- shockingly, I know- what any couple does in the bedroom is their business, not yours.  Whether you "approve" or not, whether you think it's a choice or not, and whether your religion accepts it or not, you need to take a step back and realize that the only thing preventing you from socializing with them is YOU.
And for the record, there's this book (it's actually a series!) about this nice guy who spent a lot of time traveling with his twelve friends, helping people and loving and accepting everyone- even those others deemed to be "sinners."  It's a pretty good book, you might try reading it sometime.

Sara, your letter is great. I'm sure you got your point across, and you're absolutely right about that weird guy with the 12 friends. He only does good and wants everybody to do the same. I love Him. It's great to read those books about Him, too. They tell you how to be happy and how to live some day with Him and His Dad.

Just for the record, I always try to have gay sex with, or in front of my straight guests.  It's in the gay handbook, that I received when I chose this lifestyle.

Well, crap. My handbook must have gotten lost in the mail 40 years ago! 

Did yours also come with the pamphlet that teaches you how to lisp and be sassy?  I heard they started including that.

Lmbo ...... just what they needed

According to an actual, literal reading of the Bible, the main reason the city of Sodom was destroyed was because of the sin of inhospitality. In excluding their neighbors because they disapprove of their "lifestyle," these self-righteous buffoons are actually the ones guilty of sodomy.

Inhospitality and trying to r**e angels!

I love the way you were so nice about it. THat is the way to handle a decision .  I see people on here saying you were too nice about it.  I think, why be mean, that is there problem. If they have a a problem with it so be it. I believe the community did the right thing. THey nicely excluded them from their gatherings, the way they did to the 2 couples.  Kudos to the neighbors and kudos to you!!!!!  

In essence, this is only a gay/straight issue because the couple writing to Abby made it so.  They were welcomed into the community by all, and when provided an opportunity to invite the community into their home, they chose to make the first exclusion(s).  The community, already a united entity, decided to "keep what they have" rather than adapting to the new couple.  That is simply an inhumane response to inhumane behavior.

The best-case scenario (and possibly what could have been another opportunity for growth) would have been for the community to invite the couple again anyway, and somehow let them know that their previous exclusions were not considered a welcome reciprocity.   Still, I understand why the community might react the way it did, and certainly have just cause. 

When we immediately respond to an offense with another offense, we lose opportunities to grow and help others grow, even if we feel justified or vindicated in the moment.

I saw this in today's paper and was so pleased that Abbey saw it for exactly what it was. I'm also glad the neighbors "shun" them now for being so closed minded. Perhaps they'll rethink their wrong ideas although I'm not counting on it. 

I've always liked you I absolutely ADORE you!!

Dear Abby...Thank you:) My only compliant is that you were way too kind to those bigots!

Dear Abby,

THANK YOU!!! Finally, the tables have been turned on a pair of small-minded bigots! It couldn't have happened to a more deserving couple. 

"Don't blow it"? Great double-entendre, Abby!

Bwahahahahahaha! I love karma! mmmm just desserts

This conservative couple thinks it is ok to discriminate but we are not to discriminate against them because religion..  What ignorance!

Dear Abby...I love you! 


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