Do You Remember The Exact Second You Realized You Were Gay?
Having nearly thirty-two-years of experiences and knowledge filed away in my brains means that some things have had to go over time - such as 90% of math skills, as well as more disconcerting lapses, like what I ate for dinner last night - but my memory of my gay awakening is still as crystal clear as ever.
The impetus was none other than a Mr. Jack McPhee on Dawson's Creek. He liked boys, and I liked him. Hmm. But the exact moment I deciphered the word scramble "I'm a homosexual" happened before school one day. I sat on my parents' white and blue checkered reclining sofa, absolutely drenched in pure dread. Thoughts such as "I'm one of the people my classmates make fun of" and "I'm going to have to wear mesh crop tops and move to Hawaii (people at my school thought all gays lived in Hawaii. IDK)" pummeled my brain.
Being half-Catholic, I was able to relatively quickly rationalize and deeply suppress my realization - making a pact with myself that I wouldn't tell anyone for the time being, or possibly ever. But thankfully I did - eventually. Now, many years later, while picturing my moment of fabulous self-awareness on the white and blue checkered reclining sofa makes my heart race, it also makes me smile. Little gay me and Jack McPhee.
Now I want to hear about YOUR gay awakening. Do you remember the exact moment you realized you were gay? Or was it more of a gradual process, with no clear "ah-ha" moment? I'd love to hear about your experience, so please share in the comments!