Explosive Breast Implants Are The Latest Terror Threat
Women's breasts are officially weapons of mass destruction, y'all.
Al-Qaeda’s chief bomb-maker Ibrahim al-Asiri is thought to have developed explosives that can be concealed in implants or bodily cavities and escape detection from airport scanners, according to The Mirror.
One staff member said: “There are genuine fears over this.
"We have been told to pay particular attention to females who may have concealed hidden explosives in their breasts.
“This is particularly difficult for us to pick up but we are on a very high state of alert.
Explosives expert Andy Oppenheimer said: “There is a great fear that al-Qaeda are planning on using internal devices to try and get through airport scanners.
"These explosives could be in breast implants.”
Another specialist, who asked not to be named, said
The expert added: “Both are very difficult to pick up with current technology and they are petrified al-Qaeda are a step ahead here.
“It’s pretty top secret and potentially very grisly and ghastly.”
The threat is real!
While we're sure there will be many brave souls that feel it's their duty to personally assess these women in order to uncover these terror threats, we think the safer move is for all men to steer clear of breasts entirely until the threat subsides.
We'll let them know when that happens.
In the meantime we'll introduce them to other ways to cope during this time of fear.