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Gay Mormon Divorces Straight Wife

Can a gay man and a straight woman have a successful marriage? That's the question Josh and Lolly Weed asked themselves prior to their marriage in 2002. This week, however, it seems like they finally got their answer — no.

In 2012, ten years into the Weed's marriage, Josh found his 15 minutes when he confessed on a now deleted blog posting on his website that he was gay. 

He wrote:

"I am gay, I am Mormon, I am married to a woman. I am happy every single day. My life is filled with joy. I have wonderful sex life. All of these things are true whether your mind allows you to believe them or not."

Since Josh was a Mormon, the post stirred a national debate on the Mormon Church and their acceptance of the LGBT community, as well as what it means to be gay and live in a heterosexual marriage.

Now 16 years into their marriage, the homosexual Josh and heterosexual Lolly have announced their divorce. And in the same blog post where they announce their divorce, they offered an apology to the LGBTQ community.

  • We’re sorry, so incredibly sorry, for the ways our post has been used to bully others.
  • And we’re sorry if our story made it easier for people in your life to reject you and your difficult path as being wrong.
  • We’re sorry to any gay Mormon who received criticism, backlash, or hatred as a result of our story.
  • We’re sorry to anybody who felt a measure of false peace because of our story.
  • We’re sorry to any LGBTQIA person who was given false hope by our story



The couple wrote in the post on Thursday, that they came to understand over time that their deep platonic love was not a substitute for romantic love and that romantic love was necessary for their happiness.  

Josh Weed also wrote that his stance on homosexuality, that once aligned with that of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, had changed. 

I have spent my entire life conforming to every standard of the LDS faith because I believed it was what God wanted me to do.

"I believed this because every mentor, every exemplar, every religious teacher, every therapist, every leader I ever grew up listening to and trusting told me that that was the only way I could return to live with God. There was an emphasis on “perfect obedience” and yet, over the course of my lifetime, the list of things said by these trusted leaders about my sexual orientation was profoundly inconsistent and confusing.

Weed listed a number of those things, which included: 

  • My sexual orientation wasn’t real
  • My sexual orientation was evil
  • My sexual orientation was an abomination
  • My sexual orientation was tantamount to bestiality and just shy of murder
  • My sexual orientation could change in this life if I had enough faith
  • My sexual orientation was a “trial” to bear
  • My sexual orientation maybe couldn’t change in this life after all
  • My sexual orientation could be managed with faith
  • My sexual orientation could be endured

The blog post says the couple and their children will continue to be close and will continue to love each other.

"We can continue to be the family we have always been, and we can add to that family," they wrote.

We want to know what you think. Can a homosexual male and a heterosexual female make a marriage work?




Straight men and women who are married to an LGBTQ spouse should look into the Straight Spouse Network (www.straightspouse.org)  This organization has been providing free, confidential peer to peer support to straight spouses/partners of LGBTQ people for over 30 years. And many people who remain active in the group are Mormons, or Christians who have made a similar journey. 

Some homosexuals and heterosexuals do remain married.  Often it is outside the understanding of traditional marriage.  It depends on the couple.  Most separate, some amicably, some not so amicably.  Denial, blame, shame, gaslighting and guilt are often the results that the straight spouse has to recover from, especially when the LGBTQ spouse has been in denial. The Straight Spouse Network provides a safe and accepting place to ask questions, share experiences, and receive affirmation. 


Yes, it can work.  In some rare cases.  And only if the parties involved have a healthy understanding of marriage to begin with.  (Which, it sounds like, these two didn't).


I actually imagine that a “healthy understanding of marriage” is precisely the reason that this one didn’t work. As the posters said, platonic love and romantic love are different. While platonic love can (and should) dwell within a healthy romantic marriage, it is the singularly intimate romanticism that sets a marriage apart from a friendship, even a spectacular friendship. In fairness, part of a healthy marriage is surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family. This couple had a support system, but only if it was predicated on the lies and false assumptions regarding homosexuality. Believing an innate and unchosen portion of ones’ self is fundamentally flawed is a recipe for a toxic environment. 

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