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Gay Soldier & Dad, Who's Married To A Woman, Shares His Coming Out Story

Ben Hobson, a 25-year-old U.S. Air Force service member, shares his coming out story and answers questions regarding his decision to come out after marrying a woman and fathering two children.

He also addresses his problems with alcohol and his experiences with men.

Forgive the "Iris" cover: 

And here's his Q&A: 

What's your take on Ben's experience, Instincters

 

(H/T: The Gaily Grind)

Comments

Dude is an immature, pompous ass. 

I just wanted to point out that back in the 70's and 80's a gay man was urging all the gay men to come out becaause of an epidemic then thought to be a gay cancer but turned out to be AIDS. Did you know that America refused to spend money on that disease because of the miniscule population that was out as gay?? Could you believe at one time they only contributed $9000 to research?? All because all the gay men were terrified to come out!! Come on men we as gay men are slowing the progress of our own freedom and all because we are scared of how people will react. People call us pansies and I think in some cases they are right (not condoning hate speech but making a point). What are we so terrified of?? That you may lose your job?? You may lose something else important like loved ones or children?? I can tell you with 100% honesty that it is illegal to fire anyone under the circumstances that they are gay and if you lose loved ones they never truly loved you in the first place if they can't except who you are to your very core!! So I urge you come out and join the freedom movement you are slowing the rest of us down!! It's 2014 already and we don't live in such a bigotedly country anymore...

re:  Your statement that "if you lose loved ones they never truly loved you in the first place"

This is wrong.  Do you know what causes a gay person to lose relationships with others when he/she comes out?

Lies.  Years and years of hiding, secrets and lies.

So when you next hear of a person whose family or spouse won't ever speak to them again, consider the fact that we feel lied to and deceived.  Don't hand me any crap about them not knowing for years.  That's a lie also.

Nobody likes a liar.  

"This is wrong.  Do you know what causes a gay person to lose relationships with others when he/she comes out?

Lies.  Years and years of hiding, secrets and lies."

What creates those lies?   Why do gay teenagers and twenty-somethings feel that it is NECESSARY to lie about who they are?   Because on a daily basis they hear from friends, acquaintances, and strangers, how funny, how awful, how disgusting, how SINFUL it is to be gay.   This is pounded into their heads from a time that they didn't even know what was actually involved in being gay.

Is it any wonder that they would scarcely want to admit it to themselves, much less to a disapproving circle of friends, family, church members, and the general public??   Whether you feel that it is okay to be gay or not, you MUST understand the reason why gay people feel the need to hide who and what they are.   It is because of FEAR.   The fear of losing friends and loved ones...of being ostracized, of losing a job, of physical harm...please tell me that you are not so ignorant: to be incapable of understanding why gay people feel the need to hide.   That is why it is sometimes necessary in the minds of young people to tell a lie to protect themselves and the life that they have.

I stand corrected but this also reinforces my point we should not hide who we are.

Bria: It IS legal in 29 states to fire someone simply because they are GAY.   We do not have protection under the law.   If a company states that they have a non-discrimination policy, and then they violate that policy, you can sue them. That is your only recourse.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/opinion/13sun2.html?_r=0

Secondly, everyone does not have the same circumstances or the same level of courage.   It is not appropriate to encourage everyone to come out, because it might actually place some people in harm's way if they do.

I posted on one of his YouTube videos that he did the right thing.  Pain is part of life.  Struggle makes us stronger and builds character.  Living a lie is no way to live in the free world.

Yes I said FREE WORLD.  Do YOU live in a FREE COUNTRY ?  I bet most of these vicious hate-filled monsters posting are CHRISTIAN AMERICANS, filled with more ant-Christ perspective than any gays I know.  Didn't the Christ fables say to LOVE ONE ANOTHER and accept differences ?  Not one word was mentioned on homosexuality.

Did anyone find which Christian forum encouraged all these hate-filled trolls to come and post about being sick of gay stories on a GAY MAGAZINE WEBSITE ?  Believe me, no one wants the stories of the travails of gay people to disappear more than us -- we just want to be accepted for who we are, and appreciated for the uniqueness we bring to our humankind.
 

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.   I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION BUT HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER THIRTY YEARS.   BEING GAY AND BEING RAISED IN A SMALL TOWN CHRISTIAN  COMMUNITY IT WAS NEVER A GOOD TIME TO COME OUT.  I LOVE MY WIFE AND WOULD NEVER LEAVE HER BUT WONDER WHAT LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF I HAD.  I THINK THAT YOU ARE BRAVE DOING WHAT YOU DID AND HOPE YOU FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.  LIFE IS SHORT AND YOU NEED TO ENJOY IT.

Even though i'm gay as well, i think its pretty messed up. I mean, congrats for him coming out, but i feel so bad for his family but yet i know that he can't be with them if he just realized how he feels. Just looks like he's taking it a little too well

Thank you for saying that--because that's exactly what I think.  He seems filled with glee.  The whole thing is sad as hell to me.  For him to put it in public like that almost in real time, it just shows he really doesn't care about anyone but himself.

FWIW I think he's trying to get some attention (I'm not even sure of the word I want to use) and he thinks someone is going to discover him on YouTube and make him famous.  I really get that vibe from him.

He will be eaten-up with Aids by the end of this year.

Well Kevdobbins35205, you should learn about AIDS.  However, therapy might help you more than anything as YOU will likely be eaten up by your own hate before the year is out.  Undoubtedly, you are the most miserable person commenting on this website.  It really is ok to get help and not live with so much ignorance, pain, hate and hurt.  I will put a prayer in for you!!!

Wouldn't want to sit down to dinner with you since you don't seem to know the difference between shit and peanut butter

You are disgusting

ANONYMOUS is one of many. A lot of us are NOT out. Therefore why would I put my name on the internet for all the world to see and for all of eternity?

You Are lucky to Have very understanding Family and Wife. I am in same situation but could not reveal to my parents :(

Who or what is anonymous?  Is it more than one?  Is it a he, she, or it?  Is the secrecy because of privacy or cowardice?  I think we all know the answer to that.

Damien, learn to spell! Sheesh!

Apparently you're another immature gay male just like him. You're saying it's ok to go around hurting people the way he does. And then not want to pay child support? Shame on the men in this country! They don't want to take responsibility for their actions. 

If it were only that simple.  Just because you have been hurt by a man that didn't pay child support or you know someone that was hurt by a man who wasn't a good father, does mean that this is his situation.  Poor assumptions.  Deal with you own hurt and don't assume this is the case of others.  

The gay soldier who is coming out is going through something that is impacted by society's inability to look at homosexuality in a normal light.  If things were different and homosexuality was more widely understood and accepted,  maybe the man could have lived his life the way he truly felt without trying to conform to society's expectations without being judged as a freak, pervert, or as "unnatural".  When everyone begins to embrace homosexuality as simply "two people who can love eachother and are deserving of equal treatment under the law", then maybe gay men won't feel like they have to enter into relationships with women in order to satisfy their intolerant and/or ignorant family and friends.  

Having said that, I don't feel that he should be screaming this from the rafters, as he was living a lie.  However, I do understand that he might be elated and filled with some sort of happiness for coming clean and no longer living that lie.  I think it is hard to judge him for this, as none of are living his life and/or exposed to the conditions that led him to get involved in this relationship.  The sad part is that kids are impacted most by all of this.    He doesn't have to stay with his wife in order to be a good father and for both of them to be good parents to their children.  Hopefully, despite all of this, they can provide a nurturing and psychologically healthy environment for their children, filled with care, compassion, tolerance, understanding and love.  

HIs sexual orientation should have nothing to do with his child support or his feelings about paying child support.

How mature is the statement he made that "a reason to stay in the closet" would be having to pay child support?

He's complaining about having to living in a small room, not being able to go out to eat.  Who is at fault?  Not the kids.  Not his ex-wife.  He is.  He left the military (there is no reason he had to leave) and he obviously was without prospects when he got out.

Nobody forced him to leave the military.  Nobody forced him to put his complaints on YouTube.  This is all on him.

all u people that are against him shut the fuck up he is who is why are u all so quick to judgehim for..are your lives so perfect ah. it makes me sick to see people judging others these days do u guys even know him lkke seriously fuck up n let tbe man live his life. no one is perfect. ffs

Gay senior citizen comments are no longer relevant. It's a different time and age old man. 

This guy is a train wreck. Not real bright. Clueless about life.

He's a looser. And all the gays jumped on the "hooray for him" bandwagon. And exclaiming what a great dad he's going to be, etc. No one knows him and what he's capable of. To me he exemplifies a person who is selfish and self-centered. She's better off without him. To gay guys getting involved with him: he may be cute, and a good fuck. But you have been given a glimpse of his selfish  personality and his narcisstic behavior 

The one thing that's a given here is that gay or straight, he's incapable of having a relationship that isn't centered on his wants and needs.

So yeah, you're right on the money, not good relationship material for ANYONE, man or woman.

Did you see his latest youtube video now? He is saying he should have stayed in the closet because now he has to pay a whopping $18 a day to support his 2 kids. And he lost his mother in law.  Umm you fucked over her daughter what do you expect?  I think what the shittiest part of this is that even though i think coming out is all great it really sucks big time for the ex wife.  while everyone is celebrating and congratulating him on doing the right thing and he is posting videos about how happy he is now etc. the ex wife just had her life destroyed.  So yeah for him cuz he was miserable before and she was happy but now she is miserable and he is just giddy.  He should take all this fuckin time he spends posting videos and posting crap and use it to help his ex get over her pain.  that video of her the other day was awful. she was so miserable and you could see it. but he was just happy as a gay clam chatting away as she was about to just lose it.  and poor him having to pay 250 a month per kid for child support.  he is bitching about how he has to pay that now and pay rent and cannot go out to eat anymore etc.  you are the one who quit the fuckin military.  no one made you do that. go get a second job!  and why is your ex paying way more to support those kids then you are. and why the hell did she even have to get a child support order for you to have to pay? were you not paying until now? they live with her so its only obvious she spends way more then your little 18 bucks a day. and that is for both kids. $18 bucks a day to feed clothe etc.  but he is mad about it. i was pro him until now. deadbeat dads suck and i can see he is going to be one of those ones that says i spent a day with them so why do i have to pay still.  

OMG the video with his wife--it's actually heartbreaking, you can see she's about to cry.  I couldn't even watch the whole thing, I was so disturbed by her expression.  I don't know why he asked her to be in a video or why she agreed--but that video needs to be made private.  It's just sad.

His current video--you know what?  Gay or straight, you have to pay child support.  The vast majority of men do that without complaint, especially those who caused the breakup.  I don't know why he lost his gay friends other than they might have been put off by how obnoxious he is.  And I also don't understand why, since he came out after DADT was repealed, he left the Air Force, where he was making a decent living.  If you make the decision to leave without a job with similar pay, then of course your standard of living is going to go down.  I can only assume there would have been some LGBT support within the military, or at the very least he could have gotten some therapy while he was still in there.

As far as the amount of child support, 1/3 of his income doesn't even begin to cover what 2 children need.  Even though he makes a remark that he doesn't mind eating macaroni & cheese every night, you can tell he was figuring when he came out he was going to have a fabulous high-rise apartment and live a TV-gay life.  Surprise!

His in-laws---well generally when you divorce your wife, her family goes with her.  He seems surprised? by this happening.

What a mess.  I still don't think he understands how he got where he is today.  

Well said!!!!

I'm not a hateful hetero. Just tired of gay hypocrisy and gay entitlement. And I know MANY who feel the same. Gay friendly, just tired  of the gay behavior. It's the young gays that are making the whole bunch of you look bad. They have no idea what the last generation of gays went through. 

"hypocrisy"? Entitlement?  You must be joking!  Gays have been relentlessly persecuted for many centuries.  Burning homos and heretics at the stake may no longer be acceptable, but bullying and blatant discrimination certainly are.  Now that we are fighting back and winning, we are the ones being called bullies.  Until recently, we had no idea what it is like to win.  Now we do.  I am a Senior Citizen and I have no problem with "gay behavior".

I know what "hetero" is talking about.   He is talking about the smarmy little fags (yes, you read that correctly,) who rub people's faces in their gayness, and then dare them to do something about it.    It's like the jumped-up niggers (yes, you read that correctly) that take an attitude with white people because they feel that they can, after winning their rights in the workplace and society.   This is bad behavior regardless of the law, statute or regulation that offers a minority protection.

Being gay or being black, or any minority, is a good thing because it adds diversity to society and helps us learn more about the Human Condition.   Everyone should be treated well, and treated equally.   The problems arise when certain elements of a sub-culture feel that it is okay to "dare" the average person to look down on them for any reason, regardless of their behavior, (level of expertise, education, etc. etc.) because it is not "PC" to exhibit disdain for them.

As an older gay man, I see this "I dare you" behavior in young gay men and lesbians.   It is not appropriate, and creates an antagonistic attitude in those who see this attitude exhibited.   I have lived with this attitude on the part of black people for about three decades now.   True equality does not exist until both sides of the issue realize that "special" treatment is not a reward for being different.   Everyone should be treated exactly the same, and they should ACT the same when they are in public: with manners, observing decorum, and offering respect.

Not winning in Nigeria.  Or Russia.  Really not the US either.  People will tolerate you to your face only-if that was what you wanted, then great--you've got it.

"Anonymous" - Tolerance is the beginning.   Once people begin to realize that someone else being gay is not going to affect their lives, they will begin to "accept" the lifestyle more.   If you have ever been persecuted, had people treat you with a lack of respect, or treated disdainfully: if you have ever been run off a job or denied an apartment rental, then you might begin to know what being gay is like. Is it any wonder that gay individuals are tired of this treatment?

Why are so many hatefull heteros on this gay site? 

I got here from a link on a message board.

No reason to spread hate here.

This took a lot for him to realize what was causing his problems. Most people just aren't strong to come to terms. It took me most of my adult life to realize I was only a child listening to an adult. I didn't ask to be molested. I was taught how to please a man and that is all I was taught. Any relationship I have sought to have with women has been a failure. I tried to honest and put my feelings aside and yes we had sex, but both women who I was with cheated on me and ruined my ideals of a normal relationship. inane girl cheated on me with my best friend as well as getting pregnant by the second guy. Life is short, don't waste it by hating.

Being gay and being molested as a child are 2 completely separate things.  One doesn't necessarily lead to the other.

Have you tried counseling regarding the molestation?

If you have had counseling about it, I wonder if it's really been worked through--and could have caused you to choose 2 women who abused your trust (like the perpetrator of your childhood abuse).

I wish you peace and happiness in the future.  What was done to you was wrong.

Gay topics are in ALL of the media today! Not just this stupid magazine! You can't watch any news or pick up any print media without a gay story or a coming out story. It's getting to be TOO MUCH! 

Oh and by the way there is no law stating that heteros can't read this magazine. Especially when Instinct trolls straight peoples FB pages!

Stop whining! Get over it. It's not going to go away! Learn to live with it like anything else in life you don't like.

If you don't like the gay stories put out by the media then don't read them. Simple as that. No one compels you to read them.  If I don't like something on TV, I change the damn channel. You people always want to stifle free speech yet whine about your inability to say what you want! Just endless hypocrites!

Whoever you are, you are more than welcome to read this magazine.  It's too bad that it upsets you so much.  In fact, it sounds like your chains are so rattled that you are ready to go over the edge.

Ignorance is bliss. If you have to hateful then leave this magazine. Life is too short for people to keep hating just because someone is different. Grow up!

He's cute

I love all these people on this GAY MAGAZINE SITE saying they are tired of hearing about gay topics in media. WELL HERES AN IDEA,DONT FUCKING "LIKE"A GAY MAGAZINE. Ur the fucking moron. As for this kids story,its slightly unique. But far from original. He is not the only GAY man to marry and raise a family for all the wrong reasons. But if him posting his story helps ONE young man from repeating his "mistakes" than mission accomplished and I applaud him.. and I say "mistakes" because yes getting married was not smart and that was a big mistake. But Ican gguarantee he does not look at his children as a mistake. No matter the situation im sure he will be an amazing father,according to his former in laws they stated that him being great with kids was one of the factors that lead them to believe he was gay. As I said the whole posting ur story on youtube is getting tired,but if his story reaches one person who is about to repeat the same process,then who are we to say what is "right" and "wrong" stop being such damn hypocrites and judging someone that u never met. He is a young man that thankfully was able to deal with his demons,the drinking,and stop lying to himself and everyone around him. Good for u man. Do you and be happy and FUCK EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO HATE.

Thank you Bernice for pointing out the gay hypocrisy. They live by their own rules, and they have double standards. Why do they lift up and applaud a selfish, self centered man such as this? Disgusting! They are destroying the world as we know it.

At least Bernice is "man enough" to identify herself.  And, maybe it is time to destroy the world as you know it.

He not only has ruined his wife's life and children if you go watch his youtube videos you will see him outting people he hooked up with that were still in the closet. How great it must be to be the kids.  They will have a long lasting video to always remember the day their dad left their mother for some dick. Not that being gay is the prob but not caring about the kids feelings is. Its out there forever and kids are cruel.  Wait till they grow up and find the youtube video and bully those kids cuz their daddy is a fag!  That is all they need.  He also states on a video his ex wife is dating a guy now but introduced him to the kids.  I agree with him that she should not of but he really has his nerve trying to threaten her by telling her if they break up then she can never introduce the kids to another guy again.  Umm pay child support first of all before trying to dictate things to her. Second you left her to hook up with some guy for 2 weeks and the kids met him.  And now you are not with the 2 week fling guy so tell me wtf is that? gay hypocrisy at its best!  

Stupid American.

He's a sad and pathetic excuse for a man.  I think it's awful he puts his whole life online like that and as for outing people he's been with--I thought that was unacceptable to them? 

To all you @$$#oles calling this young kid a selfish, terrible person, and bitching about gay stories in the media...  if it were not for idiots like you, this kid would have come out early, not gotten married, and had none of these problems.  

What do you say about him outing other gay people?  Is that okay too?  Everyone seems to ignore he's done this in his videos.

YOUNG?  No, darling, not so young.  Old enough to know better.

I guarantee there will be backlash to this story. People are going to be hurt. Period. Selfish young man!

I'm tired of hearing something about THE GAYS in the media pretty much EVERY day, it's tiresome. We have become such a politically correct society, no one can say anything anymore or have an opinion about anything. Why can't the gays just go live their lives without having to be the center of attention every day? I'm civilized towards the gays, but I'm also tired of hearing from them and about them.

Gays are equally tired of people like you always whining about the media printing stories about gays! Why shouldn't the media print them?  Gays are part of life. They exist and just like any minority shouldn't have to live in the shadows just because it makes you uncomfortable. Everyone deserves a right to walk in the sun.

If you don't like the stories, don't read them! Just like if you don't like something on TV you change the channel. People like you "think" only your speech and opinions matter while things you don't like or agree with should remain invisible or silent. That may fly in Russia but here freedom and justice is for all not just for you. You need to get over it and if you can't deal with it then you need to learn to deal with it just like everything else in life you don't like!

Silence equals death and waiting on people with attitudes like you will NEVER result in equality or justice for gay Americans! Other minorities have had to be proactive to get their rights and gays are no different! When people like you stop whining about it then we know gays no longer have to make so much noise!

Thank you and A-men (a little something for the gays)...

Honestly I thought the first video explained his past has no point to why he is gay.... It summed up who/where he is today...but the second video the Q&A is without a doubt pointless. Why air your business out? And for people saying oh the kids young and don't understand wrong, what you put on the internet will always be there and he made a new headline for himself...why not be respectful about your coming out with your family and friends because you set yourself up to be talked about, your family to be looked at like their the ones to blame for you not being who you are today.... I ain't bashing on the guy but their are plenty of gays out there in the world some of my friends are and I still love them the same one opened up to me and told me they was and you know what it's life and nobody is perfect or made to fit the American lifestyle be YOU but don't bring the internet world and national mess into it...

Personally, I've of course come out to my close friends and family. I don't make it a huge deal to tell everyone that I'm gay. If someone asks me then of course I let them know. There is no reason to blast this all over the internet and look for attention. 

Some people have said some really cruel things about the gay community, but at the same time you don't know what some people have gone through. Straight people aren't all saints and don't pretend that you guys don't make your fair share of mistakes that have clearly been publicized and studied.

Just let everyone live their life, simple.

Can you believe the amount of judgment and pure hate most of the comments show!!?  Trolls, all of them, coming out is hard, it is getting better but it's a personal journey and some take a long path.  Who are they to say he should've done this or that, get over it!  He's living his truth now and that's what matters.  As for people posting on YouTube, good for them if it helps their process.  And to gays and straights, coming out is important and will be for a longtime.  Until kids here and around the world can be free to live their truth without bullying, fear of attack, or suicide it matters to know you're not alone.  If you're tired of it being published, don't watch and consider calling yourself a homophobe or a self hating gay.

Me me me me me me, my truth, me me me I need, I want, me me me me....

The backlash is against selfishness and caring about nothing except making your body feel good for a short time.  The non-homosexuals can't say a thing publicly because now we're "bullied" and called bigots or worse.

How many of you reading this are or are seeing a heterosexually married man?  More than a few, I'm sure.  Those are the ones replying to the videos.

Darling, nobody cares about you coming out anymore, it's boring.  It's not important to anyone but you, and it's just more attention-whoring.

Anonymous: I SO AGREE WITH YOU 100% + 

Gay men are a bunch of horny,  sniveling little spoiled brats with a supreme sense of entitlement. 

They want to be treated as "equals" and yet they don't act like the rest of the general population. They are their own species. Funny thing is, I don't see lesbian women behaving this way.

I don't even think it's homophobia that so much exists in our culture today, but more that people are growing tired and intolerant of the behavior of gay men: whining, hyper-sensitivity, sense of entitlement, promiscuity, heterophobia, etc. I for one am OVER IT!!!

First, you're the one who is whining but to blind to see it and the kind of person that perpetuates homophobia! What sense of entitlement? Seeking social justice, dignity and equal rights under the law is not entitlement it's a basic right all human beings have. Gays used to be imprisoned, harassed, beaten, murdered, fired from jobs when found out and even forced into suicide when their sexual orientation was printed in the newspaper after being arrested out of a sense that their lives were over! 

It's only by fighting back and speaking out for themselves to make it less of an issue to be themselves that gays have made this country a better place for themselves to live. Silence equals death. Every minority has had to fight and be vocal to make their lives better. Waiting on people like you never results in change for the better! Only despair and death.

Second, it's people like you with your attitude that create a hostile environment for gay men and lead some to marry women in order to fit in out of a sense of self-hatred and fear of being open about themselves. You can deny what you are to the world but you can't fool yourself!

You for one need to get over it and if you can't then tough you need to learn to live with it like everything else in life you don't like. People shouldn't have to live in the shadows all their lives to make you happy at their expense. Gay is not just about who is between you legs but what is between your ears. It's not just simply about sex.

It's not a zero sum game where heterosexuals have to lose out for gays to be happy. That's just your own none sense stemming from your selfishness!

Why don't you start making it unacceptable to be so promiscuous?  That's what many people like me object to. 

Clean your own house.  Make it socially unacceptable to advertise on Craigslist that you're parked in such-and-such a place and will suck someone's dick.  Make it socially unacceptable to find your sexual partners at the bathhouse or the public park.  Make it socially unacceptable to deal with heterosexually married men AT ALL.

Have your parades, your days at Disney World or whatever, knock yourself out.  Your community is full of sad old queens who want nothing more than to satisfy their urges at a moment's notice.  You can force your way in, but you'll still be that unwanted minority in the room..

You sound like a prude abnormally obsessed with what others maybe doing sexually. It's not incumbent upon anyone to police or monitor what others do in a free society. Are you policing all the heterosexual students that are promiscuous at school let alone Spring Break events? How about all the heterosexuals cheating on their spouses or visiting heterosexual porn sites? Or the unmarried couples living together? How about the hetero men paying for prostitutes? Clean your own house before you start judging and throwing stones at others houses!

Force your self-righteousness on others but it will always be opposed and defeated! People won't be controlled or manipulated by the likes of you. Who cares what you think? You're not paying the rent or putting food on the table. Just blowing alot of hot air!

Um wrong. By my actions and mannerisms no one would suspect that I am anything other than heterosexual. As a gay men I don't care if my friends are gay, straight, bi etc because that is not the part of them that makes a person friend. I've been with my partner since monogamously from the beginning and we are going on 18 years together so I guess there goes the promiscuity claim of yours and yes he is a gorgeous blonde hair and blue eyed "twink". I am average on looks but that isn't what was important to us it was who we are. 

People make poor decisions sometimes when it comes to relationships but they also make good ones. I dated a girl for awhile before I broke it off. My family is southern baptist and the pressure to date a girl borders on fanaticism. I knew it wouldn't be fair to her or any potential children we had to not be 100% honest not only with myself but her as well. She is now married and has 3 children and we are very good friends.

But I guess it's easy to lump everyone in the bitterness bubble because you've had a bad experience or someone hurt you from what I see in the other  comments as well but don't say we are all the same.

As a person who was duped into marrying someone who later claimed he "discovered" he was gay, the day you marry and definitely the day you have a child, life ceases to be about YOU and what YOU need.  Yet, here we go with another gay man who decides to chase his dick around even if it has a negative effect on his wife and children.

That's what I notice about gay men--me, me, me and more ME, I need to be happy, I need to be authentic, I need to satisfy myself...and the world falls at their feet.  The wife and the poor children are stuck in the shadows wondering where they fit in (nowhere), getting the leftovers of this supposed man while he spends his time on Snapchat and Grindr looking for his next penis-satisfying experience.  

So bitter! Is it about your child or really about you? You can divorce and still both participate in the care of the child. You'd rather live with a man who has no desire for you and then when the child grows up still end up in divorce only much older and less desirable to others who maybe the right match for you and him? Life is too short to waste with the wrong person. Cut your losses and move on. You may find a heterosexual man to marry that you can have more children with and live a happier live with. You cheat yourself with your attitude!

Already done and moved on.  Discussing this person with the videos and his poor wife.  BTW, daddy has his child support garnished from his wages, but has chosen not to take his children on his visitation days for 5 months now--he's too busy with his latest "love of his life".  So yes, it's about the children.  

If you had moved on, you wouldn't still be whining about it. You should be happy he came out early rather than when you were old and unable to find someone else! This gives you a chance to move on and find your own love of your life. Would you have preferred he waited until your kids grew up then left you? Your kids will make their own lives someday without you. You should think about making one for yourself rather than worry about who your ex husband is with. If he had left you for another woman it would have been better? 

As for your ex being irresponsible with paying child support, that's common with many ex husbands regardless of whether he's sleeping with men or other women.

That second paragraph is exactly what my very straight husband did to me. Such is not limited to the gay male population.

Yowza, you sound like a real fun mom to have :S

RIDICULOUS!

Poor wife...

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Gofor him doing it now. To Contin with a lie would only continue hurting him. If being gays a choice then some of you homophobes can choose right now. Make it as easy as you try to say it is.

Typical fag desperate for the spot light.

He probably already has AIDS by now.

your a typical HETERO who Still hating on gay men just because hes cute and you look like who did it and what for dont mean you gotta be a hater. MAD OR NAH

Oh yeah, because AIDs totally came from the gay community (f*cking idiot). Even if you don't agree with it, you shouldn't show disrespect. And if you don't like it, why the f*ck are you here watching these? And you sir are probably so far back in the closet you are finding Christmas presents. With whatever brain you have left, even if just a fragment of a brain cell, think before you open that travisty you call a mouth. 

SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THEIR DICK YOUR IN MOUTH JUST TO SHUT YOU THE FUCK UP....WHAT AN ASSHOLE....AMEN

Typical douche opening their mouth

Good for him. I'm sure he thought a lot more about the ramifications of coming out and the consequences to his wife and family than anyone else here condemning him. It's not easy, and is fraught with pain, regret, guilt, and suffering. I hope he can move on and enjoy a happy life.

While I agree that Ben may want to consider making a few of his videos private, I do not believe that it would have been in his ex-wife's or his children's best interest to delay his "coming out." His children are very young now and will most likely not be adversely effected by having a gay dad. Furthermore, his decision to "come out" will allow his ex-wife to move on and find a "much more" suitable partner even though it may be difficult for her now. Imagine if Ben had waited another 10 years to find himself? That would really have been much more difficult for all involved.

I don't think that most people are questioning that he came out now. But this video is so stupid on so many levels. What are people doing putting stuff like this online? 

Anonymous, I too am sick of them "advertising" their gayness. With parades, boycotts, kiss-ins, protests and now, blatant heterophobia! If you want to be treated as EQUALS then just go about your lives, and stop making your SEXUALITY  the center of  your universe! (and ours for that matter!)

BurntBulb, I totally agree with you 100%. He hasn't even thought about the long term effects of this video. And all the people that are going to be hurt by it. He has no loyalty to his wife, children, his mother, or any family members. He has exploited EVERYONE, for his 15 minutes of fame. There are consequences for all of our actions, good and bad. I think it's the "younger" generation that is not "getting" this. 

Seriously? Why would he go this long without "realizing" he was gay. He has 2 kids and married a woman... I thought all the gay protestors say "we were born this way" okay well why is he having sexual interactions with a woman. I'm so sick of hearing these stories about gay people and coming out. If you want to be treated the same as everyone else, why do you feel the need to announce that you're gay? I don't announce that I'm straight. Don't broadcast if you're straight, gay, or bi if you want to be treated like everyone else

They were "born this way" only after they lie to everyone they know and then claim they've repressed their gayness so deeply they weren't aware of it, which is also horseshit.

Go read online, despite the fact they're gay they all lust after their straight friends, have "crushes" on straight men at the age of 50, it's all just too silly and sad.  Just go be gay and leave the rest of us alone.

Why would you have to announce you're just like every body else? If you're straight, you're part of the status quo. Lol, why the hell would you? Get a perspective. You clearly have none.

There is something really disingenuous about making a video about your deepest secret life moments, overlaying background music and posting it to YouTube for a world of strangers to see. It is an unbelievably juvenile and selfish thing to do. All made even worse because he has a family. 

Oh, please. He's just talking about his experience as a man who realized he's gay, after getting married and having two kids. You got to understand that, up until now, the LGBT community was an invisible community. Now we're hearing about all these stories because they're gaining visibility, and somewhere out there, this is going to help someone. So, no. It's not disingenuous at all. 

You're completely wrong. He's jumping on a bandwagon. It isn't "up until now" that the gay community was invisible. Public "coming out" has been done over and over and over since the 80s and it's a daily occurrence today. Where have you been that this is a new thing? The distinction here is that this man is married. And like it or not he made a commitment to his wife and to two children. His decisions weren't forced upon him and they weren't instant. Now he decides to ride the coming-out-wave and make a social campaign of it on Youtube? It was a heavily edited, scripted performance set to drippy music. It just smacks of social grandstanding. It's a nauseating addiction that you see with narcissist who crave attention.  I'm sure that he has a FB page full of selfies also. 

What he should have done was come out to his family, take care of his wife that he mislead, raise his kids to be happy and well adjusted with a gay father and maybe a new husband. When the chaos subsides and he matures a bit, then he can write his book or give an interview to Instinct. That would be a more dignified example and more helpful for young gay men. Instead of this stupid knee-jerk thing he did. 

Ben, its dave, one of your youtube subscribers. (The one whos fillings hurt, lol.) As much as i love ur story and respect u 100%, PLEASE take a break from this and youtube. You have too much on your plate and this unnecessary drama is going to take its toll on you and your loved ones. I care about you and dont want to see you implode because of this. Its not worth it. Your real supporters will always be there for you, in heart and spirit. Take care ben..

Im not trying to be mean or to belittle this guy, but there are a lot of other guys who's stories deserve to be told more than his. Like all the gay kids that are beat up or murdered just because they are gay. Or the ones that are homeless because they  built up the courage to tell their families they are gay and they kick them out. Or even the ones that grow up being bullied and killing themselves because they can't take the abuse anymore.

I get that it was hard for him to admit who he is and to tell his family that he is gay, but ten months is nothing compared to a lifetime of abuse and disappointment.

But I am glad that he is happy now and wish him a lifetime of happiness, but remember that there are many more out there that NEED our attention and sympathy.

This guy has a LOT of growing up to do. As do many gay men who have made comments on this article. They live for themselves and only take into consideration their own base desires, without any thought of the ramifications or the hurt they are inflicting on others. Shame on him.

Being a "family man" means that you have to be aware of the effect that your actions will have on the people in your life.   "Ben" made a lot of statements in his videos that probably are not very appropriate for people outside of his family...and will be embarrassing for his children when they see them later on down the road.   The Internet is forever.

His mother's suicide, the fact that he regrets getting married, and several more subtle things are now common knowledge instead of being privileged information within his family.   To be frank, I don't think that his mouth is connected to his brain or heart.   He might be gay, but he certainly isn't sensible.  

I don't mean to cast judgment, but it bears pointing out that this particular decision is not one that should be praised. While I sympathize with this man's struggle come to terms with his sexuality, marrying and then leaving a woman was unbelievably selfish. If he were a straight man who was "living a lie" because he wasn't attracted to his wife or had fallen in love with another woman, no one would be lauding his courage in breaking up his marriage. 

The sad fact is that marrying a woman was the wrong choice for him, but he has decided that his wife, rather than he, will suffer as a result. I hope that going forward they can all heal.

Lollllll what?!?
Once you get the "bad decisions" out of the way, the only thing left for either of them is to divorce.
How would it be healthy for anyone if he stuck around? You can't really put the genie back in the bottle.

Wow Calvin! Based on what? Please elaborate with some facts. Why would Ben, Ricky, Neil, Zachery put themselves out there, when they don't have to? And especially with the underlying fear that it could damage their careers. I'm being serious when I say I want you to elaborate. I want to hear your theory on this.

Well, I've researched the bios of the so-called out celebs, and can find either no gay relationship or very very few gay relationships. All the aforementioned careers were in the dumps before they came out. I also can name their many girlfriends and no boyfriends.

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