GayGuys.com Blogger: Gay Men Over 30 Should Stay Out Of The Clubs

A blog post from late last week has been making the rounds on social media, and igniting a firestorm of comments in its wake. Titled "Gay Men & The Curse of the Peter Pan Syndrome," the editorial posted to GayGuys.com by writer Dalton Heinrich asserts that gay men "are absolutely horrible when it comes to growing up."

Because of this, Heinrich prescribes gay men 30 and up one simple task: stay out of gay bars and clubs.

Nobody bats an eye when a straight male in his adult prime is at a bar or club hitting on younger women, so what's Heinrich's deal?

He writes:

Since the beginning of my social existence a large portion of my friends had been older than myself. I had always just assumed that I was mature for my age when in actuality I think most of the gay men I associated with had never mentally passed the age of 25. From boyfriends, to just friends, to acquaintances, to people I would repeatedly bump into at gay bars; a large portion of them were at a dead end when it came to maturing.

Why is it a social norm of ours to be in our late forties and going clubbing and bar hopping multiple times a week? Of the hundreds of grown men I know, why are so few of them actually grown up? Was I doomed to a life of bottle service and boyfriends half my age because I couldn’t settle down and start a family at an appropriate time. 

...

It is as if all gay men are terrified to grow up. The abundance of thirty and forty something’s that attend nightclubs persistently and dress like they are going to a college frat party is astounding. Instead of the Botox, barhopping and H&M wardrobes; why as a culture, are the majority of us not having children and planning our futures.

...

The sad, thirsty man haunting the shadows of 18 and up clubs is slowly killing our culture. When my generation of gays gets older are we going to think that is the normal thing to do with our nights? Are we all destined to be ghosts of our youth, dramatically hunting down a thrill rather than being man enough and brave enough to go toward the light and move on to actually being an adult?

I think it is time to fight off this trend of a permanent youth. We all need to realize how to act our age and how to play our part in our community. It is time to be a role model for the next group of young men. It is time to tell Peter Pan that you want to go home and as much as it may not be the funniest thing to do, it is time to grow up.

What do you think about Heinrich's advice for gay men older than 29? (Read his full editorial here.)

(h/t: Wicked Gay Blog)

 

Comments

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So he joins Miley Cirus in basically saying that there's no sex after 30, LOL!

This is not really the point, about the sex, but I thought that was a good connection; both attitudes coming from the 20 something's. I don't have a lot new to add that hasn't been said already. YES, I helped pave the way for this generation's gaggle of gays and lesbians to seemingly flaunt their wares around the clubs and bars so freely by participating in events such as the Pride Parades when there were about 25 people marching--half wore paper bags over their heads in San Diego, circa 1979; really!

I don't go out too much these days and when I do it is to a small bar that caters to clients my age and of all ages.

Growing up: I'm sick to my stomach of all the media, social media hype, reality TV shows...  all that lead to these youngsters (up to 40'ish) being so self absorbed and flicking selfies with pouty lips, hip hop apparel G-ware, etc... especially those within the under 30 crowd (and I love hip hop). Talk about not growing up. Once you hit 25, one usually but not always, has a good sense of oneself and a stable job. Not too old to be hitting the bars to have some fun but old enough to act somewhat mature about it.

This guy, who wrote the article, must not see (although there is some mention of media?) that it is Social Media, and even porn, that are encouraging younger (and sometimes older) guys to act and look ridiculous out at the clubs. I don't fully understand the author's viewpoint, from his perspective; as I feel it is largely the 20s-30s crowd that acts as he says Peter Pan (what is that - read egotistical). Narcissism has seemed to permeate a percentage of gay men for many, many years and we certainly didn't need any more of it.

Another reason why a large number of gays go to clubs/bars is due to the initial support that they played a role in as places to go to congregate and for acceptance; from a grassroots level. There is also the fact that many of us did not have a chance to have similar dating experiences in our youth as out straight brothers and sisters had, for instance in high school; regardless of age. 

just sayin'

Oh, and how are guys over 30 leading him to believe that this is the legacy for them - to hang out at pick up clubs leering at younger guys while they are in their 40s+. When I came out, and was old enough to go to a bar, I didn't expect 'bar life' to dictate the outcome of my life as a gay man; that's not very realistic at all--I hope he doesn't expect to plan for that.

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I'm 39 and married. My husband and I do many other fun things to occupy our time. Seems like most guys our age and older should be past the going out regularly phase. To us, we feel it is for the younger guys, especially if your married. Just our 2 cents.

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He probably expects his own pathetic club life to end before he reaches 30!

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If I go to bars its to see friends or a boyfriend wants to get out of the house. I go to bars that tend to have people my age. I've gone to a few bars that younger guys frequent with a boy friend rarely. I have been hit on by younger guys. It's sweet but I like guys my age. I also have a drink limit and time limit. 

When I was into older men when I was young and worked as a bartender. I had great times with the older men and do not regret it. 

All I can say is he's in a world of hurt when he's 40. 

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I'm 54 yr old gay male I will go any bar I please nobody has right to judge someone or discrimination of age. Older is wiser. Get a grip.   you don't want to have older people in clubs because of there age that's bullshit built on your guilty conscience. Without older people your club be out of business think about it.

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Yes. I will stay out. To ooooold. And the thing. Too many kids there. Lol. 

www.facebook.com/nagel.t

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Who ever wrote that should be a shamed of them self the purpose of a gay bar is to give our community a safe place to go in a way it's a gay sanctuary and I'm sorry you don't stop being a part of the community just because you turn 30 we need to be stopping  this stuck up Bitchiness to each other and stand together as a family because that's what we are a family I think that's been forgotten  of late 

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Bs some of these young guys look older than us 30 year olds. We wanna enjoy ourselves to. its not always about trying to hookup with they twink ass.

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I know someone who hated having the 30 year-olds around him in a pub. He would say: "I hate these old people hanging around".
He is now 39 years old... and we don't hear a peep out of him.

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silly,silly silly girls --- you young under 30 twinks wouldn't have a bar with those silly cheap drinks of yours.  It's the over 30 that are paying the way - as they should - don't mind - and will continue to.

And as you will have to when you hit 30

I go regularly and I'm 66 -- and drink club soda - MY paying days are over.

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What a crock of shit! I certainly don't live my social life on the scene, but I do occasionally venture out, mainly to socialise with mates.

Not everyone who's in the bars and clubs is hunting for guys to sleep with, some people might just be there for a night out with friends, so why does their age bare any relevance? 

Seems he's judging everyone else by his own shallow standards. The article says more about his limited attitude than anything else. 

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So Ryan Reynolds (39) is not welcome in your club!!!! Um!!! Are you blind? 

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I stopped going to the bars locally because of the snobby young gods of gay bars! You too will age one day!

I guess that I should just shuffle off and die because I'm 65!

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Ironically, what I don't like about gay clubs (especially on a Saturday night) is all the young overly gay boys wandering acting ridiculous.  What would be nice is if instead of pushing the mature crowd out, the younger crowd could grow up and interact as an adult.

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He says, "it's time to grow up."

Well, take your own advice.

Grow up.

People you don't like, for whatever reason, will always be at the club, at your work, in society. Deal with it.

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My comment to him would be "Fuck you". I will go wherever and whenever I please. An article like that proves how stupid and immature the author is. And I am sure he is the first to scream about wanting equal rights yet he discriminates within his own minority group. Stupid and a hypocrite. He should be a Republican :o)

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Who wants to bet this puke twink is the ugly duckling in his group of 'fabulous friends'?

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Quite frankly, I think there is some validity in what he is saying, we all know gay guys who refuse to grow up ...but so what. Let them have their fun. Most guys my age ... have pretty much moved on from the bars. They are not what they used to. And most people do get to a point, where they find other things to do ... like dinner with friends, house parties, travel, and theater. My husband and I do not go out to the bars as much and quite frankly when we do, we are disappointed. Why? Because we remember when the music had lyrics, your favorite song came on and it wasn't remixed to where you don't even recognize it, there were shirtless guys everywhere, bridal parties were not allowed, and people were focused on meeting other people, not looking down at their devices. I am older and I can appreciate the youth, but there is something to be said for being mature and not acting like a torn up mess.

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Word.

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So he is saying all guys under 30 are immature little sluts that hang out in clubs and bars? And if older you should grow up and stay away? Obviously a text book thinker and probably learned how to wank from a book.

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What a lot of the younger gay community fails to realize is that the older gay community are the ones who marched in the face of adversity, beaten down, hated and attacked all while they stood up for what we have today. Had it not been for them we would still be going into secret clubs, not able to marry and not liven openly. This article is crap!

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I fail to see how a grown mature man blowing off some steam at a club translates to not mature or not taking care of business in they're day life. Whose to tell how a whole community of gay men older or younger how to live they're lives ? Is this what we are bickering about as community after what happened in Orlando ? Do we not have but get fishes to fry ? Shame on you Heinrich ! May I also add - it is these old creepy gay men who fought for your rights to not be fired at work, to have HIV medication during the AIDS epidemic, to have Gay marriage, to be able to serve our country's military openly. So when you open your mouth and say things before it being filtered through your brains, let the first words you say before anything else be - THANK YOU.

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Let's just wait a few years when he will need to retract his comment! What a pity that youth is waisted on the young!!! 

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As an older man who is 46 yo I love going to the gay clubs and fucking the hell out of these 18 yo boys. As far as Heinrich goes, I want to fuck him too!

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"Nobody bats an eye when a straight male in his adult prime is at a bar or club hitting on younger women...." so long as the men pull up in an expensive car and throw money...a LOT of money... around.

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Firstly, to all my brothers over 30 I really encourage you to refrain from throwing shade at this young guy. It's unbecoming and reflects poorly on you more so than him. 

To you mate I hope my being the other side of 30 offers some sage guidance and perspective. Whether you hit up clubs and bars is not an indicator of maturity or growing up. A gay club or bar is supposed to be a public, safe space for our marginalised community to meet with one another to catch up, hook up or hang out with people who share something significant in common. You are running under the assumption that everyone uses the bars and clubs for the same purpose as you. 

What you are suggesting is ageist,  to feel you can dictate how someone should be have at a specific age- that speaks poorly of your character. It is also divisive where there should be community; your ability to live in a more tolerant society was built off the shoulders of those men and women over 30 that walked a path before you. And finally, it's a real waste of a platform in my opinion. You could celebrating the diversity of our community or putting out a call to arms on marriage equality, transgender issues or discrimination in the workplace for GLBTI people. Instead you are ruffling feathers at the moment for a piece of notoriety or perhaps it is just an indication of your maturity in not being able to see beyond your years to the bigger picture.

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I could not have said it better. Thank you for such a great response. I am a straight ally and work for a family friendly bar in Norfolk VA. It is located in a neighborhood that is fairly diverse. People who live in the neighborhood frequently have lunch or dinner there. On Sunday is brunch from 11 - 2 and from 2 until 8 p.m. is Tea Dance. It's a great place for our LGBT community to be in a safe and welcoming environment. I thank those of you who walked the walk to gain marriage equality, transsgender issues or discrimination in the workplace for the LGBT community. (By the way - what is "I" - I've not seen this before).

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This guy thinks he knows it all. I forget where did you get your degree in psychology from? Seriously we all have the right to go anywhere we want without some wanna famous writer and his petty thoughts about what we as adult men over 30 should be doing. Look at your own life and examine what you do. Don't judge others because trust me we have been here long before you and will be long after you.  These older men that you speak set the foundation for our generation and generations to come to walk freely in this world and be who we are. Chew on that for but before you come for us!!!

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This little twink must not understand the real world! I'm 34 and most Saturday nights after long hard week of working I enjoy going to a bar/club to unwind. Sorry if the presence of grown folks disturbs you. Perhaps if I stayed home with all my other old friends on a Saturday night we will see how long the bars stay a float and in business cause honey boo boo who do you think drinks when they go out it certainly is not the little twink who doesn't have a job! 

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I stay out of gay bars, not because I'm over 30, actually I'm over 40... but because of the constant barrage of coked out twinks who think they see a sugar daddy. My circle of friends includes men from 35 to 60+. I never date anyone under 35 purely because of maturity levels and life experience. For the young crowd, time marches on... You will get older, and one day you will look in the mirror and realize you have become what you despise!!!!

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BIG YAWN! Let the child have his opinion! Dalton,  if all the 20 somethings would get their faces out of their iPhones when out in public and learn how to socialize you might find that you are able to meet a wide range of people of all ages, races, religions and ways of living. You're very narrow minded and immature. You're a sad commentary on the youth of gay culture! 

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Why do gay men like me who are firmly planted in our 40s & 50s go to gay bars? Maybe because we can and because why should we apologize when so many of our friends of this generation had that right taken away with the AIDS epidemic. In my 20s I had a wonderful circle of older gay men who taught me what it was like to be a gay man (and make a Sapphire Martini). Perhaps if we embraced our multi generations instead of judging- we might just learn something new about ourselves. 

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I wonder if he realizes that one day he will age....

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AS WENDY WILLIAMS WOULD SAY "LIL GURLL SIT AND HAVE SEVERAL SEATS"  Time enough to ponder how incredibly insensitive you sound.  I'm 45 and don't go out because today's clubs are just loud radio stations nothing of what it was in the past.  So all yours little one, since your generation destroyed it!  And one last thing you will be that older dude trolling for that younger dude because you want to beg for the world to see you as Peter Pan stuck on your youth!

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Sooooooooo, who's going to disco retro nights??

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WE  we're the ones that made i possible for you young trash to go to gay bars

t

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I'm not spending too much time on this one... But felt I had to put my sense into the conversation. Young man, you're barking up the wrong tree. Are you feeling okay, because you alienating a significant portion of your community is not only unkind, but perhaps a cry for help. It's as if you wanted to say something nasty to be corrected. And it seems you revel in your "youth" so much -- I dare say once you turn 30 you are bound for a 1/3 life crisis. What are you going to do. Will you actually follow your own advice. And let me tell you, I can't imagine the clubs and bars with nasty little one-hit wonders as yourself. I don't know you but from what you've written I would never want to stumble upon you, who represents the dark side of the gay world. In fact, you might want to be careful from this point on because I can't see many people sharing your opinion. And only those who would might actually date you. Then I wonder what they'll do with you at age 30...

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Hey now... there's all these negative statements but I agree with this child of the millennia. I mean come on- he does have a point. I mean except when he's Scruff looking for a hot "coach" to plow him what good are guys over 'a certain age'?  I mean there's a role for them to play - but just not in the bars...

But let me just say a few words he might understand... 

Ryan Reynolds 
Anderson Cooper 
Patrick Dempsey 
Vin Diesel 
Jon Hamm 
Brad Pitt 
Alexander Skarsgard 
Christian Bale 
Bradley Cooper 
Hugh Jackman 
Viggo Mortensen 
Mark Walberg 
Gerard Butler 
Karl Urban 

All hot as fuck... and none of these men or their likes will ever grace your presence... 

Poor dumb you. 

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Being a young gay male that is 24 I am outraged that so.wine has the audacity to tell someone they are too old for something. This is why there is so much division in our community, because of pretentious baby gays like this. Who the hell cares who hits on you, is at the club or wants to have fun. We will not be this age forever and if an older person hits on me I will take it as a compliment like a normal person. Its people like this that make body issues and age something to look down on. There is more to life than someone's age, weight or height! This is why I dislike some of the people in our community.

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It is predigest like this that keeps discrimination alive.  If people my age, 53, felt this way when we were under 30; this bigot would not be able to write his asinine blog.  People older than myself built the ability for us to live the lives we do.  Without people my age, the younger crowds will loose sight of our history. 

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Children should be seen, not heard!

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I work in a night club. NEWS FLASH!!!!!! Men over 30 are the ones that tip. Fuck off twink! 

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First off gay bars and clubs would close because younger crowds only a order the one drink minimum, don't tip or tip poorly when they do, end up flirting with anyone looking (available) so they can get another drink then wonder why no one likes talking to them. I'm 34 years old and yes I go out, I go to socialize, I go because I work hard and deserve a drink when I want one, and lastly I go out to have fun. Yes, I spend too much money trying to look younger but so does every one that is the norm since the invention of penicillin and people lived started living longer. Maybe instead of complaining about a bad experience you should have more experience.

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Entitled, shallow, and stupid, like this youthful blogger, is a repulsive combination of traits.  I am sure he likes his daddy's to pay for his admission, drinks, meals, uber rides, etc.  Let's not let idiots like this make gay men look bad!  Our history must remain rooted in inclusion, which is what many of us have been working and fighting for, for years.  Guys like this writer are the bad apples.  It is good that people like this make their presence known.  It is like he wears a sign on his back that says "asshole". 

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I'd make a Logan's Run reference, but no one under 30 would get it.

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I am a 40 yo man, and I partially agree with this guy here.

I don't think that growing up has all to do with going out every night but partially it has.

I think that it comes an age (may be not 30, but more between 30 and 40) when you have to understand that you are not a young boy anymore.

the task of growing up is not accomplished by not going out but with building up a life that will not bring you to go out every noght! 

I admire a 70 yo guy who can go to a disco and have fun but I surelly don't admire a 40 yo man who NEEDs to go out almost every night.

we are 40 guys, the party is over... let's face it. It will be fun 5/6 times a year to pretentd we are totally crazy and do whatever we want spite our age but it can not be what we always do... it can be a few days vacation from being sane 

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He got press. It doesn't make him a Pulitzer prize winning ASSHOLE...let's see his attitude in a few more years.

Mark

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perhaps the one that should stay out of clubs is this loser.  terrible photographer, and an even worse person.  Enjoy your self loathing when you reach over the age of 30.  

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I am at a loss.  The twit literally justified his blog by asserting, "It is as if all gay men are terrified to grow up. The abundance of thirty and forty something’s ... Instead of ... barhopping ... why as a culture, are the majority of us not having children and planning our futures."

How utterly HETEROSEXUAL OF YOU !?! 

How conformist of you !?!

How tired, dull, and cliche can you get ?!?

To use his own words, it is as if HE is terrified or threatened to allow others to act and behave as they f*cking well choose! 

Why must I conform to HIS comfort zone ?!?

I do not know him; he does not know me!  So, please get the hell out of my life, actions, and behaviors. 

YOU, sir, sound tragically more like a Fundamentalist Christian, spouting your own version of hateful, judgmental, condemnation, than you do a proud, free Gay man!!

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I will never understand how every gay man wants the love and acceptance of the whole world, while being discriminating and critical of everything in it.. To the writer..stfu and let people be who they want to be..

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I will not be vain here however I have the good fortune to be of long lived stock.  Had a mother who did cabaret dancing in to her 70's. Had a grandfather who at 84 (and received an inheritance) went 3 times around the world and emigrated from the UK to NZ - he lasted in goo health till he was 96.
I have a lot of younger friends who when they realize my real age (be 56 this year) actually want proof via a drivers license - and often still don't believe me.

What I am saying is often age is a state of mind.  I enjoy dancing, having fun. I am an active participant in a cosplaying group and will often outlast my younger friends in stamina. I hope I have another 40 years to enjoy and grow old disgracefully.
My advantage of age is that I have experience in designing and building things, and giving guidance to my younger friends cause I've been there before :)
Age is only an indication and as (as far an I know) there is no guide book that tells you that age 30 your dancing shoes will wear out and your genitalia will shrivel and drop off. And at 40 you should start to consider funeral planss.  
My response PFFFHHTT!!!!!
To the young twerps who think that age is a limitation I look forward to seeing them on their 25th birthday bemoaning into their cocktails. Myself - I'd be out on the dance floor having fun.
 

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1) can go to clubs and be mature . Oh. My. God!

2) bloggers brain isn't quite formed

3) clubs would go broke depending on the expendable $$ of 20somethings

4) bloggers WORLDLY  view IS SPOT OFF

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What? Have kids? Fuck no, those little shits spread disease and filth and tear shit up and you can't discipline for shit anymore, I will stick to having a cat and going out to the clubs seeing my friends and talking like i have for the last 18 years and this guy who wrote this can go home and knit booties for all those kids he is going to raise

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I am a child of the 80s. I am generation X. The real generation X...not those wannabes. I was ten in 1980 and 20 in 1990. When I first came out in the 90s things were different at the clubs. People accepted everyone. People had fun. People loved everyone. You know why? It was the peak of the AIDS crisis, it was the peak of our discrimination and it was the peak of our fight for rights. We learned to accept everyone for who they were. We didn't base it on age, look or how much you had. Hook-ups or whatever was left to the individual to decide. Everyone was beautiful in their own right to us. 

The generation now do not know the struggle, the fear, the hatred or sadness our generation went through. By the time I was 22 I had lost 9 friends and had countless other friends infected. They never had the benefits we have now. Some were even refused treatment. Some were refused support from their families. Some never had financial support. We were ALL treated like lepers. 

I probably sound like the old guy that rambles on about the past to the 20 somethings. And you know what? That's ok because we laid the ground work them. We fought for this....this thing is our own creation and it doesn't give a shit. It doesn't realize that yes, they too will be 45 years old. They will want to still have fun, dance and flirt with cute boys. It's in all of our nature. Let them think we should stay out of the clubs. It's cool as far as I am concerned. 45 comes quickly and this generation won't have our strength to deal with it. They'll have their own crisis then. 

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It actually sounds to me like you just know how to hang out with older losers. There are plenty of mature men over 30 that can handle life and still go out to the clubs. We also don't need the approval of the freshman class that are hunting for a sugar daddy half of the time anyway. By the way did you write your blog in crayon because it is the most immature drivel I have read in a while.

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There is nothing funnier than someone with the Logan's Run plot on his narrow and ridiculous mind...

I wish you good luck, being such a disgraceful person you will need it

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I do not agree with this article one bit! Gay men makes up all of our community, no matter what age people are or what they choose to do with their lives. I love the older men company because they make me feel like I'm valued and wanted. I often go to under 30's night in Melbourne and the amount of people there who won't come near me because of my disability is unbelivable. I'm always disheartened by other people's assumption that I'm asexual when I love fucking just as much as the next person.

I actually started working as an escort this year because I feel like sex should be accessible to everyone. I mainly see people above 30 because they are more welcoming and I know they will pay me on arrival. My email is liamstar32@gmail.com if anyone wants to contact me for a chat. I love emailing and connecting with people.

I'm 25 and some say that I should grow up and stop partying every night, but I love life. I live life by my own rules, not what others think I should conform to.

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Ok, bars for those below the 21 age probably no. As for everyone else who has reached the drinking age. "Mind your own business, my Age is none of your business!", in this FREE country. People should not discriminate those over 30 years of age. Mind you own business.  People will do as they please.

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Short version: "I'm young, unwise, plastic, and judge with sweeping generalizations. Oh, and you are the ones that need to grow up."

This is why we have MBA classes called "Managing Millenials."

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Ok, first, it's assholes like this that make older guys act younger. "Mature for my age" is the cry if the Twinkie looking for a sugar daddy, and where would that leave the "author" if we all stayed out of the clubs? Or did you want us to just stay home and pass out cash? Disclaimer: I tell the little whores to get a real job, and haven't seen the inside of a club for many years. 

If your daddies stayed out of the clubs, they'd all go broke. Lighten up, Madge. 

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I am 22 its idiots like him that give us a bad rep when you say your mature your immaturity shows through you shouldnt have to say your mature actions speak louder than words i prefer the older generation because people my age have no clue nor experienced any life gay clubs tuh such foolishness the thing is the older generation has a lot to offer wisdom compassion and gratitude.  

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Dalton sweetie, you may be young now with an attitude that repulses people with substance who are not part of you plastic society, but time marches on and soon you will be part of the age group you are insulting. With an attitude like yours, you will one day be a lonely old man and all your fake friends will scorn you. Believe me "darling" people like you do not keep sincere friends. And yes.... I am on the good side of 50 - in case your 1 brain cell does not know what that means - I am older than 50 and proud of it, as my age has made me wise enough to not include people like you in my amazing circle of friends. Enjoy your immature youthful attitude while it lasts, as before you know it, it will be gone. 

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Time marches on, and soon it will be marching all over your (Dalton's) face!

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Reads as if he #binged 'sex and the city' one time too often.

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To the writer of this "Blogger":  When you become older do you truly think you will stay out of the gay bars?  Do you think you are going to stay young forever?  

Do we not have enough problems in the world like I don't know...  People killing us for being free with our sexuality?  There have been articles of LOVE but your small mind only thinks of one thing.  Young sexy men.  Get this not everyone is cookie cutter drop dead sexy!  So gay men that are under 30 love men that are over 30.  

This is my last opinion and I will leave it alone...

GROW THE HECK UP AND OPEN UP YOUR MIND TO MORE THEN GAY CLUB LIFE!  MAYBE TRAVEL WITH SOMEONE OVER 30 AND LEARN SOMETHING OTHER THEN 1 NIGHT STANDS!

Thank you,

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So he is basically saying I should find my kind of hot gays and I am 18 out side on the streets. PLEASE BE FUCKED HARD MAN

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... and all the gay bars would close.  It's the over 30's crowd who actually support the bars by buying drinks.  Most under 30's preload and don't spend a dime while they are there.

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OK - so people like me( and my vintage ) who fought for the rights of gay men and gay bars - at a huge cost - should stay out of them? My further response is not printable here.

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Exactly; he has a lot of growing up to do, doesn't he?

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Jumped up twat. It's their wallets that keep the clubs in the black. It's them that own the clubs. It's them that let him back in after he's puked in the corner and pissed in his Calvins. It's them who orchestrate every function he slimes his way into to blogg about. Stupid child.

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Seriously - fuck this guy. 

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I've never been to any gay bars,would love to go,but so many gay men I have met have been so nasty,not sat all men are like that,that's why it's always put me off going,you have to be goodlooking or or gay men are nasty,hopefully find a bf one day lol x

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To the 'young gay blogger':

Perhaps if you didn't spend all YOUR time on and around the gay scene, you'd realise that the majority of gay men spend most of their social time elsewhere. If you WERE mature, you'd realise that age should be no barrier to wearing whatever you like and partying away, if that's what you want to do. Or, you could give in and behave exactly how society has programmed you to be. Try to be the heterosexual stereotype, desperately trying to be 'normal'.

I really don't care if it offends your immature eyes to see flesh older than 29 years of age. Grow up! Oh the irony... ;) There is more to life than the 12 years between 18 and 29!

Besides which, what is left of the gay scene would collapse if those aged older than 29 stopped using it... and it's those older gay men that fought for... and won... all those rights that YOU now take for granted. The phrase, 'immature, naive & ungrateful brat' springs to mind...

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Definitely well said , we were there , we did it and now we enjoy it, my opinion is that the "pretension" and "self importance" of a younger generation is what does more harm than mature adults enjoying the " scene ".

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Very well written!!!  Thank you

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This is common for every "it" generation. It was like that when I was 18 too. Now that I'm 45 I don't have anything in common, thank god, with 18 year olds. They are not my peers or my social demographic so I don't mind letting the children have the playground. I proudly pass them the torch.

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live and let live .... besides 35 is the new 25 

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In What Universe?

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I think this is a very closed-minded response to a very complex situation. First off, wasn't it gay men over 30 that fought for the LGBT community to even have the ability to socialize in bars back at stonewall? Second, what "law" says gays of any age over 21 can't go out clubbing?! It doesn't. Because it's not socially acceptable? What who decides that? If there are many gays over 30 then the social culture must be changing. Third, you stated go have kids and think about your future. Well, everyone should be thinking about their future regardless of your age. And who says we have to want kids? That's a very hetero and/or narrow-minded thing to say. Not everyone wants kids. And obviously for gays having kids is not an easy thing to do. It can be quite expensive. In terms of the maturity comment, that's also complex. An older gay may could be very mature and professional but lack experience with being immersed in an accepting community. Being out and open hasn't been around for a while. It still isn't completely safe in many places and cities. Older gays haven't had the luxury of expressing themselves like younger gays. So now that they can, they should be out and about within the gay community "finding themselves" and "exploring". In fact, we owe our rights and privileges to the older gays. 

Sure I understand when you're at the club dancing it may seem strange to see a white hairs gay out at the bar. But simply put, we don't all like the same things. So generalizing and making assumptions that all gay men over 30 should not be clubbing is way off base. There are plenty of things to do at the bar/club then just prowl on younger gays. Plus, there may be some younger gays that are attracted to older men. 

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actually stonewall was fought not by (white) gay men, but transgender individuals, drag queens, and queers of color. Never were gay men the majority or really even part of the discussion. Sorry , had to correct you. 

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I am 43 and have not set foot in a club since I was 32.   I don't enjoy them.  I have since dated men who can't stay out of them and I am talking guys older than I am.  I don't go because most of the guys in the bar are in their 20's and I have absolutely NOTHING in common with them.   Give me a nice walk and dinner out and I will be a happy camper!

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He's a kid. If you're a grown-up ignore him. We know better. Let's all stop commenting on his sophomoric rhetoric and go read something interesting. 

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Does the author realize that without men over 30 most of his favorite clubs would close. People in their early 20's have less spending power. They stick to cheaper drinks and are limited in what they spend. At the hot gay clubs I went to in my early 20's I always got invites with free admission. I knew the promoters gave them to me because I was young and relatively cute. By wallpapering the space with young guys who were on a tight budget with free admission and occasionally free drinks, it would draw in older men. No I didn't go home with them but I knew that they did pay the high cover charges and spent a lot of money on booze and bought drinks for other young cute guys on a budget. I was grateful that these men patronized my favorite clubs and kept them open. As I get older I spend less time and money in bars. But I will warn the next generation. Be careful of what you wish for. No gay men over 30 means your favorite bars and clubs will disappear.

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He actually knows nothing about life. In your 20's you are still discovering yourself and should not dispense a wannabe's advice ala Ann Landers until you have become wise and mature after allowing life to throw you around for a while. Go find yourself, young man.

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Lmfao 34 here and i out dance every guy on the dance floor. the young guys can't keep up with me, so lol ..i prefer my own age anyway. what a sad rant from some entitled gay boy, maybe someday he'll become a man not with age but with some attitude growth.

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I'm 27 and I tend to shy away from all the young and popping clubs, because there awful. I'll stick to the mid 20's-40s club. They dress nicer and are less tacky. 

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Interesting... but when you ARE 50, what will you do every night?  I have been clubbing since I was 12 - OK let me explain.  After school we would head to clubs and dance, then head home for dinner.  That was how we stayed off the streets.  We paid a cover charge and had all the soda, juice, water and snacks we wanted.  So I feel like Clubbing is inside of me and I will not let AGE keep me from enjoying myself.  I have to admit, I have found myself in clubs where My shoes where older them everyone else around me - so I just finished my drink and walked out (because I don't want to date a child).  I am lucky that I will be 50 this month and people all think I am in my early 30's... but I will not let ANY body label me or prohibit me from enjoying myself.  I think Wicker Blogger needs a good fuckin' - like so many sexually oppressed Americans. 

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Hey  each is entitled to his opinion but im much older..I managed and designed gay clubs ,so over the years  have been  in clubs alot and  ill admit  now that im  not working in clubs  its little odd to be there in such a young crowd for an occassional  cabin fever  night..I go because I have friends that go of all ages and  enjoy the shows  and even though I dont go to clubs "On the Hunt"  its  usually the young guys that hit on me. Im flattered of course !!  Ill continue to go where I want  and doesnt bother me what one guys opinion is sooo  nuff said!!

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Visiting States on holiday found on google stay out club if older. Germany is big deal not if age as go by person for the romance or if you like him or her. Is more the person then no age or the gender that matter. Americans are interesting. Could it not be writer make attention for the blog he write or that he honest believe these thing? Age is 15 consent some place then other you have the 16 or the 18 or 21 so if legal to age spend money or they have one buy drink for spend money is not good? I 21 then love is 35 so I can go he not? He attorney spend money. I med school will spend good at graduation so should not be base on you nice or spend money or must be look only then age? Confusing to me. Sorry on english great not. Use translator in hopes is out correct read for you.

Good new year of all hope great for the of everyone

Olof,

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I'm 53 and I have to agree with the sentiment. I tend to shy away from gay clubs and bars these days because my friends are coupled and they don't have to nor feel the need to observe our younger pursuits. And to be honest anything younger than my shoe size (43) doesnt interest me past a fleeting glance and a quick brief thought. The thing is, I am proud to be a 50 something because I like the idea I have survived as a gay man. I take reasonable care of my health. Maybe not so much fitness but enough to still have random sex when the urge takes me. I'm happy with not fitting into a gay club because frankly the culture is observable, banal, comical and entertaining. It's fun to watch someone my age grasp the hope that they will pull someone younger. Someone commented here that they were 59 but didn't feel it, act it or look it. That to me is absurd because it buys into the thrust of this article. A random stop sign has hit someone at a point in their life where the age determines the point where 59 is unacceptable as a full and praiseworthy life. For some reason 59 is a point before death. To me it is a number to live. So yes I have witnessed the over 30s tapping gay clubs regularly because they have lost the ability to move beyond as if doing so would end their lives. I have always thought I was more open to adventure in my 20s and then it changed to urgency in my 30s where my horizon couldn't get past the bar of my local gay clubs. By the time I hit 40 I suddenly discovered maturity of decisionmaking and making choices that went beyond entertainment in a club. I'm now suitably impressed with my age because nothing is urgent or desperate or lethal or frenetic. Some things are interesting and some things are worth a fleeting glance. Finally there is one thing that bugs me. No one my age is looking for some one my age. But like many other irritants I watch porn and the rash disappears.....

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I agreed with what you wrote...., by the time I hit 50 I couldn't stand going out at night to a gay bar...., personally I rather go to a sports bar that isn't gay but gay friendly....., and I am happy to meet others that are gay there... we all seemed not to mine once in a while to do t dance in P town or such....Or even Sunday brunch, but as to be around loud rude 20 to 30 some things...., that get drunk and out of control...., we all have been there at least once and why go back...., I did find this writers comments in his article similar to what a friend of mind would say how is 8 yrs older than I am. He would poke fun at me if I went to Micky's and ask how did I feel being to oldest one in the room....., I wasn't that old to be there but I did see his point...., most were not in the same head space or they be hitting up for a drink......., that got old with me really quick

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Well I surly hope he's taking his own advice seeing as he himself is 34 years old! My guess is he was most likely referring to him self;  after all he's at that age where he is no longer considered a twink. Poor guy he's too old for some of the twinks and not young enough for some of the daddy's. He needs to get over it because It's been like that since I first started going to the clubs/bars. And If it bothers so much he should just stay home and watch Netflix.

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It would be a much better world if every gay twink under age 30 would all get Aids and fucken die.  I hate twinks.  They make fools out of old sick daddy perverts and destroy everything they come in contact with.  If anyone thinks age 36 is too old they must be a sick pervert who can't appreciate a real man in his prime years. A man doesn't even begin his prime until around age 35 so how could that be too old to anyone unless they are a child molester.  The gay community would be much better if nobody under 30 was even around in the way.

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Just wait until he gets of a certain age and sees that ageism, like a boomerang, will smack you into a better perspective.

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This whole concept of leading a "grown up life," and "learning to grow up," is so dumb. People think the only reason someone goes to a bar or club is to get wasted. Do you not meet friends there? Do you not dance to the music you love? 

All this article is saying is that someone's presence is offending him because of their age. It's hateful. It groups ALL older gay men in to this creepy category of sexual deviants preying on younger men. It's creating another social construct that ALL older men must not have grown up. If "growing up" means not being able to go have a drink after working hard that week, or going to dance to some good music then I don't want to grow up. If "growing up" means that you must now be separated/ isolated to another establishment because your age is offending younger patrons then I don't want to live on this planet anymore. 

Humans are so good at separation and isolation, and then wonder why there is so much hate, and misunderstanding in the world. A polite "no thank you" is sufficient when dealing with unwanted attention. You don't need to write these personal feelings articles. 

News flash! Everyone gets older. How you "grow up" is completely subjective to the person. They have no obligation to grow up according to some socially approved checklist to "growing up."

I'm so embarrassed that a gay man wrote this. We fight to break social norms, and express love and understanding to people. We don't do this. This is internalized hatred at its core.

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I could not agree with you more! My thoughts exactly

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Say it! I don't live by anybody else's rules but my own. I dont need amyone else to define me or tell me when I need to do something. I'll grow up when I'm damned good and ready, screw everyone else.

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Amen! I couldn't agree with you more on this. 

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Well said! This article is hateful and depressing. 

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What do children know? I remember these same misconceptions coming to mind when I was young. Now, approaching 38, I've never been happier or more comfortable in my skin and going out is a whole new, more fun, ballgame ;) If one doesn't find men over thirty attractive don't sleep with them but don't keep someone that wants to from it because of your own conception of what it is to be an adult when you aren't one and don't know what you're talking about.

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