Ryan Shea's picture

How Do You Know When You’ve Found the One in the Gay Community?

Although I’ve pushed this to the side for several years, something that I’ve always wanted is to find the societal version of “the one” in the gay community.

“The one” can have several different meanings as our sexuality in all spectrums continues to evolve, but to me its cut and dry: finding that person that you believe you can spend your life with. For whatever reason or reasons, this person fits into your equation, and you are hopeful that you fit into theirs as well.

This is an experience that I am going through in my life right now, where I believe I have found the guy that I would like to marry and grow old with. There are challenges to our relationship, such as it being long-distance and whatnot, but our hearts are in the right place with where we are currently, and I don’t really see that changing anytime soon… or forever (eternal optimist here).

For so many years, I didn’t think this person existed. I’m not even referring to the man that I’m dating, I’m referring to that unique gem that many of us desire to have. Some of us single men get older and jaded as the years pass in hoping that our own Prince Charming will appear, even though he hasn’t made his debut quite yet. So how do you really know if you’ve found the one, and if so… how do each of you make it work to ensure a lifetime of happiness?

Guess what? I have no f***ing idea. I’m not some guru or life coach who has all the answers. What I do know, however, is to trust your gut instinct when it comes to the men that you date and get into relationships with. In terms of all the sayings we hear throughout life, like “everything happens for a reason,” chances are your gut is telling you what’s best for you in this arena we call love.

There have been some factors that have led me to determine that the guy I’m dating is pretty much it for me. Physical attraction is great but that can happen with thousands of people as your life goes on. This sort of thing can only go the distance when it comes to being with someone, as there are greater factors in determining if they are it for you in the long run.

Find a guy who loves you unconditionally for one. Find someone who is silly and funny and heartfelt and kind. Determine the factors of your relationship early on (open or not, sexual compatibility, etc), that way there isn’t any surprises down the line that could cause you to break up.

Remember that part about your instinct? Find a guy who you know is genuine. Don’t let your mind tell you otherwise. Genuine men and dating are the most delicious kind of sandwich and soup combination you can find. I see this not only in my relationship but several around me, where you can tell from a mile away that this person is really in it for the right reasons and they want to be with you for you and not some stupid shallow reasons.

This might be minimal in terms of the advice I can give, but they really do add up once you determine that the guy you’re with could be the one. For anyone who is all about New Year’s Resolutions, keep some of these things in mind so that 2019 could be your year to find that dude you’ve been dreaming about for years upon years.

If not, enjoy the single life and all it has to offer. Ultimately, do what’s best for you.

This post was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.