Bryan Keating's picture

How Soon Do You Reveal Your Fetish?

Is It Acceptable To Send Sex Videos To Someone You’re Interested In?


How Soon Do You Reveal Your Fetish?

Ahh, the world of LGBTQ dating. From personal experience, I represent those twenty-somethings in the gay community searching for love. I’ve witnessed friends on social media speak about their troubles and complications of trying to find the one. It is no secret that gay relationships and dating are different than our heterosexual allies. Let’s be frank, it’s mainly due to fetishes, kinks, and open minded sex within the gay community.


Without question, sex is completely what separates us from our straight brothers and sisters. The Folsom Street Fair recently occurred and garnered the trending topic on every competing LGBTQ blog. You won’t see a promicious block party publicly celebrated in the straight community anytime soon. The fetishes and sexual subgenres in our—my community are almost endless: Leather, Daddy, Poz, Anonymous…I could go on. Don’t lie, you have your special thing that you may or may not openly share. Within my social circle of gay friends; we openly discuss our fantasies, as wild as they may be.

What could either be sealing or damaging within the beginning of a potential relationship is your special, ahem, kink. But, when is the right time to reveal it to your next knight in shining armor? Hear me out, I’m young and in one of the biggest cities in the world. I believe it’s important to date and date often. Which brings me to the latest to pay for one of my dinners. He’s an insanely hot, working modell and actor who is so apple pie you just want to pinch his cheeks. They’re all usually like that, until after the secon date.


Personally, after Date #2 is when you go home with butterflies and begin to text until your eyes become heavy. I wouldn’t consider any gay man shy, so eventually those butterflies lead to heavy flirting and possibly an exchanging of scandalous photographs. Soon after comes chatting about potentially hooking up. With the topic and text becoming steamy upon the full moon, the chat turns to kinks. My newest love interest decides to tell me that he’s heavy into home movies. I wasn’t surprised to hear this from a narcissitic, but lovely, man who adores being on camera. While I didn’t mind his fetish and certainly wasn’t turned off by it, what this hunk did next was…not cute. He decides to send me multiple videos of him engaging in the act with intention of me being next in line. Unfortunately, as someone looking to bring a man home to my family, he wasn’t for me.

Should we be revealing our kinks and fetishes almost immediately to our potential partners? Are those of us looking for more than sex asking for too much? Is it beneficial to be honest and open with our potential partners from the jump or should we hold off on revealing what gets us off? I’m conflicted in how to feel, because…in my latest case, I could’ve gotten excited with my new knight. However, leading into a possible relationship and seeing you know, the timestamp of his latest video, made me weary.


How soon are you to reveal your fetish or kink to your newest suitor? Should we be honest about it right away? Or hide ourselves until we have our finger on the pulse? What’s your Instinct?

This is the opinion of only one Instinct writer and does not reflect the views of Instinct Magazine itself.