Adam Dupuis's picture

'I Don't Want To Be Gay' -A Statement Many Of Us Have Said. Is This The Right Advice To Give This Young Man?

Live would only be easier if ... ?

Do I dare say most of us have had that phrase in our head before?

Often the wish of a better life involves money, more possessions, better health, a better job, but a majority of us might have had that "only if" statement running through our minds regarding our sexuality.

A pretty active reddit user, __DC__, is having a little trouble with his sexuaity.

I know I'm gay and that I can't change that, but I just hate being gay.

Life would be so much easier if I were straight. - I wouldn't feel guilt because of my sexuality. - I wouldn't feel disgusted because of the sexual thoughts I have. - I wouldn't have to conceal my sexuality or shut off any attractions to avoid confrontation from homophobic family.

I also hate having the stereotypical gay voice that I didn't choose to have. I hate that I've only told three people and I'm scared to tell any of my family or straight male friends. I just fucking wish I could live the easy life of find a girl, get married have kids and that's it.

I'll never be able to have kids, I'll always face some kind of discrimination and even doing everyday stuff like going out for a meal will have me being stared at for being intimate with a guy.

Life just fucking sucks and I feel like I have been cursed by being born gay. - reddit.com

The first thing that came to mind was the "It Gets Better" Project. We haven't seen much of "It Gets Better" recently shared by other sights and I have no problem pointing the finger right back at us. It Gets Better Project is out there and people should visit it.  Troubled individuals like __DC__ should go to the site and hopefully be inspired. 

The It Gets Better Project works! ... but maybe not for everyone.  I'll be honest, the "It Gets Better Project" never clicked with me.  Maybe because I was already out in September 2010 when it was started by Dan Savage, but I don't think it would have helped me.  Thruples don't click with me. Sex with women, gin, and gum chewing are also things that don't click. Yep, I'm a freak.

It Gets Better uses stories of LGBT people living, loving, and surviving.  We need to find something that will click with us to help us get over that hump of acceptance.  I used a similar mental process to get over the fear of flying by realizing that at every single moment of the day there are so many planes in the air, so many planes landing, so many taking off, so many being loaded, unloaded, so many planes sitting on the runway, waiting to take off. And how many plane crashes do we hear about daily? This worked for me, but this thought process does not work for everyone, may the subject matter be planes or sexuality.

Seeing all these famous and non-famous people saying LGBT life gets better was fine, but we're talking about me. We are all different creatures.  We all come out at different times in our lives, for different reasons, and to different people.  There is no one simple solution to dealing with your LGBTness.

So __DC__, head over to the It Gets Better Project and see if that helps. There are some great stories of acceptance, triumph, solidarity, and life.

But Instincters, if that doesn't help __DC__, what other resources could you recommend for him?  What other advice can you pass on?

Here are some of the responses from Reddit.