"I'm A 6 And I Hooked Up With A 10. I Need Help Before I Do Something Stupid."

There's been many stories from Reddit and other web hosts that we've shared with you where gay men, straight men, and women have asked for advice in life.  Is he gay, am I gay, how much should I be gay for pay for?  The advice you've given has been funny, serious, and has also been responsible for some of their own W.T.F. moments. 

Apparently one of our readers is in need of some assistance. Apparently he is calling himself "Crush to crushed".  Here is his story.

I've seen you post stories a few times on your page and I am in desperate need of help before I do something stupid and make a complete fool of myself. Can you please post? Here's how it goes:

Ok.  I'm about to get vulnerable with the Internet world about a very hot one night stand.  Why? 1) because I'm looking for unbiased advice, and 2) I don't want to talk to my friends about this just yet. I'm a little embarrassed. I'm embarrassed because I'm crushing hard for a guy that I don't even know.

Here's my story: I'm a west coast guy that just moved to NYC a few months ago. During my time in the city I've been active on Grindr, going out to the local bars and meeting guys that I bring home and I've attended a few sex parties. I'm a sexual person (all safe). Everyone that I've met has all been in casual fun and I have not had interest in continuing anything further. Until Saturday night.

I was walking home from a bar in Hell's Kitchen, taking my normal route. It was like a scene out of a movie. Being at the right place at the right time. This tall, gorgeous blonde looked up from his phone at a moment that was just perfect. His beautiful blue eyes met mine and I said hello. It just felt right to say hello. I would never speak to a stranger on the streets of NYC at 3AM. He smiled and asked me how far the subway was and told me he was visiting. I don't remember exactly our conversation. I just remember the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. The flush feeling in my cheeks.

We were both clearly drunk and somehow the conversation led us back to my bedroom. I kept telling myself this was too good to be true. This guys meets all of the physical qualities that I like in a guy, but they're qualities that someone who did have them all probably wouldn't be interested in me. He kept wanting to go right for it, taking his clothes off, trying to take mine off. I kept stopping Him. How could this guy want me? I told him that I think he's too drunk and I don't want him to regret this later. I kept suggesting that he get a cab home. But no, he insisted that he knew what he was doing and that he wanted to be with me. So then we did it ... and Wow... we had amazing sex filled with deep kissing and exploring each other's body. It started off soft and slow and then rough and so hot. (colorful description of body parts.  After maybe two hours of just [doing it], we finally both passed out. I remember the sun was just starting to rise.

All of sudden I woke up, it was 9am. I knew what happened and immediately my insecurities kicked in. The sun was shining off the tanned naked body of what could be a model laying next to me in bed. I didn't want him to see me. If he was a 10, then I'd call myself a 6. Ive only ever hooked up with other 6's. I started to wake him up, telling him I had plans and that he needed to go. He was delusional for a moment, what happened, where am I, how did we get here? I responded and told him he needed to go... "What plans?" He asked? "Brunch plans with some friends" I responded.  He tried to pull me next to him, I held back, he said "take me with you to brunch." I'm thinking he can't be serious. I don't want to give him the opportunity to spend any more time with me to realize that he regrets what he did. Then he got on top of me, and we had another passionate round of sex. Probably the best I've ever had.

When we were finished I got up, poured him a glass of water and gave him some Tylenol. I just looked at him and said "I'm sorry but I have to get ready and go. Do you need to use the bathroom before you leave?" I didn't really have brunch plans, I wish I had the confidence to tell him to stay with me until he felt like leaving. But I don't. I know I have to work on that.

So he got up, collected everything on my floor that had fallen out of his pockets and got dressed. He used the bathroom and I showed him to the door. As he exited my apartment he turned around. I don't know for what, maybe a kiss, maybe to exchange contact information. Maybe to say thank you, who knows. But I just said "have a good day" and closed the door.

The look on his face was heartbreaking to see. It was like he didn't understand why I was treating him this way, and honestly, I don't understand either. So then I just watched him from my window as he walked down my block to the subway. I didn't know I could feel this way about a one night stand. But the way I feel is similar to how I felt when I got rejected by my high school crush. So heartbroken. I just stayed home a sulked about this the rest of the day.

None the less, the reason why I'm asking for advise is because my cleaning lady just left and she found his college ID card under my bed. So I know his name and found him on Instagram. Should I reach out to him? If I do, should I apologize? Or just let it go? Scratch up to another one night stand where I got lucky with a 10? I've lost sleep over this. He made me feel so good but so insecure at the same time. It's complicated to explain. I can't stop thinking about him. And yes, I have already considered seeking therapy so please give me some solid advice that I can discuss with my new shrink. Thanks! ~Crush to crushed  

 

I know what I would tell him, but I will bite my tongue on here and email him separately.

What is your advice for this man in need of some advice?

Post your thoughts below or share on FB to see if your friends would give the same advice.

Comments

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Did "crush to crushed" ever say what happened?

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Rejection is part of life. But hou may never know what others are thinking, feeling or wanting unless you talk to them. So what are you afraid off? Having a great movie story to tell for the rest of your life or maybe having a great love story the rest of your life.

i am in a similar situation but backwards my boyfriend of two years felt just like you when we started dating he said to me he didn't understand why i like him when he looked like winnie the pooh (he is a little chobby) i told him because he won me with pretty big smile, with the little romantic things and he always surprises me.

so go for him and remember for someone else you're not a number just a great guy

btw every underdog in movies gets the hot guy/girl at the end... so stop it and go find him

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OMG, please let us know if you met him again....(-:

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and....ja...of course you should contact him!!

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Therapy. My advice is find out why you're so immature that you can't risk possible rejection by a 10, and why you're determined to consider yourself a 6, even when a 10 beds you.

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I wonder if I would care about the guys that after sex have been jerks and/or the reasons behind their behavior...

If it makes him happy he should go after him, and -to set an appropriate fairy tail ending- let's hope '10' wants him back and makes him realize that he has never been a 6; that's just they way he see himself cuz no one has ever cared enough to show him otherwise. And then they'll do it again, this time with fireworks being launched, and he will learn that physical attraction is enough to live happily ever after in stereotypical gay heaven.

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Go for it dude..go ahead and contact him. Maybe  u can start a new conversation. Talk about what happen that morning. I know he has something to say as well but u never gave him a chance.  If this happened to me, this is not just a scene in the movie.  It's destiny. 

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Your a dam hot mess, everything was already in ur game wth sound like a 14/yr old having sex for the first time....and dude if your rating ur self a six I would already be thinking low self esteem and and lack of confidence. So u got it in the butt good but the best I ever had? I'm so sorry but ur basing everything on a physical appearance and a nut....so really what u need to do is work on yourself a dam 6 all that means is a 4... it's like when your boss gives you your own review to fill out and you actually write down all ur flaws screw that I'm a dam 10 and deserve a 6% increase in pay...I would I do anything dif?

anyways you have his name you know how to get in touch with him what's the dam problem...see where it leads but screw ur one night stand oh I'm in love crap! And do something about those dam insecurities.......mercy

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I believe you already have your answer, and I sincerely hope you have taken the opportunity to contact him already.  As a community we have a deplorable history of contributing to self-hate, and it has to stop!  

That, ironically, begins by you believing in yourself.  Jettison the use of labels and numbering systems.  Challenge yourself to identify three positive qualities in the guys you meet.  Do the same for yourself as well, daily.  Challenge your friends to join you.  Imagine the difference we can collectively make as a community?

The facts you provided about your encounter overwhelmingly indicate this guy is attracted to you.  I sincerely wish you the best and hope you are able to rekindle these feelings you had for one another.  I'll be looking forward to reading your update, in the mean time I will take my own advice and put it to use.

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Hey I read this story and it seems to me that its based on the the idea that we are numbers and that the lower you are your not as beautiful as the ten you can never be with a ten I'm sorry the world rates us enough do we really need to do it to ourselves and the big part are love ❤ lives and let me add not everyone out there cares numbers so go for it take a chance this guy might just me your me right

from Thereal

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At the very least, you should do the right thing and return his college ID.  If he's still in school, he might need it.

And for your own sake -- unless you want to regret not having mentioned it to him -- tell the guy what a great time you had and apologize for closing the door on him as you did.  If he's curious and still thinking about the time he spent with you, he may have some things to express, as well.

As for telling him he may be the best sex you've ever had, that's a nice compliment, but don't expect him to say the same thing to you and don't be disappointed if he doesn't, although, obviously, he enjoyed himself, too.

You mentioned he was visiting.  How far away from you is he?  If you're hoping for a relationship of some kind, is it practical?  Having said that, I dated someone long distance for a full 12 months and we ended up being together for another ten years.  

Finally, don't mention that you consider yourself a 6 and think of him as a 10.  There's just no reason to share that right now.

Reach out and see what happens. 

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You say he's a ten and you're a six? Who says you're a six? Does he think he's a ten? Would he say you're only a six? I've been told I'm a catch, or was in my younger days, I never saw it. I thought a guy I couldn't resist was gorgeous. No one else even thought he was cute, speak less of gorgeous. It's all opinion.

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please dont let this opportunity go. Invite him over and show him you are interested. The best thing is to avoid labeling people with number but if this is your way then you should know that beauty is subjective and you might be a ten for him too. Dont let your insecurities ruin sth like that. We as gays have to start opening up and not meet on Grindr blah blah...

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Read your story back too yourself and take out all references to him and you being 10 and 6's.  Omit those sentences, read the story back and you will have your answer.

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Seriously, this is so silly! Stop putting numbers on people. Stop making beauty such a big deal because, to be honest, it depends on each person. Maybe to him you are a 10. 

Of course try and find him and be vulnerable as you are now. Vulnerability is how we connect. 

And if you do get him, TRUST that he wants to be with you and just enjoy it. 

Let go and the best of luck to you. 

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A 10 likes to be THE ONLY 10 in a relationship, out of 100 relationships you'll find just about 2 or 3 based on 2 #10, if a 10 wants to be with you it probably means hes a nice guy and going mostly for attraction not for attractiveness, prof is you had amazing sex, for that good chemistry is needed, and that goes beyond the physical, go for it and do tell him the truth and apologize...

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You need to do penance, by doing a 1...

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1's need some good loving, too.

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Honey, I've been in that scenario before. (I'm a 6, ending up in bed with a 10.) After it happened several times, I started to accept the fact that we don't get to decide what other people are attracted to. 6 is a realistic # for me. And I'm okay with it. One of those 10s and I have been madly in love and living together for several years. We recently got engaged and are planning the wedding now. I'm still a 6 and he's still a 10. Maybe an 11 now. Tell your insecurities to take a hike and tell your 10 how you feel. Show him this post. The only thing you'll regret is staying silent, no matter the outcome.

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Contact him!!!  Been there and done this!  I've had

the regrets.  Reach out to him if you have his info!

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Oh you poor thing....... GROW A PAIR and trust your instincts!! Booooooooo

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Wait. You have his student ID? If anything you need to contact him so you can at least give it back to him.  

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I have never bothered to ever comment on anything in my life because I always figure why bother. But this post, this post has hit me on another level... Well because I was in the same boat.

I hate using a number system in attempt to judge how we perceive other people but I'm also honest with myself to know I'm going to do it regardless. I talk a lot of game and sure some nights I feel better about myself but for an overall purpose I would consider myself a 6 as well. But the guy that I am taking to now, is wholeheartedly a solid 10. Popularized and adored by at least five thousand followers, some selfies containing at minimal of a thousand likes. To some these numbers might seem miniscule. But to the guy who smiles from cheek to cheek when I reach over ten likes, it's quite an astonishment. 

And just like Crush to Crushed, my situation started all too similar. Except the first night I completely crushed it either because of my insecurities or the alcohol or both, we didn't even have sex. We just laid there. Both frustrated. Then the next morning, I gushed all my thoughts out. I don't know why but I guess I thought I couldn't do anymore damage. So we agreed to a new fresh start. That entire day was perfection. I started lusting not only his physical appearances but his actual qualities and interests. Of course, from the get go though, he disclosed that he was not looking for anything serious and that this would be a casual encounter. I was heartbroken and devastated at first. But slowly I came to the idea and started to realize I should just enjoy myself.

Now, I lay next to this guy every night. Getting reassured every night that he wants to take care of me, that I am cute, all with consistent kisses on my forehead and lips. And while our relationship situation hasn't changed, for the first time in a long time, I feel amazing about not only other human being but finally myself.

Please I encourage you to seek him out and explain yourself.

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You should definitely reach back out to him. If he woke up from last nights drunken state and wanted to have sex again, and even join your brunch, then this was no mistake. He has some interest in you, and I think you're just nervous because this has never happened. Even for me, I feel like I'm the 6 and my boyfriend is the 10, and it all started with a hookup. Here we are 4 years later! 

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You're still suffering from West Coast insecurity. You live in New York now. Everyone's a TEN if you want to be one. Go for it.

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Look...relax why are you having seconds thoughts? If you find his college ID, maybe is the universe o destiny wanting for you two to reconect. Don't think  about it just go for it!...and an apology would be polite!

It's better try and lose than to lose knowing that you didn't try!

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I suffer from this exact problem. I think the cliche advice would be to say that you shouldn't see yourself as a 6, you should always think of yourself as a 10! As true as this concept is, its not always that easy. A few weeks ago I had the rare opportunity of hooking up with a high school crush who I considered a "10". He was the most beautiful Puerto Rican guy I have ever seen, he was gorgeous. I knew he was a nice guy so having conversation wasn't a hard thing for us. Eventually we both got into messing around in his car and I kept thinking the same thing you did, I'm a 6 and hes a 10 why would he want me?I can tell that youve probably seen some shit relationship wise and I have too. It effects every one night stand I have as well, I never give them a chance. Bottom line is, that you have to find him and just go for it. Maybe it'll happen and maybe it won't but youll never know until you put yourslef outside your comfort zone. best wishes!

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Puppy eyes while he is leaving, non drink sex in the morning, plus wanting to stay don't be a prick, contact him, take him on a date and see whatever may come, seriously go for it. And if it works tell him what happen, most of the time are ourselves who built a wall between us and the world, give a chance to love or whatever this is.

PS. Numbers are only for maths and group sex so no numbers next time. Good luck Crush!

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This is absurd sweetie all types are attracted to eachother my man is so hot he has a high profile job men are always throwing themselves at him. I was flabergasted when he aggressively pursued me, come to find out everything about me is his fantasy. I would have never expected him to be into me but thats why expectations are foolish. Let yourself be free let this man want you. Have fun fuck that numerical rating shut.

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No one should be judge by a number,  including yourself. You're  six and he's a ten is for lack of a better word bu***hit. Don't throw your insecurities at someone who obviously didn't see them. If you ever, for one moment, considered that you want something more than what you've been letting yourself have, then you already know the answer to your question. 

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Girl, go for it! It's a sign the ID was left behind, contact him, you don't need a therapist you need confidence!

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Go get him!

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Hey you idiot go for that man , you're  crazy to let him go in the first place now contact him an have some great passionate sex when you meet him 

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You don't get to decide what others find attractive. I've dated some guys way hotter than me and it was good while it lasted. You should go for it. Let him decide what's good for him. 

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Oh, shut up, you insufferable adolescent! You don't have the right mind to invest in a friendship, let alone a relationship! You don't realize how attractive you may be to someone because you don't look at yourself. The mirror lies, the camera tells you the truth. Get one of your friends to take video of you and see if you're not a 7 or an 8, so 10s are well within your reach. Other people watch you their own eyes...I've learned to trust them, rather than myself. You may be a 6 in New York, but maybe you're a 10 where he came from. Get more original problems.

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You are a self absorbed, rude idiot. Leave him alone. He deserves better. 

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Baby boy, you gotta go for it . . . nothing ventured, nothing gained . . . he just might be THE one . . .

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Girl send him a message! Contact that man. He could be the one. 

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Listen sexy don't sell yourself short, pretty sure you are more then a six, sounds like you got a nice body,also maybe he felt same thing, you could be ten in his eyes.

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While I don't like to dwell on the thought.... it is probably true that some people never find love.  I prefer to believe the saying "There is someone for everyone".  That guy who you think is a ten may just think you are a 15!  Just say "Give me a break." to that little negative voice inside and go ahead and make contact with this guy!  "Bread crumb" or "fate".. or karma saying that "You have been a good boy"  MAKE THE CONTACT!!.. and relax, let your 10 guy take the wheel for a while, just be sure to tell him how you feel.  Communication is the most important part of a relation.  33 years living with one guy taught me that.

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The fact that his student ID was still left in your apartment is a way to reconnect. I don't believe in accidents. There is a reason for everything. Contact him. Let him know you are not the jerk you made yourself out to be. The longer you wait the less chance you have. 

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I'm a 6. My boyfriend of 18 months is a 10. I couldn't believe he wanted to see me again. Funny thing is: he felt the same. You never know what other people find sexy, and you especially don't know what aspects of your personality are exactly what he is looking for. 

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Contact him.

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I agree.  It was/is a bread-crumb.  To you, you may be a 6.  You may be what he looks for in a partner and to him the numbers are reversed.  You will never know unless you try, but you will regret never doing so.  So, in my best PhD voice - SUCK IT UP - REACH OUT - SEE WHAT HAPPENS.  You only have yourself to blame if goes nowhere, but it may be the end-all, be-all.

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I totally understand and I was in exactly the same situation before, but I didn't let him go. I fought my insecurities for two years until I married him. Our connection was through our personalities and great sex. I'm still insecure at times, how can I not be but so happy I didn't just let him go. Now I don't even notice so much a difference between us. Looks are just for first impressions. I often get people reminding me how good looking he is but I just remind them his heart is even more beautiful than his face. 

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Im confused as to why you wouldn't just spend sometime with him.  According to your story he wanted to and you couldn't even believe he wanted to be with you. I don't understand the whole self sabotage then play the victim. He probably thinks you're a jerk now and we've lost another one to early onset of bitterness because that what we do to one another and wonder why we are single afterwards. I'd just leave him be. Maybe he will contact you.

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He left that on purpose. it's called a bread crumb, contact him

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You've got to contact him! I've been in a similar situation but could never contact the guy, and I regret it to this day. Don't have regrets about this one. Contact him. Apologize. Explain if he has questions. Ask him to grab coffee or dinner. Don't let him be the one that got away.

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