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Is It Ever Too Soon To Add A Third?

Is It Ever Too Soon To Add A Third?


Is Monogamy Completely Dead?

Ahh, another late-night post for #InstinctAfterDark. This one is certainly not about a friend or even someone who I’ve met by chance. This is my own story and a serious question I’ve found myself in over the last few weeks.


Is there ever a right time to add a third?


Upon discussion with my most recent knight-in-shining-armor, he mentions that he wants a third to join our loveable duo for a night. At first, I was into it. I know, I gave permission but feel me out for a second!

The conversation happened early on a Sunday morning when the hangover is hitting hard. Life never necessarily feels real when you’re hungover, which is essentially the best time for me to write creatively. Maybe I was in a different state of reality upon first agreeing to having a third involved in with this man who I’d genuinely like to pursue a relationship with.


Now, I battle with mixed emotions. Am I not enough for him? In the event we involved a third once, would I ever be enough for him?

Yes, I’ve engaged in a threesome before. I have been to college and you know, lived a little. I am a millennial after all. Yet, I don’t know if at this stage in my mid-20s, seeking a long-term relationship, that I could consider still falling in love with someone who has locked bedroom eyes with another in the same bed as me! But, then I think: Am I being a prude? I just can’t help but feel once a threesome happens…a relationship simply won’t.

However, what if a threesome could unite us more? As far as I’m concerned, we haven’t been having any issues inside or outside of the bedroom. What if our experience with a third is so absurd that we laugh about it hysterically afterwards? Or use it for future foreplay during dirty talk? A little kink never hurt anybody. Perhaps if we make a set of rules beforehand?


Upon dating, even casually, should monogamy be discussed right off the bat? Should we be flagging this in our stats on Grindr!?

Has a threesome ever hurt or helped your impending relationship?


Unrelated Image via Instagram

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I rather enjoy threesomes and group sex, but when I was in a LTR, a third was added and that ended the LTR, which was difficult to go through, but ten years later, was for the best. I gave up a lot of things to please my ex, and when I dumped him (and I did the dumping), it took a while, but I got myself back and I'm a much better person for it.  I really related to the first Sex and the City movie because I went through everything they went through in that film: I sold my house and moved to a condo, I broke my wrist the day before I moved, I lost my man, but got my beautiful cat, who is now 10 years old and Daddy's Girl, and, after being criticized about the way I had sex with my ex, found out that I really enjoy it and I'm good at it!  (I never wanted to have sex with him because he would just say negative things to me about everything from kissing to penetration. It wasn't worth it), so now I'm back to being a free spirit, which I love and have had more and better sex than ever before -- even in a threesome!

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