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Man On Mushrooms Rips Off Penis!!!

HUGS NOT DRUGS!!!

We're officially putting a moratorium on anything stronger than Diet Coke. Nothing is safe!!!

An Ohio man has apparently ripped off his own penis in an hallucinogenic mushroom induced haze!

The Detroit Free Press reports:

A 41-year-old Columbus, Ohio, man is recovering after, police said, he ripped off part of his penis during a drug-fueled high in Ypsilanti Township.

Washtenaw County Sheriff’s deputies found the man naked and screaming after responding to a burglar alarm at Ypsilanti Middle School, 105 N. Mansfield St., about 1 a.m. Tuesday, Sgt. Geoff Fox said Monday.

The man was kneeling outside the school and bloody from the waist down, with parts of his genitals ripped off, Fox said. He said parts of the man’s body were transferred to the hospital with him.

“He really wasn’t saying much at all — a lot of yelling and screaming,” Fox said, adding the man had broken a window to the school but didn’t take anything. “He wasn’t making sense. They couldn’t really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation.”

The man later told investigators he picked up hallucinogenic mushrooms earlier in the day while he was in town visiting friends in a neighborhood near the school. The man does not have a history of mental problems or extensive drug use, Fox said.

“We’ve sent his blood off for further analysis to see if there was anything else, if the mushrooms could have been laced with something,” Fox said, adding that toxicology results are pending.

Medics first took the man to St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Superior Township. Sheriff’s Office spokesman Derrick Jackson said the man is being treated at University of Michigan Health System.

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NOPE. Cannot process.  We're taking the rest of the day off to compose ourselves. We give you permission to do the same. 

We'll just be rocking here in the fetal position promising our genitals that they're safe and sound. 

 

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